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Tommorra's St. Patrick's Day, how about some IRISH jokes?

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DemBones DemBones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-16-07 11:57 AM
Original message
Tommorra's St. Patrick's Day, how about some IRISH jokes?
Edited on Fri Mar-16-07 12:00 PM by DemBones DemBones

Years ago in Ireland, there was a priest who was very anti-British. Every Sunday he would blast them from the pulpit. He became so notorious that the Pope himself summoned the priest to Rome for an audience.

"Father," said the Pope, "I want that there should be peace between the British and the Irish. You're not helping matters at all. I want you to kiss my ring and swear by the Blessed Virgin that you'll never so much as mention the British in public again."

"But Your Holiness, I - I - " the priest stammered.

"No buts," said the Pope. "Swear it here and now or there'll be trouble!"

"Aye, Holy Father," sighed the father. "All right. I swear it."

The very next Sunday just happened to be Easter, and the priest was back at his pulpit in Ireland, giving his annual Easter sermon.

He got to the part of the Easter story where Jesus said, "And one of you shall betray Me."

The priest continues: "Saint Andrew jumps up and says, 'Is it I Lord?' and the Lord says, 'Nay, Andy darlin', it's not you. Sit down now and dunna worry. Eat your supper.'

Then Saint John the Divine gets up with tears in his eyes and cries, 'Is it I Lord?' And the Lord says, 'Nay, Johnny me boy, it's not you. Sit down now and dunna fret yourself. Eat your supper.'

"Then that dirty dog Judas Iscariot slowww-ly rises to his feet. And he looks the Lord right in the eye and says, 'Blimey, Mate. Ya think it's me?"


:toast: "Wear the green, but don't drink it from a beerglass."


Edit: And by the bye, I''m 3/4 English and 1/4 Irish, so this is not an anti-English joke, in case any English-Americans are concerned. It's poking fun at all of my ancestors.


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DemBones DemBones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-16-07 01:47 PM
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1. Where have all the Irish gone, long time passing. . .

Are ye all at parades while I'm stuck here? :hippie:
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Maeve Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-16-07 02:56 PM
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2. Meself, I'm getting ready for tomorrow
And another gig of storytelling Monday...

And then there were the tough guys who decided to have a laugh at Paddy and started teasing him. "Ah, devil take you," he said, half under his breath.

"Oh, didn't you hear, Paddy? The devil's dead," one of them replied.

Paddy looked the three of them up and down, then reached into his pocket and handed each one of them a quarter.

"What's this?" they asked.

"In my country, we always give the survivors a little something when the head of the family dies!"

Exit, stage right.
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DemBones DemBones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-16-07 03:07 PM
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3. Maeve, thank God, I just asked if you were here over in the

Catholic group. Hope you'll share a joke or a story over there.

Exit, laughing!
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