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babylonsister Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-09-09 09:32 PM
Original message
Hi.
I found this group about two weeks ago, and I am one of you now.

My DH of 27 years asked me for a divorce after a vacation in MX, the night we got home, on Sept. 13.

He doesn't love me anymore. His dad didn't love his mom anymore either, after 39 years. :eyes:

We worked out the financial particulars, and I willingly left TX. I'm now in Savannah, GA, in a 2-bdrm apartment, alone but with my stuff pretty much all set up, and it's not so bad. My computer is in the living room, and I can do what I want without having to deal with him.

I didn't want this, but if I can find a decent job, I will be okay. As for dating, after 27 years, :scared:. I'm a cancer survivor and have had a mastectomy. And how do you ask anyone to take a test? I don't even know anyone yet, but the neighborhood cop is very cute (but very married). I had stopped looking years ago, but that look again gene has kicked in.

Now that's laying it all out!

On the plus side, I lost 20# and am now a size 14, and cut my hair off. It's still somewhat gray by choice, but maybe I'll dye it? Only for a job: I like it, but need all the help I can get.

I might be crying on here before long, but I really don't think so. I haven't mourned too much, though I know NY Eve will hurt, as will Valentines Day; our anniversary is on 13 Feb.

Divorce will be final in May; he's 'giving me an opportunity to find a job while I have health care' which I lose when we divorce. Ain't he swell?!





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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-09-09 10:30 PM
Response to Original message
1. Hi, b'sister. Good to see you here.
Edited on Mon Nov-09-09 10:34 PM by elleng
I know nothing about Savannah except a year ago I drove thru on way from FL back to DC area. Didn't take time to stop, as I'd been in Florida with my folks for 9 months, and was returning 'home' after my mother had passed on.

Its good to hear you, and think about this opportunity. You're very lucky to have agreed on financial matters; I've had to sue my husb, and have first hearing Nov. 19.

I've found Starbucks to be a useful and pleasant resource for 'social life,' both in Florida and here, and if of interest to you, I recommend you make use of it. With a book, newspaper, computer, it/they can provide change of scene and mood.

Stay in touch!

Ellen

:hi:
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babylonsister Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-10-09 09:39 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. Hi, Ellen, and thanks for the tip. I'm still
unpacking (packing and unpacking-that's all I've done for months, it seems, two months to be exact) and then I have to put 100% into the job hunt.

Starbucks at $4+ a pop? :wow: ;)
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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-10-09 09:09 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. I unnerstan!
It is possible to conserve at starb's! extra cups of ice! and hang out for a long time! And job hunt may happen there too!!!

ps, my fave tall mocha frap 'only' 3.70!!!

:fistbump:
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comtec Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-10-09 04:41 AM
Response to Original message
4. *hugz* I'm going to be joining your group soon
My wife has decided that married, monogamous life is just not for her.

We're working on the financial details.
She's going to buy out my half of the profits from the value of the house (that works out to be 17k Euros) and we're going through all the possessions I'll be leaving behind (almost everything). She'll buy off everything at half of current value (the flat screen works out to be only 200e!!!!)

It's all so surreal.

I guess I just wasn't supportive enough over the years.

what can I do? How do you rebuild?
Money isn't a problem for either of us. We both have good jobs. It's the personal side.
Here I am, in a foreign country, my immigration pretty much is dependent on our marriage, and yet...

what should I do?
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babylonsister Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-13-09 08:03 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. Hi, comtec, and don't blame yourself, for starters.
I'm trying to come to terms with that myself. And yes, surreal would be the operative word.

How long were you married, and what is her reasoning, you not being supportive enough? Of what?

I can't answer any immigration questions, but as for rebuilding, I'm still taking it one day at a time. I'm far from 'okay' with this, but no one asked me. You just have to do it, and I've been told it gets easier. :hug:
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comtec Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-15-09 10:06 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. I'm not entirely sure, says I'm too negative

We've been together 11 years, married 10in may.
She wants to shag other people but still live together.
We talked about being poly a few times over the years but I have had problems with the idea of 'sharing' her like that.
I suppose that makes me a misogynist pig with ownership issues.
I suppose I could have been swayed if she had not flown off to see someone and lied to me about the particulars
saying that he was her 'twin soul'.....then WTF am I?

Thr latest was a year long Internet affair where she says she is truly in love with him ... Well until like Monday anyway
she says she's obverse him all of a suden!

I just don't know what to do

going means rebuilding my life in a foreign country that I reall don't know even aften nearly Dix years here but I don't think I want to move back home
I have a good job, good insurance and othersruff.
What I lack is a drivers license which is killing me lol
I missdriving but the test is so fucking hard

anyway.....yeah there I am. I am n a marriage where I can't trust my wife's heart anymore
I'm only "number one" durento lack of competition at the moment and I don't know how much I believe her on that front
right now I'm just giving up
if I don't care I can't be hurt but I can't fix if either
merry fucking Christmas and a happy new year eh?
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