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took two steps toward forgiveness this week

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Callie McAllie Donating Member (873 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-08-08 07:52 AM
Original message
took two steps toward forgiveness this week
Something is definitely happening on this front for me. I had an epiphany this week and realized something that allowed me to take one step toward letting go of this bitter anger that I feel toward a woman boss who tortured me emotionally and financially in my old job. After I had that revelation, I was able to cancel the google alert I have on her so I can be the first to know where next she lands, job-wise. It really feels good to get past this vengeful anger.
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I Have A Dream Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-08-08 08:53 AM
Response to Original message
1. Congratulations, Callie! That is really wonderful!
I hope that your steps towards forgiveness continue until you are, probably the first time in a long time, standing free on your own without things like this holding you down and leeching the energy out of you. It truly is a wonderfully freeing experience to no longer having to drag things like that around with you.

:hug:

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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-08-08 12:17 PM
Response to Original message
2. I've found praying for them works
it really fu#$s them up

:evilgrin:
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Callie McAllie Donating Member (873 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-08-08 01:47 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. Nice
But I'm not sure it would allow me to be rid of my vengefulness. I'll leave the praying to the other people she screwed over. They are legion.
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ayeshahaqqiqa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-08-08 03:35 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. You've done a wonderful job
beginning the process. No need to pray, I think; I don't pray for those who have wounded me. But you may wish to pray for yourself in this manner.

If you are familiar with the Lord's Prayer, you know the lines about "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." In his book, "Prayers of the Cosmos", Neil Douglas-Klotz explains the meaning of these lines as spoken in Aramaic:

"Loose the bonds of anger and sorrow we have with one another, that we can be liberated."

There is a Dance that is done to the prayer in Aramaic; when we come to these lines, we dance free form and in joy as if we have freed ourselves from all bonds. I have found that, by forgiveness, those bonds can be loosened, and that, yes, you get a feeling liberation from doing so. But the whole process, for me at least, takes years to accomplish. So congratulate yourself on the steps you have taken, and know that, as the process continues, you will be rid of your vengefulness. Follow your own inner guidance on how to do this.
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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-08-08 06:01 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. oddly, it does help with getting rid of those resentments IME
YMMV

:hi:
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ayeshahaqqiqa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-08-08 03:30 PM
Response to Original message
4. I'm so glad you were able to do this
When we are angry at someone, we actually create an emotional tie, or cord, with them. Some healers even say that as long as the cord is nourished with anger and ill thoughts, we stay attached to them and may even pick up on their karma. I would say that by holding onto grudges we create our own. Letting go, through forgiveness of ourselves, the offending party, and the whole situation, is something that can be very liberating. In my experience, however, forgiveness comes in layers; you think you've taken care of the situation, but something triggers the emotional reaction in you again, and you must, once again, forgive. Be prepared to lovingly continue the process for as long as it takes. The connection will eventually cease, I think.

If I may, an example from my past:

When I was in high school, there was a girl who pretended to be my friend, yet turned on me. She became a tormentor, and did everything she could to shatter my self-esteem. And, sadly, she was the only person who had befriended me when I first attended this high school, which was out of my neighborhood. At the time, I didn't realize that I could have gone on to make other friends, and I believed her lies about myself as well. Over the years, I tried forgiving her in various ceremonies. Even thought that I had finally cut the cord when I burned my yearbook-the one in which she had written vile things about me. And then, this past week, I discovered a Paul Simon song I'd not heard, even though it was an old one. Part of the lyrics talked of a person looking back at their high school yearbook, how some of the classmates had died, some had fled from themselves, or struggled from here to get there. And it brought back the memories once again. But this time they were different. I could look upon what was done without negative emotions. And suddenly I realized what a good teacher this girl had been. If it was not for her, I would not have learned compassion, not realized how our actions can effect another, how important self esteem is. And I forgave myself, and then her--but this time with a thank you for what she had done in helping me along my spiritual path. And I felt light within.

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Callie McAllie Donating Member (873 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Mar-09-08 10:34 PM
Response to Reply #4
7. I do totally understand that
As much as I hate this woman, as difficult as she made my life at the time, the fact of my stepping out of that job, a job I had totally been groomed for, allowed me to have the thing I truly wanted, which was to spend more time with my son, who was then in elementary school.

It all happens for a reason, I absolutely believe that. We have lessons to learn and sometimes we don't even know what they are. Even knowing all that, undestanding that, I have clung to my hatred of this woman. I am grateful to let that go. It does continue to tie you to that person, hating them.

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