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What if the Rapture actually hurts?

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gulliver Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-02-06 11:44 PM
Original message
What if the Rapture actually hurts?
Edited on Wed Aug-02-06 11:45 PM by gulliver
When we say people were "called home by God," we usually mean they have died. And a lot of those deaths -- perhaps most -- are "less than desirable." So what if the Rapture works that way? What if God actually implements The Rapture using heart attacks and IEDs? Or sharks? The time comes and sharks suddenly swim down from the sky and chew the elect to ribbons -- right in their cars with the W bumper stickers.

What if the Apocalypse misfires? Suppose the Middle East melts down, and a nuclear war is sparked. And then Gog and Magog (whatever) rise from the sea with seven heads (whatever). And then it just turns into some boring, dreary decade where all of mankind dies slowly of starvation, radiation sickness, and countless forms of brute murder. And then it's all over, and Jesus never comes back. And evolution continues with arthropods and weeds.

Wouldn't that be ironic? The dopey fairy tale never comes true. Only the realistic disaster part happens. Israel is destroyed, and nine tenths of everything else, but none of the lyrical, mythological, FX stuff happens. The mushroom clouds bulge upward, but they end up being portents of nothing more than the sane would expect, bad times ahead. All the power dies. And we're all still sitting here the next day, sweating in the heat or freezing, wondering about our next meal, and thinking what idiots we were.
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Nikki Stone 1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-02-06 11:51 PM
Response to Original message
1. I like the idea of sharks chomping the faithful into Rapture
:)
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KatyMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:47 AM
Response to Reply #1
29. I think monkeys with rocks
would be cool...
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Erika Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-02-06 11:51 PM
Response to Original message
2. I think that is where we are right now
and the fundies can't admit it. Avoidance is one thing they do good.
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savemefromdumbya Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-02-06 11:51 PM
Response to Original message
3. Insects, bacteria etc would withstand a nuclear attack
we would die off. If the human race continues for another 50 years then robots may succeed us.

The 'rapture' is more likely to be caused by a meteorite
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ShortnFiery Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-02-06 11:52 PM
Response to Original message
4. I don't think "The Rapture" could be much more painful ...
than these past SIX torturous years of Bush-Co? :P
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Erika Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-02-06 11:55 PM
Response to Reply #4
9. I think that was the beginning of hell on earth
and God forgot to give the proper signs.
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shadowknows69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-02-06 11:53 PM
Response to Original message
5. That's probably a more accurate prophecy
than anything in the Bible. Great post.
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Swamp Rat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:00 AM
Response to Reply #5
11. He left out the part about people eating each other.
Think, gangs of cannibals.



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lumpy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:22 AM
Response to Reply #11
33. LOL a lot
Yesh indeed.
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aden_nak Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-02-06 11:54 PM
Response to Original message
6. Of course The Rapture would be painful.
It would require one to spend an eternity with His Royal Chimpiness.
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w4rma Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:08 AM
Response to Reply #6
14. I sincerly doubt that mass murderer will be spending any time in heaven
once he is worm food.
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Webster Green Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-02-06 11:54 PM
Response to Original message
7. "Land shark"........
Yikes!
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Buns_of_Fire Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 06:28 AM
Response to Reply #7
41. *knock* *knock* *knock* "Who's there?" "Candygram!"
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Freedom_Aflaim Donating Member (745 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-02-06 11:55 PM
Response to Original message
8. I suppose we could then say
"told ya so"

Although being right might really suck in this case.
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wtmusic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-02-06 11:56 PM
Response to Original message
10. "The Rapture" won't cut it for a name, then
too bad..."The Agony" doesn't create much of an incentive to go to church
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MannyGoldstein Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:05 AM
Response to Original message
12. I Guess That Would Suck.
Think nice thoughts instead.
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autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:07 AM
Response to Original message
13. I think you meant a "rupture," which can cause some real pain;)
You are definitely going on my buddy list. This is very dark and, if there were a rapture, it's how it would go. I speculated recently on the reason earth is the only place you find humans: humans populated many planets and were so destructive, the entire mechanism of galactic evolution has conspired to wipe us off of one planet after another. This is the last stand and we're about to blow it. How's that?
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shadowknows69 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:09 AM
Response to Reply #13
15. That's a brilliant theory
and depressingly plausible.
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autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:28 AM
Response to Reply #15
20. Where ever we show up is the "bad" neighborhood...
...I just heard someone say how important we are because we're unique in the universe and I thought, hey, what if there's a nasty rationale behind that. Sign of the times.
:hi:
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Kiouni Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:50 AM
Response to Reply #13
30. i like where this is going
but what if it was more simple then that, what if god just wanted an elaborate way to make popcorn and hes just trying to get it nuked. it could be like the beer machine in "waiting"
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autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:01 AM
Response to Reply #30
31. haha...I think that one is in the running....
:popcorn: But there's probably going to be a real nasty aftertaste (like Ruth Gordon complained about in "Rosemary's Baby")
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Skidmore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 05:00 AM
Response to Reply #13
38. Would make a great sci-fi feature movie, wouldn't it?
I would pay to see that one in the theater and not wait till it made it to the cable channels.
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Mojambo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:09 AM
Response to Original message
16. That's why you always lube up before hand. n/t
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Mabus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:10 AM
Response to Original message
17. God flips the switch and turns off all the fundie robots?
Cool. :smoke:
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koopie57 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:16 AM
Response to Original message
18. I feel sort of bad for those who are eagerly
awaiting the rapture. I think what we should do is invite them all to a rapture party at Fox News and get them all excited and then give them the rapture. They would be happy, and we could get on with getting things back on tract. Like maybe we could lock all the doors and windows and turn the heat up in the building to 99 degrees and then blow itching powder through the vents. When they came out they would have a much different attitude I think. All those people hosing them down would be made to look like Clinton or Carter.
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Caretha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 05:49 AM
Response to Reply #18
39. Continue please.....I like where this is heading n/t
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koopie57 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 07:58 AM
Response to Reply #39
42. and then we could tell them
that they actually went to hell but were given a reprieve cuz the godless liberals asked God to have pity on them.
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MoseyWalker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:16 AM
Response to Original message
19. Then I want to be somewhere else at the time
Sorry. If something hurts, I don't want to be involved.

I like puppies and flowers and watching little children play (and not in a psycho way)

I can't imagine why anyone would want to be raptured.

Life ain't easy, but earth ain't such a bad place.

Maybe I'm just not paying attention.

Mantra: Damn. I'm Dumb
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gumby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:35 AM
Response to Original message
21. I always thought "The Rapture" meant "end of the world."
Now I know that's not exactly the scenario.

However, I thought the Biblical story was that the world was going to end with Fire. I used to think that would be through thermal nuclear destruction. After this summer, I think we will burn up from global warming.

And just think, that's something the Rapture people could have been opposing since the Cold War. Instead, they have been egotistically hoping to 'bring it on.'

They live in a Death Cult.
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lumpy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:28 AM
Response to Reply #21
34. Yeah, that old sun has been heating up
lately, according to National Geographic. Maybe there really is a Sun God.
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QuestionAll... Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 12:38 AM
Response to Original message
22. it's the oldest typo known - 'Rupture' -
and yah, it can hurt.
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DoyBoy Donating Member (120 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 01:10 AM
Response to Original message
23. Yeah the Rapture hurts...
It makes my brain hurt every time I have to hear about it from some fundie nutcase!

By the way, since they are pushing so hard for it to happen, do you think they've gotten any corporate sponsors yet?

The Rapture brought to you by the US Army. Be an army of one (since you're the only one left).

or

General Electric presents the Rapture. We bring good things to light.
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Warren DeMontague Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 01:17 AM
Response to Original message
24. ...This "Bible"... It's a COOKBOOK!
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
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Canuckistanian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 01:31 AM
Response to Reply #24
26. All that fundamentalism for one purpose only
To soften up their brains to make them more tender.
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gumby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:11 AM
Response to Reply #24
27. EGADS!!!!
You may have won the prize. Dinner for two.

Ack!Ack!Ack!
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Canuckistanian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 01:25 AM
Response to Original message
25. Not Gog and Magog
Kang and Kodos!
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leftofthedial Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 02:13 AM
Response to Original message
28. what if the Rapture
is really the Rupture?



:hurts:
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lumpy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:19 AM
Response to Original message
32. The "rapture' isn't going to happen.
A lot of people are going to be disappointed, didn't Dubya tell you the latest?, he talks to God, you know. If the world 'ends' it will be by the hand of man, not God's hand. Do you remember Noah's great flood? ; when the waters receded, a rainbow appeared in the sky, a sign and a promise from God that He would never destroy human life ever again.... Or Earth could be hit by a great big meteor, of course God might have just been kidding about that rainbow and changed his mind. Loophole: God meant he woouldn't flood the world again, didn't say anything about meteors. Global warming might kill off a bunch of living things also. The possibilities are endless.
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Tactical Progressive Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 03:56 AM
Response to Original message
35. Well, the science of rapture would most likely mean
Edited on Thu Aug-03-06 04:02 AM by Tactical Progressive
as the self-righteous slowly lift off the ground and rise towards 'heaven', with irrepressibly sanctimonious grins on their faces, it starts getting cold. Very cold. And the air starts thinning out. Their hands and feet begin freezing and turning blue. The pain of frostbite sets in as their lungs begin to burn. As they get up above the stratosphere their eyes explode just like in the sci-fi movies when they get sucked out of the pressure lock into space. There they are; tens of millions of frozen bodies in blind, undead agony orbiting the earth two hundred miles up, screaming into a silent space before they start to fall back to earth, burning up in a hell-hot re-entry and feeling every second of it, hurtling towards earth as living, burning corpses, slamming into the ground at terminal velocity and pulverizing every bone in their bodies. Still alive thanks to the almighty, who set up the immutable laws of science and physics for them to discover and not to dismiss with their 'creation theory' ass-holiness.

Then we'll all have to bury the burned piles of charred mulch, still alive, to spend an eternity under foot. And for them, worst of all: knowing we get to keep all of their shit.

Never having realized that god's sense of irony is beyond anything they think they know.
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Kailassa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 04:39 AM
Response to Reply #35
36. I hope you don't mind, but I've copied your post,
Edited on Thu Aug-03-06 04:42 AM by Kailassa
and I'm MSNing it to all my buddies here in Australia.

You're making a lot of people laugh tonight.

Luckily we don't have many rapture-believers in Australia, and the few I know don't have the brains to turn on a computer ... or each other even, which helps keep their numbers down.

bah, Never forget to preview ...
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Caretha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 05:55 AM
Response to Reply #35
40. Wow!
I'm impressed.....I think you may have a script, could be marketable to a small film company. Think Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
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TomClash Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-03-06 04:53 AM
Response to Original message
37. I suppose one allegory deserves another nt
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