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If your son came to you and said partner was going to have an abortion, what would you say/do

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uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 03:56 PM
Original message
If your son came to you and said partner was going to have an abortion, what would you say/do
Yes, this is similar but different from the daughter on.

How would you feel? Would you be happy about it? Sad? Supportive? Try to find other choices?

I am leaving the age of the son and partner, and the "partner" status (boyfriend/girlfriend, acquaintance, spouse, etc), out of the question, to keep this open to more possibilities.
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mzteris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 03:57 PM
Response to Original message
1. the exact same thing I said
in my other thread. . .

in the end though, I would tell him, it's HER decision, not yours to make.

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PeaceNikki Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 03:58 PM
Response to Original message
2. 100% supportive
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RUMMYisFROSTED Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 03:58 PM
Response to Original message
3. "Do it."
"If you need to."

:think:
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uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 03:59 PM
Response to Original message
4. Same thing I said on daughter one. Be glad he felt he could talk with me, listen and
if I could help in any way, do so. Supportive.
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duhneece Donating Member (967 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:05 PM
Response to Original message
5. "How can I help support the decision?" nt
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HopeHoops Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:05 PM
Response to Original message
6. Well honestly the age of each would seriously impact my opinion.
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uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:13 PM
Response to Reply #6
12. Let's say they were 14. Now let's say they were 18. How about 26? 35?
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HopeHoops Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:25 PM
Response to Reply #12
15. 14 makes a lot of sense. 18 is questionable. 35+ is starting to make sense again.
It really depends on the reason. If it's just birth control (as many wingnuts claim), that's not a good justification. I really don't think there are that many women who use it that way. I've got three daughters, 16, 18, and 20, so trust me when I say I've given this issue a lot of consideration. But I also don't have a say in what the older two chose to do and frankly the youngest would be able to get one with or without my consent (in some states).

The main issue with young (under 18) girls is the responsibility and impact on their education and loss of "kid years". Our school district does an excellent job of handling that, but it is still a major burden. "Just say no" isn't the way to deal with it - "put a rubber on it" is far more realistic. With older women, it really comes down to a health issue - both for the mother and the child. It isn't an easy subject no matter how you feel about it.

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pennylane100 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:36 PM
Response to Reply #15
17. It is a legal procedure and the reason is only important
to the woman who will carry the child.
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HopeHoops Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:50 PM
Response to Reply #17
19. That's sort of what I was trying to say - but 14 (or even 16) isn't a woman.
That's technically and developmentally still a child.

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uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:59 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. That depends on the definition of a child. 14 or 16 is a woman.
In many places of the world, even in different times here in the USA. Now we give people more time, overall, to grow up, to mature.

There is not sudden change at any particular age. A female does not become "a woman" when she reaches age 15, or 16, or 17 or 18 or 21.
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HopeHoops Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 05:10 PM
Response to Reply #20
22. It's more of a cultural definition than physical, sure.
Just because a kid has sex it doesn't mean they're mature. Hell, I'm 48 and I doubt anyone close to me would call ME mature. :evilgrin:

But we do have secondary education that runs through (nominally) eighteen and those are important years from a social perspective. The responsibility of caring for a child is a serious obstacle for girls who wish to pursue post-high school education. I specifically used "girls" in that statement because they are often the primary if not only caregiver. One of my daughter's friends had a baby about a year ago (so called "boyfriend" raped her and she got a restraining order). Her parents have been wonderful about helping her, as was the school district, but it did put her behind by a year and she's a young single mom now. It is a sad reality, but the "sperm donor" isn't always in the picture and so-called "child support" payments don't make up for the work involved in raising a child.

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uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 05:17 PM
Response to Reply #22
23. You used "girls" to denote "the primary if not only caregiver"? How does using "girls" show respect
to those who are the primary caregivers? Seems being mature would allow them the designation of "women". Confused at this, please clarify as I'd rather not assume something you didn't mean.
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HopeHoops Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 05:23 PM
Response to Reply #23
24. Sorry. Old habit - we still call our kids "the girls" just because we always have.
Actually it is rather amusing when my eldest is home from college and her boyfriend is with her - I STILL say "the girls" when I mean all of them including her boyfriend. He doesn't mind. He still calls me "sir" after over a year of dating my daughter and I keep telling him to cut that out (he's in the military).

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pennylane100 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 11:41 PM
Response to Reply #19
25. Well what if she has been raped by her father or guardian,
Does he get to decide for her. Even a child should not be made to carry a pregnancy to term against her will.
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uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 05:01 PM
Response to Reply #15
21. " "Just say no" isn't the way to deal with it - "put a rubber on it" is far more realistic"? Clarify
please.

Also, are you saying abortion for "older women" should be only for health issues?
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d_r Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:06 PM
Response to Original message
7. my son's only seven
so I'd ask where he heard about this "abortion" thing
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sinkingfeeling Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:09 PM
Response to Original message
8. 100% supportive of her decision.
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dtexdem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:11 PM
Response to Original message
9. I'd say that he should support her decision,
financially as well as morally.
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JDPriestly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:12 PM
Response to Original message
10. Probably ask whether money would help and try to see what I could do
in that regard.
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SheilaT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:12 PM
Response to Original message
11. It's not up to me to judge or to
try to persuade them to do anything different.

They have not come asking for advice. But by telling me of their decision I suspect they are hoping I will support them. And I would.
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-17-11 12:37 AM
Response to Reply #11
27. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
Scout Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-17-11 08:51 AM
Response to Reply #27
28. no one has to. does that bother you? n/t
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abelenkpe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:21 PM
Response to Original message
13. I would be 100 percent supportive
it's not my decision to make. But then privately I'd cry.
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HockeyMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:25 PM
Response to Original message
14. That would HER decision, not my son's,
or mine.
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pennylane100 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:27 PM
Response to Original message
16. I would be supportive of anything they decide
but I would remind my son that it is the partners body so in the end it is her decision.
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LiberalFighter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-15-11 04:37 PM
Response to Original message
18. I would have to tell them that if they are doing it for the right reason
then it is okay. They need to feel comfortable in making that decision. I would support them if they had a child and I would support them if they had an abortion. Or took precautions to prevent a pregnancy to even occur until they are ready. I would also tell them that it is neither right or wrong what they do and not allow others to judge them for doing what they believe is best for them. It is their body and their life.

Now if the person in question is much younger than I would make sure they know the consequences either way. Feeling guilty about having the abortion and guilt that others will put on them. Or going through with it and having 9 months of pregnancy and how long for feeding, changing diapers, late nites, less time to enjoy young life, etc. And if they do have the child not to expect me to be on call 100% of my time. But will help out when reasonable.

To start out I guess I would also ask what choices they are considering.

About the only time I would be upset would be if the person has too many kids and they are only interested in procreating without considering how it will effect the other children.
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G3ND3R_B3ND3R Donating Member (11 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-16-11 12:20 AM
Response to Original message
26. It depends
On if it's her decision or his.

If it was her decision, I'd be fine with it and tell him he needs to support his partner. No matter what.
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MayHamm Donating Member (24 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Nov-23-11 12:20 AM
Response to Original message
29. Well, that's an easy one

"Oh, that's too bad. Do you need any money or anything?"

Pretty much the same thing I'd say for any other medical problem they had.
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demicritic Donating Member (25 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-26-11 05:46 AM
Response to Original message
30. Supportive but..
I will try to be 100% supportive but will find ways to have a constructive and preventive solution to the issue.
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