I feel kind of like a failure.

[rbnyc]

I'm breastfeeding, but I got my period. This is because I work, and don't spend enough time with my baby. This is because my body actually does know the difference between a baby and a breast pump.

I know I'm not a failure. I pay our rent and buy our groceries and provide our health insurance and make it possible for daddy to be with our son all day. I spend time with him in the morning, at night and on the weekends. If I were a man, I'd be a great success.

But I'm a lactating female whose body thinks that daddy hunts all day while I keep baby warm in our cave.

I think my hormones are going loopy.

:crazy:

EDIT: He's napping now. Poor little guy had a bit of a fever last night and a stuffed-up nose.

[SarahB]

1. It can be a good thing though.

Once that comes back, often the sex drive drastically improves (I'm speaking in terms of biology and hormones here, not tawdry stuff, dear Mods.) :D
It may have happened anyway because I do know a few women who have exclusively breastfed who still had their periods fairly soon postpartum. For me, I had to be down to one or two nursing sessions per day before Aunt Flo made her appearance again. A lot of it can be just individual variations.

You're doing a great job!!! Don't be so hard on yourself. :hug:
(Easier said than done, because I do the same thing with other things now as well.)

[rbnyc]

4. Thanks so much.

I was so surprised when I got my period, so I went online to do some reading and all I found was about how your period will come back if you supplement at all (and of course formula is evil) or your period will come back if baby gets breast milk from the bottle more than from you, or if you don't spend at least 65 minutes with baby at your breast every day.

1 day last week he was sleeping when I left for work, and he was sleeping when I came home, and slept through the night, so I spent no time with him at all (except for the periodic breathing-checks as he slept.)

Anyway, the information at lactivist and other breastfeeding websites just made me feel like a bad mom.

Plus, the whole hormone and lack of sleep thing.

But I know I'm a good mom.

Thanks for letting me get my feelings out.

[lizzieforkerry]

10. That's crap. I started again within two months

(which was depressing because I bled for the first six weeks) and my son was literally attached to me for about 13 hours a day. I am not kidding. My second baby was better and I still started within three months. It can have nothing to do with it. Relax, he will turn three one day and tell you you are too mean whether you kill yourself breast feeding or kill yourself bottle feeding. Hang in there- don't forget your hormones are raging, especially if you are breastfeeding and menst.

[rbnyc]

12. Thanks for your post.

You're the best. Ahh, perspective.

;-)

[wildeyed]

2. I know many moms who are home full time and breastfeeding

who got their periods back right away. My best friend has 4, and her time before getting her period back varied from one month to over one year. So it may just be how your body is.

After my first, my hormones were whacked for a long time. Plus there is the exhaustion from the night feedings and the intensity of getting used to being responsible for that new little life. Sounds like you guys are doing a great job, too. :hug:

[rbnyc]

3. That makes me feel much better.

Thanks.

:loveya:

[trotsky]

7. Gosh yes, rbnyc.

My brother got a married woman pregnant (yes, long story - she was separated, etc.) and then got her pregnant AGAIN while she was nursing their first child!

In fact when I read your initial post I thought, "What is she talking about? I thought all women started having periods again, regardless of whether they breastfeed!"

[fortyfeetunder]

5. Yup, happened to me too!

my period came back within 4 months...and after decades of irregularity, the danged thing comes back like clockwork. I haven't skipped a month since in over 7 years!!!

Can you have a day where you and Garrison have a nurse-in? Just veg out, do nothing and let him nurse on demand? That will help restore your milk supply. Know this is hard during the holidays but I really recommend it.

Take care, you are doing an excellent job!!!

[rbnyc]

6. Thanks.

That's pretty much what we did this weekend. I'm also bringing him to work with me on Wednesday, but that's probably going to be a one time thing.

Thanks Again.

:)

[jlucu]

8. I happen to know the world's greatest mom

She had 4 kids - Between the four of them they had 1 ear infection and one case of strep throat - that's it for illnesses their enitre youth.
They are all now well-adjusted adults, very healthy, successful in their chosen fields and they all have healthy, happy families.

Every one of those 4 children was bottle fed formula from day one - not a minute at the breast! (Unbelievable how the cultural norm has changed- huh? She was a stay-at-home-mom though.)

This mom was my mom. I think you too will be considered the world's greatest mom by the person who most matters.

[rbnyc]

13. Sweet post.

Thanks.

[jlucu]

20. periods

I did get my period back when I started supplementing with formula. I think it isn't too unusual- seems like you are doing great! Keep it up!

[abelenkpe]

9. Don't be blue

You're doing great! My doctor told me to expect my periods at any time after having Connor. I don't think it is a reflection on your parenting abilities. I think you are doing a fabulous job. I hope Garrison doesn't have a cold and feels better soon!

[rbnyc]

14. Thanks.

He's fine now. He had a tiny fever but it broke right away, and his nose is clear.

:loveya:

[cally]

11. I got my period within two months

and one of my children refused any milk from a bottle. Meaning, her only sustenance was breast milk for the first 7 to 8 months of her life. Give yourself a break. You are a wonderful mother!

[rbnyc]

15. I am very pro-breastfeeding,

but some of these breastfeeding groups and websites are hardcore! I am so glad DU added this forum. This is an awesome place to reality check with my trusted lefty pals.

:hi:

[davsand]

16. Oh no! It's the dreaded Mommy guilt!!!!

You are doing just fine, and your kid sounds like he's thriving! Relax on the period thing, if you can. Not every Mom can or does nurse her baby--I know you realize that--automatically and right away, you are WAY up there on the "Good Mommy Points" scale.

I've probably not gone into that idea here, have I?

OK--here's the deal:

When I had Material Girl I was one of the most paranoid/post partum/hormonal messes of all time. I am serious! I felt like I was just unable to even cope with this little "thing" that ate, slept (if I was lucky,) and excreted from every opening. I was convinced I could NEVER be the good Mommy that my daughter deserved.

Nobody really ever explained how messed up your hormones are when you BF. They did warn us in our birthing class that we might go "a little off" after the birth--but nobody EVER told me that the insanity was probably for the rest of my life. They NEVER told me that the worry and guilt were a permanent part of life when you have a child and WANT to be a good parent.

Finally, in an utter panic, I called a buddy of mine. This is a woman who raised five boys, nursed them all and even did home birth with the last four. I mean she is like this uber perfect Madonna in my eyes. (Oh--and did I mention she's an early child education specialist with the university?)

Anyhow, I called Loretta and I was just in meltdown. I was blubbering away about my kid wouldn't latch on, she was probably ruined for life because my body was too stupid to allow her to be born without a C-section, I was a failure as a Mom... You get the drift, I'm sure.

Anyhow, I will never forget what I learned from her. The upshot of it all is that being Mom isn't pass/fail, you will NEVER do the kind of excellent job you want to do, and absolutely EVERY parent has moments when they doubt they are able to do the job as well as they think their kid deserves.

Take satisfaction in what you DO get right, and love the daylights out of them when you can. The floor will still be there when you get around to sweeping it in a few days, and if the dishwasher (or drainer) is still full of clean dishes then be glad they got washed so you can go spend more time with your kid. Oh, and don't forget to laugh.

My idea--based on Loretta's comments--was to create the "Good Mommy Points" scale. Every time you get something right--you get good mommy points. Every time you mess up--you lose a point. Right out of the chute--you are WAY ahead of the game when you BF your kid.

When my kid rolled off the bed while I was changing her pants--I lost a point. When she ate a few "free range" Cheerios she found under the sofa cushion I lost a point (well, a couple actually--there was a wad of cat hair in there too.) But because I spent a lot of time with her and held her whenever I could, and because I loved her so very much--I had a HUGE stockpile of Good Mommy points to keep me from ever going in the hole and being a bad mommy.

I still joke about losing good mommy points--like when I let my kid eat cheese pizza instead of something packed with nutrition out of Parent's magazine recipe section. Or maybe when I let her spend a sick day watching TV instead of reading books. Like I did today.

Makes starting a period slightly less guilt provoking, I hope...

Brightest blessing, dear. You are doing a good job as a Mom!


Laura

[rbnyc]

17. Thanks so much.

I do feel guilty about being away from him so much, even tho I know that going back to work was the right thing for me and my family. So when I read that getting my period back so early could be because of not spending enough time with him, I just lost it. But after talking about it here, and just kind of sitting with it for a few days, I realize it's really no big deal. And I can't take every word at lactavist.com so seriously.

I like the mommy points thing. I actually don't think I should lose any points for menstruating. That would be silly, wouldn't it. And I think I get 100 points for breastfeeding plus an extra 50 for continuing to breastfeed while working full-time.

:)

I guess the other thing about getting my period back is that it kind of marks the end of an era. Plus now I'm in the wonderful world of birth control again, which we haven't worried about for more than 3 years.

Sigh.

But seriously, I feel MUCH better.

[davsand]

18. See what I mean??

You are breast feeding your kid--in spite of a lot of things working against you--like working for a living and the pressure of being wife and Mom and professional. Not ONLY are you feeding your kid the best possible thing for him, but you are making the time to spend with him to actually do that... You are pretty durn good at this Mom business!

The period thing (and I am not dismissing that at all!) is not an indicator of how you are doing as a mom, but rather the hormonal levels in your body returning to something kind of close to normal. It means that if you WANTED to, you could MAYBE have another baby right now.

Bear in mind, I am not saying it is a good idea, but it is a pretty natural thing to return to fertility. Connor is what--about four months now--maybe a bit more? IF you got pregnant RIGHT NOW he'd be almost a year and a half old when the next one was born, maybe bit more. A lot of women would give anything to have kids spaced like that...

I'll grant you, the whole contraception thing is no fun to deal with, but it is a small price to pay for having these little guys in our lives!

I am very serious that the "good mommy points" idea saved my sanity any number of times. What it does, is it forces me to take stock of what I'm doing and is it important to my overall goal of being the best possible parent I can be.

Plus, it is great good fun to make jokes about loss of "good mommy points" when you have a momentary brain cramp and forget to pack a change of socks in the diaper bag!

Hang in there--you CAN do this!

Laura

[gollygee]

19. I'm a pretty hardcore breastfeeding advocate

A lactivist I've heard us called . . . LOL

And even as hard-core as I am, I think you're doing a great job. It is *ideal* to never give a child formula, but you're dealing with a hard situation - working full time - and if that's what you've got to do then it's what you've got to do. Ideal isn't always possible. You're doing fine :)

It is hard to keep breastfeeding going while working full-time. Plus, as I recall, you've had problems with supply issues? That's all hard to work through. You are to be commended for keeping up despite going through some hard breastfeeding times.

And I think when you resume menstration is based on when your body feels it would be ready to support another pregnancy, which is related to how often you breastfeed but not totally dependant upon it. It will resume at different times for different women. Some women will start menstrating within a few weeks of birth even though they breastfeed every hour. Other women will only breastfeed part time and still won't start their periods until they stop breastfeeding altogether. It's a very individual thing.

Relax on this one, the mommy olympics have only started and the stakes just keep going up. LOL

[rbnyc]

21. LOL. Thanks.

My supply is getting much better, thanks to advice I got here. Garrison only needs a couple of bottles of formula per week now. He is very healthy. That's what counts. You have all been so great.

[soleft]

22. RB, you're never a failure when your gorgeous heart is in the right place

:hug:

[Ilsa]

23. It's a very individualized thing.

Some of the factors are whether you are co-sleeping, your age, etc. I know moms who exclusively breastfeed who got their cycles back quickly. Lact. Amenorrhea usually lasts longer in older moms.

Try not to let uncontrollable stuff like this get you down.

[umtalal]

24. Just keep breastfeeding and don't worry about the menstruation.

Also be careful about the self blame etc. I suffered from postpartum (sp?)depression without even knowing what hit me. Is this your first?

[rbnyc]

25. I have mellowed out some.

Yes, this is my first baby, and the chemical/hormonal impact on my thoughts and moods has been more than I expected, but I'm starting to chill. Thanks so much.