trying to get my nerve up...

[Shallah Kali]

... to email my first pick for new therapist. My regular therapist reminded me that she was going to be away several times this winter including all of November. :eek: I don't remembering her telling me before but I have blanked out on stuff like this before. I am sooo nervous. It's scary to try to find someone I feel safe enough to spill my guts properly to. I was lucky finding my current person as I felt instantly comfortable with her so after begging my mother to accompany me to that first session and making her promise again and again to not leave me no matter what after a few minutes I told her to go. I always figured I must have known her in a past life to instantly feel at ease with her like that. would I be selfish to wish somehow to find another gifted therapist who I feel instant rapport with or at least enough comfort that I don't get stomach cramps at the thought of seeing her a second time? argh. I should just do it, get it over with before I chicken out another day, then another week...

If anyone wants to take a shot at intuiting whether this therapist's talents, training and temperament will suit me her initials are MB.

[Shallah Kali]

1. OK I did it

I will freak out a little now

[I Have A Dream]

2. It's not selfish to wish good & kind things for oneself.

You deserve to feel safe. I hope that the Universe will support you fully here since you are attempting to help yourself to heal, which the Universe should always be happy to see.

I don't have the ability to intuit anything, so I hope that someone else is able to help there. I just wanted to lend you some moral support and give you a big hug. You have my complete respect for doing this work, Shallah.

:hug:

[Shallah Kali]

7. Thank you

:hug: I am much better than I used to be about feeling worthy of anything good but still hit that wall, if not as hard as I used to. It's not greedy to want a nice therapist. I think anyone who needs one deserves one. (breathe)

[I Have A Dream]

11. Absolutely, Shallah.

I'll go a step further and say that you deserve that your life be filled with good things. I'm sure that you think that way for other people. It's not greedy or selfish to want good things for yourself as well.

:loveya:

[Tsiyu]

3. Maybe you could give yourself a few options

so you don't feel panic at possibly being locked into anything.

Send out a few e-mails, perhaps ask a question of each which might reveal each candidate's strengths?

Not sure what that question would be..make it for you.

It's frightening when you have to trust the unknown, so increase the "known" a little, maybe go online and find out if anyone has reviewed the therapists. My mom does this with all of her doctors!

You are doing well in looking after yourself, and that's what counts.


:hug:

[Shallah Kali]

4. my normal state is worried to anxious laced with panic

so this is perfectly normal for me :crazy: even though I am soooooooooooooooooo much better than I used to be. Something like this would be more than highly anxious, it would have triggered a downward spiral of self-criticism where I would recall the most hurtful criticism thrown at me concluding with me kicking myself mentally/emotionally as well and feeling unworthy of the oxygen I breathe. I don't feel a 10th of what I used to in the shame and self-hatred department. hm. Maybe 5%.

My current therapist keeps reminding me I am hiring this person so I am interviewing her not vice versa. If she doesn't have an opening or we don't click after one or two sessions I have a few others in my area with the kind of training I think will help me. Very few have websites listing their skill set which makes it harder to make a list and none have any reviews on any of medical review sites. I was surprised to see how many mental health people are in my area but I am not up to just calling 'em up one by one to ask if they do mindfulness-based cognitive therapy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness-based_cognitive_therapy and do they have experience with my set of issues. I esp. really wish I had the nerve to ask what sign they are too!!! My current therapist is Scorpio and she is fantastic. Nothing phases her. Anyhow I looked at the few who had sites of their own or listings with psychology today magazine's site therapists.psychologytoday.com to get an idea of their orientation and treatment specialties, picked the ones that looked most likely to suit my needs and sent those links to my therapist. She leaned toward the one I favored so I am trying her first.

[Tsiyu]

6. You are taking care of yourself

and you have your familiar therapist's input, so sounds like you are on your way to healing despite the bump in your "facilitators."

It's hard to shut off all that negative self-blather, I know.

It takes intentional focus that sometimes seems so draining, doesn't it? But we know it does pay off.

You're doing an awesome job, sounds like to me...:)

[Shallah Kali]

9. It took years to get rid of the negative self-talk

I still awfulize but it is nothing like I did before. I still have enough anxiety issues and ocd features to need to keep the work up esp. as the past few years my insides are in on the panic act with bad stomach cramps as if my innards are in a charley horse when they hit 11. The cognitive stuff I pretty much have down at this point so I can mentally handle the mental stuff, it is Distress Tolerance that I need more of. That's why I want someone trained in mindfulness based cognitive therapy not just straight cbt so I can *stand* to do the work I need to do.

Thank you for the awesome :) It took me years for this but I finally can take a compliment :bounce:

[MorningGlow]

5. First impression

The first impression I got when I read your post is that this therapist is good, but different from your current therapist. That might startle and possibly upset you at first, but know that if you don't like her approach, you have every right to move on. But whoever you end up with will be the type of therapist you will need right now--if that makes sense. :hug:

[Shallah Kali]

8. Thank you :)

I am trying not to awfulize things imaging what could go wrong - she could be a Republican :hides:, she might disapprove of cussing (current therapist is ok with me dropping f bombs as needed) and might slip and shock/offend her. (breathe)

OK I will keep what you sense in mind. Hopefully we will click over all even if I will miss the ease & rapport I have with my current therapist. If this person isn't right for me I will just try again until I find someone who does and I will survive any nerves that comes up during the process.

[OneGrassRoot]

10. Good for you, Shallah....

I know this is hard, but you're doing it anyway.

Yes indeed, if you don't feel the freedom to drop F-bombs -- you'll need another person! I support you in that requirement 100% ;)

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[I Have A Dream]

12. In reference to cussing, bring it up before you get started...

with the session so that she's not taken aback just out of surprise and you then don't perceive it as judgment. I can't imagine that a therapist couldn't handle that, especially if forewarned. If she can't then it's her issue rather than yours.

If I were your therapist, I'd view that as a really healthy thing for you to do.

[OneGrassRoot]

13. That's a great point, IHAD...

When "chatting" with anyone in a personal, intimate way for the first time, I always ask if they're okay with profanity. If they're not, I certainly respect that, but I tend to attract those who also swear like a sailor. ;)

:hug:

[I Have A Dream]

14. THAT's how we became friends!

:rofl:

Actually, I tend to only swear when I lose my temper, and then it's mostly at my poor husband, but once I get going, there's no stopping me. Luckily, he understands and lets me vent for the most part. I think he feels that he'd rather I do that than get a disease because I'm holding it in.

Are you this way, OGR? If you can't show your anger by swearing, etc., will you cry instead? For me, it has to come out one way or the other. That's not good in a work environment. :eyes:

If Shallah's therapist has a problem with her swearing, then I think Shallah will be lucky to find out right away that that person is not right for her. That's actually a pretty good up-front test.

[OneGrassRoot]

15. I agree, it IS a good up-front test for Shallah....

and, yes, you must have heard my "siren song." :rofl:

Honestly, I swear as part of expressing all emotions. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's a general means of expression for me, though primarily when chit-chatting with girlfriends in a funny way (certain profanity, used in certain ways, CRACKS ME UP...like Jon Stewart's brand of profanity, for example), as well as to blow off steam.

Yes, when angry, I will spew a string of every conceivable profane word I've ever heard (and challenge myself to keep adding to the list! ;)).

When I'm only slightly perturbed or simply stressed...and usually when I'm by myself...I have a simple "releasing steam" mantra: shit, fuck, piss.

I'm like Oak2004's parrot, Peri. :rofl:

I alternate between "joy, grace and ease," and "shit, fuck, piss."

I've added several multisyllabic words to that mantra recently, however, and it's become a bit of a song around our house.

Hey, whatever works to lighten the mood, right? So far, we refrain from offending others when out in public and keep our mantra/song in the family.

In all seriousness, I AM like you in that I usually don't swear with anger behind it (to me, intent is key), and will usually only do so with the fiance. Bless his heart, he just sits there looking like a deer in the headlights! :eyes:

:hug:

[I Have A Dream]

16. "I'm like Oak2004's parrot, Peri."

:rofl:

:thumbsup:

[Shallah Kali]

17. I think most people have a little Peri in 'em

Most of the time I can release frustration with a vehement SON OF A BISCUIT!!! but others really call for some real cuss words! I try not to cuss in front of people who can't stand it but when I am really venting anger I need to say I am PISSED OFF not merely ticked off. And hey science is on our side! A study showed that swearing improved pain tolerance! see http://www.livescience.com/health/090712-swearing-pain.html & http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=why-do-we-swear

I did make sure to not add any therapists to my list that said they did Christian pastoral counciling. Few of those I have encountered would be ok with cussing. Well I did meet one who was very open minded that came to talk at my school way back when who was willing to sink to our level but she is the exception in my experience.