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damonm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 11:31 AM
Original message
Teabagistan
This from a friend of a friend:


Abraham Lincoln was a great man, but even great men get things wrong sometimes. We probably should have let the South go while we had the chance. Over 100 years later, differences still seem irreconcilable and cohabitation has become particularly strained. So here is my suggestion for a more perfect union. Or rather, dis-union:


1. All Teabaggers move to a southern state. Or a conglomeration of southern states. Heck, take them all!


2. Secede.


Yes, please, secede! We won't fight it this time! Really! We promise!


Teabagistan could be the country of their dreams. A place where they can scream at Town Hall meetings and yell insults in their Senate and elect Rush Limbaugh president and ride their motorcycles without helmets and trash the environment and hoot and holler and display the 10 Commandments and abolish abortions and torment gays and minorities and shoot each other and not pay taxes and whatever else they want.


Life will be rosy in Teabagistan! All the big industries will want to move there. NO REGULATIONS! No unions, no worker protections, no taxes, no EPA, no trade laws, no anti-trust, no health care, no minimum wage, no cap-and-trade. It will be a corporate paradise. Big money to be made! Wall Street might even want to relocate. (Oh Lord, please, please, please.)


Yes, Teabagistan will need lots of money for all the countries they plan to invade. Meanwhile, up north here we'll just quietly tool around like an electric car and mind our own business like some Scandinavian country. Maybe we'll join Canada. Wouldn't that be nice? We'll see.


The one thing we won't do is take Teabagistan back. And they'll want to come back when their infrastructure is falling apart and their food is contaminated and their water polluted and they've depleted their resources and families are homeless and children are hungry and sick and their old people dying without "socialized" medicine (i.e. Medicare.) They'll want to come back because things will have devolved into a corrupt corporate fiefdom with a fraction of wealthy elite owning everything and rising numbers having no food, shelter, health care, education or employment, and an economy destroyed by reckless military adventurism, regressing into some over-sized banana republic........wait a minute.......this is beginning to sound familiar. We're almost Teabagistan as it is! So what are they are complaining about?


Well, I suppose it isn't bad enough for them yet.


So yes, please go. We have some serious repair work to do around here and you're sort of getting in the way. While we hate to see things end on such a sour note, you've become aggressive and abusive and before you start blowing up more Federal buildings, we think you should just leave. But as a token of our best wishes, we'll throw in Texas. Fox news. And Sarah Palin....though she may be tapped as Queen of Northern Teabagistan.


Please don't forget your Hummers, Old Testament, assault rifles and Ann Coulter. And don't let the screen door hit you on your way out!
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chaplainM Donating Member (744 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 11:36 AM
Response to Original message
1. I don't think we'd know if any Teabaggers changed their minds.
Any such talk would be outlawed by the Confederate Patriot Act.
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maxsolomon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 11:38 AM
Response to Original message
2. very funny, however
here come the liberal southerners...

:popcorn:
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damonm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 11:39 AM
Response to Reply #2
3. Hey, we'll take 'em.
Edited on Wed Sep-16-09 11:44 AM by damonm
Smart people aren't allowed in Teabagistan...
Besides, we get NC and FL - went Blue in 08.
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nxylas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 11:54 AM
Response to Reply #3
5. You'd need to offer an escape route to the African-American population, even the not-so-smart ones
Otherwise the "Teabagistan" proposal would condemn them to slavery all over again.
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damonm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 11:56 AM
Response to Reply #5
6. There is that. n/t
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lapfog_1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 11:43 AM
Response to Original message
4. I have been making that suggestion here for many months

Everything south of 36' 30" North Latitude and everything east of 103' 00" West Longitude.

And we set up a job/house swap for people wanting to move out of Dumbfuckistan with those that want to move TO Dumbfuckistan.

And no military will be left behind. If they want a military, they can build their own. But never any nukes. Not ever.

And we let Alaska go independent as well and encourage the rednecks from Idaho and eastern Washington and Oregon, and the Mormons to go with live in Palinidiotland. Plus we write a note of apology to Canada for them having to place their military on the western border now.

And we will have to start thinking about a really long wall across our southern border (no, not the one with Mexico).
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grace0418 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 12:46 PM
Response to Reply #4
9. If you knew how beautiful Alaska was, you'd NEVER allow the Palins of the world
to take it over. It's beyond description.
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lapfog_1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 01:07 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. Oh, I know... but sacrifices have to be made.
Besides, just like Switzerland or Nepal, we can still be tourists there.

:)
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JNelson6563 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 12:24 PM
Response to Original message
7. And all the liberals and non-lunatics
are welcomed to the remaining regions. I know I'd do all I could to help them get settled in as would many others.

Until all this happens I'm sending encouragement and thanks to all our like minded friends in the south fighting the good fight every day! :toast: :yourock:

Julie
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Papagoose Donating Member (361 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 12:34 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. I support succession by the southern states
as long as someone up north helps pay my way when I move back up there!

Get me outta here - there's some crazy people in Georgia.
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JNelson6563 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 04:40 PM
Response to Reply #8
14. We could have fundraisers to get you all home!
:toast:
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TheKentuckian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 02:13 PM
Response to Original message
11. They can sure as hell go but they get the debt since they wanted to run it up
I'm sure they can do well in Saudi Arabia.
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Nancy_Thompson Donating Member (31 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 02:16 PM
Response to Reply #11
13. Brilliant
I have to copy this and send it around.
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uponit7771 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 02:15 PM
Response to Original message
12. k&R
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Joe the Liberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 04:50 PM
Response to Original message
15. Sounds good.....
we keep the military, police and firefighters though, they are all funded by government dollars so by using a right wingers logic they are all socialized, therefore we get them. Besides I'm sure the citizens of Teabagistan would prefer a military like Blackwater anyways, they would probably start their own police and fire department through Balckwater as well so it would all work out great for them.
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One of Many Donating Member (85 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 05:02 PM
Response to Original message
16. Texas
Send them all to Texas. I've become fond of Georgia, especially the coast (transplant from the North like most people in Atlanta).

Texas will hold them all and I've heard they have a thing for secession anyway.

cya
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Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 03:10 AM
Response to Reply #16
18. They can have parts of Texas.
I'm a native Texan and I've lived in Texas my whole life. I am a third generation Democrat and the daughter of a union organizer who voted for Norman Thomas in 1932 (the Socialist candidate).

I could go on, but I've got cred. They can have large chunks of Texas with rocks and cactus.
Like the non scenic parts around Garner State Park.

They can't have my house!
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One of Many Donating Member (85 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:01 AM
Response to Reply #18
21. It's settled then

We build a series of poorly constructed rafts out of rolled up magazines, duct tape and bad intentions and set them adrift in the nearest body of salt-water ocean. Done and done.
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branders seine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-16-09 08:12 PM
Response to Original message
17. "Teabagistan!"
:rofl:
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knixphan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 03:18 AM
Response to Original message
19. K&R
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majority Donating Member (18 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 03:20 AM
Response to Reply #19
20. The leaf village
after tea leaves
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quaker bill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 06:51 AM
Response to Original message
22. This is a concept
in need of a feasibility study.

How could we get them all to move there voluntarily? (perhaps a no taxes - carry any weapon anywhere anytime (no nukes but anything else) within Teabagistan, incentive would do the job)

The "no laws" incentive. No laws except one to ban abortion. Everything other dispute settled by armed citizens "grand juries", penalties applied immediately in any manner the "citizen's grand jury" chooses.

This concept needs further exploration.


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StarfarerBill Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 08:56 AM
Response to Original message
23. Oh, hell no!
Edited on Thu Sep-17-09 08:58 AM by StarfarerBill
As a southerner born and raised, I want these ignoramuses out of my section of the country; I'm tired of the South being not only the source of so much of the nation's woes, but also the butt of most of its derogatory humor.

Instead, herd them to Alaska. There's an idiot there ready-made to be their Fuhrer, Il Duce, Tinpot Dictator, whatever...and she's already on their same mental level. There are also many other morans with/at whom the cretins from the lower 48 can shoot, drink with till they pass out, scratch themselves with, and whine about how their gummint never does anything for them...which in this case would be true.

The only problem I see in this is getting the Canadians to agree to allow such a hideous lot through their country; if they can't be persuaded, I suppose we'll have to institute the biggest boat lift in the history of humanity...
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Hosnon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 09:22 AM
Response to Original message
24. Why a Southern State? Hell I'm sure many are from other parts of the country. Give them Ohio. nt.
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Mopar151 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-17-09 09:28 AM
Response to Reply #24
25. Pensylvania too
At least west of Wilkes-Barre...
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