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ismnotwasm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jun-06-11 08:03 PM
Original message
My son is an alcoholic
Don't post here much, but there is enough quiet around here I can spill a little bit as I grieve. Oh, I have AA, I'm well supported, am celebrating my 21 years sober this month; I can list all the benefits of sobriety, the joy I take in service etc, the love I have for my career, the journey from the hellpit I came from to what I have today. My son knows about recovery. He knows about alcoholism. He knows about being raised by one. He's seen recovery.

My son is an alcoholic. You know when he was stationed in Iraq, I felt safer with him there? Because I knew, I knew. How sad is that?

My son is an alcoholic. To me, it's like saying 'my son has a form of cancer with a very low recovery rate, we can cut part of it out, we can treat it with radiation and chemo but there are no guarantees'

His father died of it. Every aspect of his life has been affected by it, one way or another. Usually, I leave the 'diagnoses' part to the individual involved, because that's the only way we 'get' it, but I grieve, I grieve.

What's happened is he's reached a 'bottom'. He's AWOL, went on a meth run which got too ugly for him so he's turning to his alcohol and hitting it hard. He's bewildered. He's frightened. He's defrauded unemployment, he isn't paying child support on and on and on. Problems piling up and seemingly impossible to solve right?

Got I hate this. He is exactly the age I was when I go sober, 29. He is hitting a very similar bottom, not in the details, but depth of the hole he's digging. He plans to turn himself in to the VA tomorrow, ask for treatment. We'll see.

I couldn't see him I couldn't talk to him, my husband had to do it, right now I don't have the grace of hope and I'm so afraid.


There, now maybe I can make some phone calls without breaking down.

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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jun-06-11 08:29 PM
Response to Original message
1. Sorry
My husband is one, we're separated, daughters 22 and 26 involved with/engaged to guys with whom they appear to do a fair amount of drinking, don't think its reached noticeable point for either but concerned about their futures. I am a true 'occasional' drinker, just not part of my 'thing,' or that of my family. So I worry.

Very sorry for you, but as your son has gotten so far as to plan to turn himself in, seems to me he's on the right track.

Best of luck to you, ism.
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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jun-06-11 10:13 PM
Response to Original message
2. where there's life there's hope ism
i can only imagine your pain, but he is willing to ask for help and he's seen the miracles that can happen

i'll keep you both in my prayers

:hug:
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ismnotwasm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-07-11 05:00 PM
Response to Original message
3. Thank you
I feel better today, he actually made it to the VA, they'll be putting him in treatment. He's at that place where there isn't anywhere else to go.

We're picking up his dog tomorrow and taking it out to his sister's. My husband is riding his butt a little bit, (he's got 29 years of sobriety) I've seen so much death in the eyes of alcoholics, I couldn't face it in my sons's. I can now
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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-07-11 05:29 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. Good, and best of luck to you all.
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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-08-11 07:48 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. good news
hang in there
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Tripod Donating Member (534 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jun-12-11 10:57 PM
Response to Original message
6. I hope things will work out for your family.
AA has for my family, and me.
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ismnotwasm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-06-11 02:40 PM
Response to Original message
7. I talked to him
He says "I can't stop drinking" all the other wreckage seems to be secondary to that, which is actually a good sign. A typical Alcoholic, he hasn't done any of the things he said he was going to, but he sounds, well, closer, if that makes sense. He said "I'm sorry I've been a bad son" I said "you're not a bad son", but I didn't go further, than that just yet. He needs a good 12 stepping and if he keeps dilly dallying, that's just what we'll do. How could I deny my own son what I give others? I wouldn't do it myself of course.

Rather than the depair I felt earlier, I remembered all the faces of good recovery I'm so lucky to know, the ones more than willing to reach out the hand to this suffering alcoholic. If my son makes it to AA, as he will (staying sober is another question) all those faces will be there, more than willing to help.
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MrsBrady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-18-11 07:03 PM
Response to Original message
8. try al-anon
for yourself.

I don't know if anyone else mentioned it or not. Just saw your OP.

Please feel free to PM me.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
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