Husband retired. My blood pressure went up. Is there any real link?

[CTyankee]

It's a problem. I just don't know but it has happened. Before my hubby retired by bp was 120/70 and at my late July dr.s visit it was 150/100. I don't get it. Dr. ordered some tests. I see him on Wednesday. I don't know what to expect, but I do know nothing else changed between late Jan. and July except hubby retired...any data on this?

[Juche]

1. Unemployment and stress are linked to hypertension

So its possible.

[hobbit709]

2. Get him out of the house for a month and see what it does.

[CTyankee]

5. Easier said than done. He does have a volunteer position with the city (where he worked before the

layoff). Hopefully that will help. But how do you get someone to just LEAVE the house? That's not easy to do.

We'll have to see what happens. I can't take too much more of this...

[TheCowsCameHome]

9. Why get him out? She's the one with the problem.

Just sayin'.........

[CTyankee]

19. You are right. I AM the one with the problem. His b.p. is fine. nt

[Howler]

3. Could be.

I am 50 years old and we have been together for twenty years I really love my husband. I do but I've always figured the day he retired I would enter the job market at least part time.

[rwheeler31]

4. Are you eating more , on your feet more?

[CTyankee]

6. No on both counts. If anything I am resting more. nt.

[Frustratedlady]

18. Are you getting less exercise...less active?

With a spouse's retirement, the routine often changes. A husband invades the woman's space she's accustomed to having to herself all day. It takes several months to settle in together. Almost like when you were first married.

However, in the end, having them around is a blessing compared to losing them. That is an adjustment, too.

Good luck to you both. Good luck to you on your bp. I'm sure the doctor can get it under control.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

7. I'd say "yes" -

I know several couples in long-standing marriages who broke up - and ultimately divorced - when the husband retired and the wife had absolutely no way to deal with his being around all the time.

One was a girlfriend of mine from school - we'd grown up together and then found each other when we were both living in the same city. Her husband - twenty-four years - was a cop, and he took early retirement. He'd also always been on the night shift, so, really, they never saw each other for extended stretches of time.

Four kids, three still at home.

The first day Charlie was retired, Marcia went grocery shopping. When she got home, she found that he'd totally rearranged her kitchen cabinets, because the way she had them wasn't the most efficient.

It only took about a year for them to collapse completely.

You might want to sign up for some classes, or volunteering, or get into some exercise classes, but you've got to get yourself out of the house and break up the new routine before it gets established. Too much togetherness is NOT a good thing...............

[CTyankee]

20. I am volunteering. I have 3 ESOL students so I spend time preparing lesson plans for them.

One thing I have to find is an exercise regimen that I can do, given the limitation of a ventral hernia (for which I had surgery but it didn't work).

It's been a bad year for both of us on several fronts, not having to do with his retirement. But everyone is facing those problems, e.g. losing money in the financial collapse, job losses, worries over the economy, etc. Plus we have weathered a big intra-family fight and I am being sued for a very minor car accident, and he had a cardiac issue/scare last December and he isn't taking care of himself properly.

I realize I am not the only one that is severely stressed right now. My ability to deal with stress seems to be decreasing as I get older...

[tg]

8. How has your life changed?

The obvious question is how has his retirement changed your routine. Have you given up any hobbies or time with your own friends? Has he found things to do or does he infringe on your time, the way you spent your day. Are you getting less exercise?

A less obvious thing may be changes in eating habits. Not just eating more putting on weight but do you now share a diet that includes, for example, more salt

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. I am almost positive that there's a link.

You love him, and all that...But.

He's underfoot, and maybe he's critical of your housekeeping? You married him for better or for worse, but not for lunch.

You need to take care of yourself...if he's criticizing how you do things, or is trying to "help", put him to work.

You need your own space, too. Someplace where he can't come in without an invitation from you...

[tularetom]

11. I retired 9 years ago. Wife has been stressed ever since

I sort of retired early because my job was keeping me away from home for days at a time. Now it's apparent to me that I disturb the routine that was established in the 38 years between our marriage and my retirement. I try to keep as active as I can but I had a foot injury 3 years ago that limits my mobility a bit. And I encourage her to get away from the house as often s she can but we live 1/2 hour from the nearest shopping, medical offices, movie theater or library.

What I have done is to purchase some foreclosed properties at auction and I'm in the process of remodeling and hopefully selling them someday. Even if I don't make any money on the venture it has served to keep me out of the house for a few hours a day. And the mental as well as physical stimulation is good for me and I presume my absence is relaxing to her.

This sounds sorta clinical I realize, but if I'm around the house I will sit on my ass and she resents that while she's in the process of dusting, vacuuming, washing and ironing etc. I do the dishes and some of the cooking and take care of the grounds and the animals. But I can understand it's a hard adjustment for both parties but in a traditional marriage it's especially hard on the woman.

[spotbird]

14. You are an unusually insightful man. nt

[tularetom]

15. Not really but I'm not blind either

I've lived with this woman for 47 years. It isn't hard to tell when she's pissed and it doesn't take a genius to discover why.

Part of the problem is that we live basically in Bumfuck Nowhere. There is only one other house within three miles of us, and the nearest store of any kind is 9 miles away. So there is almost no such thing as a casual visit with neighbors and people don't just "drop in". She has plenty of things to keep her busy but I think she would rather live loser to our kids grandkids and great grandkid. But at the same time she knows I love it here and tolerates it because of that fact.

We used to have cattle here but we've sold them all. My little remodeling job keeps me busy and she does go to meetings of her genealogy association and quilt circles. But I can still see the stress when I'm in here on line and she's ironing clothes.

[grasswire]

16. maybe she could take extended visits with the kids

Or maybe the grandkids could summer at your place. It's a cruel thing to keep a grandmother away from her offspring and their offspring.

[tularetom]

17. The kids only live 1/2 hour away so that isn't a huge problem for her

But they're in their 40's and busy working all day. And all but one of the grandkids are grown and married. One has a child of her own. My daughter and son in law are empty nesters. The kids used to love to spend time out here riding the horses.

I have talked about selling (or trading) this pace with one of the kids and moving back into town. That way I could still spend time out here and she wouldn't feel so stressed having me around.

[Alameda]

12. I have heard this is a common problem

when one part of a couple retires. The other partner is around more........."how can I miss you if you won't go away"

[Speck Tater]

13. When I retired my BP went down. I'm single and living alone so no wife to effect. nt