Hello, I have a humble request for any astrologers here.

[billyskank]

Hi, I expect at least some of you will know me.

I seem to be living through a period of disturbance, and I was just wondering if anybody would mind helping me by taking a look at my chart, and maybe sharing any guidance that the celestial sphere indicates.

I feel as if I stepped on a rollercoaster around the beginning of 2007. Prior to that I had had a run of good, solid years, in which my life had been stable and I seemed to be making steady personal development. I took initiation in the Hare Krishna religion in 2003 and had generally a good time, up until 2006 when my best friend left his duty as temple president amidst some acrimony, and promptly went off on preaching duties to China. That was the last time I saw him until quite recently.

After that, I stopped associating with the devotees at that temple, because of the way my friend was treated, and also because of a large debt which ended up being left to me to discharge. But apart from that I continued with my spiritual practice at home without interruption.

Things seemed to change at the beginning of 2007. I became less stable. I started becoming emotionally attached to people inappropriately, and getting hurt. I had lost my equilibrium. Some unfortunate luck in April seemed to put me in a tailspin, although the incident itself (a car accident) was not really significant at all. But my inability to cope with it signified that all was not well in my mind.

By this time I had largely given up my spiritual practice, and nearly blew off the European Hare Krishna festival in the summer, although in the end I went because of the kindness of a friend (she picked me up at the airport and drove me 3 hours to the festival venue, and she is not even a Hare Krishna).

Over the winter I fell into a fairly black depression. In January 2008 I started seeing a counsellor, but stopped going after four sessions because it became clear that she was incapable of helping me. On the other hand, I did make some positive steps; on the advice of a friend I started taking up dancing lessons. In the process I made a few friends in my town. In retrospect, this seems like quite a bold move.

In the spring it occurred to me that the only thing which really worked for me was my religion, and I started to pick up my spiritual practice with a renewed focus. Things intially seemed a lot brighter, although they went downhill again because of events relating to a dear friend (actually a beloved who can never be my lover). By this time I was in regular phone contact with another friend which helped a lot.

In July I went to the European Hare Krishna festival, but this time with a great deal more faith than last year, and I got a lot more out of it. I met my best friend again, briefly visiting back from China, and since my return things have been much improved. I try to maintain my spiritual practice each day as best I can, and have been regularly associating with my fellow devotees who keep a small temple in London.

This is all the background, and I have written it here just in case any of it is relevant. The reason I am really writing is because of where I find myself today. I feel all in flux; my emotions seem amplified and sometimes out of control. If somebody treats me with love then they can touch me to my heart; if somebody offends me then I become very angry. Inside it feels like somebody has opened a window on a room long untouched, letting the wind in blowing dust and scattering papers all about. Or it feels like somebody has stirred up the mud on the bottom of a pond, and the water that was previously clear and still is now cloudy and turbluent.

I feel as if I am changing, as if some transformation is going on, although I do not know what the end result will be. I also feel that some of these things in my heart are being stirred up in order that I may see them: a chance to recognise things in myself that I would like to change, if you like.

Anyway, that is the end of my story. If anybody feels inspired to help me, I offer my heartfelt gratitude. You can post here or send me a PM. Either is fine.

You will need my details, of course. I was born at roughly 12:10pm British Summer Time in Leicester, England, on the 2nd of July 1976.

Your humble servant,
Rich.

[Dora]

1. I have no astrological advice, just moral support.

Hi. I understand your feelings, and I admire the perspective you have on yourself, "that some of these things... are being stirred up in order that I may see them." That's a gracious place to be, and loving of your self. I applaud you. :applause: I really relate to your post: I'm having difficulty with my emotions right now myself, and also sensing siginificant changes - without being able to identify what the changes are.

It's not easy. But the world is full of love, and light, and those times when we are most down on ourselves are the times that we must work extra hard at loving and accepting ourselves as we are, even if feeling dark, loathesome, and unworthy. If we can embrace ourselves in our solitary darkness, then we can embrace the world.

I hope you find solace here. It's a lovely group of souls.

:hug:

[billyskank]

2. Well, thank you.

I need all the friends I can get, and no number is too many. :hug:

[lildreamer316]

3. Glad to see you here Billy!!

This is really my home when I am on DU. I just forage at the other areas. :)
You write so well. Have you thought about starting a blog?
I don't have any astro help for you either, but wanted to extend a welcome.
:hug:

[billyskank]

4. You made me feel very welcome.

Thank you so much for the compliment. :hug: I would never dream of keeping a blog. I am so insignificant. Who would want to read it?

:loveya:

[I Have A Dream]

5. I thought the same thing as lildreamer; you really *do* write well.

I'd definitely read your blog. Insignificant? ...not a chance.

Welcome to the group, billyskank. You don't know me, but I am familiar with you. I hope that you are able to find the elusive peace for which you search. :hug:

[billyskank]

10. I do know you, or I recognise you at least.

I see you around DU from time to time, and I remember that you have been kind to me in the past. :hug: I never forget that sort of thing.

Thank you. :loveya:

[KitchenWitch]

20. I, for one, would read your blog.

:hug:

[billyskank]

21. Aw.

Thank you. :hug:

[I Have A Dream]

6. I can't read it, but I can at least post your charts to get things started.

I'm just a beginning astrology student, but maybe some others who know more will be able to offer some insight by looking at these charts.

billyskank's natal chart:





billyskank's natal chart with transiting planets on 2007-jan-01:





billyskank's natal chart with transiting planets today (2008-sept-27):

[ricochetastroman]

7. I have your chart from before

I too am having similar feelings as you. In your case it is due to Pluto crossing the bottom of your chart (your deep emotions from past lives) and starting (Since 1/25/08) it's opposition to your Sun in Cancer. This is no simple time that holds a simple panacea. Remember to come up for air now and then, if Pluto had its way, you be deep and serious the whole time. Keep offering to God (of Kali) your old self that needs to burn up and blow away. See it as purging, cleansing, this is no time to hold on to old habits. Let them go. You probably know what you need to let go of - do it. Especially difficult for Cancers is letting go of their "roles" in the family. Sure, family is important, don't change that, but the Cancers I'm talking to are having a hard time finding THEMSELVES apart from their family roles.

I believe you will be fine. You Moon in Virgo along with your Virgo shows your pure heart - as does Venus in Cancer along side you Sun. One thing I would council you against is your close Mercury in Gemini squaring too closely to your ascendant. Translation: You tend to OVER ANALYZE. You don't need analysis; your power is the love in your heart from the Cancer Sun/Venus and Moon in XII.

Stop thinking.

All the best.

[I Have A Dream]

8. Yes, Pluto conjunct the Nadir is the first thing that I noticed.

I didn't know what it meant, though I suspected that it would have the potential to be life-altering.

[billyskank]

9. Thank you very much.

There is a lot to think about there.

Yes, you're right, I do have an idea about the things I want to let go of. The Hare Krishnas talk of anarthas, when translates as "unwanted things" in the heart. It means literally that: during a person's progression, they become aware of things in them that they begin to see as unwanted. I am thinking that some of this is happening to me right now.

My family does not make any strong demands on me, so I have no family role to let go of, but I am thinking this advice applies to other aspects of my life. I believe some people find happiness in dedication to others; but right now I am feeling strongly that I matter too. I am trying to rebalance my life to deal with others in three different ways: (1) compassion for strangers, (2) love for friends who reciprocate, and (3) neglect for people who want to exploit me.

By the way, you are so right and I heartily agree that I over analyze. Did that come out of my chart or from my writing?

Thanks again. x

[I Have A Dream]

11. I don't mean to speak for Rick, but just in case he doesn't see this post...

I think that he's getting the overanalyzing from this (direct quote from his post):

One thing I would council you against is your close Mercury in Gemini squaring too closely to your ascendant. Translation: You tend to OVER ANALYZE.

[ricochetastroman]

12. Exactly IHAD

the close square of Merc/Gemini to the ascendant tends to "lean" him away from his natural "watery" nature and tends to emphasize the double-Virgoness too.

Trust your heart - you're on the right track.

[I Have A Dream]

13. Rick, how would the following be showing up in his life?

I notice transiting Pluto on the Nadir opposite natal Mercury on the Midheaven. That looks pretty big, but I don't see it as something that would be causing what he's describing as his problem. (Although, as you know, I know just enough to be dangerous. :))

[billyskank]

15. I would like to know as well

Because I have no idea what is the meaning of that which you just said. ;)

[billyskank]

14. Interesting

I was once interested in science, I studied physics and loved learning how stuff worked. I still have that aspect to my nature. But in recent years I have learned something that when I was younger I did not suspect: the most important thing to me of all is love. I strongly feel that my real purpose for being here is to learn how to love and be loved. And everything else is secondary.

[I Have A Dream]

16. This is just my opinion from what I see in your chart and what...

I've noticed from posts of yours that I've read... you are hurt very easily.

From what I can see, you have your Sun conjunct Venus in Cancer, which I would think would make you extremely sensitive, so your feelings would be hurt very easily. (I can relate to that because my feelings are hurt extremely easily also.)

You also have both your ascendant and your moon in Virgo, which could make you hyper-critical. (Is that true of you?)

If this is the case, I think that you could have the tendency to say things that might put other people on the defensive (even when, in your opinion, you're only trying to help them be a better person by pointing out these "flaws" which you feel they could correct) and then you get hurt when they respond defensively by lashing out in exasperation. (I haven't noticed this about you, but I'm wondering if this might be happening in your life.) This could push people away when what you really want is deep connection. (On edit: or they could back away from you or avoid you as a way to defend themselves, and then you feel rejected without understanding why this happens to you. Again, I don't know if this is really true for you, but it could be a way that it would manifest in your life, in my opinion.)

Please take all of the above with lots of grains of salt because I'm just starting to learn how to read charts. (Everyone else who really understands astrology, please be gentle with me if I'm wrong! :))

I would so love for you to find happiness and the love that you so desperately desire. It really hurts my heart to see you in such pain. I wish that I could make it happen for you. Please know that I am (and have been) rooting for you!

:hug:

[billyskank]

18. You are certainly right in part.

I do hurt easily. They say you shouldn't wear your heart on your sleeve. But seem to find it impossible not to. :shrug:

I am indeed hyper-critical, but only of myself. I don't go looking for faults in others, but I am extremely hard on myself. Too hard, probably.

Thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot to me. :hug:

:loveya:

[I Have A Dream]

24. Well, then, you need to be as forgiving of yourself as...

you are of others. There's a fine line between requiring yourself to do what's ethically right and expecting perfection of yourself. I try to walk it myself, but I often have to get myself back into balance so that I have room to breathe in the world. Expecting perfection of yourself takes much of the joy out of living. Living ethically makes life more joyful for me since I am at peace with myself. It's taken me a long time to realize this, but my life is sweeter since having made that realization. Love yourself and be gentle with yourself. :hug:

Much love and light to you, billy.

:loveya:

[billyskank]

26. Yes, you are right.

Ha, I easily remember all the things I think I have done wrong, but forget all the things I feel I did right.

There is a difference between humility and self flagellation. That is what I need to learn. ;)

:loveya: :hug:

[MorningGlow]

17. Hi Rich

I'm afraid I can't add anything to the astrology discussion, as that's not really my "thing", but I did want to check in and share my impressions, for what they're worth.

Based on your initial post, the impression I'm getting is that not only are you working out some heavy duty karma in this lifetime (but that's a good thing, right? untie the knots?), but you're also highly sensitive by nature and therefore all the changing energy in the world in general is hitting you especially hard. Like all other sensitives at this point in history, you're being challenged to stretch and grow, and shed all your old traits that won't "work" in the new energy.

Another option is something I've experienced all my life--every seven years (approximately), I have one GODAWFUL year when nothing, and I mean NOTHING goes right. It's absolutely awful. Somewhere along the line I read that every seven years we replace every cell in our bodies (in other words, it takes seven years to complete the exchange cycle). So whether or not the physical is related to the spiritual changeover, I've always thought that we go through periodic transformations that are painful, but necessary. Could be something like that. (The good news--after my bad year, I always have an extremely GREAT year. :D )

From your frequent posts in the Lounge and from the comments made by everyone who's met you (and even those who haven't), it's obvious that you're a dear soul and have a lot of friends pulling for you--and rightly so. Just know that this friend is sending you white light and hoping that your tough times alleviate very soon, and you experience one (actually man) of those extremely great years!

Keep us posted, okay? :hug:

[billyskank]

19. I hope and believe that it is something like that.

I am thinking that it is a direct result of my spiritual practices, a purification or some other sign of progress being made, which would not be occurring if I had never decided to embark on this path.

And thank you. All of you. :hug:

[MorningGlow]

22. That could very well be

Birthing is a pretty painful process, but in the end you have new life that's quite beautiful.

[Fire Walk With Me]

23. Nice to see you here.

Sorry to hear about your turbulence, although it describes in general the overall transit occuring in the world, on both a personal and planet level...we're all cleaning house, in side and out...anything more specific will have to be left to those who do charts.

I've always admired your devotion and practice, and am glad that you've kept it up in spite of any human frailty on the part of others. God bless and keep you always.

[billyskank]

25. Thank you very much.

May God look after you too. :hi:

[Chemical Bill]

27. Oh goody, a chart to look at!

Let me first say that my Sun is at 4 degrees Cancer, 6 degrees away from yours (out of a 360 degree circle). My rising sign is 26 degrees of Virgo, one away from yours. What that means is that we'd probably better not get too close, because we'd hate each other. ;-) Actually that means that our basic makeup and our outlook on the world are similar. I read somewhere that Cancers invented worrying, but I've come to realize that Virgos perfected it.

Cancer natives can be shy, Virgo rising and Virgo and 12th house Moon as well, so dancing is a big step for you. The Sun in the 10th house likes to be in the spotlight, but the shys have it IMO (sorry, couldn't resist).

The 12th house Moon is well placed for meditation and spiritual practice. I must admit that I am prejudiced against organized religions, but I'm not running your life, am I? My favorite religious tradition is Native American, such as taught by Tom Brown Jr. Lately I've been studying the Teachings of Abraham.

Others have brought up a critical nature, which you have admitted as far as self examination goes. I would submit that you only want to help others, and do give constructive comments when you feel it's appropriate. I also submit that you could probably be awfully critical if you wanted, and you are being easy on everybody else by being silent, while you can't exactly hide it from yourself.

Anyway, the current events of astrology are called transits. People have talked about your Pluto transit, with a bit too much emphasis for me. The first thing I saw was the opposition of Uranus to your Moon, which was exact in January of 2007. One thing Cancers don't appreciate is change, and one thing Uranus serves up in bucket fulls is change. The opposition of the planets means that this change is triggered by other people, such as your China bound friend. Plus you are already a nervous type, and Uranus would aggravate this. The good news is that Uranus is moving on, and you can calm down now.

Pluto is a planet that brings much more substantial change. Pluto's influence starts out small, and gets bigger and bigger over a number of years. For example, when Pluto crossed my ascendant, I started smoking pot. It took a few years before I was really good at it, and several more for me to want to feel that good without the pot (Pluto will never cross your ascendant). Pluto opposed your Mercury starting in January of 2006. When I had that transit, several years before, I was helping my then wife build up her yoga school. I felt pressure, but it was nothing compared to what she was going through. I suggest that Pluto opposed your Sun will be a more powerful but still subtle variation on that. Of course, I consider getting married to be subtle, that shows you how I think. I could check back after I go through it, as you will still have time to prepare. For me, it starts in 2010, for you, 2013.

Saturn has also given you a punch lately. In the second half of 2003, and the first of 2004, Saturn transited your Sun. Me, I got divorced. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it isn't necessarily painless. Now Saturn is transiting your Moon. This is great for meditation, for hard work, for building a foundation for the future, and for learning from wise ones. It sucks for immediate gratification. It started in August of this year, and it will be finished with you when you deal with the issues brought up at that time. Looking back on the last time Saturn transited my Moon, I remember moving from apartment to apartment, and an unrequited love or two. The next year I met my future wife, who brought great joy and positive change, and who is still a beloved friend.

Anyway, good luck with your assignment (life, that is).

Bill

[billyskank]

28. Wow, there is so much there I hardly know where to start.

Thank you so much. Many of the things you said ring true. I do own up to shyness, although it only affects me in my personal life. I do not have a big problem with getting up and performing in front of a lot of people, for instance. In fact I often enjoy it: I am a bit of a showoff. ;) But put me in a one-to-one situation with a girl I like, and there my shyness overwhelms me. That is probably why I spend most of my life alone. I don't have the courage to show a woman that I like her, or the instinct to show her what a good boyfriend I would make.

As for finding faults in others, well, you may of course submit it, but I could not possibly comment. :) But in all seriousness, I find so much lacking in myself that I could never criticise somebody else without them (justifiably) pointing the finger back at me. Even if I do want to help others, which I do, I am quite cautious about giving advice, knowing that advice is a dangerous gift, and having only a little faith in my own wisdom.

If you are prejudiced against organised religions, I think you will have no problem with me. A less organised religion you are unlikely to find. ;)

I certainly do find change unsettling, and you are right that I have a nervous nature. Lately I find myself suffering quite badly from anxiety, in fact, and I hope very much that it will go away soon. I am flying to the US at the end of this month, and airplane flights can give me the heebie jeebies! If I do indeed calm down soon, that will make me very pleased.

I guess it is the change in my life that is bothering me, in the end. I can feel that it is going on, and I am hopeful that it will be for the better, but it is quite a bumpy road and I am not enjoying the journey. I think that I was basically looking for a hand to hold to steady myself, while I find a new footing.

Many thanks again.

[Chemical Bill]

29. My godfrey, you're coming just before the election??!!??

It's enough to throw anyone out of whack. Close your eyes, put your hands on your heart chakra and breathe deeply. And remember, anyone can meditate in an Ashram, the trick is to be able to meditate in a bar.

Bill