Those who "threaten" to defect as voters from Dem Party (not the DNC -- few people here are membes of the DNC), are the abused NOT the abusers.
We rank and file Dems are the ones who take it and take it, always wishin' and hopin' that we'll be treated better, will be listened to, "some day," when things are better. We're the ones who imagine (and it IS imagination) that there's some secret plan or strategy going on that will make our lives and the life of our nation wonderful again -- and there never is. We're the ones sitting by the phone hoping our elected Dems will give a damn about us, notice we even exist. We're the ones who take blow after blow and then stay with them because, gee, we'll never be able to do any better, they're our whole life, our only hope. They ONCE upon a time loved us, they will again. Surely. Some day. Just as soon as things are better.
We rank and file are codependent, supporting other codependents (our elected Dems):
The Politics of Victimization
(Mel Gilles, who has worked for many years as an advocate for victims of domestic abuse, draws some parallels between her work and the reaction of many Democrats to the election.-- Mathew Gross)
http://mathewgross.com/blog/archives/001041.html Watch Dan Rather apologize for not getting his facts straight, humiliated before the eyes of America, voluntarily undermining his credibility and career of over thirty years. Observe Donna Brazille squirm as she is ridiculed by Bay Buchanan, and pronounced irrelevant and nearly non-existent. Listen as Donna and Nancy Pelosi and Senator Charles Schumer take to the airwaves saying that they have to go back to the drawing board and learn from their mistakes and try to be better, more likable, more appealing, have a stronger message, speak to morality. Watch them awkwardly quote the bible, trying to speak the new language of America. Surf the blogs, and read the comments of dismayed, discombobulated, confused individuals trying to figure out what they did wrong. Hear the cacophony of voices, crying out, “Why did they beat me?”
-- more --
And it was discussed here -- and do be sure to see Post #105 for the most apt analogy of the whole dynamic:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph... Edited to add post 105 instead of relying on people to look for it themselves -- part (not all) of Scarletwoman's post:
I found a profound (in my mind, anyway) response to the original "Victimization" piece in the blog comments.
It is this:
thank you mel, for your analysis.
the demands for new leadership, and the disappointment (almost to the point of a sense of betrayal) in kerry, mcauliffe, carville and shrum some have described... leads me to suggest slight reframe of the abusive family dynamic.
while the abusive father role is played by the rnc/bush/rove et al. - the mother who can't or won't protect her family from the abusive father is the current dnc leadership.
if we continue to see ourselves as children in this dynamic, our only choices appear to be which parent we identify with. or we can stand up, break free and be responsible for creating our own future.
{Posted by selise at November 9, 2004 10:05 AM}(I bolded slightly more than Scarletwoman did in her excerpt.)
One thing's for sure: you aren't healthy (and don't GET healthy) when you continue in relationships -- with ANYone or anyTHING (such as an organization) -- that aren't in some way acceptably mutual, which must include some reciprocity. Mutually and reciprocally beneficial relationships don't have to be "equally reciprocal," but there has to be enough reciprocity that it's not a case of being used and abused.
An example: I once upon a time had a couple of friends who would get on the phone with me, spend an hour or so telling me all about their lives (usually problematic) and never once even ASK about mine. I knew their whole life stories, and every detail of their current lives, and they knew virtually nothing about my past or present. I finally got it that these were NOT reciprocal relationships. I didn't need or want to talk endlessly about my life, past present and future, but for them to occupy my time without ANY expressed interest in my life made the relationship way too lopsided to be healthy.
Same with some of the jobs I've had (and I think we've all had them). There comes a time when they ask and expect so much more than they give (and often recognition and thanks are enough), that you have to wake up and realize you're being used and abused, that the relationship is no way near reciprocal, and start respecting yourself enough to either end the relationship or stand up and demand more.
Same with volunteer organizations. I was once a very active member of an activist organization that was as highly dysfunctional as any dysfunctional family I've ever heard about (that didn't actually have criminal activities or people in it). One day I woke up and realized I was pouring all my blood, sweat and tears down a black hole -- this dysfunctional organization was NOT capable of making use of my valuable contributions and probably never would be AND that to continue to work my ass off was just going to make me see my grave a little earlier than I might otherwise.
We each have to figure out just how reciprocal we demand our various relationships to be, but those of us who MAKE those determinations make them for ourselves alone, and NO ONE has the right to question or criticize them. If I respect myself more than YOU respect YOURSELF, my tolerance for dysfunctionality and lack of reciprocity will be considerably lower than yours.