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How do you know if someone is being prejudiced towards you?

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Mutley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-03-05 07:20 PM
Original message
How do you know if someone is being prejudiced towards you?
Here's the story. My SO and I have been trying to find an apartment for months and months now. Most of the time we go to a place together, sometimes I go by myself. When I go by myself the people seem to be all nice and friendly and wanting me to be interested in the place. Then when they see my SO, their attitudes change. Or when we go together people seem to be "uncomfortable".

One example: We went to a place and while we were sitting and getting info about the community, the woman helping us said "So, you'll be needing two bedrooms, right?" I told her we want ONE bedroom. She goes, "Ohhh," then looks back and forth at each of us before saying "We don't have any one bedrooms available."

Another example: At one place the woman seemed very cool until my SO put his arm around me. Then she got this little wrinkle in her forehead and suddenly there wasn't going to be much availability for awhile.

My Dad suggested that maybe these people are put off by the fact that my SO is Vietnamese and I am white. What do you guys think?
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jmm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-05-05 03:41 PM
Response to Original message
1. Unless your area really cares about people "living in sin"
your dad might be onto something. It seems more common to me for a man and a woman to go apartment hunting together if they are a couple then as just roommates but for them to assume you're not dating then change their demeanors once they find out you are says alot.
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yorkiemommie1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-06-05 10:46 PM
Response to Original message
2. smells fishy to me

.... and this has been going on for months and months? Is there an NAACP there? Might they be of some help?

is your area pretty homogeneous?
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Mutley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-12-05 06:18 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. My area is VERY homogeneous.
And there are a lot of interracial couples, but most of them are a mix of black and white. I don't know if that makes some sort of difference. There may be an NAACP, I'll look into it.
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yorkiemommie1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-16-05 06:26 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. maybe it's the vietnamese

issue. where they're still fighting the vietnam war...

good luck!
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Mutley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-23-05 02:28 PM
Response to Reply #4
9. My SO does still get
"gook" and "charlie" comments regularly.
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judaspriestess Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-19-05 12:28 AM
Response to Original message
5. By the way they look at you
and treat you compared to others.

I just recently lost a job due to one of the reasons, although I cannot prove it, prejudice.

I could tell by the way he talked to me, like crap.
I also noticed that trying to sell a high rise condominium you have to have a certain "look" ie barbie
they don't like Latina barbies.....
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Mutley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-23-05 02:24 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. screw them
I think Latina women are beautiful!
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Catherine Vincent Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-23-05 02:22 PM
Response to Original message
6. If you have to ask then more than likely they are.
If I were an apartment owner or manager, I would be glad interracial couples are wanting to move in.
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Mutley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-23-05 02:27 PM
Response to Original message
8. We finally found a place!!!
My stepmother has a magical way of "working with people" in coporate positions or positions of authority. She called the last complex we were rejected from, and five minutes later called me to say "You're moving in on Aug 12." I love her!
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yorkiemommie1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-24-05 01:40 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. i'm glad for you!


hope you are very happy there!
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Mutley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-28-05 06:41 PM
Response to Reply #10
11. I hope so too.
Almost anything is better than where I am now.
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bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-07-05 12:04 AM
Response to Original message
12. Whatever your gut tells you--
I won't bore you with my many varied adventures as part of an IR relationship, but I can assure you that we have witnessed our share of ignorance from others.

Sometimes it's totally subtle, something as small as a change of their attitude, facial expression, tone, etc.

Sometimes it's very overt. Comments like, "oh but you are so...articulate" or "I never see color" that one usually tells me loud and clear that they do. Those are the more polite overt situations. The overt cruel ones are open and blatant staring coupled with frowns, people that refuse to address you when you are talking directly to them...

I could go on and on.

I'm VERY sorry you guys encountered this. I hope you found a BETTER place to live. You don't need to live somewhere with people that don't accept you just the way you are. Their loss!

:hug:
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Mutley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-10-05 07:16 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. Thank you.
We did find a place. I've driven around the neighborhood a few times, and it seems to be a pretty diverse place. We move on Friday, actually, and I'm very excited. The neighborhood I live in now is mostly full of white people who are racist. In fact, when we first moved here I asked the landlord how safe the neighborhood is and his reply was, "There are only a few blacks up around the corner." :eyes: Unfortunately, I had already signed the lease at that point.

This was the first time I've experienced problems because of my IR relationship. My SO has had several snarky Vietnamese comments thrown at him since we've been together, and it always upsets me while he seems to just shrug it off.

I was quite surprised at the reaction we received, especially considering that the area we were looking in is sort of "famous" for the number of black/white couples living there. I took that to mean we would have no problems at all. I was wrong.
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bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-12-05 01:58 AM
Response to Reply #13
14. Congratulations on the new place!
:applause:

I'm so happy for you!

I know what you mean in your last paragraph. I am frequently surprised when I'm told an area is liberal or diverse, only to visit and find this is hardly the case. Even on these boards--sometimes someone will say someplace is 'liberal', but that may or may not be the case for someone in an interracial relationship. I think until one has been in the place we are, or if one is considered a minority (in this country) yourself, one really isn't in a position to say how comfortable it will be for us...

I don't like to say it, but unfortunately I think this is true...

Diversity to someone that is caucasion and not in a ir relationship may be very different from what WE would consider diversity or ir friendly.

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