The Rapture Amendment to the Constitution

[Mabus]

I propose a Rapture Amendment to the Constitution of the United States with the following provisions:

1. We will let you pass inane resolutions concerning abortion, gay marriage, etc.;

2. We will let you veto beneficial legislation; and

3. If you believe the rapture is imminent you have to start taking public transportation (because otherwise you might kill some of us who need to see the light after your gone) or you have to stay at home and keep your opinions to yourself.

In return, they will let us have the rights and legislation they find so offensive until after they rapture. Then we'll see the light and we will want to adopt all this insane stuff ourselves.

Until then, they must promise to stop encroaching and eroding on what little remains of our Constitution, our advances in medical science and other technologies. For example, five minutes after they leave, all of us promise to pick up shovels, march to ANWR and get the oil ourselves. Along the way there all of us promise to destroy what's left of our environment. Ten minutes after their gone we'll all take up protesting abortion clinics but only after they leave.

Think about it. This is a win-win situation. What we're basically asking for is to create our own hell on earth by doing all the evil things we Dems can think of - things like universal health care, electoral reform, peace, continued advancement in all areas of science, lowered CO2 emissions, etc. and by doing so we might them rapture earlier than expected.

After all, if they are leaving why do they feel such a big rush to fuck up our lives? If we're wrong and they actually do rapture then we will have learned our lesson and will try to devote the our lives to being just as hypocritical as they were when they were here.

Besides, who knows, maybe those who think they will be raptured won't be (I know if I were FSM I wouldn't want most of those people around me) and then maybe they'll realize that they spent a little too much time practicing religious hatred and intolerance when they should have been practicing the original intent of their religious precepts.

[ladjf]

1. I don't believe that many of the idiots really believe in the "rapture".

[MoseyWalker]

2. I've met many who do

but I think, when spoken in tongues, the rapture is "uuth rathugapathuga ur ehhh". Keep an ear out for the code!

[ladjf]

3. Hey, my former wife started speaking in tongues one night and it

scared the crap out of me. I didn't know whether to call an ambulance, the police or just go into another part of the house. I did the latter.

[Mabus]

4. I'm not sure where you live

but there are too many bumperstickers proclaiming the car will be empty around here. And the numbers are increasing. One of my aunts called earlier this week and invited me to come pray with her. She was concerned that I would be left behind. It was part of the out-reach her fundamentalist church is doing before the rapture happens. She hasn't called me in years, not since she became a Republican and voted for Bush.

on edit: I'm in Kansas. My aunt is in Oklahoma.

[ladjf]

5. I see lots of those stickers but, I just figure they are having a good

time posing. Probably a great way to pick up women. "Hey babe, let's go look for the rapture together."

[proud2BlibKansan]

6. They have a couple discussion board sites

These people are real and they do believe in the rapture.

[Mabus]

7. Time/CNN poll: 59% believe prophecies of the Book of Revelations

59% of the people polled "believe the prophecies in the Book of Revelation will come true" and 35% of the people polled "say they are paying closer attention to news events and how they might relate to the coming end of the world since the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11." article begins here: http://www.time.com/time/covers/1101020701/story.html

While neither of these number reveal the number who believe in the rapture this passage in the article is somewhat telling:

For evangelical Christians with an interest in prophecy, the headlines always come with asterisks pointing to scriptural footnotes. That is how Todd Strandberg reads his paper. By day, he is fixing planes at Offutt Air Force Base in Bellevue, Neb. But in his off-hours, he's the webmaster at raptureready.com and the inventor of the Rapture Index, which he calls a "Dow Jones Industrial Average of End Time activity." Instead of stocks, it tracks prophecies: earthquakes, floods, plagues, crime, false prophets and economic measurements like unemployment that add to instability and civil unrest, thereby easing the way for the Antichrist. In other words, how close are we to the end of the world? The index hit an all-time high of 182 on Sept. 24, as the bandwidth nearly melted under the weight of 8 million visitors: any reading over 145, Strandberg says, means "Fasten your seat belt."

8 million people visitors in one day on a rapture site.