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bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-22-04 09:37 PM
Original message
What are some of the challenges you've faced?
And how have you overcome them? Or how do you deal with them?

Parts of my dh's family are bigoted. One of the biggest challenges for me was learning how to handle the situation and not flat out hate them for their ignorance and behaviour.

My mil was probably the worst. One of those people that swears she doesn't have a 'racist bone' in her body. And goes on to say that she doesn't care if people are blue, yellow, purple, etc--that she doesn't see color.

This was interesting to me considering that the first few gifts I rec'd from her had a 'racial/ethnic' theme, despite the fact we had never conversed about those thing and she had no idea if they were items I even liked. How is it that one doesn't see color (her words) yet they select gifts based on my color? Hmmmmm.

I didn't care for the presumption that if I am _____ race/ethnicity of course I like ________ (fill in the blank).

That's become my red flag warning. Whenever someone has to start out by saying they don't have a racist bone in their body or they have so many black, Mexican, Asian or whatever kinds of friends--watch out. Chances are--they have some issues with race/ethnicity that will come seeping out later.

A lot of our situation has been aided by the fact that dh has severed ties to a degree with several family members. We choose to associate with the positive and kind ones. Life's too short to spend it with uptight buttholes, imo. LOL!

Anyway, just wanted to get this started. What kinds of challenges have you faced and how have you overcome them?
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patdem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-22-04 11:27 PM
Response to Original message
1. Well, when I was young, my mother wished me dead for only two reasons
one was if I was gay the other was if I ever dated/married a black man. When I told my mother I was dating a black man when I was 40 she sighed and said 'Oh, God'. I forced her to meet his parents and she loved them and they always ask about her, but she never asks about them. She hates him, and so does my son. There are things a white man can do to a white woman that when a black man does it, it is just unacceptable. We have had our problems and my mother and son blame him and I know it is because he is black. I have just about abandoned my family.
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bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-23-04 12:22 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. (((patdem)))
for lack of better words--that just sucks. I am so sorry. It's so difficult for a woman to have a difficult relationship with her mother, imo. I understand your choice to distance yourself (abandon them to a degree). Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship is exactly what you've done.

I'm sorry that they aren't more supportive of you and your choices.

Every relationship has it's ups and downs. It's a shame that they see it as inherent to being involved with someone of color.

Dh and I took a class for relationships. One of the things I embraced from that class was when they said that 'in-laws can ruin a relationship--don't let them.' LOL! That was so freeing for me to hear!

Thank you so much for sharing! :)
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GOPFighter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-27-04 12:02 PM
Response to Original message
3. We've been very fortunate
We've never experienced any overt hostility and both our families are very accepting of our marriage. We live outside Washington DC, but we also own a cabin in rural West Virginia. Even out there everyone seems to accept us. We've never traveled together in the rural south. That's the only place where I might have my guard up. Has anyone had any bad experiences traveling in the south (or anywhere else)?
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bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-12-05 08:04 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. I'm kind of reluctant to do
much traveling in the deep south, either.

Actually we both want to go to New Orleans (very much). My family is from there. We hope that it will be a positive experience. My biggest concern about going there is the insect population more so than any bigoted populace. LOL!

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kwassa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-15-05 02:03 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. We've been to N'Awlins
and had the experience of walking down Bourbon Street with another WM/BW couple and encountering a third WM/BW couple walking the other direction.

The biggest problem is really the heat there, if you go in the summer, rather than the insects. I would suggest spring or fall.

The other surprise to me was how very poor and decayed the French Quarter really is. It is also devoted to very heavy drinking, as the main tourist phenomenon. As much as I like the culture, food, and music of Louisiana, I found New Orleans to be more than a little depressing.
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NewJeffCT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-30-04 07:47 AM
Response to Original message
4. mostly cultural differences
My wife is from China and traditionally, the parents send their child to be raised by the grandparents so the parents can both work & make money... needless to say, the idea of sending my baby across the world is not popular with my side of the family.
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AspenRose Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-19-06 12:43 PM
Response to Original message
7. When my son was born I had one of my sorority sisters say
"Well, maybe he'll get darker as he gets older."

:wtf:

I mean, you have this GORGEOUS 4 day old baby boy (who looked like his dad, BTW) and that's the only thing she could think of to say?!?

:banghead:
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bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-19-06 10:34 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. Oh DesertedRose---
Edited on Tue Sep-19-06 10:54 PM by bliss_eternal
I'm SO sorry she said that. Forgive me for saying so, but that was pretty insensitive of her. Honestly, what IS wrong with some people?! :hug: I'm sure your son is gorgeous! :hi:

Little story for you...

I was reading someone's blog. I had no idea when I originally encountered this person's blog that she was interracially married. When I saw pics of she and her husband, I was kind of excited (silly of me I know). :P

Anyway, I was reading some of the comments regarding her pictures with her husband. Someone asked if her husband was related to _____________(a particular overweight, caucasian male Hollywood actor/comedian). I'm leaving out the name to protect the id of this woman's blog. I'm reaching here, but I'm guessing they asked this because her husband is also a heavy set, caucasian, actor/comedian BUT he looked nothing like the guy that this person asked if he was related to. :(

The comment bothered me. I guess because it was so obvious to me this person had nothing better to say and decided to make a derogatory statement, hidden in a casual comment. As people of color, we get pissed when people say crap like this about us (the we all look alike kind of stuff). I guess it bothered me that much more because it was a woman of color making such a nasty comment about this woman's husband on HER blog. Why say anything at all?

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Brewman_Jax Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-06-06 03:06 PM
Response to Original message
9. I'm fortunate
in that my family line has quite a few interracial relationships, so my family accepting will not be a problem. I don't have any children, but with ill and limited mobility parents, I don't have time. As for difficulties, I'll refer you to this post...http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph... , since I don't feel like rewriting it. Just US society in general--you know, the usual. :P
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IronLionZion Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 02:13 PM
Response to Original message
10. I dated a racist white girl briefly
She meant well but tried very hard to convince people she wasn't racist. She's white and only dated non-white guys and only dated me because I'm non-white. But whenever she spoke about her friends or of me, it was always "muslim friend" or "black friend" or "Indian boyfriend"(me). She was also very adamant about doing social work in the city and getting her groceries in a black neighborhood before going home to her very white upper-middle class neighborhood. For a social worker she would tell me how she would get annoyed by her white clients from the suburbs because "white suburban people don't have social problems". It was all so silly. It didn't work out.

A girl I know wanted to be friends but not date only because of her misinformed ideas of my culture. She was convinced that my family would never accept her and that's just bullshit. I'm very fortunate to be part of an open-minded loving family that welcomes anyone and everyone. Unfortunately some people have the racist belief that my parents must be racist just because we're Indian.

I see race. And I'm interested in a person's race/culture and very proud of my own. But that is just one part of many things that make each one of us who we are. I try to view a person in their entirety: character, personality, intelligence, appearance, etc.

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