If someone you love comes to you and tells you that they don't believe in gods anymore.

[More Than A Feeling]

Don't treat them like a child.

Don't act like they are just "going through a stage".

Don't ask them to read more books when they've been in the religion long enough to know what's going on (and they've read just as many books on the faith as you have).

You don't have the right to ask them to prostitute their intellect and ignore what they've learned just so you can feel better about your belief.

It is not a license to act like a jerk towards them, like you are the victim in all this, and completely ignore the way they are feeling.

Don't try to guess the "real" motivation for their decision, listen to their actual reasons, and take them seriously.

Remember that they are the same person that you have loved, and giving up beliefs in gods and the supernatural likely has not changed their personality.

If you do all those things, then they will not lose respect for you, and they likely will not be angry with you when they reach the limits of their patience and tolerance.

[soothsayer]

1. Ok.

[Benhurst]

2. Just give them a taste of the old-time religion.

Burn them at the stake.

End of problem.

[zonmoy]

3. good advice to all theophiles.

perhaps they should listen to it unlike my family.

[JuniperLea]

4. It's a good thing when people bare their souls to you

You should feel blessed... oh, might be the wrong word:) You should feel honored when someone chooses to discuss something so personal with you.

It's not a crime to change one's mind. It's not a crime (yet) not to believe in God, The Gods, Odin, Freya, Thor, Inanna (my favorite).

As a journalist, I always liked the interview tactic of deriving a question from the interviewee's last statement. You can learn a lot by listening. You learn nothing by interjecting your own narrow thoughts.

[DCKit]

5. On the other hand, what to do when your favorite little sister, goes over to the dark side

becomes born again and sends you books on creation theory?

[More Than A Feeling]

6. Good question. I have no idea.

What have you done?

[DCKit]

11. I'm at a complete loss. I love her to death and thought six years of nursing school....

I believe life's disappointments left her vulnerable to looking for whatever comfort she could find. Of course my Dad was standing right there with the Bible. You know, my Dad, the serial adulterer, embezzler, can't live on less than 6K/month. He provides a living example of what NOT to do to live as an authentic Christian.

Oh, and I forgot to mention the other chapters that go down the list of RW talking points with some of the most bizarre and circular reasoning I've ever witnessed. I got a headache after ten pages.

[cyborg_jim]

14. Nuke 'em from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

[Dervill Crow]

8. You do what my big brother did and just wait it out.

I can only imagine how irritating I was when I got "born again." Chances are good she'll get over it.

:hi: :hug: It can happen even in the best of families. You have my sympathy.

[unpossibles]

9. tough call.

send her to college to learn about biology and evolution?

You can't force anyone to learn however.

[PreacherCasey]

13. Ask her a lot of questions, respectfully and sincerely.

[JerseygirlCT]

28. Keep the lines of communication open

Show her you love her, regardless.

Model the behavior you'd like to see, IOW.

[Robbien]

7. Exactly. That is why I do not tell them their god is not mine

I love them to death, but your listed don'ts are their dos.

[damntexdem]

10. I'd say "Well, that's a reasonable position."

Just as I would if they adopted a reasonable theistic perspective.

After all, we can't all be agnostics. ;-)

[varkam]

17. We're all agnostics

But not to quibble :D

[jedicord]

12. If I sent out so many e-mails about my beliefs to Christians,

as they do to me trying to "save" me, what would their reaction be?

And, yes, I used to be active in a Christian church, so mine is not ignorance either.

[Dorian Gray]

15. Sure...

Why would I not respect the thoughts and beliefs of someone I love?

[Goblinmonger]

16. If my wife said that to me

I'd jump for joy. She's still a deist but soon I'll bring her to the dark side.

Don't jump on me for my sarcastic little remark, please. My wife is a deist, but I don't care and love her deeply. She can believe what she wants to believe.

[varkam]

18. You misogynistic son-of-a-bitch!

Why I can't believe you wo...oh, you say you love her...very well. Carry on.

:D

P.S. My girlfriend used to be a catholic and we got along quite well, a few arguments aside. She's an atheist now, however.

[Goblinmonger]

19. My wife and I are both ex-catholics

I even did a seminary stint. Oh the crazy roads you take in life.

I think I am drained from my stint in GD today.

:toast:

[More Than A Feeling]

20. You guys are so lucky. My girlfriend is still an American Baptist.

We are having some...difficulties due to my new worldview and her reaction to it, as you can probably tell from the tenor of my OP

[varkam]

22. I imagine that is not easy.

And I am sorry if she's been treating you like that. I know it can be frustrating from interactions with some friends, I can't imagine how it would be if it were someone I loved.

[Goblinmonger]

24. Sorry to hear there are troubles.

In reality, my wife and I do have it out once in a while even with her being deist. She will make some comment about her thoughts on "god" and before I say anything positive OR negative (and it wouldn't be negative) she says "you just think I'm a moron for saying that." Those of you in long-term relationships know there is NO going ANYWHERE at that point. It all works out well in the end, though, because she knows that I feel she is the smartest person I have ever met and I respect her thoughts on everything.

I hope all works out for you.

[JerseygirlCT]

30. I'm sorry to hear that H&E

You're obviously a very thoughtful person, so I would think she'd realize this isn't something you've come on with a whim.

Perhaps it feels threatening to her? If this changed, something else could? For a religious person, those beliefs are pretty close to the bone, you know?

Maybe she needs to know you still care, and are still the same person, and will continue to respect her and her beliefs even if you don't share them?

[varkam]

21. I know what you mean.

A beer does sound mighty fine right now.

[Goblinmonger]

23. Too bad you don't live in the land of cheese

or I'd buy you one.

If I ever get down to Kentucky again, I'll certainly buy you one.

[JerseygirlCT]

29. Yup, other way around here, but my husband could be called

agnostic at best... mostly pretty disdainful of religion at all.

I'd honestly be a little concerned if he made a sudden change to religious feelings.

But I've never pushed him to *share* my beliefs -- only accept and respect them.

[Rabrrrrrr]

25. Good avice for everything, even if they come and say "I'm now a believer"

But that is pure, spot on good advice of what to do when ANYONE says that they are now *whatever*, whether it be atheist, goth, an artist, vegetarian, car salesman...

support 'em.

That's what it comes down to.

[Zhade]

26. So arrogantly insulting, isn't it?

I see it as evidence of the weakness of their own faith - if they can't con you, how can they continue fooling themselves?

[JerseygirlCT]

27. I'd probably be plenty curious enough to want to talk about it

with them, if they were willing.

But I wouldn't treat them as a child, or assume they'd gone off their rocker.

I think there might be a fair amount of confusion on both sides -- not about beliefs, but about the change. Change can be tough to negotiate in a friendship sometimes. But if they are truly friends or family, then they'll work from both ends to understand and respect each other.