blech update

[mopinko]

so, i saw a shrink, and got some meds, and am hoping i can get a grip on this break-up stuff. hard hard.
when the kids found out they told hubby that he had to just hang on, give me a chance to make sure my head is on straight, that i get through school, and that i get some good work. oh, and behave.
he has been trying, stretching a little. but since everyone thinks the problems are that i am crazy, if i am not crazy everything will be fine. yeah, only if i have enough pills to share with everyone.

i think he is still looking for a condo, but if our kids go to school on the other side of town he wants to pick one up and sell it later. they are dirt cheap.

probably will start talking about a settlement after the holidays. see if we can behave ourselves. can hardly be worse that a few x-mases around here.

on a side note, i have been taking ambien for sleep for quite a while. the shrink asked if i had short term memory problems, which i have. no small part of my emotional state. well, few days without it, and i am seeing way, way less of that. i can still take it when i need it, but i can live without it most nights.

eta- middle child dumped on me in a big way the other day. she is planning to come thurs. oh goodie.
i trolled around a little for somewhere else to be, but came up empty. may just end up taking a long ride in the car.

[murielm99]

1. I am sorry.

I see why it is hard. And at the holidays, too. I wish there was something more I could say to help you.

[HereSince1628]

2. Maybe there is one good sign in there

My memory loss is associated with emotional crises, when the episodes of forgetting diminish it usually means my stressors are gone or I've made it to a state of mind where I'm sheltered from my self-doubts and guilt.

The stressors in your life probably aren't going away this holiday season. But, having a sense that you've made it to such a 'safe zone' and that you can do that again with a ride in the car or a time out of some other sort is a good thing.

[EFerrari]

3. Did you tell the doctor you're medicating for five?

What is it about some of us that we're so easy to project on? Is there an invisible label you can see in the dark on our foreheads or something?

I hope the meds make YOU feel better.

Whelp, Mom is feeling out of control -- I can tell because she hears everything I say as a challenge instead of a statement. Oh, and while last year I was to cook because she's going to die, this year she planned with my brother to go somewhere else without even asking me what I want to do. So, there will be no dinner here at all and apparently she isn't going to die this year, which is good news. I hope my brother or someone has the sense not to make her drive at night on Thanksgiving. I'll have to send an email out to him and to their hosts to make triple sure. No one is used to Rosie needing any help and it's been FIVE YEARS since she told me she didn't like to drive at night.

The money stress is very real, this scraping through the end of the month. It's also a sea of mud because the grading is only half done and there's been rain. And cold. It's fucking cold except for a few hours in the afternoon. I don't think I can do five months of this heatless wet winter again.

It's frustrating because Rosie seems more fragile every day and no one else notices and I don't control very much around here. But, my studio is a sanctuary and I can hole up here and not be bothered for days at a time. That's saving me at this point.

[mopinko]

4. feel the same about my studio

at least i do have a space that is mine to do as i please. there is a door with a lock. hubby walks through occasionally, but he respects that it is my space.
i'm just not letting go of this house, no matter what.

i know that selective hearing thing. everybody has been hearing and seeing the crazy behind everything i do. like refusing to let anyone go to the hospital without me. the baby has had a couple er trips, and i skipped a class to go be with her even tho her dad was there with her. that's insane, right?

did i know your mom's name was rosie? that is my mom's name, her mom's name, and middle kid's name. the first two rosies were stable to a fault. oh well.

take care. why would they just leave you behind? that sucks.

[EFerrari]

5. Since my brother is about 10 years younger than I am

Rosie treats me like a sibling and he is her kid. It's always been that way. Families. lol