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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-22-08 02:41 PM
Original message
Any vibes on this?
My sister is in a state of complete emotional distress.

She had a huge fight with her husband which escalated and became physical (on her part).

He has left her, and she doesn't know where he is. It's been a week, and she's desperate to at least talk to him. She keeps asking me if I think he'll return, and I don't know what to say.

Any insights? She's a Libra, btw, and he's an Aquarius.
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villager Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-22-08 03:09 PM
Response to Original message
1. I guess this means they don't have kids?
Edited on Mon Sep-22-08 03:45 PM by villager
My Ex was physically abusive, as well. I was forced to stay in touch with her, however, since I had to keep parenting my boys...
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-22-08 03:15 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. No kids.
Edited on Mon Sep-22-08 03:16 PM by amitten
And it's not normally an abusive relationship. They don't get along well, but in 7 years she has lashed out physically only twice (last time, she'd been drinking, which she normally doesn't do). None of this excuses her behavior, however.

She has since sought counseling and is being medicated for anger issues. She is desperate to mend things and wants my input. I have no idea what to say.

And I'm sorry you were abused.
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villager Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-22-08 03:47 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. Thanks. My own Ex always refused to get any help for her rage issues
..when the two of us were together.

She's somewhat more together these days, which is better for the boys, course.

And thanks, btw. No one deserves it. Even those who seem to deserve it -- like, say Bush or Cheney, et al -- got that way, no doubt, because somewhere it happened to them...

A toxic version of "the Circle Game," I guess...

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Delphinus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-22-08 05:23 PM
Response to Original message
4. I don't get that he's dead,
if that was a concern.

Sending healing vibes to both of them - may love prevail.
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northernlights Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-22-08 06:02 PM
Response to Original message
5. can't write as an astrologer
cause I'm not. But I grew up physically, mentally and emotionally abused by my parents and older siblings.

I lived with a bf for 6 months. He started with emotional abuse. And then he hit me...once. That was the end. No discussion. Just quietly packed my things, moved out of the bedroom and 1 week later out of his house. Had he offered, an apology would have been accepted but the relationship would still have been over.

I'm sorry that your sister is desperate to talk to him, but it takes two to converse. He doesn't seem to be desperate, or even interested, in talking to her.

I'm concerned that you write that it's "only" happened a couple times. Once with counseling might be good for a second chance, but going to counseling now, after repeated violence to where he's left her, is a lot like locking the barn door after the horse has made a run for it.

Violence is a deal-breaker. Period. I guess that's the lesson she's learning now. You can't force someone to be in a sick relationship. If and when he's ready for conversation, he'll know where to find her. She needs accept the possibility that he decided "enough" and that he had a right to make that choice. In the meantime, she needs to learn to not be desperate to talk to him. She needs to accept that he may never want to talk to her again, and to not blame him for that. And if he does, to be damn grateful for a second chance.

In short, she needs to focus on healing herself.

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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-22-08 10:37 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. Agreed. I am just so so sad fot the both of them. n/t
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conscious evolution Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-23-08 08:16 AM
Response to Reply #5
9. Violence is a deal-breaker. Period.
I agree 100% with this.
The last person I want to spend my time and/or life with is someone who resorts to violence in the heat of the moment.
He's gone and I doubt he will be coming back. I know I wouldn't.
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midnight Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-22-08 10:18 PM
Response to Original message
6. So sad for your sister and her husband. Marriage can
test us in ways that we could never guess. I think that's why the vows are written to reflect the seriousness of times in sickness and health. I know it is easy to love when things are not challenging. I will pray for your sister, as this is a difficult time for her, and those who have the will to pray for this married couple please pray that they find some answers to their difficult time.
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-22-08 10:39 PM
Response to Reply #6
8. Thank you. When she's not angry, my sis is the nicest person I
know.

She has a genuine chemical imbalance, where her rage spins out of control. I'm happy she's been seeking help. I hope that somehow she can heal herself, and maybe the marriage.
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LiberalEsto Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-23-08 05:08 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. Maybe this could help her
http://www.codependents.org /

"Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships."
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-24-08 12:52 AM
Response to Reply #10
11. Thank you for this. n/t
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amitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-29-08 12:25 AM
Response to Original message
12. A kick for my Sis. She's in a lot of pain. n/t
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southerncrone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-01-08 09:01 PM
Response to Original message
13. I'd bet he won't be back.
If they've been together for 7 years, could be a Saturn return involved & time for them to make a change.

Northernlights is right, violence IS a deal-breaker. Aquarians are often very tolerant, but only to a point & violence is crossing the line for them. I suggest you sister explore her own inner demons & focus on WHY she resorted to violence. Librans are generally peaceful, non-combatives, unless there is an affliction in her chart.

Aquarius can live alone easily; not so much Libra, they have an inborn need to be with a partner.

Obviously, this is all based on generalities of the Sun sign only & human nature.



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