What a sad day. How's everybody doing?

[EFerrari]

Turning off the television, here. I keep listening to the story hoping it'll change and it just gets worse. :(

:grouphug:

[undergroundpanther]

1. I have come to the conclusion

people have just about had it with this human condition, life is hard people all around make it harder,and it is sometimes too much. I mean even if every psychopath bully was gone we'd still see our loved ones grow old die suffer. Sometimes I think existence is what makes people crazy.Because life in this world is unkind far more than it is kind for many people and the injustice is crazy making ..and it hurts.A person can hurt only for so long and bind it up inside to play'normal'until you have to scream, how that scream comes out..determines how bad it is on others to hear it.I hate this world.I hate the human condition. I hate hurricanes and windstorms that kill people and ruin their lives,I hate what's going on in Iraq Darfur,ect.ect.ect.I hate our selfish,shallow, narcissistic, militaristic bully culture.I hate sickness,poverty, war,bigotry,control freaks, abusers.And I hate the people who are so fucking ignorant, numb shallow or sociopath they see nothing wrong with this shit.I hate that psychopaths control this country and too many other countries.

I wish I could gather all the people who ache like this inside when events like this happen, and take them to a new world.. one without bullies,bigots,greedhead's, con men, rapists,and any other kind of assholes.One without sickness,and bad weather,one without TRAUMA!one without SUFFERING. One without this human condition.Without survival of the fittest, without social rank games,without haves and have nots.A place where it was ok to be what you are and still be a valued part of a community that cares about you and you care about them.

[EFerrari]

2. Sure, existence makes people crazy. The challenge is

to make it something else, too.

I think I had the same reaction but couldn't really say it. Damn.

[undergroundpanther]

3. All of us

want it different than it is.We can change ourselves, change perceptions,change what we want to see and make it real to ourselves even to the point of "delusion" but the world is as fucked up as it ever was.

We change or feel changed but what I think we change is something transient inside of us and because it is in us,it doesn't change that much OUTSIDE of us really.Maybe personal contact or words on the web can make small temporary changes or change 1 person maybe, or a few..we never know how unimportant or important we are in effecting things in the grand scheme of things concerning changes that last. I think we just have to tell ourselves we matter because the world won't bother to tell us we matter at all that's for sure.

It's very hard to feel any stability in a world that is constantly changing and crisising , hard to create the feeling you are in control of your life when everything looks like it's spinning out of control and most of it is out of our hands,including some of the shit that happens to us..It's hard to create a sense of health in a world that is alive and healthy and sick and dying all at the same time ain't it?
So I don't bother. It's chaos oh well.

Like Saturday night one of the drains running out of my surgical site from my male chest reconstruction started pouring out blood at 2 am,WTF?, I started bleeding out of the wound..The bulb of the drain was filled with a big blood clot(pain in the ass to get that thick goopy mess out of the drain bulb BTW messed up the bathroom looked like a murder scene from CSI when I finally got it out lol)

Anyways I could have panicked and I did a little internally.My mom came to help and her anxiety got in the way,and my roommate Mike who had medical training gently shooed her out and we fixed the problem.The next day we were having a
Nor Easter,nasty winds and pouring rain, my mom needed reassurance to get to Dr.Fisher's even though she knows how to get there and after all was said and done I was ok,I had just pissed off some of the wound by my coughing.(I had the flu and I am in the hack stage.)

So it was not a bad thing to bleed like that. It apparently isn't going to keep the drains in longer. It looked scary but it was nothing.Things were the same yet things changed too.I have no boobs my chest is flat and much to my surprise I got some nice looking pectoral development I make a mighty handsome guy..

Yet mom was still anxious, Mike still knew what to do, we still had to shoo mom out of the room and we still had to see Dr.Fischer the next day in a fucking downpour with some howling winds and eat at Denny's and freeze our asses off because they didn't have any heat..This same wind that today blew a tree down at my sisters house, cutting her power,So she had to do her work over here she telecommutes sometimes.

Luckily the tree missed her house and her car by inches. If it had fallen off by a few inches either side her work area in the house would have new greenery in it or her car would be a convertible.

It was a pain to get my wireless network to recognize her computer and I got really close to punching the monitor in...and to top it off today 30 innocent people were shot at Va Tech. by some tortured soul or a fucking psychopath piece of shit..

Life is a series of crisis's and events a totally mixed up chaos that touches us all the time bad and good,often at the same time and to say we can control what comes into our lives or make believe we can change it by thinking nice thoughts or demanding changes we want like pissed off children from this indifferent impersonal chaos called existence is to me an exercise in denying and futility.

Magic is stress release and fantasy a elaborate coping mechanism .Sometimes it works but often it doesn't if I am to be honest about it. Shit will fly where it may regardless , and I realize hey, shit happens,and a shitty life isn't a permanent affliction. Someday we all get a chance to get out of this mess it's called Death.

And we won't have to mop up what shit life throws at us all the time, someday we can rest.But while we are here do what you do,care as much as you dare to, and become and love who you are and share what you got because the world sure as hell could care less who suffers.And that hurts too.


I found my inner child and he's a winged electric psychedelic werelion packing an assault rifle that shoots both flowers and silver bullets. *smirk*

*************************************************************
"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad."

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.

"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, 1865
Chapter 6, "Pig and Pepper"

[EFerrari]

4. It does seem like a magic trick to overcome pain, uncertainty, indifference.

Ceremony

I will tell you something about stories



They aren’t just entertainment.

Don’t be fooled.

They are all we have, you see,

all we have to fight off illness and death.

　 　 　
　

You don’t have anything

if you don’t have the stories.
　
　 　 　
　

Their evil is mighty

but it can’t stand up to our stories.

So they try to destroy the stories

let the stories be confused or forgotten.

They would like that

They would be happy

Because we would be defenseless then.
　　 　


He rubbed his belly.

I keep them here



Here, put your hand on it

See, it is moving.

There is life here

for the people.
　
　 　 　
　

And in the belly of this story

the rituals and the ceremony

are still growing.


- Ceremony, Leslie Marmon Silko



　

[hunter]

5. Oh, it just got worse.

First time I went entirely over the edge my English professor saw it in something I wrote.

I've felt the utter disconnection from humanity, but I don't understand the violence. I've always had this weird zone of comfortable and mostly harmless compulsions and obsessions to fall back on, and maybe the inner peace that within my family, if not society, certain eccentricities were the norm. No big deal if you stop talking and live a few days off a gallon jug of water and a large bag of Cheetos. It's okay and nobody is looking at you funny, and if they do it doesn't matter. You're always welcome at the dinner table.

Mental Health care should be like that. Everyone should have a safe place to crash, but honestly, there's no safety net, and too many people will judge you as weak, lazy, or demonize you, or humiliate you, or pass you out the door with the wrong drugs, bad advice, and inadequate follow up.

I'd like to know how I learned to stay out of trouble even as storms were raging inside my head. It was all there -- the rage, the disconnection, the disturbed rantings -- but it simply never occurred to me to physically harm myself or others. I could always escape, if not by actually going somewhere, then within my own mindspace. My body-mind could be trapped in some intolerable situation, but my spirit could always be elsewhere.

I feel very sad now.

[EFerrari]

6. I'm sorry, hunter. I do, too. We lived with acted out and violent

fear and anger. After the danger is over, it's just deeply saddening because it seems most often so needless.

:(

[CoffeeCat]

23. You said what I've been thinking about...

I experienced horrendous abuse in my past. I don't understand the violence either. I've never
had the desire to lash out and hurt others. However, I do understand the rage and the indignant
attitude--because I felt those things toward my perpetrators. I would have never hurt my
perpetrators. I processed a ton of anger toward them, and those feelings were very powerful
and scary.

I think I have survivor's guilt. I look at Cho--and I wonder why I didn't end up like that?
What saved me? Like you, I have harmless compulsions and I am very verbal. I talk and write
a great deal about my abuse, and I have done so since I was a child. I've always been chatty
and gregarious--which is probably a product of genetics. I have a feeling that being able
to talk allows processing to happen--which ultimately leads to self awareness and healing.

What you said about your body-mind being "trapped" but your spirit being "elsewhere" was
really interesting. I remember, during my intense healing period--that I strongly sensed
that the abuse happened to me--but there there was a part of me (soul? spirit?) that remained
untouched, undamaged and was a very nonjudgmental, peaceful, caring observer. I get the
sense that we all have that part, and we're all connected to each other through this part.
However, some people ignore this part of themselves; or life gets too hectic and that part
becomes buried underneath bills, lawn mowing and grocery shopping.

You appear to be very in touch with that part of yourself. What you wrote really touched my
heart and helped me to feel a bit less anxious. Maybe you're sad because you see the deeper
sides of this story--and it hurts.

I think that's a good thing--to be a soulful person who can see deeper meaning. It hurts more, at
times--but it's a very authentic, healthy and beautiful way to live.

I think what you wrote is really beautiful, and it helped me to feel a bit of sunshine. I hope
you are feeling better.

[hunter]

24. Thank you so much.

I'm still trying to make sense of this, what I see in the news upsets me, it seems so many steps backwards, and so few steps forward. I hope the forward steps go further. There are so many fantastic posts here on DU, including yours above, that maybe they are drowning out the noise of everyone who wants to dismiss it all in terms of good and evil so they can continue down the same fearful and familiar paths.

[EFerrari]

25. I see the "it's just evil" posts diminishing. Last night one poster

wonderfully said they used that word because they didn't have another word available.

These discussions are difficult but I'm so glad we're having them if for no other reason than to learn more thoughtful, compassionate language.

:toast:

:grouphug:

[EFerrari]

7. From Mental Heath America re coping with VT tragedy

Contact: Heather Cobb , [phone] or [email protected]





Mental Health Provides Guidelines to Help Students, Parents and Educators Respond and Cope with the Virginia Tech Shootings





ALEXANDRIA, Va. (April 17, 2007) — Mental Health expresses its deepest sympathies to the family, friends and classmates of the Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University shooting victims. As details surrounding the shootings continue to unfold, Mental Health recognizes that this tragedy affects people across the country. It developed the below guidelines to help educators, students and parents respond and cope with this tragedy. Individuals looking for information and support can visit www.mentalhealthamerica.net or call Mental Health at [phone].



Tips for Educators



* Communicate clearly the security measures in place and the resources available for people who need help.
* Since individuals contemplating violent acts often communicate their intentions to friends and classmates, help students develop a plan for what to do if they hear someone planning a violent act.
* Advertise the support services available at the student mental health center and religious centers.
* Develop special training for key personnel – resident assistants, student health center staff, campus police, sororities and fraternities – on how to respond to this tragedy and help students cope.
* Provide culturally relevant resources (e.g., bring in ministers and others from the faith community).



Tips for Students



* Develop a personal plan to ensure your safety in a similar situation.
* Use reliable sources to keep up-to-date on developments and information.


* Limit television viewing. It can be difficult to process images and messages in news reports.


* A range of emotions are normal following tragic events – ranging from depression, anxiousness, anger and ‘numbness.’


* If you feel depressed, anxious or angry, talk to friends, family, ministers or others around you. Likely, those around you are experiencing similar feelings.


* If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, seek help from your school mental health center, call your local Mental Health America Affiliate or visit www.mentalhealthamerica.net to find help in your community.





Tips for Parents



* Encourage your child to develop a personal safety plan.
* Educate yourself on the disaster and communication plans at your child’s school.
* Keep dialogue open with your child – let him or her know that you are there for them to talk through their feelings.
* Encourage your child to take action regarding their school’s safety by sharing their concerns with university officials.
* Recognize that college-aged students may minimize their concerns outwardly, but may become argumentative, withdrawn or allow their school performance to decline. Allow them room to react as they feel appropriate.


* If you or your child feels overwhelmed by emotions – such as depression, anxiety or anger – seek help or support from a mental health professional or minister. For assistance, contact your local Mental Health affiliate or visit www.mentalhealthamerica.net.

Mental Health can help students, educators and parents find community resources and information. For information, please call 800-969-6642 or visit www.mentalhealthamerica.net.



Mental Health America is the country’s leading nonprofit dedicated to helping all people live mentally healthier lives. With our more than 320 affiliates nationwide, we represent a growing movement of Americans who promote mental wellness for the health and well-being of the nation – everyday and in times of crisis.

[hunter]

8. Today I got upset and posted a rant...

It's in my journal.

Gaaaaah! Don't read if you are looking for hugs. I was pissed off.

If you are looking for hugs, here:

:grouphug:

[EFerrari]

9. Give me a link,hunter, in case I decide not to look for hugs later.

lol

Love you and thanks.
:hug:

[hunter]

16. It was this one...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=689121&mesg_id=692680

I'm still upset by so many of the posts I'm seeing on DU, and maybe I should walk away for a bit, but my fingers are on fire.

It'll work itself out.

:hug:

[EFerrari]

17. Omigod, Great rant. Your grandmother reminds me of my mom.

She's five feet tall. :evilgrin:

I myself probably owe 10 DUers apologies by now over this topic. Oh boy.

[hunter]

18. My family tree is a flaming wonderland of mental illness.

Maybe that's true for everyone, they just don't admit to it.

[EFerrari]

19. I think it's true for many families. We just don't all know it.

lol

[crim son]

10. Not great.

I've stopped looking at/listening to the news; it makes my stomach hurt.

[hunter]

11. I never look at television news.

It distresses me too much.

On the radio the BBC is the only news I tolerate well.

Most everything else seems a torrent of misperceptions, either deliberate or ignorant.

[crim son]

13. I completely agree.

When I watch t.v. news I wind up not only mad at the state of the world, but at the state of journalism, our society and all the rest of it.

[EFerrari]

15. Me, too. Have had trouble sleeping all week. It's just too familiar

in too many ways. A little better today.

[Bluerthanblue]

12. i'm ashamed to post here...

because i don't contribute very often, or positively.

i'm having a very hard time in the wake of all this- in the wake of everything- death, hate, anger, judgment, hopelessness, weariness, failing health, regrets, longing, frustration,
bad anniversaries, unrelenting weather, finances, the attitudes being voiced by 'the "Normal"world' which i wanted to think we had overcome (but knew deep down were still alive) the past- that i never seem to really GET past......

i hope everyone else is doing better....

hope isn't springing eternal round here.

peace- comfort- rest to everyone.
blu

[EFerrari]

14. I'm glad you are posting, blu. It's good to see you.

Sounds like we could use some MiracleGro for Hope around here. Anyone check under the sink? :hug:

[Bluerthanblue]

20. thanks Sfexpat sorry

i'm such a drone-

:hug: back to you

and:grouphug:to all

[Forkboy]

21. What worries me is that this whole thing hasn't made me feel anything.

It's been a complete emotional disconnect,and that's not even close to the type of person I am.I know I should feel something,but there's nothing there at all,good or bad.

Well,I do feel one thing.I feel like an ass for not feeling anything.

[EFerrari]

22. When that happens to me, I figure it's my system trying to protect me

from too much sh!t in the world.

:hug: