Another Episode of "THIS IS NOT THE ONION!!!"

[Beetwasher]

Brought to you by Beetwasher, via TPM:

Todays episode, wherein Congressman Weldon (R-Idiot) provides "evidence" of the vast liberal conspiracy that is out to get him. (Evidence comes from a guy named "Grumpy" down at the gym.) :rofl:

Weldon: Vast Liberal Conspiracy "Is What It Is"

Rep. Curt Weldon (R-PA) is back, this time armed with hard evidence that his Democratic opponent is in cahoots with the Justice Department.

Weldon said yesterday that a retired FBI agent had "confirmed to me that a person who works on my opponent's campaign was bragging that the campaign knew three weeks ago" about the FBI's investigation into Weldon and his daughter's company. McClatchy Newspapers revealed the existence of the investigation last Friday, citing "sources with direct knowledge of the inquiry," one of them a law enforcement official.

So who's this retired agent? He's Gregory Auld, a Weldon supporter. Auld says that a man at a local gym, whom he calls "Grumpy," because he doesn't know his name, told him that three weeks ago, a guy in a Sestak T-shirt (Auld doesn't know this guy's name, either) said "something big" would happen to Weldon in three weeks. So Auld decided to check that out. He approached the Sestak-T-shirt-wearing-dude in the gym and asked if he was happy about what happened over the weekend. Auld says the guy shrugged his shoulders and replied, ""We sniffed this out two weeks ago."

The evidence could not be clearer or more damning. Or as Weldon says, "That is what it is."

--snip--

http://www.tpmmuckraker.com/archives/001838.php

:rofl:

[liberal N proud]

1. Does this guy live in fairyland with the 7 Dwarfs?

[Beetwasher]

5. Reporters Should Try To Find This 'Grumpy'

Shouldn't be too hard. He's only 3-1/2 feet tall and is known to usually be in the company of six other people of "short stature".

[underpants]

2. So, Weldon says he heard from a friend of a guy who knows someone

at the gym who has something about the investigation that is 2 1/2 years old!!!

:eyes:

BTW- I LOVE the "It's not the Onion" articles Beet

[Beetwasher]

3. Named "Grumpy!"

Rumor has it "Grumpy" couldn't be reached for comment because he was indisposed trying to save a cursed woman who couldn't couldn't be awakened from a magical sleep spell.

[gratuitous]

4. Well, I'm convinced

I mean, anytime some guy at the gym whose name I don't know says something indeterminate about some situation or another, and then something bad happens to me, I know for a fact that it is once again the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy swooping down to fuck up my day.

Courage, Curt! We're with you all the way to the asylum.

[Beetwasher]

6. "Hi Ho, Hi Ho!"

It's off the asylum I go...

[Dhalgren]

7. Ok, let me get this straight.

Weldon thinks that the Republican controlled FBI takes orders from a Democratic candidate for Congress (who isn't the incumbent) and he knows this because some guy at the gym said so? Ok, gotcha! Makes sense to me....

[Richard Steele]

8. GRUMPY THROAT!!!!

[Dogmudgeon]

9. Weldon gets his freak on

The man is freaking out, going stark raving bugfuck. But that's becoming SOP for the PA GOP. Santorum is quoting from Tolkien, while Weldon is sticking to Snow White.

If this is a Vast Libbrul Conspiracy, Weldon has been slow on the uptake. Rumors of an investigation have been bruited for some time.

The Los Angeles Times reported in February 2004 that Karen Weldon and Sexton -- Springfield’s Republican leader and a Weldon campaign adviser -- received nearly $1 million worth of public relations contracts from Russian and European interests that Weldon assisted. The congressman said he provided the House Ethics Committee with documentation related to those cases and the committee took no disciplinary action. CREW asked the U.S. Justice Department to investigate, but has not heard from the department to date, Sloan said.

-- from the Delco (Delaware County, PA) Daily Times, 21 Sept 2006

Like Weldon, I live in the 'burbs of Philly, so I've been reading a lot about this in the local papers. If anything, the local press has been giving him the benefit of the doubt, and then some. For instance, I haven't seen a single photograph of Karen Weldon printed (or Charlie Sexton, her partner-in-sleaze, for that matter) and the papers usually like to run suspect and perp photos during similar shame-a-thons when a Democrat is on the receiving end. Considering that Charlie Sexton has been a GOP politician since the 1970s, it's all the more evidence for kid-gloves treatment. And little mention has been made of Itera, the company that does the "laundry".

In 2004, the FBI bugged the offices of John Street, the (Democratic) Mayor of Philadelphia, looking for improper city contract connections, and broke the story right before that election. Street was eventually cleared of charges, though a business associate of his was implicated -- then inconveniently died before the scandal cycle had run its course. (Street also won re-election in spite of a long and dirty smear campaign, which continues to this day, conducted by the previously impeccable Philadelphia Inquirer.)

Remember when Kofi Annan's son was caught in a similar sweetheart deal? The RW press covered it in minute detail, and implied that the UN Sec'y-Gen'l was running a giant multinational scam, using The Taxpayers' Dollars™. The reality was a little more modest, though still improper.

In the case of the Weldon(s) scandal, though, it looks as though this is just one arm of a whole school of octopi ... or maybe I should point out that there are still six more dwarves ... AND an attractive broad who dresses like Maxene Andrews at a sci-fi convention.

--p!

[acmejack]

12. I assume the attractive dresser is Karen Weldon?

She must be camera shy. Pretty hard to find a photo of her.

[Dogmudgeon]

18. Ms. White? She was Disney's find.

Between comatose princesses (the "broad" in question), rustics with pituitary dysfunctions, and earth-dwelling humanoids with hairy feet, both Weldon and Santorum have plenty of material to work with.

I agree, Karen Santorum and the photographer's lens are not on good terms. And it's not as if I'm looking for a new pin-up girl to replace any of the Andrews sisters or Snow White. I find it noteworthy that our local Philly suburban press, which in one recent scandal took a picture of a neighbor's "trampy"-dressing daughter and tried to pass it off as the "illicit lover" of a Democratic politician, has been so protective of the Weldon (actually, the Delaware County GOP) Machine. Even Charlie Sexton, who has run for local and state offices at least twice, has avoided getting his own mug on Page One; and HE is the Party boss and center of the scandal!

Where's the America-hating, godless, terr'ist coddling Libbrul Press when you need 'em?

Maybe it is as real as Santorum's fantasy of pursuing Ring of Balrog in Iraq.

--p!

[Beetwasher]

19. Santorum Was The Subject of The Last Issue Of

"NOT the Onion!" :evilgrin:

[truthisfreedom]

10. so because someone knew about the FBI investigation, that indicates a

conspiracy?

he's not even trying to suggest that "liberals" were involved in CAUSING the FBI to investigate anything.

[jobycom]

11. Hmph. So Grumpy told Nosey who told Dopey, and now Dopey sees

a conspiracy. That's just Goofy.

[Beetwasher]

14. None of them Could Be Reached For Comment

They were apparently busy trying to save a cursed woman who was under a magic sleep spell, or busy working in the diamond mine.

[jobycom]

15. That would explain Laura Bush. nt

[Beetwasher]

17. Ha!

n/t

[NewJeffCT]

13. I hope "Grumpy" didn't let slip anything on Project X

Or, he'll be hearing from "Sleepy", "Doc" and "Bashful" as well. He'd better hope "Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer" doesn't hear about this!

[11 Bravo]

16. Grumpy was unavailable for comment. However, Doc and Sneezy ...

both have gone on record as claiming that Curt Weldon has brown eyes for a reason. He is completely full of shit.

[Beetwasher]

20. Don't Forget Dopey!

n/t