Let's stop calling it same-sex marriage and call it what it really is:

[IntravenousDemilo]

Equal marriage. "Same-sex" and "gay" are terms that give a lot of mainstream America the heebie-jeebies, even fence-sitters, and the bigots know that, which is why they use the terms in the first place, to "scare" people and to manipulate the discussion their way and to suit their ends. If we all band together and inform others that it's "equal marriage" -- a question of equality -- then we can frame the debate with our own terminology. If "equal marriage" gains currency, it will eventually become the one used by the media, where it will spread exponentially. Please tell all your friends, gay or straight, that "equal marriage" is the term to use from now on. And when anyone ever refers to "gay marriage" or "same-sex marriage", correct them immediately, with "ah, no, you mean 'equal marriage'." That should lead to some discussion, not of homosexuality and "special" gay rights, but a of equality and equal rights.

You know the term "pro-life"? This is what the people who want to take reproductive freedom away from women call themselves. They want you to use the term instead of "anti-choice", which is what they really are deep down. The assumption they would have you to come to is that women who need abortions are somehow "anti-life". And thus the demonization begins. The media often use the term "pro-life" as well now -- out of laziness because that's what has gained currency, or possibly out of complicity -- and the rest of the time they call the stance "anti-abortion". I don't believe for a minute that anyone is actually pro-abortion, or truly wants to have an one; what these women are is pro-choice.

We can't expunge from society the opinions or thoughts of bigots, but we can push society towards abandoning their terminology, so that the discussion will be on our terms. Words are very important. They shape thoughts. They can open or close minds. Let's open some.

So it's "equal marriage", people. Who could possibly say they're for inequality and still be taken at all seriously? I mean, inequality is downright anti-democracy and anti-American, isn't it?

You have your talking points now. Let's roll. Onward anti-bigotry soldiers! And be careful out there.

[funflower]

1. How about "fair marriage" ?

Just another thought....

Great post! Framing the debate is sooooo important (as our friends on the far right have shown us over and over again).

[ClassWarrior]

2. Yup. Lakoff calls it marriage rights.

If you haven't already, read his book, "Don't Think of an Elephant."

NGU.

[Hissyspit]

4. Use both terms. They are both good.

[IntravenousDemilo]

5. I have the book.

That's where I got the idea. Now go out and change the world.

[msongs]

3. great idea, have u suggested to any dems politicians etc? nt

[IntravenousDemilo]

7. Thanks, I would, except...

...I doubt they'd listen to a Canadian, since I can't hold my vote over their heads. My boyfriend and I want to get married some day, but for it to have any legal standing, he'll have to move up here and become a Canadian citizen, which is OK, since he likes Toronto. I'd just as soon be able to visit his homeland, too, and have our marriage respected there.

[LoveMyCali]

6. Why not

just marriage, we don't call it "heterosexual marriage" or "opposite sex marriage." I know, I'm being naive thinking that we can just stop labeling everything.

[IntravenousDemilo]

8. That'll come later, as perceptions change.

We can't expect change overnight. For now we have to stress the equality aspect, and get people used to that.

I'm looking forward to the day here in Canada when equal marriage has been around so long that no one in the rank and file of the population will even give second thought to whether it's gay or straight. Right now, it's still pretty novel, and for the next little while, we're going to have to just be patient until people realize that the sky hasn't fallen.

[Rhiannon12866]

15. I understand your point, and I certainly agree. Marriage is just marriage.

To give it a "special" name is an indication that it's "different," and is an insult to whoever made this commitment, which can't be easy, no matter what your sex or orientation.

And welcome to DU, LoveMyCali! We're so glad to have you with us!

Rhiannon

[shenmue]

9. Just "marriage"

That's like saying there's short voting and tall voting, gay holidays and straight holidays, Irish snow and Spanish snow. A thing is a thing.
They don't make distinctions when two heterosexuals do anything else. Why should gay people have to put up with that? Why is discrimination okay to do just to them?

I don't recall the Constitution spending a lot of time on whom you were supposed to marry. I think the writers had more important things on their minds. Go ahead, find that word in there. Can't, can you?

It's not important. Really, it's not. Jeemony. I worry more about what I'm having for lunch.

In what other areas does the right plan to introduce preferential treament, when the law calls for equal justice?

I long for the days of 20 years ago when the televangelist scandals broke and the whole country seemed to understand what scumbags the fundamentalist radical fringe really are. Now, with a new face and plenty of money, the movement has sadly been able to make people forget that.

People need a history lesson.

Just let gay people get married, for pity's sake. It isn't going to make my life as a straight person any worse. And I can't see how they can possibly mess it up more than we have already.

[Dogmudgeon]

10. Why not just call it "Marriage" ... ?

No offense -- my offense goes entirely to the Rectal Right -- but it's "just" marriage. Who cares what genders the participants are? Or, rather, why should anyone care, other than that two people are pledging their lives to each other?

The "equal marriage" tactic, though, is a good one, and should be extended, as well. The anti-gay movement has made the "special rights" complaint a centerpiece of their crusade of intolerance.

--p!

[benburch]

11. Personally, I would be happiest if the State stopped being in the business

Marriage should be a religious institution, not a State one... For Gay people as well as Straight people!

[LoveMyCali]

16. The legal rights are important too

I think that the legal ramifications are as important as the religious aspect. Can you imagine not being able to make critical health care decisions for your life partner because your state doesn't recognize your union?
That's just wrong!

[benburch]

18. Put all of this on the same footing by not have het marriage either.

Then enact domestic partnership laws.

[Skittles]

12. you are correct

how about that infamous "gay agenda" - I mean, really, what's on that agenda is, well, what we straight folk already have.

[Meeker Morgan]

13. I simply say "marriage" ...

... or if it's to define the political issue "marriage equality", because that's what it is.

But no amount of framing is going to convert a bigot.

[SnowBack]

14. In my classroom, my husband is my husband...

I teach 140 High School kids a year, and am totally open about my life.

I have pictures of my husband up in my classroom, and when I talk about my husband with my students, he's "My Husband"... And ya know what, I've never had a problem with any of the kids not wanting to call him that...

They just accept him for what he is... Actually, they're always asking when he's going to come in and meet them!

It was certainly a strange experience having a bunch of 16 year old girls wanting to plan our wedding for us a couple of years ago. Strange, but very sweet...

[TechBear_Seattle]

17. I've been using "equal marriage" for years

But when I really want to get people's panties in a twist, I use the phrase, "different sex marriage" to mean what the law currently permits.