Try shopping for a Menorah this Christmas -- my own experience

[theHandpuppet]

First of all, I don't celebrate "Christmas" as a religious observance (I was raised as a strict Southern Baptist but left that behind at 15) but I do try to see this time as one of spiritual reflection and renewal. I'm not into the gift-giving craze and would rather have my nails pulled out with pliers (and without anesthetic) than go shopping at a mall. So when I decided, in remembrance of my beloved grandmother who was a German Jewish refugee, to light my first menorah this year I thought it would be no problem to find one.

Boy, was I wrong.

Granted, I live in the eastern panhandle of WV, but the town is of a decent size and we have a thriving community of Washington commuters who live here. Still, the reactions I got when I asked for a menorah were a real eye-opener. Now, I will say that half of the sales people I asked were very helpful and some even embarrassed that there were no menorahs to be had. Another 25% or so had no idea what I was talking about, and another 25% knew what a menorah was but got hostile and gave me nasty looks when I asked for one. Wow, there's the spirit of the season for you. I even felt badly for one lady at the Hallmark store who ran interference for me when her co-worker got nasty about my asking for a menorah. On the other hand, one lady at a jeweler's told me I'd "have to go to Baltimore for something like that."

So after several fruitless hours of searching I went home, fired up the iMac and ordered one from ebay.

To those who think racism no longer exists in America: get a frigging clue. To me, it was a lesson about why, from this year forward, I shall always light the menorah for my grandmother and for those who were left behind.

[mike_c]

1. hmm-- that would be Charles Town, Harpers Ferry, or Martinsburg...

...if I'm not mistaken. I lived in or near all three of them years ago-- I wouldn't have been surprised about this then, but that WAS 25 years ago or so.

[theHandpuppet]

2. Yep, but things have changed a lot since then

They've all become more or less bedroom communities for the Washington crowd. Developments gobbling up every square inch of land.

[rockymountaindem]

3. Thank you for this act of rememberance

As someone who really appreciates Hanukkah, I am touched by your committment. Let me know if you'd like any help with the blessings, if you wish to say them. If not, it's still a very nice way to remember your grandmother.

[theHandpuppet]

6. Thank you so much!

Yes, I would like some help if you wouldn't mind PM'ing me.

[Neecy]

4. I had a similar experience...

When I lived in a town on the peninsula in the Bay Area, I tried to pick up some menorah candles a couple of days before Hanukkah. Looking everywhere and finding nothing, I started asking clerks and got some of the most rude, dismissive ("try San Francisco") treatment I've ever received - and I'm alway way nice to retail employees, so they weren't reacting to my attitude. Some were downright hostile. It was a sickening and eye-opening experience (my partner was Jewish - we celebrated both Hanukkah and Christmas).

[theHandpuppet]

8. Yes, the hostility is a shocker

It really shook me. I was pretty dispirited by the time I got home. Amazing how in the middle of a mall with throngs of people loading up thousands in gifts to "honor" the birth of Jesus they can so easily forget what the season is supposed to be about. That's the REAL war on Çhristmas.

[Lurking Dem]

23. Since you are in a mixed couple

I can't say enough nice things about the card company Mixed Blessings. They are online and I have bought holiday cards from them every year for about 12 years now. They do both Jewish/Christian and multi-cultural cards.

[RoyGBiv]

5. Target ...

I was in a Target this past weekend. They had several different varieties.

[theHandpuppet]

7. No Target here

But I did try all the major chains we have here plus speciality stores. Trust me, there were none.

[troubleinwinter]

9. Thank you for your story of remembering your beloved grandmother.

I wish you peace and joy.

[BlueIris]

10. It really is amazing, isn't it?

Still the determined ghost of Christmas future, I fear.

[REP]

11. A Happier Anecdote

Eight years ago I moved to where I live now, a small city in Silicon Valley. Unlike my hometown, Kansas City, Missouri, there's no kosher delis anywhere here; rye bread is hard to find and one grocery store thought halvah was a kind of cheese - but every year, all the stores I go to have at least a "Hannukah corner" set aside with Hannukah stuff - candles, menorahs, dreidels, gelt, etc. At my local drugstore they have 5 styles of menorahs!

[nadinbrzezinski]

12. You are making me cry

by the way.. the first day is friday

And if you need help with the blessings I'll go online and find them in transliterated form

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

13. How close are you to a synagogue? They often have menorahs for sale. Living in NY

I have never had a problem finding menorahs or candles. Don't forget the candles!
I am ethnically Jewish, and although I don't practice, I do celebrate the holidays for my children.

Even it it's early, Happy Chanukah!!!!!

[Lisa]

14. I assume you didn't go back in there and ask for a dreidel?

I have to admit that I haven't ever gone looking for a menorah (alas, my Jewish fiance and I broke up before we ever got around to shopping for one) -- but I hope that living down the street from the Jewish Community Center would give me a place to start!

Although, when I went by there today, the Boy Scouts were selling Christmas trees out of the parking lot behind the JCC building, so who knows?

[npincus]

15. I got mine at Target!

:hi:

[walldude]

16. Bed Bath and Beyond

is where we found ours, they also had candles, dreidels, wrapping paper and assorted other goodies.

[GreenZoneLT]

17. That's more Appalachian chauvinism than anti-Semitism

I was born in the Southern Appalachians, and grew up there, and my parents are from there. Mountain people are extremely conservative and don't like strangers, period. You'd get a similar reaction if you tried to buy a pannetone or some English Christmas crackers.

Unlike the Deep South, there were never any Jewish colonies in the Appalachians. You're seeing more a reaction to something they haven't heard of, or to the repugnant thought of anyone NOT being an evangelical Christian (probably 80-90 percent of the natives of that area are).

When I was a kid, I never heard an anti-Semitic remark, or other racism against anyone but black people (no shortage of that). Most people's only exposure to Jews was reading about the Israelites in the Bible.

So don't feel bad; they don't hate you because you're Jewish. They just don't feel any need to be nice to anyone whose grandparents weren't friends with their grandparents.

[theHandpuppet]

18. Oh, I'm more than familiar with Appalachian culture

My father's family is from Pike County, Kentucky, and were among the state's earliest settlers. I'm Appalachian born and bred. But this is the first time I ever encountered such cluelessness or anti-semitism. Of course, I've never lived this far north is what is considered Appalachia -- or a part of Appalachia this close to a major metropolitan area. Many folks tend to think of Appalachia as some monolithic culture, but it can be very diverse -- as you so pointed out.

[Boomer]

20. Even in the panhandle?

I guess I assumed too much in thinking that the eastern panhandle, only a short drive away from Maryland, Virginia, Pennsylvania and Washington DC, would be less provincial.

But evidently not. Something happens when you drive over the mountains that has more to do with mileage in creating distance. Not always a "good" something, either, although the urban areas have their own dysfunctions.

[NotGivingUp]

19. they only market to the masses....but that doesn't explain the nastiness

[in_cog_ni_to]

21. Years ago, when my husband and I were dating, I went through the same thing.

I shopped for days for a Menorah for him (I was 'Christian'...non-practicing and he's Jewish) and I couldn't find a Menorah ANYWHERE. These were the days BEFORE we had a computer too. On my last trek out to find the Menorah, I thought I would try a religious store downtown and LOW and BEHOLD!! they had a Menorah tucked among all the Christian items in the store! It even donned a Star of David. :) Now, I don't even TRY to find items in stores. I shop exclusively online for such things...however, Jewel grocery does have a Kosher food section and Yartzeit candles (to be lit on the anniversary of a death).

Can I just say, that's a very thoughtful thing for you to do...lighting the Menorah for your Grandmother.

[theHandpuppet]

30. My grandmother was a loving, amazing person

The embodiment of kindness and compassion. The story of her family's escape and their struggles upon arriving in America is too long for me to relate here, but she will never be forgotten. I hope to one day leave the menorah to her many great-grandchildren so they may carry on the tradition.

[Lurking Dem]

32. Maybe that's not a bad idea

for a journal entry, eh?

[Lurking Dem]

22. Welcome to my world.

As a Southern Jew I face this on a regular basis.

I was told by someone on DU once that antisemitism was a fabrication on my part as that kind of thing didn't exist in the U.S. anymore (my son had been called a "Jew boy").

Sadly, they couldn't have been more wrong.

I have been yelled at, told my handicap was because I hadn't accepted Jesus, had attempted conversions in grocery stores, and told to shop "where those people go" all the time. There are armed guards around my place of worship and the kids at the dayschool have to be kept from the street side fence because a guy tried to take them out with a sniper rifle once. (He was arrested.)

Until you live it, you can't know.

[in_cog_ni_to]

25. I was told the same thing by a DUer.."anti-Semitism doesn't exist in the USA" and I was lying

about my son being called hateful anti-Semitic names at school.:( It's hard to understand unless you live it. Our Synogogue has police at the doors during EVERY Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah service.:(

It got so bad for my son at school that he actually BEGGED US to move to a Jewish community up North.:cry:

[Lurking Dem]

26. *HUGS*

They did an article in the paper here after 9/11 about security at the synagogues and they asked my then rebbe about threats. "Oh! We get threats every week!" Until then, I had no idea it was that bad.

We've had fake anthrax mailings, the National Alliance whackjob threatening to shoot babies, self-proclaimed Palestinian exiles attacking women and their children as they exit the school and defacing buildings with swastikas, bomb threats, etc.

But what gets me are the clueless. The ones where it is so ingrained in their being that they don't even recognize their own bigotry. It's.....sad. And hurtful.

When it's your child you feel so helpless and angry. An ugliness boils up inside you that you don't want to feed. It's, literally, heartbreaking.

[theHandpuppet]

29. I never cease to be amazed...

... that there are folks even here on DU who would deny that anti-semitism and racism still exist in America. I've even posted about such hate crimes here but such threads seem to generate little interest. I archived several of these threads in my journal, such as http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=364&topic_id=107058 about the rash of hate crimes in the Montgomery County, Maryland area. To my knowledge these crimes have never been solved and there seems to have been little public outcry about them.

[Lurking Dem]

31. It is my feeling it is getting worse.

But there is also a large contingent here that don't believe in hate crimes legislation. Maybe if you are not a member of the targeted group you can't comprehend what it feels like to be a target?

[seabeyond]

24. supply and demand. the 25% nasty.... racism n/t

[Dorian Gray]

27. That's so disheartening!

I take things for granted where I live. In New York City, there's no problem finding anything like that. A Menorah is pretty standard here, and you can find one in any store that sells holiday items.

It's easy to take that for granted and forget how not everyone has things so easy.

[BenDavid]

28. Understand your message

and you honor those left behind and your Grandmother.Hey, remember this from several years back and knowing the village of Crawford is missing their idiot, thought you and others would like this quote "Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call".
Also to show that WE Jewish folk really care about doing our part for the environment."Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for Hanukkah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis."

"The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. The players in the Hanukkah story are Antiochus, Judah Maccabee, and Matta whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history."

Have a joyous and meaningful Hanukkah!