nutty email never gets read -- does it?

[Jeffersons Ghost]

After working hours on this silly email, it seems to become nuttier with each re-write. Admittedly, it gets really crazy at a point but it still appears salvageable toward the end. Do people in DC even read these things anymore? I know aides and staffers used to browse through this type of email before elections but now that they're back in office, I suspect that not even the lowliest staffer gives our input much consideration. Anyhow, please let me know what you think. I may try sending it by snail-mail if you folks think SOMEONE in DC will read this exercises in insanity.

Dear Senator Russ Feingold;

While I doubt you will see this letter, it feels good to know that some aide or staffer might enjoy a few Holiday laughs or perhaps feel a sense of honor for their contribution to your fine work and my steadily improving outlook.

First, let me apologize for allowing so much time to elapse, without offering thanks for all you do to preserve democracy in America. That paltry email I sent to your office, not long after the 9/11 disaster seems like a million years ago. It was the first email that I ever sent to a member of the Senate or anyone else with political power. In retrospect, that letter - seething with idealistic rage and indignation - seems nutty to me today.

I apologize for being so upset about not only the horrors visited on The World Trade Center but also the hideous subsequent attack on our Bill of Rights. I do not apologize, however, for thanking you for standing alone that day on the Senate Floor to defend those freedoms many fine Americans are dying to protect this very day. I also refuse to apologize for finding some nearly dead ideals, laying dormant in my heart for far too long. Still, even positive things, like ideals, can become a dangerous mental trap.

Like you, perhaps, I still wonder how a document as extensive and meticulous as the USA PATRIOT ACT I, became law only six weeks after the New York Nightmare. The Bill is 128 pages long and intricate beyond belief but I will not succumb to a paranoid rant. Still, this legislation gives me pause.

Yes, staffers, it is exactly as previous copy suggests: I am nothing but another nutty idealist. I still believe in Thomas Jefferson's silly experiment in freedom. Our experiment in Democracy was never even close to perfect but to me it is a good thing. See what I mean? Nutty idealism still runs amuck and plagues your in-box.

For many years, this absurd idealism was suppressed in a personal quest for money, power and prestige. With commitment and dedication, people can resist impulsive mental illnesses, like rampant idealism. I fought long and hard but now the delusion once again takes center-stage, so again some poor staffer must suffer through the lunacy of this email.

While your bold actions on the Senate Floor triggered a strangely comfortable illusion that there is still hope for America, I refuse to hold you responsible for such odd feelings. Perhaps, however you are responsible for causing me to vote again, after all those years. I also blame you for my choice to diligently work for the Democratic Party, although holding others responsible for personal choices seems a bit unfair.

I DO feel comfortable blaming you for the insignificant donations I made to you and other Democrats. After all, your office and the offices of John Kerry and Howard Dean, sent all those solicitations to my email account. Though, the contributions caused no personal hardship and in fact felt quite good as I made them, it appears they fed the freakish fantasy that our party can still awaken the American voter to the importance of saving the Constitution. A notion that the average voter will somehow sink into the depths of this democratic delusion is absurd, isn't it?

Yes, such idiotic illusions must have originated from the darkest corners of my mind but it gets worse. In recent months this bazaar mental condition brought on a notion that the Democratic Party can and will provide a comprehensive National Health-care Plan for millions of uninsured Americans. To further show the depths that a human mind can sink into, I must confess to believing this slight Democratic majority in the House and Senate can roll back all those wise tax-cuts to the wealthiest aristocracy of all time.

Great, great-grandfathers of those worthy citizens in the top 3% of wealth-holders paid some dues to insure that descendants will never work a day in their lives. Do you think pillaging natural resources is easy? Back then, there were some wild-eyed Native savages, also suffering under severe delusions. According to their odd beliefs, just because their ancestors loved and cared for this land for countless generations it belonged to them. They even considered much of this land Holy Ground, simply because a few Native graves were in the immediate vicinity. To make matters worse, many of their descendants still refuse to offer an apology for those ridiculous ideas.

I WILL apologize, though. I regret allowing my mind to spiral toward a severely diminished state in the not so distant past. In recent depths of delusion, it occurred to me that we might somehow come close to balancing the budget by reinstating the inheritance tax on those 5,000 wealthiest families in America. That absurd notion even haunts me now. Still, I realize that the most privileged aristocracy in human history deserves the perks of paying absolutely no inheritance tax. Their great, great-grandfathers paid by opening up a pathetically untamed wilderness to the progress of Hazardous Waste dumps and Global Warming. Why should they support starving savages and aging Vietnam Veteran riff-raff, like me?

While teetering on the verge of blaming aristocratic descendants for personal problems, the words of professional writers on mental health hearken my mind back to lucidity. Accepting responsibility for an emotional plight, remains the best therapy for most patients, according to the experts. In the wake of such acceptance, a glimmer of innate beauty shining from current fiscal policies is almost beginning to permeate the haze of previous deceptions. Before, it seemed paramount to leave a legacy of prosperity and freedom to our descendants. Now, their individual mental health begins take on the significance it always deserved. Just as accepting responsibility led me back to reality, allowing our descendants to shoulder the responsibility of paying this massive debt will certainly keep future generations well-grounded for countless decades. Finally, the generosity of the idle-rich, Reagan introduced long ago is beginning to "trickle-down" into my psyche.

In the wake of this epiphany, even the generosity of massive multi-national corporations begins to drift into my consciousness. All the aristocracy wants is happy, well-adjusted workers and soldiers. How did I miss such an obvious concept for so long? The idea has been around for thousands of years. In about 500 BCE Socrates said, "He is richest who is content with the least." Big businesses and billionaires are making tremendous sacrifices for our happiness. Look at all the media they are buying to help me rise above the inner-conflict of dissenting opinions. Indeed, the magnanimity of the aristocracy now seems as limitless as Heaven!

Hallelujah I see the light! Not only the aristocracy but also the fine government they own loves me. While working a mere 40 to 60 hours a week built character in my confused existence, an 80 to 100 hour work-week will benefit my children even more. All those sad generous souls in power get to do is worry about money and investments. Worries like that will soon end for most of us and our children will learn the beauty of REALLY being content with less. Imagine my son who makes straight 'A's at a major university, not having to worry about getting into law school anymore. He can become a philosopher and live in a card-board box, after a character-building hundred hours in some cotton field! In this NEW WORLD ORDER of equal opportunity my daughter can die young in some war, while sad rich kids are forced to suffer with investments and snippy snobbish friends at a socially inhibiting country-club. Life is tough and my baby will be enjoying the after-life long before children of the idle-rich. Indeed, the generosity of billionaires is no longer simply a trickle down phenomenon, it veritably floods my soul.

In closing, I hope someone can find the time to thank Senator Feingold for his minor role in my recent rehabilitation. Please tell him that not seeing him on TV much over the past few years is a real factor in my rapidly improving mental state. Soon, I can become well-adjusted like many of my neighbors here in the deep south. In bygone days, delusion led me to feel that 10,000 volts of Electro-convulsive Therapy passing through my brain was better than watching FOX news. Finally illumination is at hand. Those who watch FOX religiously are generally happy. Media like FOX is obviously addictive and its fine well-adjusted viewers act like they have a big buzz. That crap some idiot said about religion being the opiate of the masses sure missed the boat. TV is the REAL trip to nirvana! By the way, please ask the Senator to tell those guys on Capitol Hill to hurry up and fix this internet. Some of these sites still have troubling information appearing on them.

Well, gotta run Russ, thanks for being real and it was fun but it was never REALLY fun. Did I just hear a distant fox howling? Naa, it's just another delusion. Now, where did I put that remote control?

[The Straight Story]

1. Print it out, wrap it in a taco bell bag, wrap that in a muslim newspaper

and then put it in a box of lucky charms and mail it to them.

Now that would be Nutty :)

[Jeffersons Ghost]

6. I read on DU how some REAL maniac in Freeperville got his snail-mail read...

but all those legal complications seem hardly worth the publicity he received. Hey, I know how to get it read by an ex-member of Congress, I'll claim to be a 13 year old male and send it to FOLEY!

[Viva_La_Revolution]

2. rofl! excellent....except...

10th paragraph down... Holly Ground?

is that like mistletoe, except upside down?

[Jeffersons Ghost]

4. thanks bunches viva... i still had time to fix the typo

:yourock:

[Starlight]

3. It's much too long. I wouldn't read it even if it came from a friend.

:blush:

[Jeffersons Ghost]

5. well you obviously didn't but MY friends did... I hope someday I can count you among them...

thanks for the kick starlight... I'll return the favor on your OPs in the future.

[Divernan]

7. Why do you waste your time on this stream-of-consciousness dithering?

Do you want to tell the Senator something in particular? If so state it simply and succinctly. If you want your writing to have any impact or effect, take a class or read a book on persuasive communications. Can you condense your 15 paragraph writing into 3 points? I doubt it.

Your letter is the most disorganized (to put it kindly) thing I have ever seen in print. If you sign it with your real name, the staff may report you as a seriously disturbed person who is writing to an elected official. From your vocabulary, you seem intelligent and well-educated. But your work product appears to be that of someone who has taken incompatible medications.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

9. boy you're sure a fun guy... how's your life going these days... need some better meds? lol

Gee, all those years writing professional media must have made me stupid... You might think those courses I took at the 3rd ranked school of communications in the country would help. It sure is nice to hear from such a wonderful soul, with such nice suggestions... I'm glad you decided to "put it kindly." I bet when you're harsh birds fall out of the sky and children run away in horror! lol

[Divernan]

10. Hey, you asked for comments.

I repeat, what are the three main points you wished to make with this missive? How could anyone who was in the media profession think that such a meandering, drowning in sarcasm piece would be read in its entirety, let alone taken seriously? And if the whole thing is your idea of ha-ha funny, post it in the lounge.
I was on staff at a state capitol for 10 years and have seen lots of communications from disgruntled people. I was often asked to draft responses. In rare cases, the letters were so bizarre, it was impossible to know what the writer hoped to achieve by writing. Yours falls into that category.

I repeat, what is the purpose of writing this?

[Jeffersons Ghost]

12. yeah buddy, I asked for comments and your wonderful words were truly inspiring!

You might consider changing you nick to little sunshine. I sincerely hope you worked for the Republican Party. Here's a great career suggestion for you to consider: Try getting a similar job to the one you held at a state-level, in DC and spread some of your special brand of compassionate humanity to caring constituents of Republican incumbents. Democrats across America will be grateful for the additional votes your kind words generate for our party.

[Divernan]

13. Limit it to 3 short/succinct points; state what actions you want the Senator to take

Your letter seems to ricochet wildly off the walls, as do your responses to me. I didn't ask for career suggestions. You did, however, ask for comments on your letter. You did not ask for fatuous flattery, such as, "Oh, Mr. Ghost, you are just the best Nutty Writer (your own self-description) ever ! ! ! !"

I started out with a double major in journalism and psychology, got an MA and ABD in applied sociology, spent a year as an outside consultant for AT&T (before it split up into the Baby Bells) writing up the corporation's official response documenting for the US Supreme Court it's compliance with orders to promote women and minorities in proportion to their presence in its employment base, wrote hundreds of briefs to trial and appellate courts; taught trial advocacy and legal writing in a law school, and spent the last ten years of my career as staff attorney for the Dem caucus of a state legislature. That job included drafting original legislation, and reviewing proposed legislation for gaps and inconsistencies. I know good writing from bad writing.

As I acknowledged to you earlier, you sound like an intelligent and educated person. If you want your writing to be taken seriously, you need to impose some structure and discipline upon yourself. If you want to write the equivalent of a stream-of-consciousness, stand-up comedy improv, that's your choice, but a waste of your talent. But post that stuff in the Lounge. Don't come to General Discussion and ask for comments and then get upset when you get a critique.

At your "3rd ranked school of education in the country", surely you got far harsher comments on your writing than mine. Because journalism profs are about as scathing as one can imagine - and the better the school, the more demanding the standards. With your degree from one of the Big Three - Northwestern, Columbia, Univ. of Missouri - what are you doing in Tuscaloosa, scoffing at me for working in a state capitol but not DC?

[Bitwit1234]

8. President's email

I know the president never gets to see the email we send to him, but it sure gives me pleasure to know some aide does......and "don't it feel good" to tell the president and vice president that their policy stinks...I do it all the time. One of these days there will be FBI at the door. BUT just think I unlike a lot of people in this country are praying that if they impeach bush...cheney goes too and that as long as cheney is next in line - nothing happens to the busher.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

11. you know what... somehow what you suggest will feel MUCH better...

Maybe with some minor revisions and a serious reduction in size, as suggested by one reasonable critic, called starlight, this will make a fine addition to the junk mail going to FOX news addressed to Rupert Murdoch or, dare I even think it, DICK CHENEY!

[NoPasaran]

14. "Bazaar mental condition"?

Never buy moods at flea markets. Stick to namebrands, properly shrinkwrapped.