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I am coming out Atheist and quit going to church to appease my wife.

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sarcasmo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-15-08 08:42 PM
Original message
I am coming out Atheist and quit going to church to appease my wife.
Edited on Sat Mar-15-08 08:45 PM by sarcasmo
It may ruin a seven year relationship but I am tired of putting up with the why won't you go to church question. Am I the only one who has to deal with this nonsense? Visiting the folks today on a two hour drive I commented on how Mother Nature was not happy with us here in West Michigan this winter. My wife had to throw the God wasn't happy bullshit in there. I replied with let's not go there this is a long two hour trip and you would be in tears before we arrived at the folks.
The Godland Fantasy has grown tired on this Atheist. It's over and my mind feels better for it.

On Edit: Is there an Atheist symbol type necklace you can buy? I live in West Michigan and really want to ruffle some feathers here in bible thumper land.
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Warpy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-15-08 10:17 PM
Response to Original message
1. A quick Google search turned this up


There are other atheist things listed, starts about halfway down the page.

http://evolvefish.com/fish/jewelry.html

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qb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-15-08 11:26 PM
Response to Original message
2. I'm sorry it's so rough for you, but thank you for being an out & proud atheist.
The more of us there are out there the more acceptance we will find.
:hi:
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progressoid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 12:15 AM
Response to Original message
3. Kudos to you.
Hope it all works out for the best.

My wife knows, and all is well as long as I don't get too disrespectful. There have been some unpleasant moments though. It's frustrating for sure.
As for the rest of the family...a couple of them know, a couple more suspect, but I have never told my parents. I love them too much to ruin the remaining years of their lives worrying about my damned soul. I probably should have done it when I was a teen but I had a pretty 'live-and-let-live' attitude then. Now I think they just see me as anti-establishment but still a believer.

Regarding the "why won't you go to church" issue. It took a long time for my family to accept that I'm not going. I still get asked, but now it's just as a joke.
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and-justice-for-all Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 05:09 AM
Response to Original message
4. No, I dont have that problem..
and plenty know better than to even mention the notion of me attending a cult service. I am not shy about saying that 'invisble friends are for kids' and that religion is the biggest con on the planet.

CHEERS TO YOU MATE!!! "The Godland Fantasy" Indeed!!!
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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 05:29 AM
Response to Original message
5. How about trying
'God' is nature, whether mother or father doesn't matter. Might that tack help smooth things over? Or do you just want to ruffle some feathers?
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sarcasmo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 09:49 AM
Response to Reply #5
7. It's all about ruffling now,my wifes family is full of Fundie Zealots and the Atheist parade is on.
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YankeyMCC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 07:21 AM
Response to Original message
6. It's going to be difficult
I know you recognize that but I'm sorry to say it may be more difficult than you expect. I don't know your wife and family so of course I could be wrong. But in my experience what you see of people's faith or emotional connection to the idea of gods is only the tip of the iceberg and just saying you don't share the belief feels like an immediate threat and reject of Them personally by you.

It isn't really fair to you I know and kudos to you for making the decision to be open about your atheism, that is by far the best choice and I don't want to discourage the direction you've chosen on the contrary I hope I can help with my words here.

Just try and remember your love and feelings for them and be as gentle and patient with them as you can. I'm still struggling with it. I thought my wife and I had a solid and stable relationship, she believed and I did not, but when she announced last year she wanted a divorce my atheism was mentioned as one thing that 'hurt here'.

And the rest of my family has lately taken the attitude of 'Fine if you want to disbelieve but you shouldn't be raising your son that way.'

Not exactly a loving and supportive position for them to take.

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sarcasmo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 09:51 AM
Response to Reply #6
8. I fully expect to be rejected. It won't be any different than when my folks thought I was gay based
on a small town rumor and rejected me years ago. Being used to rejection will make this a much easier process. Thankfully my son is 18 and that's not an issue.
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John Gauger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-19-08 09:35 PM
Response to Reply #8
19. Hold on.
You're parents rejected you because they thought you were gay? Care to expound upon that for us?
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sarcasmo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-21-08 03:05 PM
Response to Reply #19
21. My Dad didn't talk to me for a year because of a small town rumor started by an evil
individual who happened to tell my Father that I was hanging out in the, wait for it, Gay Bar. One of my ex girlfriends sisters was gay and used to like to hang out their so I did a few times with them and small town Saginaw is no place to have rumors start. We are on better terms now but I know what kind of Man he really is and what would have happened to me if I were Gay. I have had quite the life and will be 40 this summer and have very THICK skin because of the situations I have been put in.
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John Gauger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-21-08 07:23 PM
Response to Reply #21
23. I'm sorry to hear that.
I guess I'll just be delicate and leave it at that. But I will say that it's important to realize the power that our words have to destroy. I've witnessed my share of heartache caused by those that can't mind their own goddamn business.
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elleng Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 09:55 AM
Response to Reply #6
9. Sorry to hear of the grief you're suffering, Yankey.
I hope your son will be able to appreciate that everyone has the 'right' to his/her own thoughts and beliefs, and that not agreeing does not also mean not loving and caring.

Peace
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YankeyMCC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 10:04 AM
Response to Reply #9
10. Thanks
and I'm very hopeful for my son, he frustrates me with his school work sometimes :) but he never ceases to make me proud with his sense of ethics and his kindness.

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gaspee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 12:11 PM
Response to Original message
11. I don't understand
How she doesn't know something so fundamental. Did you become an atheist after you were married?

I don't even think I'd date a non-atheist.

Good luck and stand your ground!
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sarcasmo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 07:22 PM
Response to Reply #11
13. Nope she knew and thought she could change me like every other fundie I have ever met.
Edited on Sun Mar-16-08 07:24 PM by sarcasmo
On Edit: I went to church to appease her, but never sang or did any of the routine church how de do stuff, I think it made her more nervous with me their, afraid of what I might say. I am no longer doing it for her I am doing it strictly for myself now.
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Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 06:25 PM
Response to Original message
12. Good luck.
I assume you know that lots of secular humanists/atheists/agnostics hang out at the Unitarian-Universalist Church which is not explicitly Christian.

www.uua.org

Again, good luck!

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sarcasmo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 07:23 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. Thanks, but this is about the only group I belong to, D/U.
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Kolesar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-17-08 02:53 PM
Response to Reply #14
17. "Dee-U-nitarian Universalist"?
Brother!
Hey good luck. Here's a few quantums of moral support.
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goddess40 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-17-08 07:38 AM
Response to Reply #12
16. I never thought I'd join a church either but I do like the UUers
I was brought up Catholic, never bought into it so even though I went through all the BS rituals I know I was never a Catholic. My husband was a Catholic but knew when we married I thought the whole god(s) thing what a load of crap. He was never a strong believer. I don't think most people are "willing to die for it" believers either but do "believe" and attend church partially because of peer pressure and partially for the social aspect of it - most humans are joiners and church is an easy way to belong to a large group. Power in numbers and all that business.
The local UUer's seem to have a lot of recovering Catholics but that could be that this area is top heavy in Catholics

My mother, a true recovering Catholic, really enjoys the church and my 14 year old son loves the "religious" education classes. The last session was built around The Simpson's TV show.

My 18 year old joined a methodist church much to my surprise and heartbreak.
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Lost-in-FL Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-16-08 11:16 PM
Response to Original message
15. I feel your pain...
Edited on Sun Mar-16-08 11:18 PM by Lost-in-FL
I haven't had the guts to drop the A bomb on my hubby (We married being catholics but enlightenment happened along the way 3 years ago). He's been trying to get us to go to church but I always make excuses not to go. He already knows my dislike with organized religion but won't take the discussion further.
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sarcasmo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Mar-19-08 08:22 PM
Response to Reply #15
18. It's hard, I have a good out because I drive Taxi for a living and usually tell her I have
to work Sunday's because no one else will come in. That has done away with a lot of the tension, I no longer get the are you going to church question. If you need some help just message me.
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Nay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Mar-20-08 08:38 PM
Response to Original message
20. Yes, it may ruin your relationship. DH and I are both atheists, and
we each say that the one dealbreaker in this marriage is if one of us "got religion." I can safely say that won't happen to either of us, so I don't worry about it. But we belong to an atheists' group (we meet this coming Sunday, as a matter of fact) and there are several members who have joined and their spouses DON'T KNOW they're atheists! Man. That must be tough, basically living a lie like that. One guy's wife knows he's an atheist (she's Catholic) and is semi-OK with it, so they do all right.

My friend at work has that atheist necklace pictured in this thread -- it looks very nice.
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ozone_man Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Mar-21-08 06:54 PM
Response to Original message
22. If you have enough common ground,
that will outweigh religious differences. In fact often it's opposites that attract, a certain amount of tension is required. That can include religious tension. Anyway, It's best to be honest about your beliefs.

I've always been with mates who were nonbelievers also, or at most agnostics, so that has never been an issue. But my atheism has prevented a few work friendships from growing. Talking about "The End of Faith" at work or "God Delusion" has a way of weeding out the believers. ;)
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