COMPLETE TEXT (clean copy) - Full Video - Great Pic of Colbert

[autorank]

Stephen Colbert Rocks theWhite House Correspondent’s Dinner

Pic grabbed by DUer truthpusher

Complete Clip Links: Free Video Blog
http://video.freevideoblog.com/video/AAC7FA18-2DDC-4D3E...
http://video.freevideoblog.com/video/C91DDBB4-28AD-4E6F...
DUers blitzen and SwampRat

Text captured by DUers Great CeasarsGhost and tridem
{closed caption transcript of Stephen Colbert}

------------
Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bullet proof S.U.V.'S out front, could you please move them. They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'S and they need to get out.

Wow, wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents’ dinner. To just sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what; I'm a pretty sound sleeper that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face.

Is he really not here tonight? The one guy who could have helped. By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything at their tables, speak slowly and clearly on into your table numbers and somebody from the N.S.A. Will be right over with a cocktail. Mrs. Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps,

Mr. President and first lady, my name is Stephen Colbert and it’s my privilege tonight to celebrate our president. He's no so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brain backs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the fact (police). We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say I did look it up, and that’s not true. That's but you looked it up in a book.

Next time look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, ok? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the no fact zone. Fox news, I own the copyright on that term.

I'm a simple man with a simple mind, with a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists.

My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how “The Washington Post" spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out in plastic for three cents a unit.

In fact, ambassador, welcome, your great country makes our happy meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least.

And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq. I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe our infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe its yogurt. But I refuse to believe it’s not butter. Most of all I believe in this president.

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us; we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it’s important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means its 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn’t drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Folks, my point are that I don’t believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull, before a comeback.

I mean, it's like the movie “Rocky." The president is Rocky and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world. It's the 10th round. He's bloodied, his corner man, Mick, who in this case would be the vice president, and he’s yelling cut me, dick, cut me, and every time he falls she say stay down! Does he stay down? No. Like rocky he gets back up and in the end he -- actually loses in the first movie.

Ok. It doesn't matter. The point is the heart warming story of a man who was repeatedly bunched in the face -- punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it.

I haven’t. I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, has he stood on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite powered car.

And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma’am.

I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen. What's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American. I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this man’s beliefs never will. And as excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of fox news.

Fox News gives you sides of every story, the president’s side and the vice president’s side.

>> But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. Wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, they’re super depressing.

>> And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good over tax cuts, W.M.D. Intelligence, the affect of global warms. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The president makes decisions, he’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know fiction.

>> Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the white house has personnel changes. Then you write they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic. First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This ships not sinking.

This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on The Hindenburg...

>> Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some heroes, Buckley, Kim Schieffer. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be to my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is I promise you. How is Tuesday...tonight?

General Mosley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace. They still support Rumsfeld. You guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld. Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble, don't let them retire. C'mon, we've got a stop loss program; let's use it on these guys. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle.

C'mon. Jesse Jackson is here. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he’s going to say what he wants at the pace that he wants.

>> It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

>> Justice Scalia’s here. May I be the first to say welcome, sir. You look fantastic. How are you?

>>
John McCain is here. John McCain - John McCain. What a maverick. Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. He could have used a spoon. There's no predicting him. So wonderful to see you coming back into the republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light.

Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city. Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I would like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., The chocolate city with a marshmallow center. >> And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a mala march is what I’m describing, a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here, the most famous husband since Dezi Arnez. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! >> Oh, what have I said? I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife, Pat Fitzgerald is not here tonight?

Dodged a bullet.

And we can't forget man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret service name, snow job. What a hero, took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.

>> Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Scott McClellan too say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card’s children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision to quickly, sir.
I was vying for the job. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.

(Vodeo Tape by Colbert with Helen Thomas, a must see. Links above for whole speech plus the tape.)

[TheWatcher]

1. Thanks Autorank!

I posted the links about 2 seconds after you did.

Tonight was just brilliant.

There are no other words.

[autorank]

4. Great minds think alike;) This is the best...

I actually enjoyed converting the text. It's so devastating. This is a work of pure genius.
Political art!!!

[tavalon]

38. The last time I felt this amazed by the truth to power from a comedian

Was when Jon Stewart staged his intervention with some no longer remembered guys on a show that was very rapidly cancelled.

That was amazing. This was amazing in the same way.

[Babel_17]

87. I was thinking along similar lines (nt)

[lostexpectation]

2. anybody go the 2 bush's transcript...

as

[radfringe]

3. Just watched the clip

I can see why some people said it didn't go over well - not much 'laughing' from the audience

but it went over GREAT FOR ME... had to pause the video a couple of times to wipe off the coffee from my monitor..

I love the helen sequence!!!

[autorank]

5. How about that feedback sequence with the press where he loses it?

My God...Stephen was tripping!

[ClintonTyree]

6. Outstanding.......

I doubt there's anyone else who could so thoroughly tear these people to ribbons without them really knowing it. Colbert is a master, I hope they have the replay on CSPAN today, I wasn't able to watch last night.

Thanks, autorank! K&R

[autorank]

7. My pleasure. and it was great reformatting the text. It is so brilliant.

"misery accomplished..." damn, missed that on the videos.

What a moment. I knew he'd rock this thing when he nailed Kristol. OMf'ingG!

Cheers!!!

[DianaForRussFeingold]

13. "misery accomplished..." hahaha.

[Jigarotta]

58. I saw him eviscerate Kristol as well.

what a show!
that fricken weasel Kristol seems dumb as a post. in a dangerous way, of course.

[Kurovski]

8. K&R. All together in one convenient package!

Thanks, autorank.

The greatest page SHOULD be filled with Colbert threads for a day. The man frickin' earned it.

[autorank]

9. Hello and have a great rest of your night.

Time to pull the top down on my coffin...sun light approaches

Cheers!!!

[Kurovski]

14. Good night, sweet Count. May flights of fruitbats see thee to thy rest.

[Cooley Hurd]

10. K&R - Thanks Autorank!

[autorank]

64. My pleasure...this will resonate..."The word is more powerful than the

the sword." In this case, the sword is sheathed by the Mandarins and their masters. They don't know
what to do with the truth. They'll have a few days of misleading press and cheap shots and think this
is burried. Then there will be a huge growth in Colbert ratings. Then the words, those amazing words,
will move quickly into the public vocabulary.

You can't stomp out art, you can't erase free speech, and nobody can shut Colbert up. He gave one for
the team...God bless him.

Cheers

[Name removed]

11. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Kurovski]

15. Ahhh...we all uns just got lower standards I guess.

Don't be mean to your lessers, now.

Noblesse oblige, er whatever.

[autorank]

18. Terrific...

Be sure to comment on them all. Maybe someone from you candidate's district will be running one of those threads. Make a friend or something.

Cheer up, watch the video, read the text. Have a It's all good.

[ClintonTyree]

19. It was much more than a "wisecrack about Baby Bush"....

it was a total annihilation of everything about his presidency. I feel I have a keen sense of humor and innuendo and Colbert ROCKED! If the Bush White House group didn't walk out of there feeling like total failures and assholes I can't imagine what could spur them to do so. It was magnificent!

Just a difference of opinion I guess, but I thought Colbert lampooned everyone that had it coming in the first place. Stephan had better have all of his i's dotted and t's crossed on his tax forms from now on though!

[Pacifist Patriot]

32. Different tastes. I saw someone shred the current presidency in total.

[tavalon]

40. Don't forget the equally complete shred

of the oh, so, deserving press, with the exception of our own DU hero, Helen Thomas, with whom he shared the comedy spotlight.

[autorank]

65. tavalon, Was this the best line or what...

" I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. "

I mean, my God. Its a great line; its a great line for the finale; its Colert commenting
on the focus of his career and character right now; and its a beautiful "in your face" to
the very people he's talking about. He's humorous and telling truth; in character, yet
speaking through the character. This is the stuff of greatness. Will Rogers is smiling.

[Pacifist Patriot]

84. I thought that was just beyond awesome.

Neither the press nor the president were given one ounce of quarter.

[tavalon]

39. The Colbert Report took some getting used to for me

It becomes a lot funnier when you realize he's doing a fine parody of Bill O'Reilly. That said, what Colbert did last night far outranked anything he's ever done on his show and the reason people are going ga-ga about it is because it was pretty damn clear he did his schtick not so much for the laughs but for the truth. That's why I'm comparing it to the Jon Stewart moment on Crossfire. It was the time I knew the guy was in it for the real reason, not just the laugh, and same here.

I'm afraid you're gonna have to put up with this at least for today. We have so few who stand up for us and even fewer who do it as masterfully as Colbert did last night. He deserves his 15 minutes to last a a full 24 hours.

[ginnyinWI]

62. I didn't appreciate him until I actually watched Bill O'Reilly once.

Then I understood. This misunderstanding might be why he got the gig in the first place--people had no idea what he was really about.

[Pacifist Patriot]

83. More's the pity for them.

[electropop]

92. "no idea what he was really about"

I think that's it. Colbert's targets weren't laughing because most of them are too stupid to get it. The rest were pissed.

[Pacifist Patriot]

82. I agree with you.

Last night sealed it for me. It's not just a personna for Colbert. It's a calling.

[DianaForRussFeingold]

12. Thank You! This is Great!You Are Great! DU Is Great! YOU ROCK!

LOL,HaHaHa I Love The DU!Thank You,You are an Angel Stephen Colbert Rocks the White House

[Kurovski]

16. "Vodeo tape"? don't you mean "Vodeo-d'oh tape"?

[nicknameless]

49. Hehe

That's what I thought when I saw it too.

[autorank]

67. Typos are my "tell," my "signature" -- at least you know its me;)

Autorank, Maximum Leader, RankLand, Milky Way


My Royal Courtesan

[Kurovski]

85. So it's like the royal seal? I see.

The mark of autorank authenticity.

They are some of the most unique typos, to be certain. The court is most amused, my liege.

[ClintonTyree]

17. The GANNON button!

Needless to say, Stephan Colbert will NEVER be asked back to another White House Correspondence Dinner! Oh my fucking god, He BURIED them! There were a lot of tight asses in that crowd, Bush being the tightest. You could see him seething, boiling underneath his not so calm exterior.

Greatest White House Press Correspondence Dinner....EVER!

Stephan Colbert, you are a genius!

[autorank]

20. What a bunch of dip wads. Uptight is their middle name. They

probably hyphenate it for status. Jeff U.T. Gannon.

Oh, that tape was a thing of beauty.

You can live your whole like in the DC Metro area and never run into any of this jerks. They're pariahs. Unwelcome, unless they behave. The air of self-importance is just enough to make you throw up.

And...most of them are screw ups...I mean, it's not like things are going that well and they've played a major role in bringing on the 20 foot rise in sea level through their ignorance of climate change science.

They should all be mocked in the town square, Pilgrim style

[Minnesota Libra]

21. OMG, and to think I missed that, Colbert was ripping on everyone..........

....

[Heidi]

22. Thank you, autorank!

Kicked and recommended.

[leftchick]

23. autorank...

Thank You!!!!

[autorank]

68. Welcome!!!

[highnooner]

24. No one was left standing except Colbert and Thomas

He pummelled everyone in Washington to shreds.

[leftchick]

25. I was watching the chimp through out the whole thing

well, there were only a few shots of his reaction. HE WAS P I S S E D!!!!!

[progressoid]

33. No kidding - he could barely force a smile.

I'm sure he was thinking about how to get back at him.

[GreenPartyVoter]

102. He was actually there? Cool! (Cant't see the videos :^( )

[Sugar Smack]

26. That was such a joy to read! Thank you.

[Junkdrawer]

27. Balls.Of.Steel

The Mark Twain of our Age

[Neoma]

28. Thank you very much.

[autorank]

69. My pleasure ... and it was!

The closed caption text came first then closed caption w/out #'s then this.

As I reformatted it, I reread so many lines again. Just amazing. This one
has strong legs, it will be around for ever. A work of pure genius and
also patriotism. Talk about speaking truth to power...holy cow!

[chat_noir]

29. The Moderate Voice review

Colbert's White House Correspondent Dinner Performance Underscores Irony's Power And Delicacy

You could see it if you watched it live (we did): while Colbert got laughs, cutaway shots showed some members of the audience unlaughing or seemingly unamused. If in show biz you measure the success of a comedy set by the duration and volume of laughs, Bush & impersonator were a smash. By THAT standard, Colbert wasn't since he got (with a few exception) mostly softer "titters."

Yet, in terms of content, Colbert's satire was more biting, had a message and was far less playful — more akin to what you'd hear in a point-of-view "set" in a comedy club. And irony is always a tougher task.

http://www.themoderatevoice.com/posts/1146380087.shtml

[jbnow]

30. Thanks

I am replying to this so I can put reply in my journal so I can always get to your post. (I hope it works that way, it's how I have been using it.)

[Octafish]

31. Thanks, Autorank! Much obliged for the big laughs.

PYSCHO NUTJOB

[progressoid]

34. Thanks for the link!! - - Love this part

So, Mr. President, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means its 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn’t drink it. The last third is usually backwash.

That's his base - BACKWASH!!!

Edited to add: Scalia seemed to enjoy himself. Wow.

[autorank]

70. Scalia just lives obscene gestures...he was positively gleeful. Amazing.

In ancient Greece, the subjects of the vicious comedies performed would show up,often, and take a bow. Now that's class. They went on their own. Bush and the Mandarins had to be there and they were no gracious. Oh, well Scalia got some good footage too. He's smart enough to know what was going on at that point. He probably thinks the crowd are all idiots too (for different reasons that we do

[W_HAMILTON]

35. My opinion

I thought it started off slow, and didn't think his jokes were too funny at the start. On the bright side, even if his jokes weren't going over that well to begin with, they were almost more scathing than usual, so that's a positive in my book.

Towards the end, he started getting funnier, and I loved the last skit, even though I thought it went on a bit too long. Helen Thomas doing that slow little walk of her's is a little frightening.

Overall, on a scale of 1-10, I'd probably rate it a 6 or 7 for the comedy. Not his best stuff, but at least he when he wasn't being laugh-out-loud funny, he was lobbing some criticism at someone. I personally was hoping for a mention of Duke, or maybe even Rush, complete with his mock crying. I think that would have good over great!

[Pacifist Patriot]

36. Bloody Brilliant!

Loved this part: Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know fiction.

[leftchick]

37. Pickles looked so confused!

and Colbert was fucking fearless! DAMN!

[itzamirakul]

41. I missed Colbert's performance last night and this Sunday morning I am

watching a press correspondent on C-Span's Washington Journal, (Byron York of the National Review) and according to him...the Bush routine was "SO MUCH FUNNIER" than Colbert's.

C-Span showed a short selection of Bush's impersonator telling incredibly painful and corny jokes about Cheney shooting the lawyer, etc. Each one was worst than the one before.

Well, thank you for posting the text of Colbert's segment because as all of you have posted in this thread, it IS absolutely brilliant and I do hope they will show this performance on C-Span as a re-run, because I would love to see it! I can't BELIEVE he got away with the complete delivery of the material without being dragged off stage "with the hook!" What I really want to see is the audience reaction to his performance and to each of his "zingers."

Unfortunately, my present computer is so ancient that I am lucky to just get on line, to say nothing of trying to watch a video.

[Terran1212]

80. Helen Thomas Video (OMG THAT WAS GREAT!)

I ROFLed on that one so much.

And did you guys see how Colbert pretty much just walked past Bush? Hehe.

[FredStembottom]

42. "And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished."

"And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good over tax cuts, W.M.D. Intelligence, the affect of global warm(ing). We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew."

The greatest thing said in 6 years in America! I know that the Bushadmin is bad. Really, really bad..... but I have felt all along that none of this nightmare could have happened - or lasted 5 minutes - if the press hadn't been in collusion with them.

I hope this video gets viewed by reporters in every "news" room in America (I think they just might. Colbert's fearlessness shows the way to freedom for them, too)! They all must be made excruciatingly uncomfortable each and every day. They must becom overwhelmed with the desire to speak freely once again. There must be friction and trouble in "news" rooms all across America. A price-too-dear must be extracted from the conspiratorial owners of the Captive Press - if that's possible.

They press must be moved to the point where the blowback from their collusion is just too strong, too not-worth-it. They must reach the point where hitching their wagons to a rising, angry, democratic American majority outweighs the benefits of collusion with a tiny, utterly failed oligarchy.

If this can be done - change will come to this country literally overnight.

[autorank]

72. "misery accomplished" is the first term to enter the common ussage.

That was just amazing...I went back and found it in the text to make sure it's what I heard. Muchof the speech was so mind blowing you need the text.

Cheers.

[ZanZaBar]

43. Stephen Colbert, you are a TRUE AMERICAN HERO!

[BlueEyedSon]

44. That's "FACT-onistas" ( a play on "fashionistas")

[SupplyConcerns]

79. Actually a play on the left-wing Sandinistas

Which is why Colbert constantly invokes that conjugation to dismiss his left-wing 'targets'.

[Yollam]

45. Wow. That was harsh.

I agree that the laughs were a bit... uncomfortable, but wow. He barely was able to hide his contempt. I wouldn't be able to hide it at all...


Also amazed that Bush sat through it all. That's more dissent than he's been allowed to see and hear than in the rest of his presidency altogether. He must've been PISSED.

[AussieDave]

46. Wow - he lined up all his ducks then used a sub-machine gun

to mow them all down. He didn't miss anyone, and no wonder some parts didn't get much applause - this routine hit WAY too close to home for many of the "correspondents" at that dinner. Their level of discomfort would have been like sitting there with a carrot firmly lodged in their respected asses.

Stephen Colbert kicks major and serious ass !!!!

[Paradise]

47. "and they need to get out."

a mosaic of double entendres...

ingenious

[Stephanie]

48. "Think about it. I haven’t. I stand by this man."

absolutely brilliant and very brave

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

50. "Backwash."

[HamiltonHabs32]

51. SFW Video Site

Same idea, just a link to the full speech, however no nudie photos included for those who are at work.

http://throwawayyourtv.com/2006/04/colbert-at-white-hou...

[chat_noir]

76. You Tube - great quality videos!

Part I: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcIRXur61II

Part II: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HN0INDOkFuo

Part III http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJvar7BKwvQ

[mdmc]

52. thanks for the update. it sounded like a fun and pleasant evening

[Infomaniac]

53. Nominated. This is a must-see

Brew some coffee and invite the neighbors in to view it. Brilliant. Absolutely motherf'ing brilliant.

[suffragette]

63. Don't forget to lay down a tarp to catch

all the coffee the neighbors will be spitting out when they're drinking then laughing at the same time.



Colbert didn't pull any punches and all of them landed squarely. Yes, just brilliant.

[mdmc]

54. that was very funny!

thank you so much for the links!

[autorank]

73. Welcome...what a pleasure to read, watch and watch again. n/t

[Jack Rabbit]

55. In pre-revolutionary France, it was the Figaro plays by Beaumarchais

Napoleon regarded the Figaro plays as the beginning of the French Revolution.

Is Colbert the Beaumarchais of America before the deluge that will bring down Bush and the neocons?



Yesterday, April 29, 2006, will go down in history as a great day in America.

When do we storm the Bastille?

Liberty Leading the People (1830) by Eugène Delacroix
From the website of the University of Southern California

[autorank]

74. ...and Napoleon knew what he was talking about. Perfect!!!

[IChing]

56. Extremely Brave, what guts and funny as hell thank you for the link

What will happen to Colbert after this? He touched all the bases and ran with a home-run right in front of his face.
Courage it took a lot of courage to do this.

[Jigarotta]

57. Thank You! Autorank!

for the transcript.

omg! we were howling with tears and laughter here at my house. dammit, that's got to be one of the funniest things I have ever read!

Just love this line:
""The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday."""

[autorank]

91. Welcome!!! That line is a classic. So are these...(collection;)

The power of WORDS and IDEAS:

he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this man’s beliefs never will.

or this

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The president makes decisions, he’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know fiction.

or this

This ships not sinking.

This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on The Hindenburg...

or this

I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble, don't let them retire. C'mon, we've got a stop loss program; let's use it on these guys. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle.

or this

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us; we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

or this

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. Wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, they’re super depressing.

And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.

or this

I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns.

[Sparkly]

118. Great selection of quotes.

One after another -- he hit 'em hard. Out of the park.

[Miss Chybil]

59. Ben Franklin, Mark Twain, Stephen Colbert...

He was ruthless. Bravo!

[bleever]

60. Mind-blowingly brave and funny. It felt like a cultural turning point,

given that it was televised, and all the inside-the-beltway ribbing became a public feast wherein it was painfully obvious that people were laughing at, and not with the pResident.

[autorank]

75. These usually stay inside the beltway...not this time;)

This is a battle cry. If fake reporters (Stewart & Colbert) have have more brains and guts than
the real ones. why do we need MSM. That's one of the truly revolutionary outcomes of the work
they've both offered. Last night was the culmination. Thanks to John Steward for promoting
talent and spotting greatness.

[benny05]

61. The Freepers haven't said a word about it

They are too concerned about Condi breaking ranks with * about the national anthem.

[readmoreoften]

66. Stephen Colbert for Head of the DNC.

He's a one man opposition party.

[understandinglife]

71. Thank you! Recommended.

Peace.

[autorank]

77. It's all good...but not for the quislings and mandarins.

They've had the veil pulled away and we're seeing The Picture of Dorian Bush in all of
its horrific vulgarity. Last night was the epitome of all that's been building for so long.
As a nation, we are living out a B-movie horror show script written by fools and performed by
incompetents. Last night was not just a political statement and profound comedic art, it was
reality based reporting.

Cheers

[understandinglife]

86. "... it was reality based reporting." Most definitely, And, today they ...

... all get to read Savage in the Globe!

Greenwald's has some excellent comments on Savage and I posted a link to them:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...

They've got no where to hide ...


Peace.

[tomreedtoon]

78. This is why you should defy the copyright laws!

If you don't know what Bittorrent is, for God's sake get off your butt and find out. Find out how to use it. Find places on the Internet that will allow you to share this video. Download it. Burn it to DVD.

Yes, I know I'm asking a lot of you nontechnicals out there, but you own computers, you should learn how to use them to their fullest. You paid a fortune for them, didn't you? Try doing something to make them worthwile.

Anyway, get the video, burn it to DVD, make copies, give it to friends. This is the most important video of the year, and nobody but us "pirates" will distribute it as it needs to be distributed. Leave it up to the five megacorporations who own the media, and their fraudulent copyright laws, and this will be buried. So take it on yourself to spread the word.

This is exactly the kind of attack the Democratic Party should be making, or would, if the Democratic Party cared more for this country than for their likeability factors and their consultants.

[autorank]

94. Recommended: Bit Torrent...last frontier of freedom. n/t

[Rex]

81. Colbert moves to the head of the class.

nt

[Synnical]

88. Wicked Good.

Thanks for posting. The Helen Thomas skit was terrific.

[nicknameless]

89. NOW do they get that he's lampooning them?

Thanks for this, Auto!

Vodeo-doh

[autorank]

95. Welcome!!! It is such a great read, the man "stood tall" and spoke

truth to power. It was like those characters Gary Cooper played. One man against the mob.

What struck me was the Andy Kaufman zone he was in. He's so edgy on the show because he's so deep
into the character. We say history.

Now watch it seep into the political culture.

[nicknameless]

101. And he delivered that skewering just a few feet from dimson!

Awesome courage!

[renate]

90. thank you SO MUCH for the transcript

My computer always freezes whenever I try to watch videos, so this was a huge treat.



And Stephen, I you.

[autorank]

97. Words have power...you're welcome. Here's something for you:)

The power of WORDS and IDEAS:

he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this man’s beliefs never will.

or this

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The president makes decisions, he’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know fiction.

or this

This ships not sinking.

This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on The Hindenburg...

or this

I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble, don't let them retire. C'mon, we've got a stop loss program; let's use it on these guys. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle.

or this

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us; we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

or this

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. Wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, they’re super depressing.

And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.

or this

I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns.

[renate]

100. "some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating"

Since nobody tells him bad news, I wonder whether this was the first time Bush has heard how low it is. Ouch.

[Cha]

93. Brilliant, thanks autorank!

I can't get enough of this stuff!

"yada yada yada...But I just have one beef, ma’am.

I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen. What's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American. I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this man’s beliefs never will. And as excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of fox news.

Fox News gives you sides of every story, the president’s side and the vice president’s side."

[autorank]

98. ...so perfect. He's the "decider" not the "reader" damn it....

...get it straight

It just gets better the more I look at it.

What fun.

[electron_blue]

96. thank you! I saved this all day so I could read & watch.

How invigorating!

[autorank]

99. You will not be disappointed. MSM should all just resign.

They won't but they should. Just all quit, go help the folks in NOLA, give their ill gotten gains
to charity, and self flagelate every January 6th (Patriots Day).

Enjoy!

[Phrogman]

103. His skit with Helen was not aimed at any "press secretary"

I think the question he had of her asking for the "real reason you went to war" was the question she had asked Chimpnuts personally.
And the routine of being chased down by the elderly woman and unable to excape was something he wanted to have stick in that bastards little mind, like a nightmare scenario.

[autorank]

113. You got it. That's so devastating. She was obviously a bit slow

and, bless her huge heart, she was laughing through the entire bit.

Bush scared by an 80 plus reporter ... it was aimed at him. Just like the line at the end:

"I have total contempt for these people. I know how to handle them." The first sentence was spoken by
the Colbert character AND in by Colbert in behalf of all us. The second, in behalf of the Colbert Faux news personality and as a commentary on how Colbert was treating the press and the truth of his tape, which was shown right after this.

This is one deep performance. We'll be talking about it for a long time. It will be taught in college classes, it lives forever on the internet.

[lovuian]

104. COLBERT ROCKS!!! The TRUTH HURTS!!!

[goforit]

105. He brought reality inside the glass castle........... Brassy all the way!

[Eric J in MN]

106. Thank you (nt)

nt

[goforit]

107. Thanks Autorank!!!

[robertpaulsen]

108. In truthiness, I'm glad to make this a 5 star thread with the 80th rec!

Way to go Colbert!

[Swamp Rat]

109. Like I said in another thread, he is our Juvenal.

He confronted the emporer at court, right in front of the royalty... panem et circense et Stevius Colberus vitam impendere vero-iness!

[EFerrari]

111. There must be hope for the stenographers because

THEY BOOKED HIM.

[autorank]

114. Great statement. Multi layered icons--devastating! Thank YOU!!! n/t

[stevedeshazer]

110. Yeah, Buddy!

Don't you love it?

[autorank]

115. I love it so much, I'm gonna take it home;)

Entirely too much. Talk about speaking truth to power. He spoke for many of us last night and he
was amazing. The guy didn't crack a sweat. He wasn't bothered by the lack of response, he knew
they wouldn't laught. They're dumb but not brain dead. And they had to take it...haha

[Octafish]

112. A ''The stomach has more nerve endings than the brain'' kick.

Bush is an idiot and a coward and little more than a know-nothing crazy monkey.

And the tape shows it.

Hmm. Who'd a thought it took a comedian to stand up the great bully?

[Swamp Rat]

116. LOL!

I love that line!!!

"Ob panem et circense ibi Stevius Colberus vitam impendere vero-iness!"

[MaggieSwanson]

117. Thanks for the transcript, autorank!

I've been trying to watch the clips, but my ancient computer is no match. Can anyone post a description of the "audition tape"?

[autorank]

123. You're welcome. What a moment. He spoke for 68% of the country.

The "dissapprovals" who never get their day in court. Well they got they night, and it
was devastating.

Words have power, they live on. This was/is history.

[electron_blue]

119. Colbert, the Stealth Court Jester

That's what I kept thinking - he is playing the role of royal court jester, daring to say what no one else is, all because he's making a joke of it the whole time (or appearing to be).

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"Backwash" !! I love it. Finally, an explanation for the 32%

"Misery accomplished"

Two great phrases that will live on, I tell you.

I do wonder if Bush is left wondering wth is going on out there. Since we know he gets all news extremely filtered.

Also - THIS (communication about Colbert's triumph) is why the govt wants control of the Internet.

[autorank]

124. A must, controlling the internet..but they will fail. Court Jester-perfect

[katinmn]

120. Thanks for the transcript! Bookmarking to save

print, pass around, enjoy.

[autorank]

125. You are very welcome;)

Pass it far and wide. Feel free to further clean up the format.

[Sparkly]

121. "The last third is usually backwash."

A great term for the 33% who still approve of Chimpy: "Backwash!!"

[autorank]

126. I'll bet a) Clark watched it and b) he got it just like we did. I'm

positive...

[PatrioticLeftie]

122. How awesome is Stephen Colbert?

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

127. Your thread is linked on today's Salon 5-1

in their "The Fix" section:

http://www.salon.com/ent/col/fix/2006/05/01/mon /

Congrats!

The full video (divided in two parts) is linked in Salon's "Video Dog" section along with a scathing critique of mainstream reaction to it in "War Room."

[myrna minx]

128. Thank you so much for this!

[autorank]

130. You are most welcome!!! :) n/t

[romulusnr]

129. Something other than conservative bias?

While I agree that the omission of Colbert from media coverage of the correspondent's dinner is a big dent in any AM radio pundit's "liberal media" routine, I venture another reason why Colbert's screed didn't get picked up.

Colbert didn't just attack the president in his speech, he also levied extra vitriol at the Washington press corps and American "professional" journalists en masse. And, I'm sorry, but from my experience, a lot of mainstream journalists are snobby, jealous, and self-important. Attack journalists in general, and in general journalists will respond by completely ignoring you, and deriding you in the meantime.

Colbert might have actually got some blips on the network news radar, if he hadn't made jabs at them at the same time. (And they deserve it, no doubt.)

Also, don't forget, Daily Show cast members, seen as pseudo-journalists by the mainstream media (and, they admittedly are, but what the more self-important of journalists forget is that this doesn't make them irrelevant), are already trivialized by the media, much for the same reasons as above.

Why is it that independent journalists, or even often the stories they cover, are so often ignored by the mainstream media? Is it really because the stories aren't important, or even interesting? Or is there a certain jealousy or snobbery towards those "fake journalists" who don't work for the Man or dress nice for work?

[autorank]

131. They can dish it out but they sure can't take it. Punks

"You (MSM) can't stand the truth." Jack Nicholson

They can't kill these amazing words. They're all here, with some further editing needed, and they
won't go away. Too bad for the Munchkin Stream Media...their crimes will live on and their
infamy will be known to all now and forever.

[dutchjingles]

132. downloadable videos

Over here two downloadable clips of Steven Colbert Whitehouse correspondents:

http://files.ww.com/download.html?id=13903 (16 min / 26 Mb Quicktime)
http://files.ww.com/download.html?id=13904 (15 min / 10 Mb WindowsMedia)

[nicknameless]

133. Thanks for posting that!

Welcome to DU, dutchjingles

[autorank]

134. Right, I second those thanks. Great stuff. Fun to get it out there...

...who needs MSM..haha

[sarabethg]

135. Cleaned-up version of the Colbert transcript

Posting a full transcript was a brilliant idea. Many thanks!

You inspired me to take your transcript and do a massive clean-up. There was a large number of small bits missing here and there, and quite a few errors too. The cleaned up version is posted at http://www.1115.org/colbert-at-the-white-house-correspo... /

Feel free to use that version to update what you have here (or to use it in any way you like).

[Junkdrawer]

136. Let's keep this kicked for the few who haven't seen it yet...

[trekbiker]

137. awesome.. Colbert has more courage than the entire press corp

and more integrity