I'm at my wit's end with the cat integration...

[bicentennial_baby]

I *know* we need to go back to square one with it, but I don't see how, as as soon as I crack the bedroom door, one of them is trying to get in or out. I suppose I could lock him in the spare room during her time out, and vice versa, but I feel like an asshole keeping them locked up for however many hours, alternatively. Ugh.

I swear, it's just bizarre. They take turns being the aggressor, and when they get into it, it is ugly. I have to stop them so nobody gets hurts. Tonight, they were in our room alone, with the Feliway diffuser, and here's the bizarre part:

When it's just them, it's mild swatting, etc, nothing major. The minute either Sniffa or I are in there, all hell breaks loose. I went in there and laid down on the bed, and they got into it worse than ever, a tumbling ball of fur and claws and howling. I had to pull down my sleeves and separate them with my feet and scoop Milk up before she got messed up. Thankfully, no injuries on either.

The Feliway seems to calm them down individually, but once they meet, it's either mellow fighting or all out war, depending on whether or not the humans are present.

I do NOT want to take Milk back to the Shelter, but something has to give. Do I start over and not let them see each other for weeks?

I ordered another Feliway diffuser for the livingroom, where Kitteh spends most of his day/night. And a book titled "Cat Vs. Cat: Managing a Multi-Cat Household".

They're both total sweeties to us...to each other, not so much.

I've never seen this before, and I've had cats since birth. And it's really stressing everyone, human and feline, out. :(

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. I feel your pain.

I'm having a similar problem with a cat I've had for almost a year. All three cats got along fine until about 3 weeks ago when I took #1 to the vet. We were back in 2 hours, but immediately #3 attacked #2 in a fit of redirected aggression. Ever since, #2 and #3 have been fighting. Last week I took #3 in to be spayed, thought she'd stop attacking #2 when she recovered, but no such luck. I am keeping them separated. Right now #1 and #3 are upstairs; #2 is downstairs and I am in a hotel in Seattle. When I get back we start all over.

I can't figure cats out sometimes. It WILL get better, for yours and mine, but they are such drama queens.

[bicentennial_baby]

2. I guess we all begin again, eh?

It's just so hard. You think "Oh, we'll let then hang out for a minute" and all hell breaks loose. :(

I'm going away for the weekend, and it can't come soon enough. I need a break from kitty stress.

:pals:

[demnan]

3. Maybe that will calm them down

When they aren't competing for your attention, perhaps they'll get lonely and become friends.

Stranger things have happened.

[ceile]

4. Let us know if you have any luck.

I have been trying to integrate two older cats for 3+ years now. They still stay in separate rooms.

[dropkickpa]

5. Bathe them both, one right after the other

They'll be too busy plotting your death to resume their fights.

[badgerpup]

6. Seriously, this might help...

First thing I do to a kitty that I've brought home from a shelter is give it a bath.
Even I can smell the fear, pee, cigarette smoke and scared animal smell on it...can't imagine what it must smell like to the resident felines.
Critter shampoo, while not their favorite scent, is much less threatening and they've all been subjected to it at one time or another.

When even the one of the resident felines come home from the vet there's a bit of hissing and bopping goes on until the 'vet smell' wears off. A bath is not always feasible here because sometimes the little shit darling had to visit the vet because of an abscess.
:banghead:

...(sigh)...but they're my little shits darlings, and I love them...:P

[emilyg]

8. Good advice.

I dab a little perfume on tail of each kitty - so they all smell the same.

[spooky3]

7. A couple of thoughts

I'm really sorry this is happening. I've never had the experience exactly so can't offer something I know works in some cases. But here are some ideas you could consider.

1) Years ago, I adopted a long-time shelter resident after my 15 year old kitty lost his mother. He was VERY unhappy about the newcomer. I was advised that my priority should be with the cat you've had awhile rather than the newer cat. The vet (shelter?) said keep the newcomer in his/her own room as long as it takes and let your older kitty have the run of the house as always (rather than make them take turns being cooped up). To the shelter kitty, even being cooped up in one room is a huge advance over what s/he's been through. The older kitty is still "king/queen" of the house and may feel less threatened. Then begin letting newcomer out for a little while at a time.

2) Our bed always seems to be the focus of major territory fights. I wonder if there is a Cat Gene that tells them that your bed is the most prized of prized possessions. The mother cat I mentioned had a 3 Organism Rule - hubby and I could be on there but when her son jumped on the bed, she would tear into him. Her son soon learned never to try to join us. When hubby and I divorced, the son would try sometimes to jump on the bed again, and she didn't mind any longer. My current older cat has always considered the bed his territory and though he loves other kitties in every other room he would bully any other cat who tried to sleep on my bed. So if you have another room you could keep Milk in, it might be better.

3) I wonder if they are "competing" for Mom and Dad. Can you try reinforcing them with attention whenever they are together and being nice to each other? Tell them how good they are being, pet them, play with them, give them a treat if they like treats, etc. I've had several kitties that love attention more than anything else.

4) Try separating them at the first sign that too much aggression will come out, rather than waiting for the fight to escalate. My latest newcomer, Tommy, isn't vicious but he's very young and had a rough prior life, and doesn't understand when he is playing too roughly--he now jumps away the moment that he sees my hand approach (never to hit him, just to move him away gently and say "Tommy, no biting, stop being mean" etc.). Although he usually attacks the other kitty (in fun) again, he always moves away before I can reach him. I think that in time he will control himself more rather than wait for me to get involved.

[radfringe]

9. we went through that with couple of our cats

picking on our older cat

since they all liked catnip, we made boiled some catnip in water, after it cooled, we wiped all of them down with the "tea", enough to get damp. they licked themselves and each other. a couple of weeks of doing this once or twice a day significantly cut down the confrontations. we had to repeat it a few times after that, but it's been 3 years now and no problems

[ginnyinWI]

10. we are four months out now and still having a few problems.

But it is slowly getting better. The new two can look at and be in the same room as the old queen, especially if they are all waiting to be fed. It takes time.

I would agree that human attention makes it worse. Do your best not to react to the hisses and growls because that only encourages more of it. Hisses and growls are "normal" in my book, and I only intervene if there is an actual fight or chase, and ignore them right after I break it up. No "poor baby" routine for any of them.

They have staked out territory in the house and try to defend it. But I'm trying to get them used to going into foreign territory and learning that it's not so scary. We've made a lot of progress since four months ago when the two sides can sit four feet away from each other and not react.