Can I be selfish and ask for a prayer today?

[oxbow]

I know people have been asking for a lot of light and stuff lately (and I'm sure those people have needed it), and I feel bad imposing on xmas, but I need some help.

I'm having the hardest week of the hardest month of my life and I don't know what to do. I've been having poor health for a few years and a lot of emotional problems this month and its all being compounded into one big mess.

I'm just really weak and in a lot of pain right now, and my mind still won't stop stressing out. No matter how hard I try to let things be, there's a part of me that keeps turning to stressful thoughts and emotions. I went to quaker meeting today and I couldn't even ask those people for help because its only the second week i've been, and I know that I don't know you guys too well either, but atleast you understand what the souls darkest night is about. Thank you in advance and God bless.

oxbow aka milad

[Me.]

1. Bless You

May relief be yours before the day is over.

[Proud_Lefty]

2. I'll say a prayer for you

For some reason, there's a lot of pain and agony happening with so many people during this Christmas holiday season. I don't understand why, maybe one of the people studying the stars can enlighten us and explain that this pain is just a hurdle before the good things to come. I'm praying for you, oxbow. It sounds like your emotions have compounded to where it seems out of control. Please remember to never willingly allow yourself to cave in to depression. It's just too hard to get out. Fighting for the light gives you light, and I'm sure the prayers will give you some too.

Wishing you many good things for the New Year.

:grouphug:

[LiberalEsto]

3. Reaching out and asking for help is the first step

in dealing with this situation. Congratulations. You did it.
Many people never get that far along.

I will light a candle for you today and ask the Goddess to shine light on your path toward healing.

Some people get extremely depressed at this time of year because they are sensitive to the lack of daylight. I am one of them, and I've used a Sun Box for years to provide artificial sunlight. This year a change in antidepressants is helping me even more.

Please go someplace where you can have plenty of light, and take a "light bath." Go outside if you can, or sit near a window with the shades and curtains pulled back to maximize the amount of light getting in. Light all the lamps. Something in our bodies craves daylight in wintertime, and it may help you feel better. If you have a candle, light it safely in a candleholder set on a plate, and watch the flame as you meditate. Turn on the "Yule Log" if there's a tv station in your area that shows it. It just shows a log burning in a fireplace but it's very soothing.

Good luck, and let us know if there is anything else we can do to help you!
LibE.

[oxbow]

4. Thank you guys

I'm hoping that all this pain is just my ego dying, and that it will be over soon. I've been asking that I get better so that my parents and friends will stop hurting for me, and so I can begin working on whatever God sent me here for. It's taking a lot of energy, but I'm trying to keep myself calm.

Right now though, I would love nothing more than for God to say "well done, thou good and faithful servant. You can return to me now, and you don't EVER have to come back again!"

I don't know. I'm just having a hard time filtering pain and suffering right now I guess. I will keep trying to stay positive, but not for me. I'm gonna ask to get through this for my friends ands family, for you who are helping me now (that I might return the favor soon), and for our dear mother earth and all of her children.

[Behind the Aegis]

6. First step

You have taken the first step and asked for help. Be sure this extends beyond the internet!

Instead of getting better for others, get better for yourself! While the notion seems noble (to do it for others), the fact is we must be able to replenish ourselves. Look at this way: you are a gallon of water. You pour 'yourself' into others, but at some point, you will need to return to the well, or let others fill you up. If you do not allow yourself to be refilled, you will have no water, for anyone!

Do not force yourself to be positive, but if you are in pain or are "down," it might help to write out your feelings, then look at what you wrote. Sometimes, when we keep things in our heads, they get mixed up with other things and it makes it hard to sort things out. Share those feelings with others. Do not worry about doing this for others at a later date, concentrate on yourself.

For those that love you and those of us you care for others, we only want you to get better! Sometimes, the lesson is in the pain. Other times, it is just a distraction. But, it is always real! If you ascribe to the "it takes a village" mentality, then, it is your turn to let the village care for you!

Be well! May you know love and peace, and be willing to accept it.

G-d, grant me the strength to change the things I can; the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference!

Brightest Blessings!

[oxbow]

7. I'm having a realy hard time with that

replenishing myself, that is. I have a real problem dealing with pain, and I've been in constant pain for years. Now, I keep having this vision of a shower of arrows coming at me, and my heart always hurts so bad afterwards. I've tried everything to make it stop, but it's become a splinter in my brain now. I don't know if its an image from a past life, a symbol of something else or what. I've tried just accepting it, embracing it even, but the image still lingers for some reason, and the fear too.

This whole month I've been dealing with these self-destructive thoughts and visions. And I've come to the point where I really don't care what happens to my body anymore. The only way I can deal with getting through the day is to do it for those that I love. I'm trying really hard to care for myself and love myself and replenish myself as you said. I've been trying to do this in one way or another for years, I think. It just seems that the more I try to care for myself, the more I get hurt.

And you're right, I do need some real world help. I have a great spiritual advisor, but her children's father is being held hostage in Iraq right now, and she is not strong enough for me to burden with this right now. I have also started seeing a spiritually sensitive therapist, but I don't see her again till Thursday.

I want to thank everyone again for your prayers and support. I will keep your advice close to my heart.

[Behind the Aegis]

9. Very understandable.

See if you can change that "shower of arrows" to a "shower of healing rays." It will take a few tries to convert an image so deep in your psyche.

For a step into the physical world, check out: The National Mental Health Association and remember, if it gets too bad, please, call the national suicide prevention hotline, 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433).

Just think about the many of us sending prayers and thoughts, and reaching you as a shower of warmth, healing, and love!

Blessings.

[Bluestar]

5. My Opinion: It's Never Selfish to ask for help!

Hello, Oxbow. I'm sending you love and light with the prayer for you to dissolve all those issues that are coming to light. I've raised your frequency and taken you up into your true soul essence. That is where all healing takes place and is a really great place to hang out. Sometimes it helps to just experience all those feelings that are coming up--lie on your bed and experience the fear, the pain until those feelings begin to dissipate. Please have faith that they will dissipate. What we experience is our resistance to the feelings, and once we free ourselves to experience them, they will leave us.

Blessings to you on this holiday. And remember, when you heal yourself, you are healing all of us.

Love and light.

[oxbow]

8. thank you, thank you all

I've never had other people praying for me like this. and you are so kind, and your words and actions are a comfort. I will try to face my fears and thoughts bravely. I know that all this pain has to be for something, but it's hard to see around it at the moment.

[Moderator]

10. I'm very concerned about you. If you feel you need to talk to someone,

I am going to provide a crisis hotline number for you (1-800-784-2433). The hotline staff is trained to address individuals in crisis and I urge you to call them.

I'm going to lock this thread because DU members are not qualified to advise a member in this situation and I want to provide privacy for you.

DU Moderator