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karmaqueen Donating Member (417 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 01:59 AM
Original message
Nephew going to Iraq and needs help
My Great Nephew is trying to find his father before he leaves for Iraq in September. His father left him many times throughout his life then would show back up. He has not been able to find him for a few years now. He asked me to help and told me he just wants to tell his father he loves him and forgives him. He said he just wants everything to be OK in case something happens. I really do not know where to start. I would appreciate it if anyone knows how I should start to go about this. I have to go for now but will be back on tomorrow. Thanks in advance to anyone who can guide me in the right direction.
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Erika Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:03 AM
Response to Original message
1. Why would he look for the guy?
That's a touch sick.
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The Straight Story Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:06 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. Without knowing the whole story I would not say it was sick
Had some weird things with my kids happen over the years (I left, tried to stay in touch, X wife never told them, etc an so on).

Now my son, 20, has found me after 8 years and living with me (his mom passed on last year).

A lot of what he thought he knew was wrong - and that may be the case here as well.
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madokie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:11 AM
Response to Reply #1
11. probably because he love him, love has no boundries
I am a step dad with two sons. My oldest son'sather died years ago when he was only a couple years old and my youngest son' dad lives in florida, us in OK. I had to encourage my youngest son's dad to invite him to come for a visit several years ago, paid for the plane tickets too. They have a healthy relationship now I might add. My son still loves his real dad and I suspect he loves me too by the things he does. I think it was very important for him to have a relationship with his real dad and I think he is much stronger for it. IMHO
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catmandu57 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:18 AM
Response to Reply #11
13. Right because he's his father
There is a special bond between a boy and his father, or stand in father.
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Vincardog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:10 AM
Response to Original message
3. Tell him to write a letter and leave it with his effects.
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Lindacooks Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:18 AM
Response to Original message
4. Why don't you try adoption agencies - they may be able to
tell you about places that do searches for relatives.

Or try a private detective?

That's all I have to offer - but I hope it helps. And I hope your Great Nephew stays safe.
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kaygore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:26 AM
Response to Original message
5. If he has his father's social security number
there are many sites on the Internet that for a few dollars (less than $100) can help you find him.

Also, try a Google search and search under his name state by state on a site such as http://www.Switchboard.com (select "find a person")
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raysr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:31 AM
Response to Original message
6. Run, Run, Run
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Hekate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:12 AM
Response to Original message
7. The public library has every phone book in the country
Edited on Thu Aug-03-06 03:14 AM by Hekate
Another poster's suggestion for a Google search is a good one.

But I have also found that using phone directories can be fruitful. It helps, of course, if you have a general idea of what state to look in first. The Reference Librarian may also be able to offer useful tips on how to refine the search on the Internet.

Check around to see if you have a local geneological society; they are experts at tracing and finding the lost through old records, and perhaps a hobbyist could help for a low fee or show him how it's done.

A day spent in the public library is free of cost; if that fails, then your great-nephew can consider spending some money.

Is his father by any chance a veteran himself? If so, the VA might be able to help.

I understand your great-nephew's desire to have some sense of connection to his absent father, despite everything. I hope his old man has the good grace to appreciate this.

May your great-nephew come home safely and soon. Bless you for caring; I'm sure it means a lot to him.

edited to add: Welcome to DU, Carolinabeachbum! :hi:

Hekate

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Sherman A1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 06:04 AM
Response to Original message
8. try this
a web site www.zabasearch.com it might be of some help.
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karmaqueen Donating Member (417 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:00 AM
Response to Original message
9. Thank You all so much.
I appreciate the tips, I realize I have to get some more information on the Dad such as birth date and middle initial. The father was in the Military and I do have his SSN. He was a very nice person and good dad then he would just be "gone" one day. My niece did some searching into his past and found out that just about everything he had told her about his past was not true,It turns out he was also abandon as a child and raised in foster homes. He may be bi polar or just in hiding because there were other children born from relationships he had had through the years. She found this out because someone else was looking for him when he was still with her. She did a fantastic job raising her son, he has turned out to be the most kind and loving person I ever knew. I am so afraid Iraq is going to destroy him, he is the kind of person who will take a bug out side, he is no killer.
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catmandu57 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:16 AM
Response to Reply #9
12. If you've got his ss# it's a piece of cake
go to the zabasearch site that was linked above, you can find someone to do the running for you there, good luck.
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notadmblnd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:09 AM
Response to Original message
10. if you know the fathers full name, google it
you'll come across a web site that will give you information for a small fee. We paid about 10 dollars to do a search via the site (I can't remember the name) and found our father in texas with a phone number in about an hour.
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Sammy Pepys Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:19 AM
Response to Original message
14. This is going to sound smarmy, but...
If he hasn't been able to find him for several years, how does he know he's leaving for Iraq in September?
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Democrat 4 Ever Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:34 AM
Response to Reply #14
15. I think the son is leaving for Iraq and he is looking for his father
before he leaves. At least that is the way I read it.
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Sammy Pepys Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:38 AM
Response to Reply #15
17. Aha....d'oh!
"...father before he leaves..." just got stuck in my brain. Thanks!
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karmaqueen Donating Member (417 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 11:58 AM
Response to Reply #15
18. Yes, Son leaving for Iraq.
Thanks!
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shadowknows69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 10:38 AM
Response to Original message
16. zabasearch.com
is pretty good. links to professional people finders as well.
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karmaqueen Donating Member (417 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:10 PM
Response to Original message
19. Thanks for the tips!
I will get busy working on these when I get home, thanks again.
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