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So divorce finalized today. Finally.

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mzteris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-04-10 05:31 PM
Original message
So divorce finalized today. Finally.
He left the end of April three years ago. . .


Of course NOW he he's sober and starting to become a kind and caring human being. Too late. Waaaay too late. But you know goddamnit - why couldn't he have done it years ago, eh? So much would be so different. The worst thing about getting a divorce is remembering the day you got married and all the hopes and dreams you had and now they're gone. Dead and gone.

I don't want him back now. But I guess I wish it had never come to this.
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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-04-10 05:53 PM
Response to Original message
1. I remember the day I decided I'd assume the risk, stay/marry/have kids.
He was/appeared to be kind and caring then, and for a number of years was a good father. Now, tho, he's managed to go pretty far alienating daughters from me,even after assaulting me. He's a sociopath, not merely alcoholic, 'stole' house from me, and I've got trial Wed trying to obtain fair share. And he's been 'hiding' from me, w. daughter's help.

I've gotta stop with this! Congrats on 'FINAL!'
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mzteris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-05-10 12:34 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. good luck with the trial.
Don't hate your daughter - he's evidently a pretty good con. She'll wake up one day - hopefully before he does her irreparable damage.
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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-05-10 02:01 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. THANKS, mzt.
He's an excellent con, and I fear 'irreparable damage' now. 2 daughters, think he's just dandy. Haven't yet showed them pic of me after assault; I'm too damn nice (and chicken.)

E
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SheilaT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-16-10 11:49 AM
Response to Reply #5
9. If they are actually
grown up, you should do absolutely NOTHING to protect their image of him as Mr. Nice Guy. Show them the pictures.
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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-16-10 03:08 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. THANKS, ST!
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safeinOhio Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-04-10 09:17 PM
Response to Original message
2. The old dreams are dead and gone,
however, now you get new ones. My last one, and I do mean last one, ended 2 years ago. New state, new life and new dreams. Things are really going great now. Just a few years ago I was in fear for my life.

Best of luck.

Safe
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mzteris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-05-10 12:42 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. I wish it were clean and complete -
but with kids, I'm stuck interacting with him for the rest of my life. Less so after they leave home, but the youngest is 11 so I've a ways to go.

It just irritates the crap out of me that he's treating his new girlfriend and baby with the respect and devotion he should've showed us all those years. That his "new family" will reap the benefits of the "new and improved" guy.

What we couldn't have accomplished - how our lives would have been SO different (no bankruptcy, no financial problems, a healthy family, a "good" future...) - if he'd've just gotten sober before. The damage done to my older son's ability to trust and have healthy relationships is so severe - (not to mention mine!). Sometimes it's like the nicer he (the ex) is to me now, the more upset I get - it acutally makes me angry. I know. I just gotta let it go.

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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-05-10 02:03 PM
Response to Reply #4
6. With you, mzt.
:hug:
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SheilaT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Aug-07-10 06:31 PM
Response to Original message
7. It can be incredibly hard
to get past the hurt and anger, I know. I'm still not quite there yet. It's especially galling if he (or she) establishes a new family and behaves a lot better than in the past.

Eventually, when the kids are grown, you get to have anywhere from almost no contact to no contact at all, and that helps.
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Berserker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-08-10 09:36 PM
Response to Original message
8. Divorce's
the more you have the easier it gets.
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Callalily Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-18-10 06:49 AM
Response to Original message
11. As difficult as it is,
try not to focus on your STBE, his new life, his new personality. Use all that energy to take care of business, yourself, and your children.

The sooner you let go of the hurt (and trust me, I know how difficult that can be), the sooner you will have peace in your heart, mind, and soul.

We're all pulling for you.

:hug:
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