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A Few Thoughts For My GLBT Friends on Shepherd vs. foxx.

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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 06:07 PM
Original message
A Few Thoughts For My GLBT Friends on Shepherd vs. foxx.
Edited on Sat May-02-09 06:08 PM by MarianJack
I am a straight white man, 53 years old, with a Puerto Rican wife and an African American son. I am a Roman Catholic who has actually READ the Bible, unlike the most of the religious right bigots who dominate the republican party in 2009 (and for many years before that). I believe that we are taught to love one another. I believe that love is a precious and sacred gift in anybody's life. I don't care if it is for a parent, sibling, family member, child or life partner of the opposite sex or the same sex. I have no idea of exactly how you felt when a bigoted and ignorant member of congress hatefully disrespected the memory of a young gay murder victim in front of his MOTHER. Let me repeat what we already know again; IN FRONT OF HIS MOTHER!

I don't know if foxx knew that Mrs. Shepherd was present. If foxx is representative of the level of fanaticism that grips the republicans presently (and since republican leadership lets her in front of a microphone, there is no reason to believe she isn't), she didn't care. Most of the palin/huckabee/dobson/robertson republicans probably hold Mrs. Shepherd in contempt for continuing to love her son after he came out.

I can, however, express how I felt on one level. I can say how I felt as the husband of one ethnic person and the father of another.

I have witnessed and experienced both my wife and son being discriminated against. I remember my outrage when my wife and I were in a restaurant and were given rude and slow service by a waitress who had a sneer on her face as she looked at my wife's "Proud Puerto Rican" t-shirt. Her $0.05 tip and my conversation with her manager left no doubt about how I felt. I remember how my wife and I felt when a bigoted mother had obviously told her 2 kids to stop playing with my black son at a pool when he was 4. He'd committed the unforgivable sin of holding the little girl's hand as they ran through a sprinkler. I remember when a father went into a fury over my 6 year old black son helped his 3 year old daughter down from the high level of a McDonald's play gym and he took his child and stormed out without even letting her put her shoes on.

These were slights. I know the hurt and anger I felt over these. I can not know how it feels to have my child murdered for no other reason than who he is. I selfishly hope that I never do. I cannot imagine the agony that Matthew's parents must feel when they think how the last words their precious son heard in his life were slurs and words of hatred shouted from the mouths of the people who were taking his life. I selfishly hope that I'll never be able to.

Worst of all, I cannot fathom how it must feel to be a mother listening to an ignorant and bigoted woman who, by her age, is almost certainly a mother and grandmother, describe the facts of her son's murder as a "hoax". At best foxx is so stupid and steeped in her rightist fervor that she has no idea how contemptible her disrespect is. At worst she knew that Mrs. Shepherd was there and she knew the effect her words would have and she just didn't fucking care.

As a human being, I can only control my actions. As a father I can only be a loving and supportive parent to my son. Not long ago, it was posted here on DU that Vice-President Biden still hugs and kisses his 39 & 40 year old sons. I responded that I will be hugging and kissing my son when he's 99 & 1/2. My wife would tell you that I'm stubborn enough to stick around until then just to prove that point.

I will hug and kiss my son when he is 99 & 1/2 if he is straight, gay, bi or asexual. If the day comes when my son brings home a young lady and tells us that she is our to be our daughter-in-law, we will welcome her and love her with all our hearts. If the day comes when he brings home a young man and tells us that he is to be our son-in-law, we will welcome him and love him with all our hearts. As I said earlier, love is a gift to us all regardless of the form in which it comes.

I would really like to be able to say that I feel sorry for the virginia foxxes of this world for their ignorance and stupidity. I would really love to be able to say that I pity someone who is so stupid that they apologize for the "choice of words" when they disrespect a family (and national) tragedy. The reality of the situation is, however, that people like foxx are just too dangerous for pity and understanding. They are too dangerous for anything but the scorn in which thinking and caring people will hold them. They certainly have no business making legislative decisions that will effect people who are better than they. I certainly hope that the wave of blue that seems to be rising in North Carolina washes this woman's political career away. This, she has certainly earned.

PEACE!
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ruggerson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 06:09 PM
Response to Original message
1. well said
k and r
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 06:24 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. Thank You, ruggerson!
:patriot:

PEACE!
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yardwork Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 06:17 PM
Response to Original message
2. Thank you. I've always liked Catholics. Every Catholic I know "gets it."
Bless you and your family.
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 06:28 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. You're More generous to Catholics, I think,...
...than many deserve. The clearest instance is our Pope. The more I see of him, the bettrer I feel that he was elected at age 78.

That being said, there are a lot of Catholics who understand that we are here on this Earth to LOVE one another.

BTW, that's a GREAT sig line!

PEACE! :patriot:
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yardwork Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 08:06 PM
Response to Reply #4
11. I like your sig line too!
None of the Catholics I know acknowledge the Pope. They don't think they're in the wrong about this, either!
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 09:04 PM
Response to Reply #11
18. This Pope is a Place-holder...
...while the church figures what to do in the aftermath of John Paul II whom, while he had his shortcomings, was among the giants of Popes. Nobody was going to fill his shoes, so why not a 78 year old who wouldn't have been able to even vote in the conclave a mere 2 years later.

My sig line is lifted from Sean Penn's acceptance line at the Academy Awards when he won for "Milk".

PEACE! :patriot:
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keepCAblue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-03-09 12:44 PM
Response to Reply #2
23. Guess you don't *know* Archbishop Niederauer (Archbishop of San Francisco)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Hugh_Niederauer

Support of Proposition 8

In 2008, Archbishop Niederauer campaigned in favor of California's Proposition 8, a ballot measure to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry. Niederauer claims to have been instrumental in forging alliances between Catholics and Mormons to support the measure. Wrote the San Francisco Chronicle, "Niederauer drew in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and proved to be a critical move in building a multi-religious coalitionthe backbone of the fundraising, organizing and voting support for the successful ballot measure. By bringing together Mormons and Catholics, Niederauer would align the two most powerful religious institutions in the Prop. 8 battle."<2>
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calimary Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 06:33 PM
Response to Original message
5. Amen!
Conflicted lifelong Catholic here, too. I've been wondering for many years if any of these people who profess to love and be personally saved by Jesus have ever read His teachings or studied His Sermon on the Mount. 'Cause they seem obsessed with blessing the warmakers and the bullies and kicking the poor and meek into a ditch.

This is a BEAUTIFUL essay, MarianJack.

BRAVO!!!

:applause: :thumbsup: :patriot:
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 06:57 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. Thanks, calimary.
I do wonder about the fundies sometimes. There is one that I work with who is obsessed with shooting things and his life is consumed with his guns. From his conversations, his freakin' PASROR is, too.

Of course most of these fundies don't read the Bible. They let their soft-headed pastors and the dobsons & robertsons of the world tell them what to think.

PEACE!
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hisownpetard Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 07:15 PM
Response to Original message
7. Thank you for this absolutely beautiful post. Well done!
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 07:22 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. Thank You, Too, hisownpetard.
Love your screenname. May this be what bush, cheney, rumsfeld, wolfowitz, etc., be hoisted on!

PEACE! :patriot:
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Gregorian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 07:23 PM
Response to Original message
9. Ignorance is irresponsible.
I have experienced my share of disrespect and judgment. I know how it feels, too.

I had an interesting talk with my 80 year old mother yesterday. She comes from a family of 11. All of which are republicans. Somehow my mother saw through it. And she has always been bright and aware. At 80 she is more like a teenager than many young people I know. Well, one of her sisters came to visit for a couple of days. I called when they had left, and my mom was pretty worn out. The closest she came to expressing herself was saying "after eight years of what we just had in America", but it went right over their heads. They are all graduates of the Billy Graham school. I've had a hard time in life. Not for money, but for love and caring and beauty in a cold society. Their son is not only a graduate of the Billy Graham religious university, but has had a stable job as an insurance executive and three or four kids. He's just a stable guy without a care in the world. I, on the other hand, am 53 and might as well be 18, as I am repulsed by everything I see, and can't find a place to settle down to and be happy. I pay attention, in other words. To these people, I can guarantee that global warming isn't even a topic. They don't care. We talked about how people like this keep their world small and safe, like a cocoon.

How this fits in to your post is that so many people, regardless of how conservative or liberal they may be, but being conservative is typical, are threatened by difference. My god, I was left handed. The public school system changed that by the time I was 7 years old. Why? It's the same thing. We could go into depth as to why that is, but the fact is it is. So whether one is small, or big, or dark or light, if they're different, whatever that means, they are kept at a distance by these insecure and fearful people. They can't handle it. They aren't mature.

The end of my conversation with my mom had her saying this- you have a responsibility to modern society. And I think there is a distinction in modern. Modern in that we're all much closer, and dependent upon each other. You don't want to be like them. It's better to be unhappy and aware than to be like that. And it's not just Foxx being a representative. We are all representatives.

Fear and ignorance. We must grow beyond that if we are to have a functioning society. We are not a monoculture. This isn't Japan, or Iceland. We're a mixed group. We have an extra difficult task to ensure that we can live and work together. It's time to transcend. To mature. To grow up as a nation. Episodes like the one Foxx displayed are a drag on the nation. Worse than nothing at all. The flip side of this is positive. We can grow and get along and be happy. And the benefits are glorious. But we all must loosen up on our grip. This is the land of the brave, even if it sounds distasteful to say so after our historic blunders.
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 07:41 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. Your Mom and you are right, Gregorian.
We are all representatives and we do have to be responsible. So few people realize that America is hard and citizenship has to be an active process.

While reading about your mom, I was thinking about my mom who passed away in July of 2006. Growing up, she learned that races should be separate. By the end of her life, my son was probably the one person she'd loved the most in her life. Late in her life, she'd flirted with republicanism. My wife and I are both convinced that she'd have voted for Obama, if for no other reason than for her loved grandson to have a President who would be a hero to him.

Thank you for sharing.

PEACE!
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rhiannon55 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 08:07 PM
Response to Original message
12. Beautifully said. Thank you for a lovely post.
You are a beautiful person.
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 08:51 PM
Response to Reply #12
16. Thank You rhiannon,...
...but if you saw my picture you'ld want to reconsider the beautiful.

PEACE! :patriot:
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rhiannon55 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-03-09 09:18 AM
Response to Reply #16
21. Oh, I am SO sure...
:hug:

You can't be beautiful on the inside and not be beautiful on the outside. It shines through.
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The Doctor. Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 08:28 PM
Response to Original message
13. What really gets me is how such a simple, easy, and benevolent an attitude
Edited on Sat May-02-09 08:29 PM by The Doctor.
... can only seem to be grasped by so few.

Every day I have to ask myself 'what the fuck is wrong with people?'. Sadly, I really do know the answer.
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 08:59 PM
Response to Reply #13
17. A common problem with the right is...
...having their heads stuck up one giant collective ass.

I think that what so many homophobes fear is that being around a gay person means that the gay person is in a spate of insatiable lust for any genitalia similar to theirs. Also, they fear that their own precious heterosexuality is threatened by any proximity to any gay person.

There are so many gay and lesbian couples and singles that my wife and I know whom we would trust IMPLICEITLY to sit with our son. we wouldn't be caught dead leaving him in the care of a "family values" fundie.

PEACE! :patriot:
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Chovexani Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 08:29 PM
Response to Original message
14. You're a good dad.
:hug:
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 08:49 PM
Response to Reply #14
15. I try My Best.
Thanks. :patriot:
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Berry Cool Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat May-02-09 09:36 PM
Response to Original message
19. Beautiful post!
Any kid would feel lucky to have you for a parent!
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-03-09 09:10 AM
Response to Reply #19
20. Thank You, Berry Cool, but...
...whenever I say "NO" to him, my son thinks I'm a bastard. Although, I think that that is a big part of being 9.

When he gets annoyed with me, I tell him "Someday, son, you'll be a parent and your kid will think you're a pain in the ass, too". Guaranteed groan!

PEACE! :patriot:
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Bluenorthwest Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-03-09 10:46 AM
Response to Original message
22. Thanks
A great post.
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-03-09 05:21 PM
Response to Reply #22
26. Thank You, Bluenorthwest.
:patriot:
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MadMaddie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-03-09 01:28 PM
Response to Original message
24. MarianJack thank you for sharing your experiences and your
feelings.

Remember these are the same Republican family values, hate mongering, racists that kick their own kids out of their homes when they find out they are gay.

Fox proved that Republicans believe all murders in America are not equal. We should never take apologies or excuses from these people ever again. This current group of fanatics they are dangerous

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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-03-09 05:24 PM
Response to Reply #24
27. WOW! Great Statement!
"...republicans believe all murders in America are not equal".

How true! May I use that? It hits tha nail right on the head! And yes, these current rethug fuckers are dangerous.

PEACE! :patriot:
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MadMaddie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-03-09 06:14 PM
Response to Reply #27
29. Absolutely, please use anything you feel worthy of sharing.
:thumbsup:
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ooglymoogly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-03-09 04:03 PM
Response to Original message
25. As you are passing out love...I say goodonya and KR
Love is certainly one thing pugs don't have and they deserve not having it; Though I can't wish that on anyone; It is a choice they have made. When you are filled with hate, there is no room for love or the understanding that each of us comes from a different place. Pugs pretend mightily that they all come from the same place. The evidence that we have by the likes of Foxx is that that place is hell.
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MarianJack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-03-09 05:27 PM
Response to Reply #25
28. Spoiler Alert!
That's why Harry Potter vs. Voldemort turned out to be so one-sided. JK Rowling got that and that was one of the Potter books' message. Love is all-powerful.

Those who hate cannot possibly comprehend true love.

PEACE! :patriot:
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