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kaitykaity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-15-04 09:01 PM
Original message
Beng a loner and working in an office?

Doesn't that just suck??

I don't do it anymore, but God when I did I was probably
the least popular person there. All these people nattering,
they gave me a headache.

I proudly have a bumper sticker that says, "I could be a
Bitch if I was nicer" and am looking for another one that
says, "You call me a Bitch like that's a bad thing."

That loner part of my personality, where it takes SO MUCH
energy to be around other people, just tweaked my inner Bitch
so she became a full blown outer Bitch.

Anybody else?
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knowbody0 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-15-04 09:09 PM
Response to Original message
1. kaiity kaity
i know exactly what you are saying.
my silent scream "I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKIN THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN"

i've perfected the evil eye with absolutely no change in my facial expression.

energy vampires, they're everywhere
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kaitykaity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 01:25 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. I never perfected that evil eye technique.
Energy vampires is exactly what they are.

Exactly.

Now I interact with maybe five people a week -- librarian,
mail person, Mom, a couple of friends, the grocery
clerk -- and I must say they all like me much better than
folks who used to have to spend 40 hours a week with me.
I'm just toxic when I have to put up with people for that
long. They drive me nuts.


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smirkymonkey Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Apr-29-06 02:40 PM
Response to Reply #2
20. I feel exactly the same way about working in an office.
I can't even handle spending that much time with people that I really DO like, let alone with people that I generally can't stand. Corporate types all seem like a group of over-grown high school students, concerned only with their status in the pecking order and preoccupied with shallow, external qualities.

I really feel drained at the end of the work day and even though I get along well with most people, I have no desire to associate with them outside of the office. I prefer other quiet, intellectual loners like myself and they are few and far between in the workplace.

I find being around other people that I don't choose to be with - even if they are decent people -EXTREMELY draining! All that insecure energy floating around just sucks the life out of me.
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DemExpat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 07:42 AM
Response to Reply #1
4. How true....many of my husband's and my biggest arguments
have had to do with this energy "vampiring" and my wanting protection from his thoughts/vibes/encroachment....

After many years he finally "gets it", and still even likes me as a person...LOL.

DemEx

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DemExpat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 07:39 AM
Response to Original message
3. Years ago I worked in offices....
this was like torture to me....really!

I never acted bitchy to anyone, but everyday after lunch I would HAVE to go sit on the toilet for 20-30 minutes...sometimes even having to fall asleep for a quick recharge of my absolutely drained batteries...

It was awful! And I felt like such a freak then for being this way.

I can laugh at it now because I am fortunate to not have to be in this situation of being stuck with people (not even my friends!) all day long.....but then.... :scared: :D :D :D

So, yeah, I can empathize.... :hug:

DemEx

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kaitykaity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 07:48 AM
Response to Reply #3
5. I always felt like I had to put on this phony act
and be nice to everybody when what I really want to do
was scream and yell and tell them to shut the eff up and
leave me alone.

Most people saw through the act, which is why they
didn't like me. For a while that hurt my feelings, but
as I've gotten older and figured out a way to earn my living
outside of an office, I could give a rip. I can be myself
and live my life on my terms and to hell with the energy
vampires.

:evilgrin:
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LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 08:43 AM
Response to Original message
6. ok, look at how I spend my work day:
6 hours in a room in charge of 32 ten-year-olds. And then a couple of hours before and/or after with parents, office staff, and colleagues needing me to address their questions, concerns, paperwork, etc.; meetings and more meetings.

I have to lock the door, turn off the lights, and hope no one notices my car to get my own paperwork load done.

When I get home I'm drained. I'm not going shopping, meeting friends for dinner, chatting on the phone, or watching tv. I want silence, and I want to be left alone.

If it is a really long, intense week, I don't want to know anyone else exists on weekends, either.

I had to go shopping the other night for supplies for our required annual evening holiday performance. I got to the big megamart at about 6:30 or so; there were screens all over the place advertising stuff with sound, holiday music was playing in the background, and someone kept coming on the loudspeaker to announce "specials." I couldn't believe the crowds. I realized that I'd left my list on my desk at work, and despaired of remembering everything. I wanted to cut the sound system. And I dove into the crowds, trying to stay focused on my list and tune everything out. Then I heard a familiar voice. I looked up to see one of my students from last year, 11 years old now, shrieking at the top of his lungs, and tearing up and down the big aisle in the center of the store at full speed. No parent around. He caught me in his sights, and came up to enthusiastically enlighten me about every moment of his life since the last day of school in June. I finally made my escape, turned the corner, and...ran into a noon-duty supervisor, who stopped in the middle of the aisle to tell me every problem every one of my students has had on the playground at lunch this week.

Tonight is the big program; an hour to set up, 2 hours to be publicly friendly, outgoing, and available in a crowd of about 200 families, and another hour to clean up after them after they are gone.

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kaitykaity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 08:58 AM
Response to Reply #6
7. Oh, my heartfelt sympathies.

Have you ever thought about teaching for an online school?
They have those places now where the classrooms are virtual.
I realize you're teaching younger kids, but you shouldn't
need that much credentialing to get into it.

I work from home, virtual office. I couldn't stand doing
it any other way.

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LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-17-04 07:53 AM
Response to Reply #7
17. I've thought about teaching in many settings.
Teaching is a calling for me; I love what I do.

I've thought about teaching in a wilderness/outdoor school.

I've spent most of my career teaching in small "alternative" public schools. Small student population helps a lot; there is a sense of community, and not so much crowding of space. Teaching in circumstances where settings and schedules are flexible, where you fit the lessons to the learners, rather than the other way around, and there is less pressure on everyone helps, too.

I've thought about teaching online, as well. For me, the bottom line is that I don't fit well in traditional or standardized systems, so I'm always on the lookout for something outside the norm.
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Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 02:22 PM
Response to Original message
8. I have the ultimate loner job
Truck driver. I only have to deal with other people about 1/2 hour each day.

But even though I have the ultimate loner job, I'm not the ultimate loner. Even though I do spend most of my time alone, I do enjoy the company of others maybe once a week. And I sure do a lot of chatting on the internet. I don't know what the deal is with that. Why can I tolerate people on a message board and in a chat room, but not in person? I guess it's a mystery.
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kaitykaity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 02:40 PM
Response to Reply #8
9. Over the road or local?

I guess the ultimate is long haul, huh?

I enjoy company in small doses also. It's just when I have
to be around people all the time that I get a little crankly.

A little cranky -- talk about an understatement.

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Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 03:16 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. I drive sort of local
I do a 320 mile round trip run in my home state. It's actually considered short haul rather than local, but I'm home every night. I used to have a long haul gig, but I got tired of sleeping in a truck and missing all the stuff that goes on when you have a place of your own to stay in. Long haul is also more difficult than doing a dedicated short haul like I do. I'm making the same amount of money now driving 2000 miles a week as I did driving 3000 miles a week over the road. I really got a good job and it fits with my personality perfectly.
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kaitykaity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 03:29 PM
Response to Reply #10
11. My dad's a truck driver and he used to do that.

Hey, and you're a union dude too, huh? Yeah, you've got a good
gig going there.

Dad used to the Portland-Medford run every night, which is about
260 miles. He didn't like the Redding run because triples are
illegal in California and so he'd have to drop a trailer, and
then he'd have a layover.

He liked it better than the Seattle run too because it was more
miles and so he didn't have to do a second smaller run every night.

Dad always told me he thought I'd be a great truck driver because
I basically like to be alone most of the time, and when you're
not team driving, you're basically alone. He's probably right,
but probably I couldn't back up straight or manuever a trailer
into a tight delivery slot to save my life.

:)

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Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 03:57 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. Oh we'd get you backing up straight in no time
Backing is one of the hardest things to learn how to do in trucking, but once you get the knack of it, it becomes second nature to you. I drove team for a little while when I started out and I got a new partner who was fresh out of driving school. He initially couldn't back up right to save his life. I'd have to do all the backing for us. One day we arrived at a delivery point a day early and it was at a place that had a huge empty lot with lots of empty spaces to dock to. We practiced all day on backing. By the end of the day the guy could drive straight back, 90 degree dock, and 45 degree dock. All he need was a little time, a patient instructor and a pressure free environment.

So you're from out west. I'm from Ohio and when I was doing my over the road gig I used to love going out west. I loved the country out there. We live in flat farm land out this way, dotted by cities. It's sort of boring to look at. Going out west is the only thing I miss about being a long haul trucker.
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kaitykaity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 06:18 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. Even in the winter?

It is beautiful out here, but those mountains are damn
dangerous after November or so.

Yeah, I wouldn't be able to pull my "helpless woman" routine
out there on the road when it was time to chain the rig
up, you know?

I hope you and your former partner are still friends. You did
a nice thing for him. I hope he appreciated it.

Yeah, we have a store here in the neighborhood where there's
literally a building across the street from the loading dock,
and I've watched those trucks back in with maybe two feet
of extra space on each side of the rig, and I'm like no effing
way. No way.

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Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-17-04 12:53 AM
Response to Reply #14
15. Well the winter time wasn't so great out west
But my philosophy on chaining wheels was that you do it to get out of trouble, not get into it. If they had the chain law in effect for a mountain I'd wait for them to clear the road before I'd chain up and get into the snow.

For backing into those tight spaces truckers develop sort of a sixth sense. We know if our blind side is likely to bump into something and adjust accordingly. When I have to back into a tight space and it's not a straight back in, I keep the driver's side as close to the other vehicle as possible that way I know I've got enough clearance on the blind side.

I used to have the guy's phone number that I used to drive with, but I lost it somehow. I actually ran across him in a truck stop one time and we talked for a while. That's amazing I think. Two over the road truckers who know each other, but travel different routes all across the coutry just happening to see each other by chance in the same place. Small world I guess.
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kaitykaity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-17-04 03:10 AM
Response to Reply #15
16. Do you ever post in The Lounge?

You sound like a serious guy. I bet you could curl people's
hair in there with some of the stories you could tell.
Goodness knows my Dad tries to tell those stories, but when
he gets to the seedy stuff I'm like "talk to the hand."

I betcha we could curl them people's hair with some of the
stuff we know, eh?

Anyway, my favorite part about driving at night is staying
with a bunch of trucks and letting them lead the way and do
all the work. I'll even play leapfrog with them if it helps
keep us awake. (And yes, I know how to tell a trucker it's
safe to pull over and how he says thanks.)

Good talking to ya.

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Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-17-04 12:08 PM
Response to Reply #16
18. Before the advent of the groups I was a serious lounge lizard
Still am to a certain extent. I posted a few of my trucking stories in there. I've talked about what it's like to be a trucker and at one time I did a series of threads titled, "Droopy's trucking fact of the day," where I would talk about some aspect of driving a rig and facts about trucks and trucking.

My trucking fact of the day threads weren't too popular. I think the most posts I got on one of them was about 15 with some of them only getting a couple of posts. So I stopped doing it. But every once in a while I'll still do a thread about my job or about trucking in general. Sometimes people like them, sometimes they don't.

This reminds me that I've got a good story that I haven't told yet. Maybe I'll do that sometime in the near future. ;)
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kaitykaity Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-17-04 12:27 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. I was thinking about things like
where the hookers hang out and all of that crap.
I sat at one of those tables by mistake one time and
I couldn't believe the attention I got.

Eewww.

But yeah, I'd love to swap stories with ya about this.
It's kinda like talking to an old Army buddy. You only
know the stuff if you've been in it, and it's real tough
to fake.

See ya on the flip side!

kk

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Stardust Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-30-06 11:55 PM
Response to Reply #19
25. deleted
Edited on Sun Jul-30-06 11:57 PM by sofedupwithbush
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DemExpat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-16-04 04:06 PM
Response to Reply #8
13. On the Internet people have total control over the extent
Edited on Thu Dec-16-04 04:08 PM by DemExpat
of the contact, plus there are less conditions online for the sapping of energy on a message board - you need to be with people in person to be really affected by their "energies"... imo.

Very interesting topic, though, online communication!

DemEx
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smirkymonkey Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-02-06 09:03 PM
Response to Reply #8
21. I really think that actual people give off or suck up energy that
makes those of us who are sensitive to it exhausted. On a message board, we aren't around the physical bodies of the people we are interacting with.

I have a friend who is as sensitive to "energy" as I am. We will hang out together and pass by somebody, or sit in a restaurant with somebody across the room and just look at each other because we can literally feel the hostile, disturbed, angry, anxious (whatever negative energy that person may be giving off) crashing into us. We always agree on where the "energy" is coming from, even if the person isn't even physically near us.

Have you ever seen two dogs, just seemingly lying on the floor and minding their own business, not even facing each other when suddenly you will hear both of them growl and make hostile noises without interacting (eventually they do if not intercepted)? Whatever is going on between them is completely beneath the level of normal perception. I think people do the same thing, mostly without realizing it.

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blues90 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jun-26-06 06:17 PM
Response to Reply #8
23. I am a loner by nature , maybe even because of upbringing
I like being around people and I like message boards but I also like the option and control to remove myself from any situation in a heartbeat when I have had enough . That's the difference posting , you can become active or you can just read , you choose the moment and that's the best part .
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Deja Q Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jun-18-06 02:14 PM
Response to Original message
22. Well spoken. The amount of energy needed is considerable.
But we still do it. And that's what counts most.
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NMMNG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-27-06 12:30 AM
Response to Original message
24. I worked in an office for a few years
I almost had a nervous breakdown. The people I had to deal with were obnoxious, noisy and rude as @#$!. Of course it didn't help that I was doing that job back to back with another full-time job and getting about 3.5 hours of sleep per night. After I transferred to another position it took a year before I could look back on that job without my stomach twisting in a knot.
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LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-31-06 01:59 PM
Response to Original message
26. Rarely.
I tend to internalize the stress, and it takes a toll on my health.

I've been thought of as unfriendly, because I don't automatically smile or respond, or acknowledge people in passing. What they don't understand is that I didn't notice them. My brain is busy with something else, I've tuned out distractions, and I haven't consciously taken note of their presence as more than background noise.
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chillspike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-15-10 07:49 AM
Response to Original message
27. Cubicles
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Nay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jun-17-10 06:08 PM
Response to Original message
28. It sucks, all right. I've been at my workplace for 11 years, got 3 to
go until retirement at 62, and I honestly don't know if I'll make it. Several of my coworkers are very nice, but several are RW Christian assholes who just love to prattle their crap. The actual work and corporation situation has gotten worse over the years as a new CEO and CFO have taken over, so that's added in with the regular stress level. Even gregarious people can hardly wait to retire.

As for me, I have ALWAYS loved to be alone. I can relate to that quote "I don't hate people; I just feel much better when they aren't around." Also, the first time I ever heard the analogy that we loners get our "batteries drained" by people and extroverts get their "batteries recharged" by people, I felt the utter truth of that statement for me.

When I get home, I have no energy to pursue many hobbies or interests; I usually have enough energy to read, or maybe garden a bit and hike some, but that's it. I just feel so worn out from personal contact all day. I so look forward to not seeing anyone for weeks at a time, except family.
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orleans Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-28-10 02:32 AM
Response to Original message
29. loner huh? there's a du group for that.
but no one really posts there.
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