Okay. I think we need help...maybe a small miracle.

[lildreamer316]

Those of you who have been following the saga of my husband deciding to leave his job, I'm talking about that again.

It's been two weeks and a day, and we are not seeing an improvement financially. Yes, maybe it's too soon given the nature of the business, but he came home this eveing very upset.

I need help, myself. I have attempted to be as supportive as I can, but I must say, that is not much. I am embarrassed to admit that I am not happy about this at all, and there have been a couple 'strong discussions' on the subject in the last week. I am finding it strange that his intution told him so very strongly that it was the right thing to do, and mine is equally strongly yelling that it was NOT.

What has upset me even more is the fact that I am unable to get a positive spin on this as it pertains to the Abraham-Hicks feelings scale = in other words, I am unable to overcome my feelings of upset and anger and move to a more positive place, so as to manifest the prosperity we want and need. I am still stuck in resentment and anger as I type, and these feelings have persisted for over a week, maybe more. Compounding this is the fact that I know I'm doing damage by not being able to get into a positive frame of mind. I just feel so very strongly about this that I can't see past it.

When husband went to the old job this evening to pick up his last check, one manager was extremely rude to him, and they shorted him four hundred dollars.As of this weekend, we are down about $2000 from where we would have been if he was still at the old job.

Why would the Universe, that has always provided for us to be able to pay our bills, "take" money away? Unless this was the "wrong" move? Or we are supposed to learn some lesson? Why?

This makes me angry also! We struggled for so long..finally, we were ok...I was relaxed, at peace with our situation; and (I thought) doing a good job of keeping on the positive side of manifestation.

Did I do something wrong? Did "karma" catch up to me? Do I not have enough faith in the flow? I suppose not..

I have been trying my hardest to 'act as if'; buying what we need without clipping coupons or mentally counting every penny; like I used to do before I learned better. But I'm not seeing any evidence that this is working.

Honestly, I'm scared. And angry. And worried...and I know that none of these emotions are constructive or helpful.

Any insight anyone has, any prayers, vibes, healing for my soul and his...reki and peace for those who are so angry with him for leaving...would be greatly welcomed and appreciated.

He eventually wanted to return to the old job, once some issues there had been sorted out..but wanted to try his hand at a different place - one where he has more creative control. We are both having a hard time understanding that if he is doing something he loves, and is in a place where he can do it the best, where is the money?

I greatly appreciate the patience that you all have shown me and mine; putting up with our drama. I always get such great help here -and I need to emphasize that this is really the only place I can turn to with something like this. Both my parents are dead; I am an only child, and for some reason I just don't seem to have very many really close friends. I have lots of aquantiances! The one or two ppl I could talk to are very busy with their own lives, as I am sure you all are. I am at home most of the time with our son. My extended family lives two hours away; and were never really close.

Thank you all for the support you have always shown me. I hope I am not getting on your nerves too much.

Love,
lildreamer316

[LaurenG]

1. Hi lildreamer

It sounds like you're going through a bit of a tough time. Try not to worry, and take this a day at a time or a moment at a time if need be.

Since your husband likes what he's doing it might be that it will take a few more weeks for him to get into the grove of the new job. Perhaps this is about him and you are just along for the ride. This has happened to my family more than once and each time things worked out. There is a strong possibility that he is in a learning job. You know one that he will learn a tremendous amount that can be used for the future. I always think of these jobs as on the job training. A temporary place that a small amount of money is earned but the experience is worth more than gold. He may not even realize that he's been given an opportunity yet but effort is energy and will have to turn into something.

If you have to cut back, it won't be the end of the world, it just means there is a delay that will help to guide him to do what he's really there to do. One usually never knows why things happen until after the fact and sometimes then it's still not clear.

There is nothing wrong with your faith, it's normal to feel this way and the negative energy can still propel us to do what we need to do. I think that for me, these times have just shown me that patience was all I needed. One of two things will happen; he'll start to make enough money to satisfy what he needs or it will occur to him that he needs to move on.

As far as Karma, who knows, but through the years I've come to realize that karma is nothing more than our own judgment of ourselves, that it's us who decides to make corrections. A very dear and wise woman once taught me that Karma truly ends when we forgive ourselves. That meant that I had to lighten up on me and everyone else going through the trauma living on earth can bring.

Hang in there I know the answers are there, just persevere, don't give up, it's how we really bring things to fruition. Acceptance and perseverance are all you need in most things.

Hang in there. Good vibes and abundant thoughts to you and yours.

:hug:

[lildreamer316]

5. Thank you..

I do know that about karma...I don't really believe that I've been dealing with that. One of my fave books talks about how we have moved past that now, about how it is usually no longer needed. I just can't seem to find any good explanation for the reason I am still feeling this way when I know I need to be patient and supportive.

I think he knows very well that this is an opportunity! I am the one who does not feel this way. I certainly hope you are right - that this is a good learning place..

As far as cutting back; I don't mean to imply that I'm spending a lot; lol!! But what I am worried about is that our bills are based on what he was making; and he reassured me that he would be making a decent amount here.. I had just sent in something to a govt. agency that requires an extra $200 a month from us starting this month..so our bills just increased while our income significantly decreased. This is where my lack of faith comes in. I know logically that this could be a problem...I am supposed to have faith that this will magically correct itself. Well, I think I'm failing that test right now. ;(

I am going to try to keep myself quiet and listen, and think about what everyone has said.
Thanks again.

[LaurenG]

8. I know the anguish. There was a point in my life that I was supporting

my husband who had just gotten out of the army, two teenage boys and my daughter and granddaughter. I was making $7.00 an hour and it all fell on me. Then the gov wanted $900 because my husband had been "overpaid" while in the service. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.

Everything worked out, through conscientiousness and telephone calls to creditors and jobs suddenly becoming available. Things work out and they will for you as well. I wish I could just sit with you and talk and give you a hug, I'd want to tell you in person, it's going to be OK. It might not work out they way you'd planned (things rarely do) but it will. :hug:

[crikkett]

13. It might be as simple as a difference in the sexes

... men seeming more secure in taking risks than women, and women in my experience are happy with those risks happening ONLY when there's a secure baseline to fall back on. I think it's an effect of hormones.

When I deal with supporting my husband's risks I keep thinking back to a documentary I saw in Junior High School that I thought was very profound.

It was about an African hunting/gathering tribe whose men form bands that spend weeks in the wilderness hunting large game (in this case giraffe) while women stay home growing vegetables and raising children.

The vegetables are staples and the meat is well... meat. Both are needed for a good life. When the meat comes in there's a huge celebration and when it doesn't, the men come home to eat yams.

So I console myself by (symbolically) doing what I can to keep yams in the house. I try to meet that minimum threshold so that I can feel secure.

It also (ironically) falls in line with one of the most important lessons my mother taught me: that a feminist can finance her own household if she needs to. How cool is it that ancient and modern wisdom agree?

I know you have your doubts but I wonder if you think your situation can afford you taking a deep breath and trusting your husband to go off and catch his big game.

I'm praying for you (and us all).

[MagickMuffin]

2. First off don't feel bad about seeking our help/guidance, lildreamer

Secondly I have sorta the same experience. That is my hubby and I have tried to be good and honest people. However, we have been struggling to survive on very very little income.

Hubby has been involved in a start up internet service and the funds have not come in. He has been doing a lot of work for free in the hopes of the company finally getting the financial backing it needs to becoming a great service to the general public. So far this has been going on for several years and his boss has spoken with many companies who always seem interested but decide not to fund us. It is very frustrating.

I too was asking why we never seem to be rewarded by the universe for our endeavors. But I usually pass it off as maybe some day it will come to us. For those who wait good things will happen approach.

Lucky the last month one of my former coworkers asked us if we would be interested in helping a company rework its logo, and website. Hell yes, was all he needed to hear and he got us in touch with the company. We met with the owner and had already worked up some ideas on his new logo, along with letterheads and business card designs. The owner was very impressed and didn't bat an eye when he asked what our rates would be. He had been burned by previous graphic artists and was ready to make the change he desperately needed.

Another good thing that has come about was I have been active in our local Obama campaign. This is totally a local and not a National group. They were looking to upgrade/update their website and I was fortunate enough that I got to sit in on a conference call. I requested that my hubby sit in as well. It turned out to be a good thing he did. He has been in charge of upgrading/updating along with a couple of other people. This is also a non paying job, but one of the other team member has several websites and she is a software designer and has decided she would like us to help her with some of her other work. Yippee.

We have been living on credit cards for a long long time and getting more in debt.

But maybe things are starting to look up. It would be so nice to be able to pay down some of our over extended debts.


I don't know how to relate to your exact situation except to try and take a different approach of being angry and frustrated. I can understand the frustration and how it can consume emotions. But it will only make matters worse and maybe very counterproductive in the long run.

I don't think you've done anything wrong and that you are being punished. Sometimes it just takes time to realize a dream. Maybe your husband needs to really determine if this was the right move. I know from your other posts on this topic that he felt this was the right decision for him, and he may be feeling let down and is having a hard time facing up to the fact that it was not necessarily the best decision. Please don't be upset, it will only make the situation harder. I know that can be difficult, believe me, I've had similar feelings about my situation with hubby. But I just let things play out and try not to make matters worse for the both of us.

I will send your family positive vibes, love, and light in hopes that it will help with the pain you are experiencing.:hug:

I hope this will give you some things to consider. Like you, I don't have a lot of close friends. So, I understand where you're coming from.

[lildreamer316]

12. Hey...

:hug: Thanks.

I am re-reading an absorbing everything...

[Callie McAllie]

3. I hope things will get better for both of you soon

People have given me lots of good advice at this place, and I have needed it more than usual the past month or so. One thing that came out of all that advice for me was to "focus on the light." It is so easy to get dragged down into the mud, angry, frustrated, worried about money, fighting out of ego. Now whenever I start to feel that way, I just remind myself to focus on the light. Somehow it puts the petty, day-to-day stuff into perspective and I rise above it. I try to focus on all the things that are going well...we are healthy, we have a home, we have jobs, we have friends, we have each other, etc. As a friend of mine's mother used to say "you could be lying in the gutter with cancer."

Could you be angry about something beyond your husband's job choice? It is his choice, after all. I don't mean to speculate, but maybe there's something in the act of his choosing this job despite your misgivings that echoes for you somehow. Like you feel he doesn't listen to you, or you feel he doesn't care about anyone but himself, or you expected a better lifestyle than he can provide, or you resent being controlled by his choices? Writing in a private journal, analyzing events to find the core aspect that is generating the negative emotions, has also been helpful for me in the past. Once you figure out what is really eating at you, you can figure out a way to address it that maybe doesn't really hinge on his job.

Finally, the sad reality is that there are lots and lots of people...most of us, perhaps...who are suffering financially these days, living on credit cards. Thank you, George Freaking W Bush. I hope that will get better, but I expect it won't be too soon. So maybe it would be a good idea to start clipping coupons and shopping sales again. I know I am.

Good luck with this. Keep trying to get positive.

:hug:

[lildreamer316]

6. That's exactly it., Callie

and I know that it is..

I resent being controlled by his choices, as well as the fact that at the moment, it has made him unhappy.

Now, the point is, that I had plans to change this! I was working on getting back to work - but there was a big thing I needed to do this fall and winter (that entails me being laid up for a bit; and therefore needing someone to watch my son - money is needed for that since we have no close friends or relatives to watch him). I had discussed this plan with him; the timetable, etc.
My work depends on a certain look. I am 35. I am doing a lot to keep myself in shape, but I'm not getting any younger. His work does not depend on this, but we both work in the same industry, and I know he knows very well what it takes on my end to do the job correctly. I counted on his support to make my re-entry into the biz; but now I am going to have to wait EVEN LONGER because of his decison.

We needed to save money, and now that seems to be impossible.

We don't have credit cards, and are doing our best to do without them...

And yes, I know I could have it much worse. That's part of the reason I'm posting - I'm finding it impossible to even find a place of appreciation for what I do have. That's selfish, and I know it.

I was so happy! Now I'm lost, trying to find my way back to that again.

Thanks for your kind thoughts. I am going to meditate on what everyone has said and hope some light will come through.

[Callie McAllie]

9. Now I feel like you're getting down to it

You had planned to go back to work, needed something done this fall and winter before you could. And your work depends on a certain look, he knows what it takes for you to do your job correctly. You had discussed this with him and still he made a choice for himself.

Does he agree you need something done before you can go back to work? Is he jealous of your work, or your looks? I'm trying to figure out why he would do something that feels so undermining of your career.

Is there something else related to work that you can do in the meantime, that will help you get back that feeling of control over your own life? Networking or research or something? Or maybe there's a related job you can do, that doesn't involve being out in front like you are, that doesn't require the big thing you feel you need to do.

No wonder you feel so controlled by his choices. Part of this, it seems to me, is that you are also controlled by a certain physical criteria for a person in your line of work. Does that frustrate you? Because it sure would frustrate me. Like you said, none of us is getting any younger.

[NuttyFluffers]

10. Callie gives excellent talk therapy. Troubles invite dialogue at best, venting at worst

but that's part of the reward of troubles: to see and to "sound off/soundboard" where you are. this liberates you from traveling on autopilot of preconceived notions or plans. sometimes plans need interruption for you to see beyond limited vision and reach a greater reward or goal.

have a talk with your husband. choose either a constructive or venting session, both are quite productive. constructive one's often involve speaking in "i feel" mode and paperwork of listing attributes and faults in columns. venting is also fun, where it's a vomit of ill feelings until some real unspoken insight comes through. choose when to do either or both, schedule it, write it for the calendar, give it a topic or 5, and an egg timer. i recommend pillows or foam bats for venting sessions, too.
;)

perhaps the routine of you going back to your old career really isn't where "the universe" feels you can do the most good? or maybe there's latent unconscious sabotage your husband? or maybe there's resentment being used as a foundational keystone to your greater heights without consideration for his needs of you for his greater heights? or maybe all this thinking positive becomes shaky faith when tested with a call to really appreciate blessings? or maybe you find these setbacks as a challenge to your will without embracing that maybe your will just isn't seeing all its options? who knows what's deep in the morass of a family relationship! but that's part of the ... uh, it's not really appropriate to call it fun, but whatever... fun of trouble, to dig up the unspoken conversations into the light.

go back into positive thoughts later. sometimes to "see the light," let alone being able to focus on it, requires us to lift our heads from our labors and plans. and if you've been ignoring quite a few stuff lately, sometimes the best way to grab your attention is to throw a monkey wrench in the day-to-day mix. pisses us off, but sometimes that's a good thing; we can be stubborn little creatures, even when outer forces want to help us.

[BlueIris]

4. You have some PMs. nt

[MorningGlow]

7. Oh, LD, I'm so sorry this is a difficult time for you

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I read your post a couple of times, plus thought about your previous threads on the topic, and this is what I'm getting...

Okay. First of all, as you said, it's only been a couple of weeks. I do know how terrifying it can be, seeing your income drop dramatically. Snarf--you should have seen my panic when I quit my job and we had to subsist on Mr. MG's job only. I'm talking cold sweats, nightmares, insomnia, the works! We have a lot of debt and a house in mid-renovation (that sure came to a screeching halt--we STILL don't have tile in our bathroom, and we've been here 2 1/2 years), and I'm the one who writes the checks, so I was in a permanent state of freakout. Not to scare you, but our reduced-income state lasted quite a while--about a year before my freelance work took off. HOWEVER, we never got so "up against it" that we were in serious financial trouble...although I try not to look at our credit card bill, because some serious car repairs had to go on it, and of COURSE our TV had to shit the bed during our tight financial times. :eyes: Even now, a year and a half into this new way of life, we're still operating on a lower budget, but somehow it's working. So bear that in mind for your own situation! :)

Second, I don't think karma or the LOA punishes anyone for having a crisis of faith ;) -- and you know that at heart, right? But it is possible to convince ourselves only to see the dark side of something if we get into that mindset. You know how to pull yourself out of it of course, but sometimes that takes time.

Third (and don't hate me for this!), do you think there's any possibility that you kind of want to be right? You had mentioned that you were a little put out that your husband's instinct seemed to be more accurate in this situation than yours was because yours was usually always right. Do you think you might be seeing the situation from a kind of "told you so" viewpoint, when it's not the case at all? If not, then no worries. But if there's any chance that a little of that is sneaking in, it could be affecting how you view the situation when it's not really that way at all.

The most important thing to bear in mind is that it's only been a couple of weeks. Try not to panic (I know--easier said than done), and look at your financial situation as it is TODAY, not what you fear it might be down the line. Did your husband ever get that $400 they shorted him? If there's one thing I have learned from our financial situation, it's to be responsible and account for every penny. If you and your husband have been "casual" about money in the past, perhaps this lesson applies...?

We're all pulling for you here, LD. It really is a great place for support, isn't it? :grouphug:

[Why Syzygy]

11. LD .. It's a pattern.

Something just came to me about myself and maybe it applies here too.

The details aren't important. WHY you feel this way or your intuitions being quirky are just dressing on the side. This job that job, not important. It's the pattern here that needs to be observed.

Last week I had 2-3 crash and burn days. I got too overwhelmed with 'reality'. It was quite an emotional ordeal, but the details could have been anything. It always involves money, most likely. My best therapist maintained that in dreams money = power. In the energy field, we consider it "energy".

This week, I have started sleeping right (I did get some Rx help with this (full disclosure)) and I have Energy to get up and accomplish. Actually yesterday I took the time to get some things given away so I have room to maneuver for the rest of the work. I feel CONFIDENT. I'm not worried about money, but feel assured that I am capable of meeting those needs. ps. Reading conscious evolution's posts this morning helped me A LOT. You never know where inspiration will come from.

To put it together. The money fear is actually a fear about loss of personal power. Your confidence is challenged by new circumstances. Circumstances almost never turn out the way we hope we plan them to. Something will inspire us to again assert our personal power (aka money), and our Confidence is greater than ever, having been given a shot of challenge. Like an immune system perhaps.

There's the pattern.

Something interesting happened while I was crashed. I isolated into a video game, Sims 2. It's a 3D game based on people and their lives, needs, relationships. It is very sophisticated and quite fascinating on many levels. As one of my characters aged, her Aspirations (very important detail) narrowed. She used to derive pleasure from learning skills and interactions with other characters. Now all she looked forward to was eating a hamburger every day OR one of the family members getting married or having babies. Nothing for herself. She didn't have enough energy to get dressed. It was depressing. I started focusing more on her needs and getting her a hamburger every day, and let her start practicing a new skill, until she was feeling better.

POINT BEING ... If we don't have dreams and aspirations in our lives, we will slowly die. It's those things we look forward to that give us the steam to keep going, all Zen aside for this purpose. Live in the moment, we must. But your aspiring to return to the stage is your fuel, gf.

[Shallah Kali]

14. The answer will come from an unexpected source (or quarter)

I thought of you last night when trying to sleep and wished I had some words of wisdom or insight to help you through this trying time when that popped into my head. I hope this is accurate so keep your eyes peeled just in case!


I don't know if this will be of any help but here is something I do when I get overwhelmed and can't let an emotion go. When I am in a calm moment I deliberately go into the feeling focusing on it and going as deep into it as I can until I find the source. Generaly I have found when something hits me so hard beyond what I believe the current situation should be evoking and i can't feel it and let it go there is generally something(s) in my past getting triggered by the current. I track it down by finding where in my body do I feel it and zooming in on those parts. Also if I keep saying a certain phrase I use that as the focus. For example when I am on my last nerve and catch myself saying "i don't know why I bother. I might as well give up" i know that came from my Mom who got it from her Dad and that I am re reacting to my frightened feelings I felt as a kid when my Mom would say that or that I am simply carrying her emotions from that time as well as I have always been such a good little empathic sponge.

[lildreamer316]

15. Thanks so much, Shallah.

I remember you saying something about that meme before. I will definately try your suggestion.

I feel better today. I had a 'cathartic moment' yesterday, and I am calmer now.

[Shallah Kali]

17. Focusing in on the sensation, emotion and any key phrase can be used for hypnotic induction

I have done body centered psychotherapy for years and my therapist has used this many times with me tho only occasionally for hypnosis. In either case I find it useful and sometimes the darnedest things come up. For example when working to root out issues that hinder me reaching a healthier weight I accessed a memory of being teased by adult relatives for being too thin of all things at a family gathering where I met most of them for the first time. The ones doing the teasing were all on the plump to down right unhealthy weight range which is probably why they felt the urge to tease scrawny beanpole 'play her ribs like a xylophone' 'you had better shape up or ship out' 7 year old me. I had never forgotten this but it was as if the emotions were stored separately from the memory so while I recalled it as being unpleasant I didn't feel the shame and I wish the ground would open up and swallow me embarrassment until recently so I could let it out. It was a few months after accessing this and a few other things that I started loosing weight without really trying. I just was not as hungry as I used to be so I ate a little bit less, then a little be less than that and the scale started creeping down.

I hope you find the technique useful as well. I figure accessing even minor things lowers my stress and reactivity level so that I can deal with life better and with fewer buttons waiting to be pushed so for practice I have used this on smaller issues as well as the heavy duty STUFF with my therapist.

[Callie McAllie]

16. I read this and I just have to say that I love you all!

We each come at these things from such different angles...head, heart, body, other world...what a wonderful team effort! I wish the whole world could be as open and accepting as we are of the different strengths we bring to a problem. Bless you all.