Struggling against the tide of the Old Paradigm

[FirstLight]

So my mom is buggin me every day about "have you heard from the temp agency?" "why don;t you give your resume to Embassy suites or the casino?" etc...

I can't get it through her head that if there are NO JOBS, sending my resume make no difference

and that I would rather slit my wrists than EVER work for CORPORATE
and why does she not get that even though my curent clients are working with me on trades and lower rates of payment, I AM working!!!

I have more projects and more things coming together now than in the last year altogether. I was just asked to do another website for my chiropractor, and will trade for adjustments and the use of his space to run a weekly drumming circle. (which is income, btw)
I just finished my HR Cert and would rather volunteer with Americorp doing community development in the Washoe Tribe areas...so THAT's where my resume is going to go...

There is so much GOOD happening in my career and life like that right now, and all she cares about is me having a job with benefits (which I won't be able to pay for, hello!) I have medi-cal right now and though it isn't perfect, it is okay for a holsitic momma.

I love my mom and she is really trying to grow and be more liberal and enlightened, but her ERA has her believing that this is the ONLY way to prosper is just soooooo frustrating!

:rant:

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. How about "Okay, love you, bye bye!"

Don't take responsibility for changing those who will not change, to bring understanding to those who will not understand (yeah, like I take this advice myself :crazy:). But with love and appropriate brevity :)

[FirstLight]

2. believe me,

I changed the subject and got off the phone real quick.

Since I am a financially struggling single mom, I *do* get alot of help from my folks, so it's hard to thumb my nose at them.
(Ya, wierd dynamic I know...)

It is just frustrating because there is that overriding, permeating belief system that the ONLY good job is one with a big company that you give your LIFE to...

ugh, not my style, never has been. My running record is 2 yrs for a "real" job, and then i freak out and quit because I can't toe the line! :rofl:

[Fire Walk With Me]

3. Not a weird dynamic. I've been, for at least the last three or so years,

recommending that extended families gather together to stretch their dollars, to do their own food growing, etc. It's the way of the future, why not start now?

Although I do not see the "economy" returning to the level of waste and ignorance it had up until recently held, it is still possible to either acquire "corporate" jobs or to excel in self-employment. Put your heart into what you do and it will increase. It's the law :)

I feel you, that you want it to be different/better NOW (Capricorn):) . Praying that you are taken care of, always.

[FirstLight]

4. extended family = TRIBE

very often the people whom we consider family on a soul level are not those we actually share genes with :)

That's what is happening here, too...my tribe is truly coming closer and beginning to work together, cross connections and all are forming and we are really starting to form a cohesive, interdependent, group of businesses and healers...

Perhaps my mom is just upset she doesn;t know how to be a part of that, so she would rather see the corporate world as valid. Funny, my (older) sister is the one who has the job and the house and the credit line...but her health and happiness is in ruins.
I'll take MY version of success anyday!
whether my bank account works or not is irrelevant... I am very taken care of, my tribe is starting to do more of that than my parents ever could (hmm, maybe another reason they are upset is the loss of control in my life) I am cared for, we share meals and watch eachother's kids and provide actions and support in a NON monetary way. My folks have always thrown money at a problem...

[Fire Walk With Me]

5. "That means it's working!"

:D

Excellent, excellent. You're on the right track.

"My folks have always thrown money at a problem..."

I have problems. :shrug:

(ducks and covers) ;)

[FirstLight]

6. lol

ya, but they only throw enough to fix the immediate issue, never enough to REALLY get a leg up... nickel & dime help


that's okay, when I publish my book for a million, I promise I'll share! hehe :D

[MorningGlow]

8. Hey

I just got back from my tarot reading (very good reading, WONDERFUL lady--I'll write it up in a bit) and she said I have to do the same thing: find my tribe. She said I've drifted too far from what and who I am by leaving my coven (although it was the correct thing to do) and I should seek out people of like mind now, so I can develop my abilities and contribute to a circle of like-minded people. So that's my...homework. ;)

[kentauros]

9. One word, or, site, so to speak for that last bit:

Meetup :)

[MorningGlow]

7. Old Paradigm for sure!

It's all the old conditioning--really and truly. Same thing happened with me, and then with Mr. MG when he decided to switch jobs recently. (His track record is three years in each job working for Da Man, BTW, and mine is about the same, although I've made it to four years once or twice.)
:rofl:

My old-school relatives went a bit easier on me because they understood "mommies staying home". :eyes: But you should have seen them 10 years ago, when I announced that I was going to give up trying to find a teaching job and go into writing/editing instead. Oy! The freaking out was incredible. Because being a TEACHER was something they understood. It was one of the Five Acceptable Professions for a woman: teacher, mommy, secretary, flight attendant, nurse. (Seriously--I have a memory book from the '60s where I could store my report cards and stuff, and for each year of school, alongside where I could write what my favorite subject was etc., there was a section that said "What I want to be when I grow up" and instead of having a blank line to write on, they had check boxes for each of those choices!)

ANYway, when my uber-conservative aunt found out that Mr. MG was switching jobs, I went over to her house one day, and she met me at the door with a worried expression (then again, when is it not) and the words "I hear there's trouble!" Honestly, I had NO IDEA what she was talking about, but finally I figured out she was fritzing because Mr. MG was changing jobs. From one corporate entity to another. And he got the new job before he quit the old job. So what was the problem? That he was leaving a "safe" job (at an HMO :puke:) for another--which is with this city's biggest employer--one of the most successful businesses this place has seen in a long time. But in her eyes, if you didn't get a corporate job in your 20s and then STAY THERE till you're old and decrepit so you can have your pension and gold watch (she doesn't understand there are no pensions anymore, let alone gold watches), you'll be living in a cardboard box and holding involved conversations with your one-eared stuffed bunny rabbit friend named Larry. No middle ground.
Plus she said--get this--"But HMOs will be around forever." :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

The moral of the story? These old relatives want the best for us and worry about our security, but they simply DO NOT understand that the entire world has changed around them, and you can't apply the old rules to the new world anymore. If you do, you'll lose your mind--not to mention your 401(k).

I guess all we can do is try to explain the situation to them, but don't expect much of it to sink in. You know how it gets through to them? When someone else tells them the same thing we try to! We can explain till we're blue in the face, but they won't believe it, but as soon as one of their cronies tells them the exact same thing, they listen, understand, believe it...and then call us up to tell us what they just found out!
:rofl:

Aaahhhhh old relatives. Gotta love 'em.

[Cleita]

10. I understand. I once quit a job with General Electric because I found it

toxic. My dad, who was a retired electrical engineer, was tremendously upset with me for giving up what he thought were decent benefits and job security. Well, a year later the division I worked for pulled up stakes and laid off all workers who didn't want to move to Indiana where they were relocating our operation. This was in California. Going with your instincts is the best way and your mother will eventually see that.

[FirstLight]

11. Instincts, exactly

I told her that even if i *did* get a job with the casino or the resort, what makes her think I will still HAVE a job in a year? (especially the way our tourism industry is going up here...)

But I also said that I will never do that, it just ain't me and never has been. Sorry, can't DO it. Especially being a single mom and having to run a household AND work, which she has no clue about because SHE had the husband/provider and all that.

... and I can find excatly the work I need and be able to help more people if I am working in the non-profit sector.
I choose to have my own foundation or healing center someday, she thinks I am nuts.
But since the people who are going to be part of that vision are showing up - I don't think I am so nuts after all. ;)

Of course I can't share ALL of this with her, and most of what I do share is going to go right over her head or through her cranium. It is just interesting to me how many people are still buying into the vision that we are going back to "business as usual" somehow.
where are all the jobs going anyway? We just "lost" another 800K last month alone.
...and that is just part of the shift. People won;t change their priorities until they lose their illusions.

I am glad I am CHOOSING not to buy into the illusion in the first place
hehe yay!

[NuttyFluffers]

12. she sounds like she comes from the silent generation, mid 60s to 70s by now, i guess.

she's looking out for your best interest in the best way she knows how, by using her own reference point. in her time job security, loyalty, pensions and benefits were part of the seemingly stable economic market. sadly, you're going to have to be patient as you break it to her that, yes, you understand her point of view, but sadly no, it no longer applies to this toxic and crumbling society. but then you have to reassure her that she gave you enough savvy and confidence to handle such turbulent transitions and know how to snatch opportunity from victimhood - and then you have to plead with her to have a little faith in you and her upbringing of you.

maybe the best way to help her bridge this is to talk about people you both know who played it safe and by all the rules and are still in trouble. then have a heart-to-heart about asking her to see herself in this modern time but around your age. would she feel that her old solutions would work for this 'brave new world'? would she be able to find a place secure from the current storms? when you can't trust anybody with their word anymore, where does her old solutions rest?

that's one of the ways i'd let the knowledge break through to her. there's a difference between consciously knowing current events and subconsciously understanding what the ramifications are for the new environment. i think she hears the news, but hasn't internalized what great changes they now mean...

[FirstLight]

14. She was born in 1937

so her whole idea of how things work is exactly as you say.

You know I have examples that we have spoken of in the past year or so .... but when it comes to ME, she still slips into that old viewpoint.

It really isnt about me getting her to understand the shift either, she will see it in good time. and I will be the example as I have been my whole life. It's funny but I have always been the unorthodox one in my family and yet somehow I seem to make it work. besdies, the single mom piece is one that she and my sister will never 'get'.
Somehow they think that I can work 40+ hours a week, and keep a house runing effectively, do homework with my kids, cook, clean, etc... My sister works 50 hrs a week, but has a husband that stays home with the kids and cleans the house FOR her. So yeah...very skewed realities. My dad is a total faux news addict, and it pains me to hear him rant about the poor and social programs etc...when he is talking about ME and MY situation...

Add to that, that I am the only one in my immediate family that does meditation and such, and they think i am a serious whack job half the time too! :rofl:
My mom thinks I am somehow being selfish to go to a once a week meditation class... but then again, she also doesn't get that doing for "self" is vital to being a better person and momma.

hehe...in a nutshell...I've always been on that edge between what is socially aceptable and what is the "new" way of doing things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edit to add: In my morning fog I forgot to say you make some really valid points too... I agree about the generation that believed in security is really unable to swallow the fact that here is no security in times like these...

[Delphinus]

13. Ooh,

I love that you want to work in the Washoe Tribe areas - that is way cool.

It's OK that she doesn't understand - you are living a good life right now and I so appreciate the exchanges you are able to do. Gives me ideas!