Relationship woes...why does it have to be so hard ?

[FirstLight]

I've been dating this guy for about 5 months now. We gell really well in so many ways and on so many levels. He is open and honest and even spiritually aware....
so what's the problem?

his wounds, i guess...for want of a better term.
he has this wound from his last GF - that it ended abruptly and he was baffled (even though it had been a break up pattern over 2 years...) he has this block that he can't allow himself to open up again because he was invested in her and her kid and that it just ended and hurt so much - so he can't open himself up to it again, no matter how great I am or how much he realizes that I am not HER and that I have worked on MY issues and can handle them in a different way...

so we go along fine for a while and then he hits the wall energetically again or talks to her on the phone and then the wall comes back. I have been really patient and open with him about when i feel that energy shift, just observing it and calling him on the 'distance' i feel...so that we can clear the air and talk it through. And een thouhg he is open to the discussion and has made steps to work on it wth meditation group or therapy - his answer is always along the lines of "i just CAN'T give anymore right now ...i can't get past it..." and until he does, i may as well be loving a mannequin.

I am blessed that I have had longer to work on my shit because I have been alone for a good 5 years before he came along, he got dumped around January, so he still has alot of ground to cover. I have chosen to look at this relationship as a gift from the universe - reminding me that i CAN still be vulnerable and open loving, and that I can do it different - not dysfunctionaly, but with my higher self being my guide.

...so the last week or so I let my writer self go and really opened up my head & hert on paper and processed the feelings and the work that we have been doing together on relationship issues. I realize that i may expect too much of men - and that is why i am so often dissapointed. That's my cross to bear...and sure enough he came back with soem very loving thoughts, but mostly platitudes and some of the 'maybe i should let you go so you can find someone who will give you al that, because i can;t' (which is the easy way out i think...and maybe not what he really wants, but it just allows him to stay 'stuck' in the old energy)

the part that hurts is that i think he CAN, but just doesn;t wanna...that somehow it's ME and he doesn;t trust ME because i am not HER... does that make any sense. my wounded ego is talking..

I know he is not the end all be all for me - i know that relationship is more about the learning than the destination....and i have been blessed to realize here that i am at least CAPABLE to feel thiese things again when i thought i was dead inside..but why do I still just wish that someone could just be willing to take on this wild & wooly thing called life & LOVE and just embrace it and me and just DO it!...?

so i wonder what you guys think, I have really reserved gushing about this guy because I have been holding my breath the whole time thinking he is one foot out the door...but he is also totally complimentary, has a gentle spirit, and is a writer too so we talk shop and have a great rapport on so many levels...

I don't want to let him close up and take the easy way out, but I also know better than to compromise my self for 'waiting' for him to be okay...

anybody 'see' anything...or get any horoscope stuff? He is a pisces 3/12/67, and i'm cappy 1/1/70 ...

thanks guys, i am glad to have this space to bring my heart for holding and healing and input...
:grouphug:

[Why Syzygy]

1. You know, recently winyanstaz has written

that it takes about two years for someone to regain all their personal power after a relationship breakup. I can verify that in my own experience too. The older I get, the longer it takes. I can't just go from one relationship to the next. I think he is telling the truth. He hasn't recovered yet. Maybe you can be his friend as he travels through the healing process, and be there when he is whole again. There's also the chance that you will be the one who helps him heal, and then he finds the "one". That's happened to me also. Very painful. Someone was interested in me while I was still on the mend. It was hurtful for him, but there was really nothing I could do about it. It was only when I finally felt whole again that I could see that I had been right all along when I said I could not get over the breakup.

[FirstLight]

2. I guess i am being selfish

I am thinking "why can't I just love him anyway and enjoy it for what it is NOW"

even if we are both just working threough trust and healing and wounds, can;t we just be THAT for eachother, without thinking it has to be about the destination?

He says i deserve someone who will give me all that i need and deserve in a relationship... I say "that's a great cop out."
right now, I have someone whom i have grown intimate with, who may not be open to go into the deep end of the love pool, but i still have MY floaties on too! so why can't we just allow for what we have for now and not try to squelch it or hold it back?

I shouldn't have to hold my tongue whenn i feel like I am adoring him, just because it freaks him out.
I want to just be able to love him in the moment, without expectations for the 'future' because i still have alot to do on my own as well...
I wanna get my own life in order to prove to MYSELF I don't need a man to complete me.
Is it that I want to have my cake & eat it too? why cant i have sex and fun and dating even while i am working on the crud? why can't he?

[I Have A Dream]

3. I'm sorry that this is happening, FirstLight.

Maybe he doesn't really believe that deep down you don't have expectations for a certain outcome. It sounds as though you are saying that you'd be OK with having this relationship with no strings attached, if that's how it has to be. Maybe he doesn't believe that there could really be no strings attached.

I give him credit for his honesty. Many people would just take what you're giving without concern for your well-being down the line.

I'm not getting anything else. The healing process is so difficult. :( My husband had to work through these things with me also when we first started dating. There were many nights when I would just weep uncontrollably, and he just stood by my side and did for me what I needed right there at that moment in time... and then the pain stopped. I don't know what changed, but it stopped and I felt whole again. There was no big epiphany, so I don't know what change was ultimately required to no longer feel like a wounded mass. I do know that my husband's love and patience helped me to get there more than anything else did. I hope that your guy's able to get there also with as little pain as possible.

:hug:

[FirstLight]

4. ...and if he can't trust it or believe me, then I am

being selfish for clinging to him despite his inability to 'be there' like i think he 'should' be able to.

i think i am pushing too much and being stubborn about saying "why can't we just play and be loving and heal and feel good while we work on our stuff too?"
it seems so rational to me i almost can't understand what's so awful about it.

Ha.
So i guess i see what's so awful is that you get attached and you still cry and miss someone even if you "say" you aren't gonna get attached
because it still feels like a loss when it doesn't happen the way you want
i'm just a silly girl who wants a boyfriend to love & play with...

ya, silly me, caring for someone...dammitt! :cry:

[I Have A Dream]

6. Yeah, it hurts to have a heart...

:cry:

:hug:

[Kind of Blue]

5. Aww, FirstLight (((((((((hug))))))))))))

I agree with everything Why Syzygy says, especially that he is being honest as he mourns the loss of his last relationship, and I think this is a very self-centered time as he tries to heal.

I'm sure he'll be able to love again because it seems like he is taking steps to deal with the loss, but dealing with loss also involves all kinds of conflicting emotions - especially bargaining. Like, Oh, if I just did this could it have worked and maybe it can. And that's what gives me pause, so even though I have no astrological knowledge, I think that you have to put yourself first. I mean I don't want to say, Oh, dump him. But at the same time, if you think he is the one, then are you ready to continue with him and accept his deficiencies? Do you feel being with him is truly on the path of balance, nurturing and more blossoming - in you and he together?

[FirstLight]

7. I don't want to do that to him, it isn't fair to either of us

I don't want to make him the "end all BE all' for my happiness...because i know enough about relationship not to do that to him.

that said, we really have a wonderful sympatico when the issues are not there, and whenever we hit the wall we actually DO get closer... I just hate waiting for the other shoe to drop and him to freak out and run away...and I hate that he is always thinking he can't open up without having to be sad again..

funny, our pictures are SO similar, it fits that we can be very healing for one another. Physicaly and spiritually, i have never felt this before and that's what get's me too...
Either I reached a level where the men I am attracting will ALL be of this caliber - or he is really a special specimen. We have so many wonderful ideas together and our artistic abilities really compliment well and we are both writers (which is so cool, niether one of us has ever dated a writer before) - we have a great time talking "shop"...and laughing and travel well together and he has a really calming effect on me, he is good fo me in ways I never knew.

so ya, i DON'T wanna let go of him, but at the same time I can't MAKE him love me or be open to the experience until he is ready...

dammit, wish i could stop crying though!

[Kind of Blue]

8. Oh, my goodness. I can't believe I'm crying.

Well, it doesn't seem like he's going anywhere and I don't know that he doesn't love you, just perhaps not the way he is ready to right now. From the sound of it, seems like you've got a good friend.

I just know how you've changed so much this past year and look at who you've attracted - a special specimen, so close to fulfilling all of your needs. I remember reading about soul mates years ago by Seth or Abraham, that we don't have just one but hundreds in each life time! I loved that :) My read is as you work through this with him and by yourself, I wouldn't be surprised if you're going to be faced choosing between this man who you're probably going to work through a lot with and another more nurturing, ready for the plunge.

[FirstLight]

9. well i feel wrung out now

feels like my day went from sad to worse...i tried to go to the store but it just stressed me out with the kids and my eyes all swollen. came home and cried till i napped...

It doesn't feel like there's a resolution right now, my mood is crap and I feel like I am battling my own old issues too...

yuk, now i know why relationships are for the birds ...ack!

[FirstLight]

10. awake at 4:30am

we didn't talk anything through last night, and i awoke to dreams of us and all the good stuff I am not ready to let go of. Thinking of the last time we were together and wondering why is it so easy for men to discount those intimate moments, and sad all over again thinking I may not get to have a moment like that with him again...

[MorningGlow]

11. Oh, FL, so sorry to hear your man is still having issues

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm with you--I don't understand people who choose not to give of themselves entirely.

Not sure what to say about the situation--I get the impression that he truly does care for you but is actually afraid to go any farther down the road with you, almost like he doesn't deserve it, so he's going to deny himself the happiness.

Which it totally nuts, of COURSE.

I suspect the only thing you can do is wait--for him to wake up and see that he's got a great thing right in front of him that he shouldn't throw away, to see whether he wises up, essentially. I know that's not the answer you want to hear (after all, you and I want everything NOW NOW NOW what's the holdup?!?! etc.)
:rofl:

In the meantime, sending you light for peace and comfort, and sending your man light so that he'll wise up and open his eyes.

Hang in there, honey. :hug:

[FirstLight]

12. thanks MG

...ya man, what's the holdup?

On the one hand I don't think I am asking for the world, I just know we have hit a plateau and we need to get to the next level...but that may be his dealbreaker.
my eyes are all puffy this morning, dammitt...and we still haven't even talked about all this on the phone yet...maybe the evening alone and the quiet from me will give him pause...then again, I can't MAKE someone give more than they can.

though it sux that we are even having this push-pull because he knows as well as I do that we are really well suited and that we have lots of stuff we want to accomplish together...
and as much as I need to be patient, I am not gonna hold my breath either...


sheesh! writers and their emotional angst! why'd i pick one just like me?

[latebloomer]

13. My take on this

is that a new relationship SHOULDN'T have to be so hard.

Yes, every relationship has stress and strife, but it seems like you're trying to drag this guy along with you, and he's not cooperating.

Whether it be that he hasn't gotten over the past relationship, or that he has other issues that block intimacy, he does not appear to be in a place to give you what you need and deserve.

I have been in many relationships that caused me frustration and grief, but when the right one came along it felt easy. Not that we haven't had our issues, but whether to be truly together was never a question.

[FirstLight]

14. so i guess we just had a closure conversation...

I told him I was leaving him alone for as long as he's trying to figure it out...because him deciding to be in avoidance wasn't fair to me and hurt too much and obviously he didn't need me bugging him - so I have to step away.

He said he didn't want to go without talking to me and such. I told him that it hurt too much and maybe he actually needed to see what he may be missing...althought we haven't been seeing much of eachother the last couple weeks and obviously it made it easier for him to blow me off and that is an indicator too that he isn't wanting me the same way...

So I don't quite know what to do with meditation class. He needs it more than I do right now,( I am in level 2-3 and he just started level one.) I toild him maybe he'd be in a better space to talk after he worked on it energetically Thursday.. The classes are spearate but in the same room on thursday evening and I may have to skip class to give him the space to do what he needs.

Besides, I don't know if I can meditate with him in the same room and my heart breaking open...

:cry: I still think that in a couple weeks he will be missing me and wanting to be close again...but I also have to release the thought of what I really wanted to happen...
because it is SO NOT under my control...

[NuttyFluffers]

15. Chemistry also takes time. impatient expectations pushes love away.

ask yourself: is this a necessary drama? do i need him to be emotionally present at my level immediately and perpetually? is that reasonable?

sometimes people just need space. and sometimes giving space doesn't involve action plans and extensive meetings -- often they involve the opposite.

absence makes the heart grow fonder; familiarity breeds contempt.

so live your life without holding your breath, you'll find it easier. :) if he returns, he'll have cleared his head and know what he wants. have a little faith in the process.

[FirstLight]

16. I 'get' it

and i have been really good about being honest with my self about expectations and the like.

You know, it isn't all one sided, either.
He is plenty good at making plans and talking bout stuff he'd like to do with me - from next week to next summer. His dad lives in Hawaii and is coming to the mainland for Thanksgiving and he wanted me to meet up with them for a bite and meet his dad and stepmom...so it isn't all ME doing the speculating or pushing...

In fact, there's alot of one-sidedness there too...
He has taken me to meet friends of his at gatherings and intro'd me as his girlfriend...
Then when I ask him to share some time with me & the kids we have to play it off that we are just friends and not be romantic,( which is okay, i don't wanna confuse the kids but it IS a little wierd) or meet my family he says he's not able to DO that and says that even calling me his "girlfriend" is really hard for him and the thought of meeting my parents 'terrifies' him.

He talks about how much I would like Thanksgiving at his mom's, and how well I'd get along with his sister - but there is no equivalent on my side of the fence without causing him angst and then he retreats.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Funny - I had a similar occurence with a job situation a while back too:

I was "good enough" to fill in and play the part and maybe even did it better than the original-
but I was NOT even considered for the permanent position....and there's no reasoning why...


what's the energy of THAT lesson?

[I Have A Dream]

17. It's really interesting that he's willing to bring you into his life.

It's my experience that it's usually the other way around. The person doesn't want to introduce you to his/her friends/family, although they're OK with the other person's. That is rather unusual, I think.

In my opinion, it does show that he's not using you though. Otherwise, he wouldn't want "his people" to get to know you and certainly wouldn't refer to you as his girlfriend.

:hug:

[NuttyFluffers]

20. that is unusual. now that i would bring up for discussion.

but i wouldn't expect an immediate answer, though. sounds like general fear of commitment showing up in a weird way. he probably hasn't figured it out himself why he's doing what he's doing.

men are not trained for emotional self-examination on average (unlike women who are trained unnecessarily to become hyper-attuned). and even those who do retrain themselves have quite a bit of backlog years to go through before they get as adept.

as of now advice for First Light:
at most i'd drop the question, "huh, i love it when you feel comfortable to introduce me as your girlfriend to people you know and love. but how come you do not feel as comfortable when i want to do the same for you? i want to do the same nice thing with you that you have done for me, if you'll let me. just curious why you do not want me returning this loving behavior. if there's a reason, i hope you feel that you can trust me to share your concerns."

and just leave it there -- and wait. it might take time before he can even put into words why he feels that way.

i have commented several times to couples to not demand of their men such overt professions of faith. first off, men often feel it should be self-evident. secondly, sometimes being together often, or openly, or whatever tends to be so new and out of control for the man that he's scared of falling too deep and needs time to ask himself what's going on. but overall, if a man is given a chance to go over his feelings, they tend to be very open to the faith of the experience and plummet head first. and even still they feel that they shouldn't have to say anything.

when people ask me whether men or women are more romantic, i always say men are. they profess disdain and bitterness and practicality, but deep down they've always believed the fairy tale love story. not the pie-in-the-sky version with castles, ballrooms, and dragons, but the cottage by the woods, enough kids to fill the pew at sunday church, symbiotically reading each other's needs, all problems solvable by their mutual efforts, happily ever after village life fairy tale. if and when they fall in love, they fall harder and more complete than women, i think. in fact i'd say the large percentage of jaded, bitter men are because of that first girlfriend that broke his heart in his teens. they really do take more coaxing to admit love because they hate the weakened and nigh-enslaved state they place themselves once they say it. they're petrified of being as emotionally destroyed again. which again goes back to cultural training about emotional self-examination...

[I Have A Dream]

23. The only explanation that I can think of is that he says it...

at a time that he controls and in which he is comfortable. She may say it out of the blue when he's not expecting it. If this is it, in my opinion, it mostly shows how fragile he is right now or how much he needs to control his environment.

[FirstLight]

24. Ya, well i have said all the above arguments to him already

...and he really tends to shut down emotionally - totally like the 15 year old boy who is afraid to give because he had his heart broke.

and I ahve been really accomodating of that needs in him, but my needs just got too bog for me to hold by myself...and i don;t think I am being unreasonable, it is just the next logical progression in relationship, but if he is not prepared I can't 'make' him open...that's not my gig anyway

I honestly do not see any control issues here, except maybe his self control because of fear. He is not that kind of soul, it is genuine hurt that has him shutting down and backing away. To bad really, he is such a great guy in so many ways...i sure hope he can eventually get there.

I think Thursday eve will be an interesting thing, holding my own protection and energy and really working on MY ability to not 'cord-in' to him...I want us to be able to do that, because then we can grow from there as non-entangled beings.

*sigh* but i DO miss him, even for a few days...

[I Have A Dream]

25. FirstLight, when I said "control", I don't mean that he wants to...

control everything about you. I mean that maybe he has a need to control his environment right now. When we're hurt, we sort of pull in -- no fingers and toes sticking out, figuratively speaking.

I don't sense that he's a person who wants to control every aspect of his mate.

[FirstLight]

26. Thanks for clarifying...because it totally makes sense

I just read through some of our chats in the beginning (I was looking for his exact Bday info) ...and I got side tracked looking at our emotional over the first MONTH, and we are both really healthy and he is SO CLOSE to being able to allow himself happiness and vulnerability...and I am really just hiding from my own desire to be open-hearted too...

damn some good lessons that would be an adventure of joy to continue! I hope, I hope... I can;t help it that I hope that a few days of silence between us will shake it loose for us both...

but the backfire of losing him still remains as well, so i am holding a little guard...so i get the CONTROL thing, don't I...? oops, he...we are both doing the dance, we shall see how it plays. I recognize it as a hurdle - and between the months we have been together (and both of us having a track record of moving TOO fast ...so we are really trying to 'reign it in' to a degree) and then here comes the HOLIDAYS - which are the hardest time for relationships...we shall see ... it's is all I can do.

But i will tell ya, after reading those conversations between us, i want to just melt and run to him - but then what if THAT got faced with rejection? yikes...

hehe- I know, I surely have some work to do on this yet. So holding my own till tomorrow at class at least should not be so hard... :rolleyes:

[NuttyFluffers]

31. yeah, sounds like the inner 15 yr old boy is scared to make another leap of faith

that's a rough one. guys are horrendously under-equipped for emotional matters.

but how does a parent bird teach its fledgling to fly? not by too many ultimatums (well, there are some birds that just shove the fledgling out of the nest...), and by coaxing them out showing them that it's not so scary.

so best i can advise is take it easy, no more heavy demands and professions of faith, and keep the space as you've been giving. if he finds solitude better than you -- well, that's the answer. if he likes you and is willing to make that leap -- well, he's overcome one of his karmic lessons.

i honestly think these love questions usually come down to a karmic lesson for both parties. namely:

emotional turtle -- leap of faith, emotional analysis
heart on sleeve -- patience, trust (in situation and other's judgment)

but putting it into words doesn't make it a whit easier now, does it?

[FirstLight]

18. Kind of funny... maybe not...;)

I am just sitting here in my honesty and telling it like it is... but after the BF and I talked about taking space and not being too clkose...and I thought it was really a done deal. and had some grief but let it be and waited.

the next morning he is texting like there wasn;t a skip in the beat
he calls me on his lunch, not to say anything in particular but to see if i wanted to meet him for a slice o pizza...
he gets home in the evening and was ready to call me, i told him that he didn;t have to, and wasn;t he suposed to be having space?

and yes he called anyway and I stayed really reserved and just calmly pointed out that i was surprised at him calling, whenn he was the one who needed space & all...yadayadayada

"So, if is don't have an epiphany, or if I can't talk about relationship, you don't wanna talk to me at ALL?"

"Well, that does seem harsh when you say it like that...but ya, that's the definition of 'space'...tell you what, take a week off, do your thing...either you realize you miss me in your life or you don't. and you can figure out what that means to you."

"So I'll still see you in (meditation)class Thursday?"

"I don't know yet if I want to go but ya, we can check in at the end of the week..."

~~~~

hehehe...I am sorry, but it is funny to me that he thinks he can blow off the issue and keep going forward like it has been resolved.

And I may harm the relationship for staying put on a matter of principle - but then it wasn't the relationship I'd have hoped it to be if that's the case.
I am so proud of myself for standing up and not playing control drama of victim or of the angry bitter female...i just stood still and claimed my truth.
whew!
ya, relationships are hard but they sure are choc full o' learnin! :rofl:


PS - two friends of 'his' that I have met in our travels have Facebooked me and saw we were struggling and invited ME out for a girls night...lol even better! I will be in his neighborhood with his friends and he's stuck home with his issues...hmm...how the universe works in such mysterious ways... :evilgrin:

[Kind of Blue]

19. Now, that's what I'm talking about.

:applause: It's so good to know and honor yourself. I'm so glad you're laughing and starting to have fun again!

[get the red out]

21. Very good!

He wanted his cake and to eat it too, with great taste and zero calories.

I guess "space" in guy speak is "just don't talk about what I don't want to talk about and we will talk every day".

LOL, have a wonderful girls' night out!

[FirstLight]

22. "guyspeak" - rofl

Ain't it the truth!?

Now, depending on what information I get from the ladies tonight and how drunk we get, hehe...I wonder if I showed up at his place for a booty call what he would do?
}(
I can look him and ask if THIS is really all he wants? ...and then he will melt into my arms and weep and tell me he missed me for all of 8 hours...ya right.

Well, more than anything I am looking forward to fostering these new friendships. These ladies are both connected business women...one works in the capitol and both good savvy, they could be good networking for freelance gigs or even a real job, who knows? So I plan on staying relatively sober and in possession of my wits.
I plan on getting clarity on how well they know him, if they ever met the ex, and what he has shared about ME...? hmmm....

[FirstLight]

27. Girls night, update

Well I met up with the girls... He texted me at 6 while i was getting there that he could call when he got done with his class at 8. I told him to just text me when he got home cuz me & the girls are already out...

He showed up at the bar, just to say Hi and was going to go on home while we went to the next place that had jazz...
so i asked him if I could stop by on my way home ;) hehe
and so i did....

girls night was a blast and they both know the 'ex-syndrome' with him and being withdrawn...so it isn't just me and there really is no solution...but for him to stop TALKING to her maybe? duh!

so i get to his place and we are talking at first, and he IS doing some of the work, going to see his therapist on Monday and doing the meditation class and pursuing that on his own - which I have to give him credit for.

and he slipped in this little nuggett under the radar since i was a little buzzed (and I actually didn't get upset until I was driving home and thought "wait...what?"

His ex girlfrend invited him to go trick or treating with her & son...and he is going to go.
and I think it is an indication of him trying to get back with her...and still trying to run away by applying for a position in alaska...geez! (So it is good he didn;t get involved with my family, cuz he already has his foot out the door. I think some of my grieving is past, though I still am talking to him and trying to stay as open as possible. I sure don;t want to lose him as a collaborator on the business front - and i would love to be able to do art projects with him too still...)

But it may not end up looking like that...

so maybe last night was a last romp
Dunno...wtf...am i really *just* a booty call? damn!

[MorningGlow]

28. Oh criminy!

Honey, that dude sounds like he is SOOOOO not ready for a grownup relationship.

Yep, sounds like he's trying to get back with her. And although it sounds like he truly does care for you, he's hanging onto the previous thing and won't let go. Who knows, maybe he's applying for the job in Alaska only to push HER hand and see if she'll beg him not to go, you know?

Dude is wallowing, big time. But that'd be okay, IF he didn't also have you in the mix. And yes, you will be a booty call (with affection) as a backup plan. Is that what you want? :P

[FirstLight]

29. No, it isn't... I can go without!

If given the choice between my b.o.b (battery operated boyfriend) and this shit, i'd pick bob!

Nope, not gonna hold my breath and certainly not going to try to keep it together. I am begging off meditation clas so HE can work on his issues without me there...

and honestly, girls night out showed me that i still got game and I can have some fun on my own too! (had the bartender flirting with me and such...it was fun...and telling the guys at the bar that I sent my BF home so I could stay out & play, hehe)

and I don't think he is my BF anymore either... ?... not with these kinds of boundary issues and him playing with the ex, but not wiling to take me to the next level.
ya, pissed more than hurt
screw 'em... more fish in the sea & all that rot...

[MorningGlow]

30. ROFLMAO "B.O.B."

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

You still got it, girl! I say go play! :hi:

[NuttyFluffers]

32. yeah, nevermind. life's too short to wait in the sidelines...

i'd almost be flippant and say, "call me when you get it together, babe!"

that's cute to visit the ex's child 'n all for halloween, but to consider moving to another state and whatever? that's totally random and needlessly dramatic. dude, shit or get off the pot. this ain't no Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book with your fingers between pages check for the better endings. don't be some man's "flip to page 32".

he's a big boy; if he really wants to fight for this relationship he knows what he has to do. now go out and have fun.

[I Have A Dream]

33. ...

:thumbsup:

[FirstLight]

34. no shit!

I LOVE that quote...i need it on a T shirt!

"...this ain't no Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book with your fingers between pages check for the better endings. don't be some man's "flip to page 32".

i am going to go out with thew girls again for halloween, while he is with her. I plan to FIND my fun on my own. too bad our realities are so skewed...and while it "could" happen that he has a horrible fight w/her and comes back to me crying...

that may not be what i want either, unless there is considerable groveling involved! :rofl:

[BanzaiBonnie]

35. What he's doing is showing you that you are his second choice

And there's no reason to hold onto that.