Jesus "Sell all and give the money 2 the poor" Luke 18:22

[oscar111]

The disciples where greatly agitated when He said this to the rich young man, so He told them "with god it is possible".

Clearly, thus He did not mean to give this command only to the young man, but to all. Fundy evasion is usually to claim the command is only for that young man.

As to the claim that it was only for the man and disciples, ... such logic would mean the Sermon on the Mount was only for the crowd of folks alive and present there.

Any other nominations for the best single verse to give fundies and GOPers.?

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. Don't have the chapter and verse,

but "Whatsoever you do to the least of these, you do unto Me."

[saltpoint]

2. How about Mark 14, I think verses 49-51 or so...

I don't have a Bible on the shelf these days, so I am guessing at the citation, but it would be the passage I would cite to fundies.

I would ask them what relationship Jesus had with the naked young man.

It's quite a startling thing for this young man to run up to the Sentry-guarded Jesus and give him a white robe.

[pnutchuck]

3. Yeah, but the fundies will jump to John 3:16

"For god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, and he who believeth blah blah blah"

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around Moses saving every species on the planet and Eve causing the distrustion of Eden with her temptation of an apple.

edit: Moses rescued his people with a staff sent by god sending 3 plagues and parting the red sea, while Noah rescued all of humanity and animal species in a giant boat.

[JVS]

7. Not Moses, Noah

[Kurovski]

8. edit

Noah issue already cleared up.

[Warpy]

12. Eve was never told not to eat the fruit

and it wasn't an apple. It was the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and god must've thought a woman could handle it.

Adam was forbidden to touch it, but got jealous when he saw Eve enjoying it. He then blamed her when god caught him at it.

What a wimp. Lilith was right, and I'm her daughter.

[pnutchuck]

13. Probably a fig, since that's the region

And I don't know about wether or not she was warned against it, but the stories I've heard is that a serpent talked her into it.

[bobbieinok]

17. read this somewhere,(at DU?)

Eve is fixing supper; Adam comes in and says "When's supper? I'm hungry." Eve, not paying a lot of attn, grabs a fruit off a tree and hands it to him.

Later, when confronted by God Adam says "The woman tempted me!"

The way I read it was better, but I don't remember the original joke.

[Mabeline]

23. I know God told Adam not to, but I thought He told Eve also

and the serpent (satan I believe) beguiled Eve and she ate...and I agree with you that it wasn't an apple tree, but the knowledge of good and evil...

I believe this meant she saw herself as an attractive, sexually possibly, woman and she beguiled Adam, seduced him, and they covered themself. That was when God found them and told Eve she would give birth to children and put them out of the garden.

It could be possible God did not tell Eve, for if she didn't eat, then none of us would be here.

[Nothing Without Hope]

4. Oh, yes. I definitely have some suggestions of biblical quotes...

... you may have seen this, as versions have been floating around the net since 2000. This version identifies the original author and gives the actual biblical quotes from two different translations:
http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/joke/laura.htm

This is one of my all-time favorite rebuttals to bible-quoting thugs. If you haven't seen it before, go get the whole thing -- there are more quotes and the actual biblical verses -- and savor it. Then put it in a place where it is ready to refer to in arguments.

(snip)
An open letter to Dr. Laura

J. Kent Ashcraft

May 2000

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
(snip)

I especially love the stinger at the end, after the quotes:
(snip)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
(snip)

ZIIIING!!!

[pnutchuck]

10. Classic!!! All time best!!! n/t

[ET Awful]

5. It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle

than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. Matthew 19:24

[lazarus]

22. mistranslated

IIRC, the word translated to "camel" was something like kamel, which apparently meant a thick rope or something.

Which makes a lot more sense. Who would pass a camel through the eye of a needle? Just another weirdness.

[Az]

25. Other way around

A needle was the entrance to many walled cities. They were low archways that a camel had to pass through on bended knee. Thus implying humility.

[lazarus]

27. d'oh!

Thanks for the correction.

[Mike Niendorff]

6. Proverbs 18:13

"He who answers before listening -- that is his folly and his shame."


MDN

[Kurovski]

9. Luke 19:45-58 --for the wealthy Televangelists

15 And they come to Jerusalem: and Jesus went into the temple, and began to cast out them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves;
16 And would not suffer that any man should carry any vessel through the temple.
.17 And he taught, saying unto them, Is it not written, My house shall be called of all nations the house of prayer? but ye have made it a den of thieves.
18 And the scribes and chief priests heard it, and sought how they might destroy him: for they feared him, because all the people were astonished at his doctrine.

[Kurovski]

11. God is a " New Dealer "

:-)

Ecclesiasticus Chapter 4


An exhortation to works of mercy, and to the love of wisdom.

4:1. Son, defraud not the poor of alms, and turn not away thy eyes from the poor.

4:2. Despise not the hungry soul: and provoke not the poor in his want.

4:3. Afflict not the heart of the needy, and defer not to gibe to him that is in distress.

4:4. Reject not the petition of the afflicted: and turn not away thy face from the needy.

4:5. Turn not away thy eyes from the poor for fear of anger: and leave not to them that ask of thee to curse thee behind thy back.

4:6. For the prayer of him that curseth thee in the bitterness of his soul, shall be heard, for he that made him will hear him.

4:seven. Make thyself affable to the congregation of the poor, and humble thy soul to the ancient, and bow thy head to a great man.

4:eight. Bow down thy ear cheerfully to the poor, and pay what thou owest, and answer him peaceable words with mildness.

4:nine. Deliver him that suffereth wrong out of the hand of the proud: and be not fainthearted in thy soul.

[Kurovski]

14. Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they shall be called children of God.

From The beatitudes.

[EC]

15. My signature line....

[GOPBasher]

16. This is not the right wing gospel.

This is the actual gospel, what Jesus actually said. Why did you bring this in to the discussion? Here's a quote from the fake, completely made up gospel that the right wingers read:

"When someone is lower than you, you are to kick him so he falls even lower. Then, you are to piss on his body, and continue to kick him while he is down. Then, you are to take all his assets and spit on his pathetic body."
-- Falwell, 12:2

[Mike Niendorff]

18. Some more quotes from the Gospel of the Damned:

II Evasions 3:21-23

"Give nothing to him that asks of you, and turn away from him who wishes to borrow from you. For poverty is my judgment upon the lazy, and sickness my judgment upon the morally inferior. In their suffering, see my handiwork, and know that I have marked them as your lessers.

"When you see a man who has no home, know that I have done this that thou mayest have two. When you see a woman who sells her body by the roadside, know that I have done this for thine entertainment, and because thou, in thine great and superior industry, deservest her services.

"For I, the Lord thy God, help those who help themselves. As to the poor and the sick, let their suffering be an example for all who might question the existing order, that they may see their suffering and fear, and say nothing.



Laodiceans 10: 1-9

"From pain comes heroic ascension; from death comes cultural purification; and in great lies is the genius of a great leader made manifest. Nation is destiny, race is holy, and the weak must be purged from your midst, that they not constrain thee from thine natural superiority.

"All who resist thee must be put to the sword, and all lands must be taken under thine rule. For I, the Lord thy God, help those who help themselves. Those who cannot take from others are weak in my sight, and deserving of the death they receive.

"Blessed is the thief, for in his theft has he enriched himself, and lessened the tax burden on others.

"Blessed is the murderer, for he has transcended worldly reason.

"Blessed is the liar, for he shall get his way.

"Blessed are the corrupt, for they shall be enriched.

"Blessed are those who falsely use my name, for they shall define my will.

"And blessed are the warmakers, for theirs is the kingdom of men."


MDN

[Kurovski]

19. Magnificent in its truth

and much too chilling to be funny.

[InvisibleBallots]

20. LOL! Classic!

bwa ha ha good one! :)

[GOPBasher]

21. LOL Those are awesome.

:toast:

[Az]

24. I find the fundies really tend to squirm when I hit them with this one

Luke 6:30 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.

The most interesting reaction to this comes from fundie protestors. I approached a protestor with a huge antiabortion sign during the 2000 campaign and asked him if he had a bible. When he produced it I asked him to look up the verse and read it. Then I asked for his sign. He went off at this point. Started running around claiming I was trying to rob him (my hands were by my side the entire time and no threats were made, verbal or visual). Finally he spotted a cop and flagged him down. The cop came over and checked the situation out, wrote down both our names and asked both of us to vacate the area. I gladdly complied but the protestor seemed less than happy.

Another protestor that went a bit funny about this one occurred during the Atheist march in DC. There were numerous believers along the route informing us how evil we were and how this was a Christian nation. One small group had a bullhorn helping them spread the good word. I approached and asked them to read the verse. Then I asked for the bullhorn. They then proceeded to come up with every excuse under the sun to ignore Jesus. The best one was "Its not my bullhorn so I can't give it to you".

[carnie_sf]

26. I believe it's from Matthew

where he is having the conversation with the rich man who wants to be a follower of Jesus. After listing all the things he has already done Jesus tells him "and one more thing: Sell all and give the money to the poor." After he objects we get thet famous quote about the camel and the eye of the needle.

[bobbieinok]

28. matthew 25:31-46.....'the sheep and the goats'

New International Version

The Sheep and the Goats

31“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

41“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45“He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46“Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

[jody]

29. And that condenses to the Golden Rule "Do unto others as you would

have them do unto you"

Bush and his lackeys follow the Rule of Gold, "those with gold make all the rules"
:hi:

[GOPBasher]

30. Wouldn't it be nice if

the Christian Right Wingers were more concerned about those passages in the gospels than the social issues about which Jesus never said a thing?