Why do I do this ? Crap.

[hippiechick]

So I got a phone call from a consulting service last evening, they saw my resume on Monster.com and wanted to talk to me about a possibility in Lafayette, about an hour north of here. I listened to what he had to say, thought about it over night, and emailed him this afternoon with a "thank you, but no". WHY AM I SUCH A CHICKEN ???

Pro's:
* My current boss just gave her notice, so now would be the perfect time for me to leave Conseco - things are a little bit unsteady, to say the least.

* There's nothing keeping me here in Indy - my social life pretty much doesn't exist. I can be online anywhere.

* The consulting firm would send me to 3 weeks of intense project training prior to my hitting the ground with the client - training that I can take anywhere down the road.

* My pay would just aboout double!

Con's:
* Its an hour each way, every day. That would mean +12 hours each day HippieDog Hank and RayCharles the Beagle would be home alone; peeing, pooping, tearing stuff up.

* The project is scheduled to last a year - not long enough to justify moving up there, but too long to tolerate that kind of drive every day (especially in winter on wide-open Hwy I-65).

* Consultants can be let go at the drop of a hat - 'we don't like you', 'the budget's been cut', 'we've chosen a new direction' ... so there's no security.

* The project is only scheduled to go a year - then what? Flipping burgers at McDonald's? Or do I pick up and move again to where ever the next project takes me?

I continually bitch that I want to leave Conseco, and out of the blue an opportunity presents itself but all I can do is shoot it full of holes and run away from it.

What the heck is wrong with me???? :spank:

[LaurenG]

1. I think I would have said no too

It just wasn't right and you felt it. I say go with that and keep looking. :hug:

[hippiechick]

7. But, it's not that it didn't 'feel' right ...

... its that I'm SO averse to stepping out of my comfort zone - giving up a little control in exchange for something new and possibly amazing. As time has progressed, I've gotten so "stuck" in my rut that my world has become almost frighteningly small.

:( I'm a grown up, I shouldn't be a fraidy cat anymore. Why am I afraid of success ?

[BlueIris]

2. There's nothing wrong with you.

Just because it was an opportunity doesn't mean it was the opportunity. I think the universe was just letting you know that you have options, and maybe giving you a way to define what you want for yourself financially if it isn't your current job.

[Bluestar]

3. A few comments from an ex-consultant

You are correct about the lack of security in consulting, but that is also true working for a corporation--there are no guarantees. But here are a few things to think about.

-If you are going to double your salary, hire a dog-walker to come in and exercise your dogs a couple of times a day.

-If you double your salary, you put yourself in a whole new league as far as salary goes--save the extra money in anticipation that you could be laid off. If it happens it will be easier to get a higher paying job once you have increased your salary so substantially.

-Even if this company doesn't have another project for you after this one ends, there is always a big demand for project managers. If you are good at what you do, you can pick and choose the assignments--maybe even to a larger city, better climate, whatever you want. This could open a lot of doors for you personally. They will pay your relocation expenses.

-Working for a consulting firm will expose you to all kinds of problems and solutions within companies in a very short time. Why? Because you will bounce ideas off of your consulting colleagues who are on other projects, write methodology and be exposed to lots of information. The learning opportunity is tremendous. This just makes you that much more marketable. There is a reason that consultants are paid so much--they gain a broad knowledge of business solutions by their exposure to so many different business situations.

The biggest drawback to a consulting lifestyle is the travel. If you are not happy traveling 80-100% of the time, this is not for you. On the other hand, maybe that sounds exciting to you. Your company could have an assignment for you where you would spend 5 days a week at the client, they would fly you there every week and pay all your expenses. Depending on your family situation, this could be either a nightmare or a genuine adventure.

Best of luck to you and I'm sending you love and light.

Bluestar

[hippiechick]

6. Thanks you are so very correct.

:hug:

[Sanity Claws]

4. Bluestar offered some great advice

There is no security in regular employment either. This board has talked about the law of attraction before. Part of it involves accepting. Are you not able to accept? Or did the off
er just not feel right?

[hippiechick]

5. Yes, Bluestar's words were very wise ...

O8) ... with a few minor adjustments to my lifestyle, I could accept, and it would open the very doors Bluestar mentioned, but for some reason whenever something unexpected like this happens - personal or professional - my initial reaction is (to quote Monty Python) RUN AWAY!!.

:shrug: I have no idea why, and because I let fear make the decision for me, I have talked myself out of alot of good things over the years. :(

[Why Syzygy]

8. maybe?

You could start with something small and less dangerous than changing your entire life in one fell swoop? That job, from Bluestar's description, seems awesome. Personally, I would encourage you to re-think and if possible check into it again. However, I'm also thinking that there might be some other way for you to step out of your safety zone in order to build confidence that it is 'okay'. Can you go to a meetup or Toastmasters or some other group to test the waters?

[hippiechick]

9. Thanks, Votes ...

... those are some good thoughts. Back in the day, Kef and I (along with IndianaGreen) organized and ran the 'Hoosiers for Dean' meetups and yahoo group, and it was quite a good time until members with egos and political agendas started maneuvering .... sigh.

I think what I need to do mostly is just step away from the computer and get myself back out in public, get comfortable being around people I don't know, and learn to tolerate & take interest in them again.

I feel like such an old fuddy-duddy :( , but lately (within the last 2 years) anything that requires risk or effort, I avoid.

:shrug:

[Why Syzygy]

10. I used to know

IG. He is one cool guy. I too, spend too much time on the pc. But it was my livliehood for 3 plus years. Totally spoiled me. The only way I could function in my job was to use the pc all day! My next job was about the same. I had to deal with 'data' all day. Sometimes had to go home and VPN to the network to finish my work! And I really enjoy dealing with data. So, stimy there.

What you're talking about might have to do with the loss of the hanger on guy.
Hippie C, I still! have pains about my situation. But Thursday a guy came up from San Antonio to take me to late lunch. We had wanted to meet for a couple years, finally did. Last night I had a late date with someone who might turn out to be fun. Not the 'same'. I go to my meetups at least once or twice a week. Meet some nice people. No one I hang with outside of meetup, but 'resources' you know? It always helps to know people in the community.

We do tend to isolate more than is healthy. And sometimes when we mix, we get a 'mixed bag' of people. I long for the guy I made home for 1.5 years. Basically because it was 'comfortable'. As Rumsfeld would say, a known known.

I'm sorry to say that when I moved here I so looked forward to meeting the DUers in town. But I found them . how to say nice, boring! They like to drink a lot and I do not. Their stories resonate and they know a lot of other DUers and Crawford Cindy and the whole shebang. People take their politics pretty seriously over here. But it just is not my comfort zone. I feel much more at home with people who are looking for Spirit. The Spirit.

Whatever it takes, HC, you've got it. Please don't down yourself for whatever you are doing presently. We just do what we can do at any given time. No one expects you to perform quite like you do. Know?

Just having this corner of DU is such a blessing to me. I act the baffoon at times. I get to grow up a little more. It is a challenge and mirror for my path. So give thanks. For what we have and who we know. And be nice to yourself. :hug:

[hippiechick]

11. Hey Votes, thanks again ...

:hug:

But no, it has nothing to do with "him".
It's me - being lazy, being 'conflict avoidant', being comfortable in my little rut ... and avoiding things that might be 'difficult' or put me in situations that make me stretch my boundaries.

I've always been like that. :( It just seems to have worsened since I moved to Indiana and lost alot of my social/political contacts.

Maybe I'll make that my New Year's Resolution/Manifestation: to get out and about more. O8)

[Why Syzygy]

12. We all

have our seasons. And the quiet ones are just as valuable as those that produce 'fruit'. Remember?
If you've taken a time-off, there is no shame. When you are ready, you'll get back to the fruit business.

My numerology chart indicates that 7 years from now!, I will be in a different groove. It is just all process. So you are right where you need to be.

I have found numerology to be easier to understand than astrological configurations. I need to keep things simple.

I'm very impatient with myself. Think I 'should be' doing something other than spinning wheels. Maybe stop spinning wheels and let the Universe show up.

I found it interesting, in your OP, that you wrote you have a profile on monster. But are not actually prepared to accept any offers. Or maybe just seeing what comes in?

Opportunities seem to be largely random. A recent Om . or something else I read . said, just because you take off in one direction, nothing says you have to keep going that way. We are free, at any time, to change course. It might bring a shock-wave. But at least we can turn around.