Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

How long have you been in your current interracial relationship?

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
Home » Discuss » DU Groups » Race & Ethnicity » Interracial/Multi-ethnic Relationship Support Group Donate to DU
 
bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-20-04 05:13 PM
Original message
How long have you been in your current interracial relationship?
It's been 3 1/2 years for me and my b/f.

This is the longest relationship I have been in.
Refresh | 0 Recommendations Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
TroubleMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-20-04 06:56 PM
Response to Original message
1. Technically me and my wife have been off and on since 1994

Of course, there's a couple of years in there that we didn't see each other.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
livinginphotographs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-20-04 08:03 PM
Response to Original message
2. 2 1/2 years.
Same here. Longest relationship I've ever been in.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
patdem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-21-04 06:02 PM
Response to Original message
3. 14 years and this is the longest relationship EVER and I am 55!
Married twice before, both good white southern boys...one was even a cowboy, but we seemed to part ways after 3-4 years. This relationship has lasted the longest of any I have ever had, except the relationship with my parents, and this one will probably outlast that one, in terms of living together that is!

Perhaps because it is the most rewarding and complicated and enriching and continuous learning that is so compelling??

Seems interracial relationships either burn our quick or are very enduring?

Glad bliss_eternal thought of this group!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Chovexani Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-22-04 05:14 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. Congrats on the long years together!
I'd agree that most interracial relationships either burn out quickly or last a long time. It seems like most of mine have been that way (of course when you're 23 "a long time" probably means something different to someone who is 55, LOL).

I think that couples who are able to appreciate each other's cultural differences just stay together longer. It's less of a source of conflict. Also, at least in my experience, when you are in an interracial relationship you tend to need a thicker skin to be able to deal with some of the unique challenges it can bring as far as dealing with other people's perceptions/misconceptions, etc.

My ex-girlfriend was the whitest white girl ever, I mean she was a tall drink of water and a Nordic, young Marlene Dietrich type, so we used to turn heads a lot. One night we were coming home on the subway and one of those annoying fundie preachers was loudly going on about how America's going to hell because of deviant perversions like homosexuality, etc. And that black people were even bigger sinners for being LGBT because we were betraying the race (black women need to have black babies to Uplift the Black Race you know). GF, being the sarcastic cheeky gal she was, waited till Angry Preacher Man was right in front of us and says loudly in her butchiest angry dyke voice, "I LOVE MY NUBIAN PRINCESS!" and proceeds to french me right there, to applause and laughter. It still cracks me up when I think about it, because it diffused what was otherwise a very uncomfortable situation.

That relationship actually fizzled after a couple of months not because of race issues (her parents were just thrilled she brought home a nice girl for a change), but because...well she acted a bit TOO much like Marlene Dietrich, if you catch my drift. I'm still running into other ex-girlfriends of hers, and I think there's enough of us to form a jury to try her for her crimes against the lesbian/bisexual women of the New York area. :P
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
patdem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-22-04 08:29 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. That is a VERY funny story! Thanks for sharing.
The very first sexual female relationship I ever had was with a black girl. I was about 13 and in a detention center and she and I struck up a fast friendship and it was the first female-female encounter I had and found it VERY exciting, pleasurable, satisfying. I am not gay, as I spent about a year with gay women, when I was about 30, to find out, and although I loved many (not necessarily sexually)it was never like loving a man for me.

Many blacks are VERY prejudiced against gays and I have NO idea why??
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-22-04 09:20 PM
Response to Reply #7
9. I'm so sorry to hear that you
were treated this way! But you obviously have good taste in partners that she was able to respond so quickly in a positive (and witty) way! :hi:

Thanks for sharing your experience. I appreciated reading it!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
NewJeffCT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-22-04 08:35 AM
Response to Original message
4. almost 4 years now
Almost 4 years with my wife now - 3 years of it married and one almost 2 year old daughter.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Champ Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-22-04 03:44 PM
Response to Original message
5. 6 months this Christmas
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
anonymousdemocrat Donating Member (196 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-30-04 12:21 PM
Response to Reply #5
11. Congratulations!


:hi:

me, 5 months this Christmas...
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Champ Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-31-04 09:55 AM
Response to Reply #11
12. It's over now 6/25-12/30
Edited on Fri Dec-31-04 09:56 AM by Champ
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...
Post #23 goes over how our relationship was for most of the month. She stayed with me from 12/23-12/27 for Christmas, she has a family but there not actively in her life. She is basically on her own, I've been the only stable thing probaly in her life.
23rd: She arrives in the afternoon. We were so happy to see each other, it was like we haven't seen each other in days. We showed infinite amount of love and affection for each other. It felt so good to hold my first love in my arms, we have had countless moments I wish I could freeze and live forever.
24:This day was good, me and her helped my mom out with the shopping because of a broken collarbone. The whole day was special but then she got ill and started shaking, we had an ambulance called over and me and her started the first minutes of Christmas in the hospital. She was really sick but it wasn't an emergency, she was prescribed vicodin for her infection in her stomach. We took a cab home, looked up sites together and went to bed.
25:I woke up and went downstairs and saw her. She sat next to me, told me she was scared to open the presents me and my mom got her. I got her 2 CD's, I know her so well she liked those CDs the most out of all of them. My only present was her being there, we all sat down and ate a nice ham meal. We laid down afterwards, we ended up falling asleep because of the long night. I woke up went down to watch the Broncos and Titans, fighting for playoff hopes they go out and fire on all cylinders. She came downstars, I turned it when it was clear Denver won the game to Home Alone. Watched that movie and took her out to Denny's which was open on Christmas night, the food was great, the entire time we were together we connected like we just fell for each other the first time except we were falling more in love. When we got home we laid down next to each other, we stayed up till 7 in the morning connecting. That ranks right up there as one of my best moments ever.
26:We woke up in the mid-afternoon, we spent about an hour or two talking, showing our affection. I went up to the grocery store and got her a huge bag of chicken which is her favorite. We finished that off by the end of the night. We sat and watched movies, went in my room and finished off the chicken. My mom did want me to tell her that since she has a broken collarbone, she needed an extra hand to help around and struggling financially she could stay there til we got an apartment. I felt like I was qualified for alot of the warehouse and distrubuting jobs around here and they pay well. She went to sleep early this time, I stayed up late applying for job postings.
27:We wake up in the late morning, we go out for lunch. We had to walk 2 places to fill her prescribtion. I asked her the question, she was ok with it she just needed time to let her job know of the situation and to get her stuff. The last hour of her stay was really special, maybe the last true moment of our relationship. I wait with her for the bus, she was going to call me tomorrow.
28:When I woke up that next day, a place I applied for had 40 openings and scheduled an interview at 2. I was so anxious to see her. She called me around 12 I told her about the interview and how much I was missing her and thanked for the best Christmas ever. She suggested that we get married in June, I was ok with it, she was my first love therefore my best love and 6 months is plenty of time to get things worked out and situated to start a family. She said she would come by at 7. I go to the interview and I start work Monday, they start you at $7.00p/h, you can work up to $10.00 p/h and bonuses. She called again at 5 this time she was acting different, she did say she was going to be over in a little while but when I said "I love you" she said "uh-huh" hung up the phone. I didn't understand the reply but thought nothing of it. I wait till 9 for her but no call or no show, I decided to go to my best friend of 6 years house for a few hours. At home I was thinking about alot of stuff, on how to make a marriage work and how to keep each other happy. I was thinking about a vacation as newlyweds by saving up money and going on a vacation on our birthdays(only 5 days apart) or christmas. I was never more anxious for the future.
29(This was the day she was going to spend the New Year's Weekend with Me):I only got about 4 hours of sleep with that on my mind, I spent hours thinking. I woke up at noon, my girlfriend's friend called me around 2 to let me know my g/f was going to live with her, the place she stayed out she had to leave because the residents would've been evicted because she wasn't on the lease. Appearently she tried to call me first but I wasn't awake, staying up late quite possibly lead to the seperation. I took a shower and hiked 8 blocks to see her, when I arrived she hugged me, I was so tired I layed down for a few minutes. Then she got a phone call, she went into the other room and I heard her specifically say 'catch the # bus to the mall' she then goes into the living room where I am, she said she was going to the mall and not trying to disrespect me. I said can I come? She said I like going to malls by myself, I told her what she specifically said and what would be the problem with me coming with her, she got mad at me saying I'm accusing her, then she went on to say the reason why she didn't see me was because she got drunk for the first time in 10 months(She is diagnosed with bipolar, alcohol got her in trouble the last time because of how it affected her), wanted to kill herself, and passed out. She did say she tried to call me around 10(I wasn't there) and she did try to reach me earlier that morning and she was upset at me for not able to reach me because she needed a place to stay. I did not know what to say exactly, she wouldn't tell me why she wanted to end her life. I just felt down especially after being so upbeat the prior day. She came in and hugged me, I had to tell her much I cared for her and she said she cared for me too. A couple hours later she asked "When are you going home?" with an attitude behind it. I asked in the least offensive way 'why does it seem you want me to leave?' honest question, she gets mad and walks toward the room and lays down. I was like wth? what happened? I told her it was an hones question and what else could I say and asked her why she chooses to disrespect me when all I want to do is be her friend. I walked off and she came again to comfort me. Around 11 or so I asked if she wanted to stay with me she told me she didn't want to, I atleast wanted a reason during that time her friend's husband (both mexican, 1 born in us, 1 mexico) came home drunk and said to her according to her in spanish 'there is something inside of me that has been hurting for awhile I need to know, god sees you right now, did you ever cheat on me' She admitted to the one she had. He then got mad, went inside to get the car keys, she took them away from him and went inside. He followed her tried to take the car keys but she would not let go of him, I never seen anything like it. She was crying hysterically and held on to him as tight as she possibly could. She has 2 kids(Not his) and her husband was the only guy that has been good to her. He tried pushing her off but she asked my g/f to call the police, me and her went outside to wait for them. She snapped at me for even trying to talk to her, I tried to explain to her that I was not her enemy, that I love her and something I said 'what is wrong with our relationship? It could be alot worse' she wouldn't say no more to me. I then got upset and I couldn't remember what it was but I heard her say "F- you, ...(I didn't hear what else she said because police arrived at that time but I knew any sentence that starts with an FU isn't a good one)..." We didn't say anything to each other, when the police left they suggested the husband and the wife stay apart for the night. I was in the house sitting down, It was raining out and I lived 8 blocks away. I was just so sad, I can't explain how I felt. Her friend asked me what was wrong, I told her 'she don't want me I don't know why' her friend asked my so why she did that. She said I don't want to talk about it, she was impossible to communicate with the entire day. Things seem like they couldn't be better but 2 days later It's Over??? 6 months gone just like *poof* I went into the room because I needed to be alone, there wasn't anything that couldn't be worked out. I heard her friend say to her 'Please think about what you're doing, whatever the reason he has a heart for you and you will never find anyone like him' that just ripped into me. She did not even care, she ignored me, wouldn't say nothing to me. Maybe 4 hours went by and I decided to put on my coat and head out, I had so many mixed emotions. It felt like she was all of sudden heartless, what changed? I couldn't help but I got mad towards her and told her she was wrong and couldn't complain about anyone doing her wrong and stormed out the door. I took the CD's(gave them back the next day) I bought for her just because it didn't feel like she felt bad at all for what she did and I wanted her to feel atleast a portion of what I was feeling, She followed me, she was having a manic episode and it was an ugly one. I kept walking and she said 'I was going to get back with you', but she was mad she kept making threats she was going to f- me over, make my life hell, I just kept on walking. She then told me "I broke my sobriety and it's all your fault" During the whole time she was self centered and didn't place any blame at all on herself. I can't remember what I said, but I never said anything disrespectful to her, I only stated my case. I said something that caused her to stop and turn around the other direction. I kept walking, next thing I know I see her about a couple blocks behind me with a mexican guy. Just random guy, I went off somewhere but I watched her laugh and walk with this guy down some street. I did not cry, I was just so unbelievably shocked. I went home and just sat there, I can't explain the overall feeling I had but it is a feeling I never experienced. 2 hours later I hear the phone ring, I answer: "I'm so sorry" I will never forget the way she said those 3 words. She said she hasn't been herself the last couple days, I didn't know what to say and what she did is something I will never forget. I told her I would give her the CDs tomorrow but I told her 'we shouldn't be enemies towards each other, we have been through too much' I went to sleep.

Yesturday: I woke up, checked the mail her check was in there. She had checks mailed to my address because I always lived at the same place and she could trust me to get her checks to her. Her friend drove her over and I gave her the check and CDs and went with. The 3 of us were shopping around for clothes. I was making her laugh and we were talking to each other like how we used too. A guy friend of her's called her friend's phone and I heard my SO's friend say to him after she told me something "I was just telling.." My SO says "Don't.." I said "Don't what?" she yelled "nothing" I just did not say anything, when we got to her place. I ran up to McDonald's to get us all something, on my way back I seen her husband walking. I walk over by her and she is crying and called the police, he came over to take shower and his clothes. She tried to hold on to him when he left and he pushed her against the building, I asked her where did my girlfriend go. She told me she went to go to the mall to buy me something. Police locked up her husband. I felt like I could find it to forgive her if she does this. She didn't come for over 3 hours and when she opened the door she closed it right away and opened it. She was with this guy and she actually bought him some cd's and a pair of pants. He was wondering who I was and she asked him if they wanted to go for a walk. That was it for me, here they are sitting in the kitchen just chatting away to each other. In the conversation the topic of her husband came up, he said "Good, he used her. That's what all border hopping mexicans do. I hate them." then he said "And those fuckin' towelheads too" I was so much better then this guy I felt if she is going to do this me I say SHE deserves him. He will never love her as much as I did and now I don't think I can ever love her again. I stayed around because her friend was going to pay me to watch the kids, she went to go walk the dude down the block because his dad was going to pick him up. When she came back I could not look at her, I couldn't. I'm sorry but I just couldn't. She eventually put on her jacket and her purse and headed out the door, I was in no stage to be in a house with 2 kids by myself. I put the money on the table and I said 'I cannot watch these kids, here is the money you can watch them' I walked out the door and never looked back. I went to my friend's house who I grew up with and known for 6 years, he is real cool and he has a great relationship with his wife. One of the best relationships I've ever seen, they share everything together, they are truthful too each other, and actually encourage active friendships unlike many relationships. I learned ALOT about relationships just by watching them. I will bounce back stronger from this, I still love her in a way I hope she makes some right decisions in life and finally find some stability(which she would have if she stuck with me just awhile longer, I start work Monday at a good job like I said) which she never said. But I will always have that memory of what I've seen and it will be impossible to be unaffected by the memory. Good Luck in your relationship, I hope it lasts for your sake. I want people to find someone they can share the rest of their life with.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
anonymousdemocrat Donating Member (196 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-31-04 12:05 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. I'm so sorry, Champ.

:hug: :hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Champ Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-01-05 05:40 AM
Response to Reply #13
14. I feel terrible
I felt like I should've been more assertive, I reacted aggressively (Not violently. I won't, only in extreme circumstances) at times lately. I just felt frustrated and overwhelmed about us not making time to see each other on our birthdays and the death of a best friend, my dog. She had seizures, I hated seeing her suffer like that. :cry: New Year's would've been real lonely for me if it wasn't for my friends.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Chovexani Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-22-04 04:59 PM
Response to Original message
6. Almost 5 years
Also the longest relationship I've been in, but I tend to be a serial monogamist. :)
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-22-04 09:24 PM
Response to Original message
10. My hubby and I have been married six years
We knew each other a few years prior to dating. We dated six months, then he proposed. We had a year long engagement.

:hi:
Bliss
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
legally blonde Donating Member (747 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-05-05 11:42 AM
Response to Original message
15. We've been together
2 1/2 years. This is the longest relationship either of us have been in.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
patdem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jan-07-05 07:58 PM
Response to Reply #15
16. The 'longest relationship' seems to be the constant thread here
Congrats, legally blonde..I wonder if it is the diversity that is so very enriching, enlightening and educational? We 'liberals' seem to need something in our life that makes our lives different and not 'more of the same'? Just wondering. Oh, by the way! :hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Mutley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-15-05 06:51 AM
Response to Reply #16
17. It goes for me, too.
I've been in my relationship for 7 1/2 years. Before this my longest relationship was 8 months.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Sep-18-05 05:30 AM
Response to Original message
18. 6 years
Longest relationship I have ever been in.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
ComerPerro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-01-05 03:38 PM
Response to Original message
19. Over a year and a half, and its with another DUer too!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-02-05 07:29 PM
Response to Original message
20. It was 4 years in July.
Sorry it took so long to report back. :hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Generic Brad Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-24-06 10:09 PM
Response to Original message
21. Over twenty years
I'm feeling like an old timer here.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Lost-in-FL Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jun-01-06 08:04 PM
Response to Original message
22. Ten years and counting
:loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :bounce: :bounce:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
yorkiemommie1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jun-25-06 11:00 PM
Response to Original message
23. 33 years come december
our arguments have never even touched on race, but rather on our political differences. He's a bushbot but pro-choice, anti-fundie, pro-science. go figure.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-04-06 04:56 AM
Response to Reply #23
25. That's quite an accomplishment, yorkiemommie!
Congratulations on 33 years strong! If your political differences haven't torn you apart, nothing will. ;)

:hi: Always good to see you!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Ecumenist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jun-26-06 01:09 AM
Response to Original message
24. a Total of 15 years...
7 years as best friends, 3 years dating 5 years married... :party:
Just celebrated my 5 years anniversary the 6th of last month.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-04-06 04:57 AM
Response to Reply #24
26. Congratulations, Ecumenist!
:hi: That's great to hear!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
AspenRose Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-05-06 12:09 PM
Response to Original message
27. Seven years this August
eom
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
jeffrey_X Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-05-06 06:32 PM
Response to Original message
28. 9 years
We have been married 4 of the 9.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-10-06 09:25 PM
Response to Original message
29. Nine Years On July 16!
To paraphrase the old song, I love her more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
IronLionZion Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-06-07 11:08 AM
Response to Original message
30. about 2 weeks now, I am soooooo happy
I have a good feeling about this girl, we have a lot in common and great chemistry. She's white. I'm Indian. We're very interested in each other's cultures and talk about it often. We're going to see The Namesake on Saturday and I'm supposed to cook dinner for her. She's vegetarian and I'm not. That usually surprises a lot of people. She's of German/Dutch heritage and I've been bugging her for some of "her food" but it probably won't happen since those northern europeans are all about meat.

My family is OK with us of course as we're very open-minded and I've always dated white girls. I think hers is fine too. The only opposition I've seen was from one friend of mine who happens to be a blond haired blue eyed Minnesotan woman who is against any sort of interracial dating. Yes, she's single. ;-)

I've been with girls who have seen me as an Indian person. Some white girls were attracted to me only because I'm Indian or non-white. But once in a while I find one who sees me as a person who happens to be Indian. That makes a world of difference.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Apr-07-07 12:59 AM
Response to Reply #30
31. Congratulations and welcome to our board...!
:hi: Good to see you here--thanks for sharing about your new relationship! Hope it continues to be postive for you. ;)

Things are frequently slow here, but I'm always happy to see newbies posting here (in hopes that we can build this community). There are a few diehards that check in here from time to time (like me).

I know what you mean about getting into a relationship with one that sees you as a person that happens to be Indian. It DOES make a difference. No one likes to be fetishized, particularly not in a relationship. I haven't experienced being fetishized outside of my race, but have experienced it within it. It's not a great feeling, knowing at least part of the reason someone is interested in you is because of the way you look and some sense of what your looks mean to that person (i.e. fantasy, symbol, status symbol, etc.).

I read a really interesting article about this issue but regarding those that specifically want to date Asians. The article was called yellow fever I think. Really interesting and enlightening to see how this issue affects Asians. I'd love to see pieces written from a variety of racial and ethnic perspectives, as I'm sure there are many people that have faced being singled out for their ethnicity.


Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
jmm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Apr-07-07 08:12 PM
Response to Reply #31
32. A few years ago
I was in a Dunkin Donuts when a guy asked me for the time. Now I knew he wanted more than the time because I was standing directly below a massive clock but I looked at my watch and told him. We started talking and after a few minutes he asked if I was Cape Verdien. I said no and he started to tell me how hot he thought Cape Verdien women are and after asking again if I was Cape Verdien(like I had forgotten I was :shrug:) he said, "Well can I get your number anyways?" I just looked at him and asked, "Do I look like your consolation prize?" and walked out before he could answer.

To a large extent I think most are born having a type and really don't have control over who catched their eye. Depending on their type they may be more likely to date people from certain cultures. I don't see anything wrong with that. But when messed up psych issues influence who someone is attracted to there's a problem. I have a running joke with some of my friends about guys with a "mulatto chick fetish" because we've all had experiences with guys that were more attracted to us after they found out we were from multi-racial backgrounds. People want to be valued for who they are not because they can easily be cast in some fantasy and treated like an object.

That article sounds like a good read. As bad as some of my experiences may have been I feel so sorry for what some of my Asian friends have to go through on a regular basis. I've had two Korean roommates and they would complain how they were held to higher standards when people realized they weren't the quiet demure bookworms people thought they should be.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Apr-07-07 08:58 PM
Response to Reply #32
33. Here's a link to the article...
Edited on Sat Apr-07-07 08:59 PM by bliss_eternal
I was able to find it, so I may as well post it here so you (and others) can peruse it. Should make for interesting conversation. :bounce:

A snippet from the article:

Yellow Fever: They got it bad, and that aint good
By VICKIE CHANG
Thursday, November 2, 2006 - 3:00 pm

Born and raised in La Habra, Dan* didnt see many Asian Americans before college. Now 22, he attributes his Asiaphilia to UC Irvine, where hes a studio art major and an astounding 58 percent of students claim Asian descent.

But his Asian fetish actually originated in high school, in trig class, where he met a Vietnamese American girl named Ann. Although born in the United States, Ann was raised in Indonesia until about a year before Dan met her. She spoke English well, but not perfectly. They shared the standard high school dating experience: dinner-and-movie dates, study dates, boba dates, kung fu lessons, meditation with the girlfriends Buddhist monk uncle. The relationship ended in a pretty standard way, too: Dan suggested sex, Ann resisted, things spiraled. There was an ultimatum and then a breakup, and thenclassicthreats of suicide.

Later, Dan sought answers on Anns blog, where she labeled him a standard American boy and called him out for pressuring her into sex. She ended the entry with a note of disgust: Get over yourself.

------------snip-------------
taken from:
http://www.ocweekly.com/news/news/yellow-fever/26126 /


Asian women do seem to get the shaft in so many ways. It's so disturbing to me to see them fetishized by these guys that have this racist notion of Asian women. They think all Asian women are these tiny, delicate, lotus flowers that will be demure and do nothing more than care for him and his every need, like some idealized geisha stereotype. :eyes: :puke: I wish I could say I've only heard such comments come from one culture, but the stereotypes and fetishizing are perpetuated by men of a few cultures. :(

Oh, and btw, your story cracked me up, jmm! :rofl: ...as did "mulatto chick fetish." :spray: As one that gets "are you mixed" or "what are you mixed with" and,"...you're biracial right?" ( :eyes:)...so much I've lost count, I feel your pain. ;)

I agree with you about people being wired a certain way, born attracted to a certain type to a large degree. I don't see anything wrong with that either. ....but fantasy casting is NOT COOL. LOL! ;)
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Nickster Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-09-07 09:53 PM
Response to Original message
34. About 15 years now. 12 of them married. n/t
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-10-07 04:34 PM
Response to Original message
35. It'll now be six years this July
:bounce:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-10-07 07:21 PM
Response to Reply #35
36. Congratulations!
I'm so glad to hear you two are still going strong! :hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-10-07 07:34 PM
Response to Reply #36
37. Thanks!
:hi:

Good to see you as always!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
mr1956 Donating Member (211 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-27-07 07:31 PM
Response to Original message
38. 23 years in August
Edited on Fri Apr-27-07 07:33 PM by mr1956
My husband and I met on Memorial Day 1984 and got married before Labor Day the same year. I guess we both went on faith and being stupid in love. We've had some problems with other people accepting our relationship, some family some strangers. But if they couldn't accept us together I always figured it was their loss. Our families (at least those close enough to matter) eventually came around and learned that we were good for and to each other. As far as strangers are concerned, I let that stuff just roll off my back as long as they don't try to get physical.

Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-27-07 11:25 PM
Response to Reply #38
39. Welcome to DU, mr1956...!
Edited on Fri Apr-27-07 11:25 PM by bliss_eternal
And thanks for sharing in our forum! :hi:

You have a great attitude. Anyone that couldn't accept your love, isn't worth your time or trouble. Good for you!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Sanctified Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-13-07 09:53 PM
Response to Original message
40. 9 Years now 8 of them Married.
Met my wife on Valentines day of 98, went on our first date the very next day and have been together since.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
BklynChick Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-05-08 08:32 PM
Response to Original message
41. 18 years!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Sep-19-08 02:05 AM
Response to Reply #41
43. So sorry I'm so late seeing this...
...this forum hasn't been particularly active, and I apologize for that. But wanted to welcome you to the forum! :hi: Hope you'll continue posting here and maybe help make things more interesting. ;)
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
JonLP24 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-27-08 02:05 PM
Response to Original message
42. 3 1/2 years here too
My longest and only relationship.

It may be coming to an end though :(
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Sep-19-08 02:07 AM
Response to Reply #42
44. Sorry to hear that, JonLP24...
Welcome to the forum, though. :hi: So sorry I'm so late in welcoming you here.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Kind of Blue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-18-08 05:57 PM
Response to Original message
45. Wow! Just discovered this forum. DU is too much fun.
Anyway, my husband and I have been together (I mean literally together) since we met just about 12 years ago, around Thanksgiving, and married 6years later.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
sakabatou Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-16-08 07:42 PM
Response to Original message
46. 1 year, 9 months tomorrow
Edited on Tue Dec-16-08 07:43 PM by sakabatou
:woohoo:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
beltanefauve Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jan-15-10 08:33 PM
Response to Original message
47. Five years and counting
Edited on Fri Jan-15-10 08:34 PM by beltanefauve
I just discovered this forum. Me: Caucasian female ex-Catholic from New England. Him: African American from Arkansas who practices Islam and is vegetarian. Match.com or whoever wouldn't have matched us in a million years, but its my longest relationship and he's the love of my life. And for two people who are so different on paper, we get along extremely well, have similar temperments, and have a keen, mature understanding of equal personal power, of partnership, versus one-up, one-down, greater than, less than. I've never been happier. Took him to meet my Conservative parents recently. (They were aware of him, just hadn't met him yet. We live in California, so it we had to come up with the time and the funds) Not that I need their approval, but I mention them because they were very impressed with him and were amazed how happy I am and how in love we are.

I tend to agree with Patdem up-thread, who said, "Perhaps because it is the most rewarding and complicated and enriching and continuous learning that is so compelling??


Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
marybourg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-12-10 11:28 PM
Response to Original message
48. Uh Oh. 40 years. !!! nt.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Swamp Rat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-19-10 12:18 AM
Response to Original message
49. Not long enough!
:D

Over a decade so far. :)
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
bliss_eternal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-24-10 04:02 AM
Response to Reply #49
50. lol....
:hi: so good to see you!
:grouphug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
CBR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jun-04-10 07:08 PM
Response to Original message
51. 9 years together. 4.5 married. nt
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-27-10 10:55 AM
Response to Original message
52. 4.5 years
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Diana Prince Donating Member (267 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-08-11 08:19 PM
Response to Original message
53. 22 years in May together...
We were together several years before we got married. This May will be 16 years of marriage. Two beautiful children as a result.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
rppper Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-25-11 11:01 PM
Response to Original message
54. 9 years....
we're finaly getting married next april!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Tue Oct 21st 2014, 08:03 AM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » DU Groups » Race & Ethnicity » Interracial/Multi-ethnic Relationship Support Group Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC