So I Spent 8 Hours Dec 26 In The Emergency Room

[Wiley50]

being brought down from my first full blown bipolar episode since I was diagnosed in 2002. Now I'm
beginning to try to piece back together as much of what I destroyed as possible.

But, Let's start this story much earlier....

I installed carpet, sheet vinyl (lino) and vinyl tile for 30 years, subcontract (the only way available to do that work as the floor-coverer's union here had been busted long before I went to work). For about 15 years of that I had worked in increasing pain,
because, after paying my own helpers, tools, supplies and keeping a van on the road, I had no money left over to buy myself medical coverage. I didn't know what was wrong, I seemed to hurt everywhere. Marijuana and over the counter, aspirin-type pain meds worked for a few years. Then, as the pain grew steadily worse, I took to adding increasing quantities of beer at night to numb the pain enough to sleep, so I'd be able to do it all again the next day. Towards the end, I had begun to use alcohol, discretely just to get through the job. I had developed a fatalistic attitude. Maybe I had cancer or something and one day I would simply die and my pain would finally end.

1999 was a year of great change for me. I remarried, after many years, to a woman, who I see now, I didn't know near well enough. I gained medical coverage through her group plan at work and with our combined income I was able to purchase the first home I had ever owned and probably my last.

The woman, who I met on the net in late 1996 when she lived near Boston and who I moved here to Tennessee in 1998, had been divorced many years and raising two daughters. The eldest, Lisa, 33 now, is what is called in medical terms, Moderately Mentally Retarded. I thought I understood mentally challenged adults as my mother had been a house mother for a group home for 20 years, so that didn't scare me away. It should have. She has since been diagnosed with severe Obsessive- Compulsive disorder also. The combination drives everyone who has to live around her completely out of their minds, her mother included and, since she immediately obsessed on me and would not give me one instant of peace, me especially. The second daughter, Linda, two years younger, is still quite dependent on Mom, has a taste for "Bad Boys" and took an immediate and undeserved dislike to me. The Bad Boy she hooked up with was an oftentimes crackhead carpet helper of mine who I had several times fired and later re-hired, as when he wasn't off on a crack binge was a decent carpet layer. They had a cute, red-haired and sweet little girl in 2000 and married two years later. Together, they have pulled enough underhanded crap on me, including an attempted hostile takeover of my biasness, had me served with bogus Orders of Protection while in a gurney in the emergency room (when it came to court the judge saw what was happening, told me to go back to my home and told her to "go back to Rhodie Island or Connecticut or wherever you came from" and once even pulled a gun on me. He now knows to stay far away from me because I now own a gun because of him and if he corners me
I will not hesitate to use it. Probably because of the info above ( and her Mainer mother who is as warm and fuzzy as Barbara Bush), my now ex-wife spends more time being irrationally angry than anyone I've ever known. I'm done.

SORRY< Too Much Background, I Know. But I've got to let it out. There's more. Much More

Continued in next reply

[Wiley50]

1. The House (Bear with me. Been meaning to write this story. I guess now)

The house was an upgraded duplex fishing cabin,two efficiencies, up and down. Bottom was 20 by 24 feet, concrete block, with the upper of frame construction, all under a barn-shaped roof. It was owned by a carpet store owner I subbed from for years. He used the upper unit only on Memorial Day and Labor Day weekends and, maybe, the Fourth of July. The upstairs unit he made into a plush little one-roomer. He did nothing downstairs where I lived. He built a 28 by 44 foot deck downstairs in back and a smaller in front, connected with side decks on both sides. He built much smaller decks upstairs, front and rear. In front, a stately hickory tree was left to grow through both the bottom and top deck where it shaded the front half of the house. This place had an abundance of charm for a tiny cottage. I lived there 10 years and loved the place.

In 1999, although he himself was a major jack as capitalist, his wife made him give us the opportunity to buy it. The price was $110,000, basically what the lot was worth. We got the house for free.

This place had location thrice. It was a lakefront lot with it's own boat dock (remember? I've had sailboats since the '70's and live in one now) on Old Hickory Lake on the Cumberland River, just east of Nashville, TN. It's a very large TVA lake with almost a thousand miles of shoreline. Many very famous country music stars have homes here, as well as many homes owned by people of all walks of life. As the dock permits are all grandfathered in, any lot with a dock, even mine, flanked as it was by TVA towers, was worth a hefty price.

(Have You All Noticed that Although I'm Home From the Hospital, I'm still quite manic (although in a much more constructive way now.
I can't get a shrink appointment until the 10th at which time he will most likely make a Zombie of me with anti-psychotic drugs, so I'm using this thread to be creative while I can. It's my therapy for now.)


At the time we bought it, we could easily afford it. But there were three of us living in the bottom apt, myself, my wife and her older daughter, the one with MMR/OCD. The younger one had the upstairs unit.

All three of us in a 20 by 24 foot concrete block box. We were losing our minds and had to do something about the living situation. We needed a bigger house.

So, like I said, we could easily afford more than we had taken on, so we decided to build on.

So, only a few months after we bought it, we re-fide to get $30,000 more for construction and built out onto the rear deck. We also extended the roof. It became a giant living room family room kitchen with large windows all around with a 24 ft ceiling. The upper deck became a loft bedroom with a spiral staircase to get there. The house was now connected internally for the first time and was no longer a cheesy little duplex. It was a beautiful lake home. The finished appraisal was now $241,000.

If the contractor hadn't put us on the back burner while he took on other jobs and taken over a year to complete our home. And if, in the meantime, our sources of income had not soured and our credit rating with it, we would have re-fide again back down at a time when interest rates were lowest, achieved equity growth of over $100,000 and still had a 30 year fixed rate that we could easily handle. But, as we know, the devil is in the details.

Next Chapter: The Crash of 2002/ The Diagnosis

[Wiley50]

2. The Physical Situation/ The Operation

Well, the old carpet layer with his new medical coverage progressed through the doctors from Primary Care to Rhreumetologist and finally wound up in the care of and under the scalpel of an Orthopedic Surgeon. He's a great guy and I love him to this day. But, although he gave us great hope that he could make me all better, what he ultimately did was speed up the progression to what I am today, Disabled.

It turned out all of those years of humping heavy 12 foot long rolls of carpet,a couple of feet around, on my shoulders, had blown out Ten of those cartilage disks that cushion between the vertabrae of my spine. As my spine collapsed upon itself, it trapped the nerves that flow from the spine to all of my extremities.

We were told that he would go in and chop out some of the bone to free up the trapped nerves, clean out some arthritic buildup and I would be good as new and back at work stronger than ever in three months. And, like a fool, I believed him.

And, since my wife had plenty of income to float us through that time and the contractor had already started work on the house, we went ahead with the operation. although I had been working for years in pain, I had still been able to shoulder the load. The operation weakened my spine that I would never again be able to carry the weight it takes to perform the work I once did. At this point, three of the best spine surgeons in the state (two of them professors at Vanderbilt University Medical Center) say that there is nothing more that can be done surgically to help me. The neurologist says I have Chronic Progressive Nerve Damage meaning that the numbness that began five years ago and is now halfway up my feet will continue up both legs. But, on the bright side, he said he thinks the progression will be very slow meaning that my death should happen before I am unable to walk. That's nice.

[Wiley50]

3. The Crash of 2002/ Diagnosis: BiPolar Disorder

A few months after my operation, with the contractor dragging his sorry ass on building the house, my wife's company downsized, cutting out middle management, meaning her, and we found our smooth economic sailing replaced by frantic paddling. She took another job at 35% of what she was making before.

I tried to make up what we needed by working more, but the more I worked, the more I hurt, the more alcohol I needed to get some sleep ,get up the next day and do it again. I figured it's what they used when they sawed off old General Butler's leg during the Battle of Franklin during the Civil War. The wife figured that I got my operation and shouldn't hurt that bad anymore and gave me tons of grief about it. I was pissed at her because she wouldn't keep looking for a better job.

Our House payment which on our original loan was just under $800/mo had grown to almost $1300/mo when we re-fide for the construction funds. It took the contractor over a year longer than he said it would take to finish our house and by then our originally shining credit had become so low into the gutter that only the dregs of the mortgage broker world would even offer us a refi. The monthly payment on the last refi was over $1900/mo. (All three of these mortgages were 30 year fixed rate.) We had been letting everything else slide to pay the mortgage.

I figured i needed pain medication that worked better and that she couldn't smell. The last 14 months I took morphine from a pain management doctor. At the end I was up to 140mg/day. It did work a whole lot better than alcohol and i tried to take larger jobs that paid more money, but it also slowed me way down and I was pissing the contractor's of for taking too long. Something had to give.

We finally tried to put the house on the market, but it was 2002, the year many of the retirement age people who would have been buyers for our home weren't buying because the stock market and their pension investments had gone south. Just before the first of March 2002, we got that final foreclosure letter. The one that says they are going to sell our house on the courthouse steps. my wife reacted to it by cleaning out our checking account, taking our only remaining car and leaving. I reacted by having what I now see was a bipolar episode.

It was time to get my prescriptions filled and she had taken what money we had. I should have called my doctor for help but in my state of mind, I decided to just stop taking my meds, even the morphine. Of course I'd heard it wouldn't be pleasant to go through morphine withdrawal, but I'd never been through it. I figured that I'd feel pretty sick for four or five days and my beer buddy neighbor had a keg in his den and told me just to sit there and drink my way through it. If anyone doesn't know this, it's important so I'll put it in full caps:YOU CAN'T DRINK YOUR WAY THROUGH MORPHINE WITHDRAWAL!

On March 5,2002 I entered the Vanderbilt University Hospital Psychiatric Center Detox Unit, in full morphine withdrawal and drunk on my ass. Over the next 10 days the cramps and diarrhea were so bad I literally blew my rectum from inside to outside of my body where it remained: bleeding,raw and on fire. When I passed through it,which was constantly, it was utter agony. The staff made me beg for five days simply for a tube of Desitin ointment to treat it. They don't want you comfortable, they want you to remember not to come back. Besides, you're probably a drug abuser so they treat you like a criminal

But, unbelievably wonderful luck there. When I arrived, Dr Peter Martin, Director of the Vanderbilt Center for the Treatment of Addictions was subbing for one of his doctors and did my intake personally.I had only one sentence out of my mouth when he turned to the resident he had with him and said,"BiPolar". After detox and completing the intensive outpatient program, He accepted me as one of the very few private patients he sees and he was my Psychiatrist for a year. During the course of that year he first, stabilized me with Trileptal and Remeron, determined I was not a compulsive druggie and could be trusted to take my meds as prescribed, and then, when he had determined that it was doing me more damage to be in severe chronic pain than being dependent on opioid pain meds, he sent me to one of the Vanderbilt pain management doctors to be treated. I got sent to be properly addicted by the Head Cheeze Vanderbilt Addiction Shrink!

And I have been mostly pain free and had not had another Bipolar episode until the week before Xmas and it was brought on by PEG-Interferon-Ribovirin treatment for Hepatitis C. (NEXT CHAPTER: Back To the ER 12/26/07 (sorry for the digression)

[Wiley50]

4. I'm too tired to finish this now.

I read back through this and see I'm still cycling real bad.

I can't get in to see a shrink til the 10th

I hate holiday season. Everyone you need is out of town.

I had not slept for 9 days when i hit the er on the 26th

I am eating and sleeping ok again

but my mind is stiil a mess

I'll see everyone when i get better

PS IF YOU HAVE ANY TYPE OF MENTAL ILLNESS EVEN IF IT HAS BEEN UNDER CONTROL FOR YEARS

DO NOT TAKE INTERFERON THERAPY!

[Droopy]

5. Alright Wiley

Please do make sure to get back in here and tell us the rest of the story. Get plenty of rest, eat right, and drink lots of water. Stay the course with your meds. Stay away from those brewskies. We'll talk to you later.

[Wiley50]

6. Thanks Droopy

Taking my meds now headed for bed

Brewskis? No way!

I've had trouble even keeping ginger ale down until this weekend

Interferon therapy really sucks

PS would you ask a mod to delete the rest of this garbage

It's embarrassing

[Droopy]

7. You have no reason to feel embarrassed

I think these personal stories are beneficial to members of this group. I've posted my own here as well. I think that they are also beneficial to the poster of said stories because you will find nothing but empathy here. It is against the rules for someone to get on here and give you a hard time.

But if you feel like you must lock the thread, the mods will do it at your request.

[Wiley50]

8. You're right. It's a new day. I'll Poost More Soon

Just woke up. I do need to finish this story.

I'll write more when my mind starts working

[mopinko]

9. dear wiley

rest up and finish your story. if i had a magic wand, one thing i would do it make psych meds and therapy work instantly. i think that time between when someone figures out what is wrong and the time that it is under control is like running through a lake of knee deep hot tar.
hang on friend. we are here.

[DemExpat]

10. Hi, dear Wiley,

Your story is recognizable to so many of us here: we listen, we really hear, and we feel humbled to be your witness.

Hope you feel better soon, and feel free to vent here,

DemEx

[Wiley50]

11. For Starters, Her's an email I sent to TominTib on Xmas Eve

It tells most of the story. I live in a sailboat on a trailer on a farm with no one around.
I have to climb a 12 ft ladder to get in and out. I was too sick and weak to do so until the 26th.
The phone was broken so I couldn't even dial 911.

I'll write more when I feel better.


Tom

>The Interferon last week was awful physicly (Horrible
>vomiting and nausea (I couldn't keep down any food or drink,
>nothing from one Sunday to the next) hot sweats and chills.
>But much worse, it also triggered a Bi-Polar episode I didn't
>sleep a wink in a whole week bouncing back and fortrh between
>depressin and anxiety) that I didn't recognise as such until
>Wednesday when I chewed out my doctor's new nurse (my pain
>doctor) because she was having trouble getting a new prior
>approval through Tenncare for my fentanyl patchs and wouldn't
>even return a single call to me for 6 days to let me know she
>was working on it.
>
>Saturday morning I get a certified letter from him terminating
>me as a patient. I AM SO FUCKED!
>
>What happens now is most all drs who treat pain patients have
>a strict policy not to take on new patients if they have been
>terninated by their last doctor. Plus I'd have to find the one
>in the bunch who will take Tenncare.
>
>She never got the prior approval through too and I only have
>neds to last until Saturday. So I'll wind up spending 10 days
>in detox literally shitting my asshole inside out (been
>through it before had my asshole hanging an inch out of me,
>raw and bleeding, in utter agony each time I shit, which was
>all the time ( they made me beg for 5 days before giving me a
>tube of Desenex they figure you're a drug abuser and want you
>to suffer so you won't want to come back)shoving 12-step shit
>down your throat the whole time.
>
>But worst of all, when that's over I won't be able to find a
>new doctor and people in severe chronic pain with no hope of
>relief become suicidal. A lot of them end up dead.
>
>I stopped taking the ribovirin caps last weds and didn't take
>the interferon shot last night. That doctor is out until
>friday when he is in the clinic until noon, I'm gonna try to
>talk to him but usually once you get the letter, it's over.
>
>The liver doctor is out on vacation until second week of jan.
>I have appt on 10th, but will be in the detox ward by then.
>
>And I'm still whacked out in the head and nauseus and having
>sweats and chills.
>
>I blew over four years of successful compliance with the
>doctor's pain mgnt contract over this.
>
>I AM SO FUCKING FUCKED!!

[Wiley50]

12. more info on that

I did get my patches on thurs night.. Saw my dr and nurse on friday and explained and apologised.
But the termination had already gone to administrative level and he can't stop it now.
I have to appeal there or find another dr within 30 days

More later

[Droopy]

13. Have you look into social security disability insurance?

I think that the states also have programs to help the disabled with money, housing, and medical care. I think you would certainly qualify. Hopefully, someone with more knowledge about that than me will come in here and give you the low down on that.

It not only sounds like you need the pain management care, but also surgery for the rectal problem you are having. I pray that you get the care that you need.

[Wiley50]

14. I'm on it and my asshole is fine now thankyou

That is what happens when you go through opioid withdrawal.
I'm trying to keep on my pain meds and not let it happen again.

It took 3 1/2 years, but my disability went through in '05 and I'm on Medicaid.

I've been on strong (fentanyl and morphine) pain meds for 4 1/2 years this time.
If I lose my doctor over this, I will run out of meds and go through withdrawal again.

Then I will have to live with the pain unmedicated, until I can't take it anymore
and commit suicide. It happens to very many people living with serious chronic pain.

But i am not suicidal yet. I'm still fighting.

[Horse with no Name]

15. What to say?

I am so sorry for what you are going through.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that things work out for you soon.
:hug:

[Wiley50]

16. My Deepest Thanks

I've been around long enough to know

that you are an RN

So I know you know

what I say about opioid withdrawal is factual

[Cobalt Violet]

17. I'm sorry the Hep C treatment is causing so many problems for you.

I hate it too. It's the most miseralbe crap I've ever taken. I'm not the same person. I'm sorry they aren't treating you with dignity when you are just trying to avoid horrible pain. :hug:

I hope you can get through it.:hug: