Speaking of goofy questionnaires:

[Muffstser]

After reading the Clay Aiken thread, I remembered being a new employee at a national law firm once. They had a newsletter, and did this thing called "Spotlight on the Staff". They made you answer the world's dumbest questionnaire. Here's what I said. I'll let you guess what's legit or not. Feel free to take it yourself...it's a great way to know people (or at least know their sense of humor).

P.S. Some people actually DID answer this seriously. But they didn't get as good of a response as I did. I guess this was when I knew I was meant to be a writer...or at least extremely snarky.

Name: Wendy

Nickname: Hey, you!

Pet's name, age and type: Muffin, psycho kitty, 10 (1,428 in dog years)

Hobbies: the arts, following the British royal family, writing.

Sports Activities: watching Seattle management screw up its sports teams, playing "Six Degrees of George Steinbrenner" with fellow bitter Mariners fans.

Favorite teams: Da Yankees and Da Mariners.

Awards: Best penmanship and best care of a Guinea Pig.

Favorite type of music: gangsta rap, yodelling.

Favorite musical group: Milli Vanilli.

Recent or upcoming vacations: Punxuntawney, Pennsylvania, Groundhog Day 2006.

Best vacation taken: Covering the Papal visit and the Mariners/Yankees series in NYC for a local radio station in 1995. (Did you know the Popemobile can go 80 miles an hour?)

Favorite Novel: Moonwalker by Michael Jackson

Favorite Author: Dennis Rodman

Favorite Movie: Party Girl, starring Parker Posey. (Seriously, this is a GREAT flick.)

Favorite actors: PeeWee Herman and Jack Webb

Favorite actresses: Zza Zza Gabor, Anna Nicole Smith

Most recently read book: Crazy from the Heat by David Lee Roth

Favorite household chore: inhaling dust bunnies. (Yes, they REALLY asked that! That's when I knew I had to be sarcastic in answering this.)

Least favorite household chore: Cleaning my cat's litter box. Need I explain why?

The biggest honor I ever received was: winning a canned ham from David Letterman (True story. I kept the dang thing for eight years, in my freezer. Only tossed it when I moved. I wonder if it exploded?)

What do you like most about working here? My paycheck.

The four guests at my fantasy dinner party would be:

Howard Stern, Kathie Lee Gifford, Marv Albert, and Queen Elizabeth II.

(My new answer: Bill O'Reilly, Keith Olbermann, Tammy Faye Messner, and Janice Dickinson. It wouldn't be dull.)

The biggest waste of time is: trying to figure out what the biggest waste of time is.

If I won the lottery, the most extravagent thing I would do is: buy the world's largest ball of twine.

If I had three wishes, the would be:

1. To have JFK Jr. as my personal slave boy;
2. To have my own prairie dog compound; and
3. To have the best Mariners players actually stay in town.

(REVISION: KO would fill the slave boy category. God rest JFK Jr's soul. In all seriousness, one now would be that my best friend's husband would have lived long enough to see my little "niece" grow up.)

My worst habit is: thinking I have a worst habit

My best asset is: my humility

My favorite time of day is: waking up and realizing I'm not dead

The best advice I ever got was: "eating greens is a special treat, you get big ears and great big feet." Thumper, from "Bambi."

The best advice I ever got was: Never obey traffic lights in NYC because muggers will know you're a tourist, and beat you senseless.

The major regret of my life is: not learning how to juggle and yodel at the same time.

Nobody really knows: that I want to be a balloon entertainer.

What is your favorite season, and why: Summer. There are all those tractor pulls, and the sexy guys who go there! Free chewing tobacco ain't half bad, either.

[SharonRB]

1. Very funny, Muffster

Full of snark! Hope they took it in the tone it was intended!

[Muffstser]

2. I think they were at the least amused.

I didn't last there very long, though. How can you expect to seriously answer a question about what your favorite household chore is?

[Catchawave]

3. I played with it.....hopefully it was snarky enough....

Uh, Milli Vanilli ??? <spew>...LOL...here goes...


Name: Denise, after Keith's favorite "robot" that couldn't walk in a straight line.

Nickname: "Hey Mom"

Pet's name, age and type: Holly, 14, LH doxie ; and our 23yo desert tortoise rescue "baby".

Hobbies: Visiting my kids in NYC and Ft. Lauderdale, animal and human political activism, from local to national. Whew, that's hard work, not a hobby!

Sports Activities: Does mowing a quarter acre with a push mower count? Long walks hooked up to Broadway soundtracks and riding my beach cruiser bicycle. See: Hobbies :)

Favorite teams: Jets, Yankees when I'm in NY. Marlins, Dolphins in FL. Since I live in Virginia, I root for all of the above, expecially during playoffs'n'stuff. I make it a point to see them play during those visits too! Locally, our farm teams, for the Mets - Tidewater Tides, and the Blackhawks - Hampton Roads Admirals (ice hockey).

Awards: Like trophies? Well... before I considered dog and cat breeders animal pimps, and in my innocent youth days.......tons of dog show awards as a Junior Handler in the 60's with our family Springer Spaniel. Yeah, we pimped her too. So not proud of those awards, ick.

Favorite type of music: Love music, everything from Manilow and Diamond to Eminem!

Favorite musical group: Aerosmith, Guns'n' Roses, and Van Halen from the Diamond Dave era. Still play these albums!

Recent or upcoming vacations: NYC, Ft. Lauderdale, both recent and upcoming always! .... and any last minute road trips with the girlfriends to an outlet mall :)

Best vacation taken: Too many to list, and have enjoyed the experiences of all of them, good and bad. Though I did enjoy a *free* cruise when my friend's daughter was headlining an ice show on a Royal Carribean ship, I was invited as "family" :)

Favorite Novel: anything non-fiction, I never liked fiction. My favorites in primary reading were always the kiddie versions of biographies!

Favorite Author: George Carlin, Al Franken and The Daily Show staff :)

Favorite Movie: As of today, all the Star Wars movies, and The Wedding Crashers. Again, I'm so not picky, I enjoy all my movie experiences, hard to pick a fav !

Favorite actors: I could watch Owen Wilson, Hugh Grant, Tom Hanks, Bill Murray and Ben Stiller in ANYTHING.

Favorite actresses: Love anything that Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn and Diane Keaton are in?

Most recently read book: When will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops - Carlin

Favorite household chore: Steam Cleaning carpets ! Which I probably wouldn't have to do so often if vaccuming was my favorite chore !

Least favorite household chore: see above :)

The biggest honor I ever received was: Well I do have shirt, cap and mousepad from winning the Letterman online Top Ten contest, but greatest honor was a "Meritorious Mast Citation" from my husband's Marine Battalion (that was deployed in Beirut at the time), and I took some of the wives out to a bar.....and we were in a bar fight ....LOL. Amazing the ways we can support the troops, eh? AND, my hubster was still promoted to Colonel, despite me!

What do you like most about working here? (When I worked....) Yep, the paychecks.

The four guests at my fantasy dinner party would be: Jon Stewart, John and Elizabeth Edwards and Keith Olbermann !


The biggest waste of time is: Procrastinating. I'm the Queen of Procrastinators!

If I won the lottery, the most extravagent thing I would do is: It would have to be a HUGE lottery for me to buy an oceanfront South Miami Beach Condo AND a brownstone in Greenwich Village, NYC....I promise to donate the leftovers to charity! (both real estate areas are about $1,000/sq foot...yikes!

If I had three wishes, they would be: (Now this is "hard work" so many wishes, so little time to save Amerika)

1. Keith Olbermann to network news/late shows/whatever. He's just too GOOD to stay on Cable!

2. The Bush Administration is exposed for their fear, lies and loathing, so I know I'm right about the past two elections.

3. I'll give myself one personal:


My worst habit is: Smoking, I love to smoke, so not sure I'd consider that a personal "worst".

My best asset is: My first (and only) husband of 36 years. Love him alot and hate him alot, a repug, but for some reason, it's working :)

My favorite time of day is: Morning, before sunrise, coffee on the balcony overlooking the lake as the dawn rises :)

The best advice I ever got was: "Are you better off with him, or without him".

The best advice I ever got was: (TWO?) Ok, "That which doth not kill you, makes you stronger"

The major regret of my life is: I'm probably too old to answer this, but I have no major regrets in my life. 20-30 years ago, I may have still been pissed off about something, but life's short, so am not gonna angst over what coulda/shoulda been!


What is your favorite season, and why: All the seasons in the Mid-Atlantic states! Seriously, if you (generic) spent as much time on the Left Coast as I have, you'd understand :)