How We Sabotage Young Girls

[no_hypocrisy]

http://www.alternet.org/reproductivejustice/142330/how_we_sabotage_young_girls?page=1

Our culture is teaching girls to embrace a version of selfhood that sharply curtails their power and potential. In particular, the pressure to be “Good”—unerringly nice, polite, modest, and selfless—diminishes girls’ authenticity and personal authority.

The Curse of the Good Girl erects a psychological glass ceiling that begins its destructive sprawl in girlhood and extends across the female life span, stunting the growth of skills and habits essential to becoming a strong woman. This book traces the impact of the curse on girls’ development, and provides parents with the strategies to break its spell.

Almost ten years ago, I founded the Girls Leadership Institute, a summer enrichment program for middle- and high-school girls. I began asking largely middle-class groups of girls to describe how society expected a Good Girl to look and act. Here is a sample response:

Blue eyes
Honorable
Respectful
Little girl
Tons of friends
Always busy
Quiet
Polite
Organized
Perfect
Enthusiastic
Flirtatious
Sheltered
Generous
Skinny
Good grades
Kind
Speaks well
Studies
Boyfriend
Follows the rules
No opinions on things
Intelligent
Doesn’t get mad
Well rounded
Conservative
Healthy
Follower
Popular
Average
Preppy
Wealthy
Barbie
Has to do everything right
Athletic
Confident
Natural hair
Perfect attendance
Doesn’t show skin
Listens
Façade never cracks
High expectations
Honest
People pleaser

-snip-

The Curse of the Good Girl thus diminishes girls’ resilience, or ability to cope with stress. Being Good is a fundamentally self-limiting experience: the need to be “perfect” and “do everything right” leaves many girls uncomfortable with feedback and failure, making it difficult to push through a challenge. The need to be nice or right at all costs leaves these girls on the sidelines as they avoid the situations that aren’t sure things: moments of self-assertion that require healthy risk-taking and which might lead to failure, disappointment, or another person’s unhappiness. The Curse of the Good Girl is both a warning not to try and a setup to fail when you do.

-more-

[we can do it]

1. It took me years to get over what people expected me to be & become who I am

it is destructive and wasteful - the pink barbie bs is about enough to gag me

[Louisiana1976]

2. The Oscar-winning performance is what I call living up to most or all of those expectations.

[MountainLaurel]

3. Just came here to post this

When I read this article, all I could think was "Been there, done that, have the therapy bills to prove it!"

As a child, I frequently had nightmares in which I would try to scream (say, if I was being chased by a monster), but no sound would ever come out. It wasn't until I was out of college, when I really started to come into myself that I literally found my voice would be able to scream in the dreams. Of course, then I began screaming in my sleep, which started a whole different set of problems.