Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

Would you say you are a loner by choice or not?

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
Home » Discuss » DU Groups » Support Groups » Loners Group Donate to DU
 
Jamastiene Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-04-07 03:10 AM
Original message
Poll question: Would you say you are a loner by choice or not?
Would you say that you prefer to be alone or that for some reason or the other, you are alone and do not really want to be alone?

For me:
No, I do not choose to be alone. I would prefer to be with certain people, but for reasons I cannot specify, I am alone.

Sorry, polls are turned off at Level 3.

Refresh | 0 Recommendations Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-07-08 09:50 PM
Response to Original message
1. Both?
Edited on Fri Mar-07-08 09:51 PM by HypnoToad
For me, both...
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
AngryOldDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-10-08 03:38 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. First time posting here, and it's the same with me.
If truth be told, I would prefer to be by myself. However, I find it hard (always found it hard) to "fit in" and make friends -- as I get older I'm concluding that it just isn't worth the effort anymore. I can't figure out the game, and that's OK.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
liberaldem4ever Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-08-08 06:35 PM
Response to Original message
2. I really do like being alone
I love my husband and kids, but I really like being by myself. All of my hobbies are really things you do by yourself and things like most sports that involve being in groups I have no interest in. I kind of consider myself a nonconformist.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-17-08 11:03 AM
Response to Original message
4. I'm OK being alone, but I do wish I had more connections to people.
I'm getting older myself, and now that my parents are gone and I'm single I feel the need for connection.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Darth_Kitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-21-08 04:50 PM
Response to Original message
5. Being a loner is not really a choice, or a lifestyle, it's an orientation......
it's how we are wired. I NEED my time alone every day. EVERY day.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-23-08 02:29 PM
Response to Original message
6. Other:
I am a loner by nature. I am MORE of a loner than I would probably choose to be due to a variety of personal events that left me socially scarred.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
DainBramaged Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-07-08 07:30 PM
Response to Original message
7. Been alone 10 years, I hate it
hate waking up alone, hate going anywhere alone, hate experiencing new things alone. Getting old and my days are spent working. Don't want to die alone.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-14-08 10:48 PM
Response to Original message
8. Edited to add detail, since this thread is still hanging around.
Edited on Mon Apr-14-08 10:49 PM by LWolf
Yes, I prefer to be alone. There are times that would like to be a little LESS alone, but more often than not, I'm craving more distance than I get.

I have to work really hard at not alienating my friends. I can go months at a time without a phone call, an email, or a word, and be content. I care about them, I enjoy their company in small doses, I wish them well, but I don't want to sacrifice enough of my time to them to have frequent contact.

I was married twice; once for 10 years and once for 12. I've been on my own for 7 years now, and I'm content. If I ever choose to engage in another relationship, it will be with a loner who won't need excessive attention. Perhaps that's why I don't envision another relationship, lol.

I was more social when I got to live alone. I still craved solitude. Most of my friends were married and had families to take care of. Divorced, with my kids grown, I didn't have the same demands. I thrived on spending weekends home from work without ever seeing or speaking to another human. Still, I did things with other people. We met to socialize for a few hours at a time.

Now that I have people living in my house, I constantly crave time alone, and I rarely get it. The three years I've lived like this, I've been alone in my own home no more than 10 times, for an hour or two at the most. My idea of a great day off work is to saddle my horse, ride out onto the public land at my southern fence, and get lost for several hours. No people, no voices, no phones, no electronics, no traffic sounds. If I want to talk, I talk to the dog, who goes with us. If I'm restless, we trot out for several miles, climb ridges, tiptoe through rocks and over downed trees. If I'm relaxed, I am almost meditating in the saddle, plodding along mile after mile.

Interestingly enough, that's when I'm most likely to call a friend; when I get back, and feel grounded by sufficient time alone.

Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
mak3cats Donating Member (489 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-15-08 08:10 AM
Response to Original message
9. The more contact I have with the human race...
...the more I prefer the company of my cats.



Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Louisiana1976 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Sep-04-09 02:37 PM
Response to Reply #9
18. Awww! The more I prefer the company of my cat, too!
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Fox Mulder Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-15-08 12:15 PM
Response to Original message
10. I prefer to be alone most of the time, but sometimes I'd love to have an SO.
Edited on Thu May-15-08 12:16 PM by Fox Mulder
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
enigmatic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-16-09 12:01 AM
Response to Original message
11. Choice
I prefer solitude.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Why Syzygy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-16-09 05:07 AM
Response to Original message
12. Yes.
Edited on Mon Mar-16-09 05:11 AM by Why Syzygy
But, I think it's due to my personality type, AND personal experiences.

Due to reflection about some threads I've been recently been involved on, and the ones where I just lurk, I've been thinking about one of the scenarios in a computer game I play sometimes.

In this plot, one of the characters is found guilty of an act that requires the tribe either cast him out via shunning, or throw him into a pen of wolves.

The game is set up so that every time, he begs to be thrown into the wolves pen so he can be torn to shreds. Never mind that if he wandered too far from the village, he would likely be eaten by wild animals anyway, unless he fought them off and hid, or otherwise ensured his own survival.

I am quite the opposite. In one way or another, I've always had to survive without tribal acceptance, even in my family of origin. I may have missed a genetic code? :shrug: I'm usually on no one's team and everyone's team consecutively. That assures that no team is going to be on mine.

My survival in the wilderness relies only on myself.
Cue Johnny Cash.

Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
rrneck Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-16-09 04:48 PM
Response to Original message
13. Usually when I'm around a group of
people it's not long before I am wishing I'm alone. It just take too much out of me.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Nay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-16-09 06:22 PM
Response to Original message
14. I'm a loner by choice, but growing up years certainly made me even
more of a loner than I already was. I was a shy child and an introvert, and then, as now, no one liked shy children -- I can't count the number of times in my childhood that people (both adult and child) treated me with impatience and brusqueness just because I didn't push myself forward like everyone else. In order to avoid being bullied at workplaces, I have developed an 'extroverted' persona to display there. The minute I hit the door at 5 PM, I revert to my reclusive self. I haven't considered myself shy since I was in my thirties, but I am still a strong introvert. I can readily identify with the ppl who say "the more I meet ppl, the more I like my cats." I think huge numbers of people are concerned with unbelievably unimportant junk like TV, sports, handbags, sex, and celebrities, and I couldn't care less. Most also seem totally uninterested and unaffected by logical reasoning of any type and are buffeted this way and that by Fox News, their preachers, what the mailman said, etc. In a very real way, mixing with other people is like being a mouse and walking around a herd of elephants -- you may not be alone, but damn, you are sure likely to get squashed.

The best day in the world will be the day I walk out of my workplace as a retiree. Freedom at last! I will dumpster dive before I ever go back to a workplace.

Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Moondog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jun-06-09 05:29 PM
Response to Original message
15. Yes. Absolutely.
I went into the wrong profession - one that required a lot of personal interaction, and a great deal of conflict. I absolutely hated it. And yet I had, by all accounts, a real gift for it. Fortunately, I did well, and was able to retire at a ridiculously young age. On the day I retired I thought it was absolutely the best day of my life. But I was wrong. The days that followed have been much better. I've rediscovered loner activities - reading, photography, hanging out online, fooling around with the menagerie with which I share my home.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
LiberalAndProud Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Aug-14-09 02:43 AM
Response to Original message
16. I can't tell if this is choice.
I prefer it, I think. But I know that I am lonely.

And I miss Jamastiene terribly.
Terribly.

Jamastiene, you have been eloquent. You have been able to make me understand what was beyond my scope of understanding.

I miss you.

Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
Louisiana1976 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-30-09 10:20 PM
Response to Original message
17. I'd say it's by choice--I like being online or reading in my apartment
and even when I go places it's by myself.
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
david13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Sep-05-09 03:53 PM
Response to Original message
19. I don't know if I understand the definition, or the rules. To me, a loner
by definition must be a single person, with no kids, with no one living in the house.
How can you be a loner with a spouse and kids? The definition, family person, to me is in direct contradiction to the term loner.
You can have an so, a spouse, people living in your house, and everybody, everybody including the most pack rat of a pack rat, must have time alone. To sleep, use the terlet, whatever.
So just spending time alone, in the other room from the spouse and the kids is not a loner. That's just mom or dad's personal time.
I don't know that any of us ever chose what we have. In most cases we just end up there. Due to our circumstances, and all that, we end up where we are. We might not like it, we might adore it, or something in between, and we chose some of the things that caused us to end up where we are, but, go back originally. Did any, any one of us ever ask to be born, choose to be born? Of course not, I sure didn't.
dc
Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Mon Dec 29th 2014, 06:28 AM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » DU Groups » Support Groups » Loners Group Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC