Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

Mr. B@L is in "love" with another woman, at least he thinks so--and he's being honest about it.

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
Home » Discuss » DU Groups » Support Groups » Coping with Divorce or Separation Group Donate to DU
 
blondeatlast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-16-08 01:07 PM
Original message
Mr. B@L is in "love" with another woman, at least he thinks so--and he's being honest about it.
Edited on Tue Dec-16-08 01:10 PM by blondeatlast
I'm dying inside; even if all you can give me is positive vibrations, thoughts, prayers, spells, whatever, I am soooo grateful.

He's spent the last month in Prague, Cz. R, on business. He returned last Thursday and I could sense something was different. I was so happy to see him I could barely restrain myself at the airport. That night, he couldn't deal with sex; we tried, he couldn't. We have never had problems in that department before, fwiw.

Last night he told me. He has to go to Prague soon again in order to finish a project; his employer is arranging for me and my son to join him; we will be there a few years at least.

He says he still loves me and I believe he does--but he can't stop thinking about her. I still love him--I never missed him on his frequent trips until this one and it was awful.

Then to get this bomb in my lap.

I still love him so much and was so looking forward to joining him in Prague; we'd been comparing residences and schools for my son and after initially being upset about the move have become very excited about it.

Ccan someone at least help me cope with the doubt? I believe we can get together (we've weathered a similar storm and came back even better for it, that was a long time ago, too).

I've been telling my friends about the Prague move--now it may not happen and it's humiliating to think of having to explain why. We've always been the couple everyone admired; married 13 years in April, started out as good friends several years before that.

I'm hurting so badly and I can't put up my game face; I've been trying.

Refresh | 0 Recommendations Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
my2sense Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-19-08 12:06 PM
Response to Original message
1. I'm sorry to hear about the pain you must be experiencing
Edited on Fri Dec-19-08 12:06 PM by jazzy062
I've never been in your situation but it sounds heartbreaking. What your friends think at this point really is not a priority. Figuring out where to go from here in your relationship is what you must focus on. Have you talked with a counselor?

Sending prayers, hugs, thoughts your way.

:hi: :hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
blondeatlast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-20-08 08:55 AM
Response to Reply #1
4. Seeing a counselor on Monday, me privately first, then us as a couple.
As much as I cling to a hope we'll work this out I am thinking of my own future with him there an me here. I want my son to have that extraordinary opportunity to be educated in Europe; we have both pledged not to fight over our son or use him against each other as so many couples seem to do.

I know when Mr. pledges something, he sticks by it, so my son will be just fine--and so will I.

Oddly enough, as things stand now, my husband stands to be hurt the worst in all of this; he may lose both me and her; she's very young (23) and when she realizes what a life with him means (he won't marry her and he can't have kids and wouln't have another if he could) she may let him go for entirely practical reasons.

He has told her those things, too.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Callalily Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-20-08 06:53 AM
Response to Original message
2. So sorry to hear this.
jazzy062 if right about seeing a counselor. It appears you want to make the marriage work. Hopefully your spouse is open to that suggestion. If not, take care of yourself and your son, which are your two main priorities.

Sending hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
blondeatlast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-20-08 08:49 AM
Response to Reply #2
3. We are seeing one Monday. Trouble is, Mr. must return to Prague
right after the first of the year.

Still hoping for our marriage to survive--but I am thinking about my won future.

Thank you all so much. Just knowing someone cares helps sooo much.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
proud patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-26-08 05:50 PM
Response to Original message
5. we just had out 13 year Anniversary on Dec 9th
I don't think I can say anytthing to make it better .

Mine's leaving because he's sick of me wanting help
around the house and I'm "ruining his credit"

He's being a complete ASS.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
knitter4democracy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-30-08 07:14 PM
Response to Original message
6. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
It really hurt when my STBX admitted that he loves his current mistress. Therapy has really helped me. He tried for all of two weeks before going back to her, but I wouldn't use my personal asswipe as a standard of any kind. Yours might really regret it and do his best to get over her and build up your relationship. This happened to one of my best knitting friends--he worked in Mexico, had an affair there, got home and did the hard work to deal with it and keep their marriage together. It's very possible.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
blondeatlast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-09 01:37 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. Thanks for the kindness. He says his love for her is different than
his love for me; ours developed out of a friendship and we waited several years to get married.

He has pledged to take care of our son and me (regarding financial support and medical insurance--I have insulin-dependent diabetes) and has even offered for us to move to Prague still (which may be aq necessity for me to continue medical coverage.

He's a good guy, very responsible, but he's very frank that right now, he wants her more than he does me--yet he still loves me.

Time will tell, I suppose, but I won't wait forever. Love is so wonderful--until something changes it and then it is like a cancer pain in the soul.

I will survive and we will always love each other--and that's why it hurts even more, I think.

I have hope--but things look dim right now, very dim.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
knitter4democracy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jan-01-09 02:28 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. Write up everything, and make him sign it.
Just in case he tries to back out when he sees how expensive it all will get or when his mistress talks him into cutting you off (if any of that happens--happening in my case). Write up everything he's offered so far, and make him sign it, preferably with a notary or some witness you can trust to go to court for you. That way, you're protected.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
PassingFair Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-10-09 09:22 PM
Response to Reply #8
9. Knitter, I'm so proud of you.
Such suckage, and you are handling
it SO well!

Blond should definitly take your
advice on these particulars.

Just wanted you to know that someone
thinks you are "Da bomb"!

Hang in there.

-Patty

Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Wed Oct 22nd 2014, 09:06 PM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » DU Groups » Support Groups » Coping with Divorce or Separation Group Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC