Big Love, HBO's polygamy drama--

[bliss_eternal]

In a weird way, this show seems to reinforce (at least for me) how awful polygamy is. If anyone is interested in discussing it in terms of feminism and other ideas relevant to this board, please post here.

If you'd like to discuss the storylines or other issues that may take the discussion off topic for this board, please visit here:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=267x3698

From a feminist, progressive stand point I'm struck how much this family reminds me of large, suburban, religious republican family I was acquaintated with. With some of the members (ok most) it seemed children were accomplishments--seen as a means to gain favor from elder members.

I have more to say about this, but feel a raging headache coming on... so hopefully some others will fill in w/comments! :hug:

:hi:

bliss_e :)

[bloom]

1. The New York Times has an article about it today:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/28/arts/television/28poly.html?pagewanted=2&th&emc=th

some excerpts:

"It's a more realistic view of a polygamous family that lives out in society than people have known," said Anne Wilde, a widow who was part of a multiple family for 33 years. "It can be seen as a viable alternative lifestyle between consenting adults." <snip>

"Big Love" skims the surface of the intense dynamics in plural families, Ms. Prunty said. Their isolation, secrecy and complicated logistics make them breeding grounds for forced marriage, under-age brides and abusive men, she said. The writers of the series have said that those issues will be addressed.

"In reality, there's not a woman out there who's going to share a man without religion being a factor," Ms. Prunty said. "That's what's missing in the show. This seems like some male fantasy, some alternative marriage that is Hollywood."

...The show was conceived as a prism through which to look at the "struggle for the common good over the individual good" that exists in any family, Mr. Olsen said. He and Mr. Scheffer are partners in real life. "The pro-polygamists think it's too dark," Mr. Olsen said. "The anti-polygamists don't think it's dark enough. I think we've split the baby down the middle." The men said they spent almost three years researching the show, talking to experts and reading everything from sociological tracts to official Mormon records.

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I'm not watching it - but I think the debate is interesting.

I think if it was an arrangement with multiple men and multiple women - it wouldn't seem so patriarchal and controlling. Even the women - in the article - who had been in such arrangements were "chiding the competitive wives, urging Bill to take control". So that's pretty annoying. The direction of the culture becoming more about "men's fantasies" - would seem to be in opposition to equality and anti-sexism - otherwise known as women's "fantasies".

[bliss_eternal]

2. Thanks so much

for the link and excerpts, bloom!

I agree, the debate is interesting. I like anything that can get people talking about issues.

It's merely my opinion and view on what I've seen thus far, but I think the show is a good mix. I think Ms. Prunty should look a bit closer. I don't think it skims the surface at all, nor did I get the sense that it was a male fantasy.

Sure, there have been moments that have pissed me off, made me uncomfortable and absolutely creeped me out. But there are also aspects that have been interesting that I wasn't expecting the show to explore.

[VelmaD]

3. goddess forbid they talk...

about polyamory instead of polygyny. And I wish everyone would stop referring to it at polygamy - that means more than one spouse - no gender specified. What these people are practicing and advocating is not polygamy - it's only polygyny - having more than one wife. They are NOT in favor of women having more than one partner.

[bliss_eternal]

4. Thank you for the correction, VelmaD!

:hi: ...good to see you! And great point. You're so right, there's no way anyone would EVER suggest a show w/women having multiple partners.

[funflower]

5. The issue of polygamy touches on the larger issue of how much

women "need" protection from their own weakness and stupidity. My liberal self says its their own biz if they (adults, anyway) want to become just another subject of some alpha male. My other liberal self says they're clearly brainwashed, and the guy should be arrested.... :crazy:

[Warpy]

6. My own self says grownups can do what they want to do

and polygamy can work for a certain type of woman. I say let her have it if she's a grownup and capable of making her own choices. Some like being able to share childcare and housework instead of doing it all themselves and don't mind sharing some male to get that arrangement.

Concurrent polygamy has gotten a bad rap because it's little more than ritualized pedophilia as practiced in a lot of communities here in the southwest.

Just as big a problem (if not more so) is the serial polygamy as practiced by so many successful (and now not so successful) men who seem to trade wives in on new models every ten years or so, sort of like they're old cars that are getting shabby and not in keeping with his image of himself.

[VelmaD]

7. The only way it's ok...

is if it is true polygamy - having more than one spouse...not just polygyny - having more than one wife. If everyone is free to have whatever partners they want...I'm all for it. What I'm against is the archaic, misogynistic bullshit scenario where the man gets multiple wives but the women are not allowed the freedom to chose multiple partners themselves.

[Finder]

8. Agree...

I have decided to use the term polyamory--which I support among consenting adults--rather than polygamy.

The show "Big Love" has made me realize that although there are many non-misogynist polygamist families...legalizing polygamous marriage as practiced by many today would be a mistake.