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UrbScotty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 10:12 AM
Original message
Religious humor thread!
Edited on Sun Nov-14-04 10:13 AM by ih8thegop
Post your favorite non-offensive religious jokes in this thread!

Here are some I got from

Morning prayer

So far today Lord, I've done alright. I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, nor over-indulgent. And I'm very thankful to you for that.

But...In a few minutes, Lord, I'm probably going to need a lot more help because I'm going to get out of bed!!

Biblical ways to find a wife


Find a prostitute and marry her. :D
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)


Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

A wife?...NOT!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

Church bulletin bloopers

Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.


Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.


Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.


The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday. :D


At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.


The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.


Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes. :wow:

The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.


The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours.
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   Replies to this thread
  - an electrical storm dropped this paper from 2010 on my lawn  7th_Sephiroth   Nov-14-04 10:34 AM   #1 
  - thisone is more in the genre of unbelievably bad taste. . .  stellanoir   Nov-14-04 10:48 AM   #2 
  - The second one is bad, but the first is...  ih8thegop   Nov-14-04 05:11 PM   #4 
  - Bible According to Kids  StopThePendulum   Nov-14-04 12:54 PM   #3 
  - LOL, I just actually read through those & realized they  DemBones DemBones   Nov-14-04 11:21 PM   #8 
  - This is one our priest tells:  DemBones DemBones   Nov-14-04 05:25 PM   #5 
  - LOL  StopThePendulum   Nov-14-04 07:24 PM   #6 
  - ROFL!  Darranar   Nov-14-04 10:47 PM   #7 
  - I've always liked this one, also from the site you cite:  DemBones DemBones   Nov-14-04 11:32 PM   #9 
  - another bulletin error  seaj11   Nov-15-04 02:00 PM   #10 
  - More Church Bulletin Blunders  CO Liberal   Nov-15-04 05:20 PM   #11 
  - What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian?  htuttle   Nov-15-04 06:37 PM   #12 
  - What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor....  barking_23   Nov-16-04 03:09 AM   #13 
  - How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?  eridani   Nov-24-04 03:33 AM   #31 
  - How Many Christian Scientists Does It Take To Change a Light Bulb?  CO Liberal   Nov-16-04 10:36 AM   #14 
  - There Were Fires In Several Houses of Worship  CO Liberal   Nov-17-04 10:08 AM   #15 
  - LOL!  htuttle   Nov-17-04 10:22 AM   #16 
  - Is this the evangelical "Onion"?  pelagius   Nov-17-04 06:59 PM   #17 
  - Too funny!  Chovexani   Nov-18-04 01:03 AM   #18 
  - Hellbound man enjoys free church offers  indigobusiness   Nov-18-04 05:53 PM   #21 
  - I love it!  seaj11   Nov-22-04 11:55 AM   #30 
  - I don't care if the whole world freezes,  indigobusiness   Nov-18-04 04:15 PM   #19 
  - "They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore"  indigobusiness   Nov-18-04 04:38 PM   #20 
  - St Peter has a day off from the Pearly Gates and...  pelagius   Nov-19-04 06:45 PM   #22 
  - A bishop visits an Anglican parish...  pelagius   Nov-19-04 06:51 PM   #23 
  - Third and final Anglican joke...  pelagius   Nov-19-04 06:53 PM   #24 
  - Wait, I just remembered two more!  pelagius   Nov-19-04 06:58 PM   #25 
  - Three women find themselves in Hades...  pelagius   Nov-19-04 07:05 PM   #26 
  - Eulogies  pelagius   Nov-19-04 07:50 PM   #27 
  - Nasradin Story  ayeshahaqqiqa   Nov-19-04 08:06 PM   #28 
  - Republican -- a sinner mentioned in the Bible. eom  struggle4progress   Nov-20-04 10:30 PM   #29 
  - GOD'S TOTAL QUALITY MANAGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRE  eridani   Nov-25-04 02:26 AM   #32 
     - Do you mind if I steal this?  juslikagrzly   Dec-02-04 01:52 PM   #33 
7th_Sephiroth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 10:34 AM
Response to Original message
1. an electrical storm dropped this paper from 2010 on my lawn
the headline says, Jesus returns, arrested for child molestation
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stellanoir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-14-04 10:48 AM
Response to Original message
2. thisone is more in the genre of unbelievably bad taste. . .
A marquee in front of a local fundie church said. . .

"Christ: he hung in there for you."

An even dumber one on the same marquee

"Our Sundays are better than Dairy Queen's"

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