I wish Michelle Obama would take on school bullying.

[Skwmom]

She obviously loves children and I think she could draw a lot of attention to this important issue.

The story that was posted in latest breaking news is heartbreaking.

Family Wants No Money but Insists School Address Bullying and Three Other Suicides

"By all indications he was a very nice, typical high school kid, kind of quiet and shy, but outgoing with his little group of friends," said the family's lawyer Ken Myers. "He seemed to have a quirky sense of humor and was also very sensitive."

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/Story?id=7228335&page=2

Maybe she could get her husband to pass federal anti-bullying legislation....

On edit: I know she's a big supporter of military families and considering many military kids go to multiple schools in their lifetime, I'm sure they also have to deal with this issue (being the new kid in school isn't always easy).

[firedupdem]

1. Oh my, this makes me so sad. I have no words but I wish someone

could make it stop. I think it's worse now than it was even years ago. I feel so bad for this family and that child.

:cry: :cry:

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

5. I was picked on pretty badly while growing up. All I ever heard was

to "ignore them and they will stop." That didn't work. Bullying is mental abuse, pure and simple.

[firedupdem]

7. It is. I was too and they won't stop. It's horrible. The reason I think

it's worse now is because of the internet, and texting etc. It certainly is abuse. I can remember becoming ill on Sunday nights just thinking about starting a new week of school. Telling a teacher made it worse for me. It happened to me my 7th and 8th grade years at a new school. One of the worse times of my life.

[TuxedoKat]

53. I can so relate

6th & 7th grade were two years of hell for me too. I used to dread Sunday nights too knowing five days of abuse were coming. I was in two different schools too. Miraculuously it never occurred in 8th grade. I'm not sure why, I think the bullies matured, got split up into different classes, some moved away, etc. It probably didn't hurt growing 3-4" over the summer on my part either.

[tabbycat31]

36. ditto

and my school did a "blame the victim" policy since most of the bullies were the popular kids (AKA royalty)

[fortyfeetunder]

2. Send Michelle a letter to grant your wish!

I understand she reads letters. I am also concerned too and I'll write one!

[firedupdem]

4. Good idea, I will write one as well. n/t

[Pirate Smile]

6. That is exactly what I was going to say. +1

[Skwmom]

8. If she took up this cause, she could REALLY make a difference

in the lives of thousands of children. She would also save the lives of many.

[960]

3. K&R. Sad story. Wonderful issue for the first lady to highlight!

[mitchtv]

9. Heavens no! then she might have to bring up

evertyones' favorite target to bully, Gay children

[tbyg52]

12. Aint' it the truth. And I hope she would not flinch. I'm ever hopeful...... ;-> nt

[HopeOverFear]

40. No, actually, it' s not the truth.

[Political Tiger]

22. You think she would be reluctant to do that? n/t

[mitchtv]

25. No evidence around that she would

maybe Tony Dungy could help

[QC]

26. Yes, that could make things awkward next time Rick Warren, Kirbyjon Caldwell, Donnie McClurkin,

T.D. Jakes, and Tony Dungy come over for dinner.

[phleshdef]

52. Those guys are likely against gay children being bullied.

Being anti-gay marriage is NOT being pro-violence against gays. You are being just as prejudiced as these crazy religious people.

[QC]

64. Bullshit. When I try to use the power of the state to deny those people

their basic human rights, then you might have a point, but until then you do not.

You remind me of those right wingers who try to draw false equivalencies between bigots and their victims, like the ones who say that liberals who say bad things about racists are just not being very open minded, and isn't liberalism supposed to be all about open mindedness, etc.

It's utter bullshit, both when the wingnuts say it and when people here say it.

[phleshdef]

81. You are just assuming that because someone is anti-gay marriage then they are pro-gay bullying...

Once again, I can pretty well guess that any of those religious leaders would NOT approve of gay children being bullied for being gay, if they are the least bit true to their ideology anyways. You are trying to accuse someone of approving of something without even knowing their stance on it. You are basing your assumption on the knowledge of their political views regarding gay marriage. This means you are being prejudiced, whether you like it or not.

[QC]

86. Who has repeatedly campaigned against anti-bullying laws?

The Religious Right.

They have done it in state after state, on the grounds that forbidding the bullying of gay children will abridge their right to "proclaim the Gospel."

Why do you have this compulsion to lecture people on a subject that you don't know even the first thing about? You really are making a fool of yourself, you know, putting your ignorance on display like this, and to do it in order to defend hateful fanatics, well, that's just downright weird.

[bluedawg12]

69. Denying human rights to a minority is part of the specturm of dehumanization

and it enables violence against minorities.

[phleshdef]

82. I am, of course, against their anti-gay marriage stance. I am pro-gay marriage all the way...

...but I don't approve of exaggerating and/or making up BS about these religious types just because of their flawed viewpoint. Those mentions are anti-gay marriage yes, that does not mean one should automatically assume they approve of violence against people that are GLBT.

[FreeState]

71. You might want to read this: PROP 8 HURT MY FAMILY ASK ME HOW

http://www.marriageequality.org/uploads/REPORT%20TWO_PROP_8_HURT_MY_FAMILY_FINAL_VERSION.pdf

In January 2009, the American Psychological Association (APA) released three separate studies that described the
psychological distress associated with anti same-sex marriage amendments. One study using national survey responses of
LGBTI individuals found that those who live in states that have passed marriage amendments experienced increased
psychological stress not due to other pre-existing conditions but as “a direct result of the negative images and messages
associated with the ballot campaign and the passage of the amendment.” Furthermore, participants reported feeling
“alienated from their community, fearful they would lose their children, and concerned they would become victims of
anti-gay violence.” These studies also reported that this harm extends to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and
Intersex (LGBTI) family members and straight allies who experience a form of “secondary minority stress.” Finally,
“although many participants displayed resiliency and effective coping with this stress, some experienced strong negative
consequences to their mental and physical health.”

snip....

LGBTI people experience increased verbal abuse, homophobia, physical harm and other discrimination associated
with or resulting from the Prop 8 campaign;
Children of same-sex couples express fear due to direct exposure to homophobia and hate and concerns that the
passage of Prop 8 means they could be taken from their families and targeted for further violence;
LGBTI youth and their supporters experience increased bullying at schools as Prop 8’s passage fosters a
supportive environment for homophobic acts of physical and emotional violence;
Straight allies experience the impact of homophobia firsthand and express shock and fear for their LGBTI family
members and friends and the danger they may experience if they were perceived as gay or an ally;
Families are torn apart as relatives divide on Prop 8; and
Communities are destroyed from the aftermath of abusive behavior towards them during local street
demonstrations, neighborhood divisions, and the impact of “knowing your neighbor” voted against your family.

[endersdragon]

28. Okay as someone who is just getting out of college

Gay students, at least in areas I have been in (religous parts of Iowa), don't have it anywhere near the worst. Learning disabled students (especcially aspies/autistics) are first, they can expect to be attacked on a near daily basis (I have read polls that say that 90% are attacked on a daily basis). Then obese students (who is more fun to make fun of then the fat kid). And somewhere down the list are gay students. The main reason for this is that they can easily get involved in a clique to protect them (generally the preps, emos, or drama geeks but occasionally some of the others) so much of this turns into clique wars and not straight out bullying. Now this isn't always the case, and obviously in some areas gay students have it the worst, but generally not really.

[mitchtv]

47. some kids like Lawrence King, might challenge

that assertion,If he were alive. Being overweight and Gay could be the toughest(many are)

[roughsatori]

68. Hey Mitch, the moran (sic) has been tombstoned. NT

[QC]

65. Try being a fat queer. n/t

[roughsatori]

67. Tombstoned before I had a chance to suggest you demand a refund from your "college."

[SpiderMom]

76. Not sure I understand...

What's with the flames against this post and making fun of spelling errors? That seems like... oh, I don't know... bullying?

He wasn't saying that gay and obese students are not bullied. Just that there are other groups who are also bullied... and perhaps at a higher rate. It is a fact that learning disabled students are bullied as well. 95% of children with Asperger's syndrome are indeed bullied, and some statistics say the rate is even higher than that. These are very quirky kids who instantly draw attention to themselves as being different. My child is one of them. And this is a real problem to be considered when rates of Asperger's and autism diagnoses are on the rise.

I find DU to be an interesting site with lively debates. I don't always agree with opinions here, and that's a good thing. What would be the fun in always agreeing with everyone? But I don't understand why everyone who has a dissenting opinion seems to get "tombstoned", as you called it. And I don't understand the childish name-calling.

And I will concede that I know "endersdragon" personally (and am sure that will draw out attacks upon myself for that concession). In his defense, he is dyslexic (which explains the misspellings), but he is anything but an idiot. Opinionated, yes. Sometimes types without thinking it through first, perhaps. But this post was certainly not worthy of name-calling and "bullying".

[tbyg52]

10. Yes. Too many adults just stand by and watch or

think it's kids being kids.

I'm sure she'd be interested, if it was brought to her attention.

[napoleon_in_rags]

11. I don't think she can do anything.

I think the bigger picture is that we isolate teens from adult society, they deal with adult matters like violence and rape alone. When I was in highschool, I had the life changing experience of drinking with my friends older, 26 year old brother. It was from talking to him alone that I saw hope and realized there was life beyond high school insanity. What high school kids need is social interactions with young adults that aren't playing "parent", rather their just being real and revealing the path to adulthood.

[genna]

13. Only if she connects it to the isolation and alienation other groups of people feel in this country

When the first group of postman went off on their jobs...

After the first set of school shootings...

When people started targeting people in DC Sniper case swiftly followed by the Ohio/Illinois/Indiana sniper...


I thought then we need to deal with our violence problem. A child can face bullying for the rest of their lives and not find a good way of dealing with the pressure exerted on them to be the same as everyone else. It is not just tolerance we are looking for. It is problem solving as well.

[Skwmom]

19. When Columbine happened I heard where were the

parents of the school shooters. But I didn't hear where were the parents of the students who bullied these kids or the teachers that stood silently by while it occurred.

[genna]

83. Social isolation and alienation experienced by the shooters

Well the deal with the shootings is the shooters are obviously at fault. Any bullying experienced by shooters is not television camera exciting (or news anchor outrage worthy).

If the community is at fault, who do you haul before the camera or the court? We as a society value individual responsibility. If the community is responsible where do you go to assign blame?

An example. This is why this economic debacle is such a tricky wicket. People who kept spending when they had not reasonable hope of paying off their debt are responsible for their part in this collapse. The more responsible party who can be the biggest villain is the people who decided to use other people's money to gamble away our collective future. Why take responsibility for my individual acts when I can look higher up and say it is that guy?

[tbyg52]

14. Can we get a 4th and 5th for this?

:hi:

[empyreanisles]

15. Thing about buliles is, for boys it needs to be rite of passage.

It teaches them to stand up for themselves, which is what men are expected to do. So if a boy is being bullied, there needs to be male guardian in his life that tells him to defend himself.

Even if he gets beat up, the fact that he stood his ground and tried will not be lost on the bullies.

I got bullied in 8th grade gym class by a 16 year old who had been held back forever. I never told my father, but eventually I got fed up and fought back. The gym teacher broke it up before things got too out of control, but I guess he "won". Still, things were different after that.

[endersdragon]

29. One bully... ten bullies... quite a diffence

If your only being picked on by one kid then its generally easy for a fight to solve. If your being bullied by multiple kids (for being disabled, gay, obese, whatever) you will have a hard time fighting your way out of it without ending up getting suspended for almost the entire year.

[empyreanisles]

37. Yes, I can see this difference.

But maybe if you picked a fight with one of the bullies in such a way that all the others could see it as well? I really don't know. It's a tough position to be in, I agree.

[Posteritatis]

46. I imagine I would get crippled or killed if I'd tried that in front of a group of them

At least the ones I had to put up with.

[KittyWampus]

56. there is an entire constellation of options for young male "rites of passage" other than bullying

What you have just done is essentially rationalize the sick behavior.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

16. Off to the Greatest Page...

Proud to be #5...

:patriot:

[ChazII]

17. 5th K&R

A program that helps the one being bullied learn survival techniques of sorts. I did not articulate that thought well. My son, was called freak and monster from the time he as a month old until he started middle school. Elementary school and pre-school years were total hell. When he went to middle and high school we arrived in heaven. Just the opposite of what many experience. That being said, he came through with a fantastic attitude about life but it could have been different. He could have been bitter about humans and about being a Quasimodo of the modern age. An anti- bullying program would have made the elementary years better.

[fortyfeetunder]

18. I think this is worth a DU Activist activity!

I am sitting here thinking about this kid who recently committed suicide, and my pledge to my child that I was going to continue the vigilance with the school to make sure all kids have a safe place to attend school. You bet I am sending a nice letter to Mrs. Obama.

Recalling the thread a year or so ago about bullying, I think it's worth a DU writing campaign.

[Frank Booth]

20. How do you legislate bullying?

It's a horrible problem, but I don't think any legislation can fix it. We live in a mean, cruel place, and I don't think any politician (or a politician's wife) has any chance of changing that.

[fortyfeetunder]

21. Yes we can! Show there are consequences for bullying.

Frank
Do not give up on the notion that bullying cannot be stopped. We as a community have to demonstrate such behavior cannot be tolerated at any level!

If kids and adults know there are consequences for bullying, then they might give pause before they attempt to bully someone else.

Here are some resources for examples of anti-bullying programs:

http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/HHS_PSA/pdfs/SBN_Tip_13.pdf
http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/adult/indexAdult.asp

We cannot cower in fear. We must be proactive and take a stand against bullying.

[RollWithIt]

30. Gees, I don't know, you can legislate it, but how do you police it?

Are we talking about getting children in the system for calling each other names? Like criminal charges? Bullying exists on every school ground in America. In 95% of cases its just kids learning how to interact. I was bullied (verbally) throughout Middle School. I was also very sensetive. I wouldn't consider that to be criminal. It's just kids being mean. Many of those same kids I became friends with later. I'd have a big problem with arresting a child for saying something mean to another child. Anything violent of course, but it's a little difficult for me to swallow criminalizing verbal with kids.

[Posteritatis]

43. I'd be happy with a nice spike in detentions, suspensions and expulsions, personally

There's already mechanisms for disciplining them; there's both school rules and explicit legislation saying that certain types of bullying are simply Wrong, Period; use the mechanisms to enforce the rules. Get the law involved in extreme cases - if someone in tenth or eleventh grade starts shoving people around I've lost most of my sympathy store - but there's no reason whatsoever a school can't make it clear to its kids that no, you aren't allowed to do that and there's going to be consequences until you stop.

You're setting up a pretty big false dilemma here by suggesting that the only options are arrests and charges on the one hand, and nothing on the other. If a school has set punishments for students being late to class or not doing their homework or growing pot in their locker (I saw this; it was kinda hilarious in hindsight), then they've already got something they can apply to the kids who follow their targets around all day shouting abuse at them.

[Deja Q]

33. OMG. I wish I read your post first.

:yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock: :yourock:




:yourock:

[fortyfeetunder]

49. Thank you!

I hope this thread (this is also a kick) will keep this topic up front and motivate people to realize we can make a difference.

[bmbmd]

61. Also take a look at

www.rachelschallenge.com a group dedicated to foster kindness and compassion in early teens. My wife sponsors this in her school.

[Deja Q]

32. Legislation to an extent; people being proactive about SOCIETY also helps.

That Thatcher person once said how we're not a society. She is utterly wrong.

It's also up to us to stop bullying and kick school systems in their collective buttocks when they act damn stupid.

[Posteritatis]

39. How do you legislate harassment? Assault? Threats? Theft?

The rules are already there, we just need to stop giving people a free pass on them because they happen to be on school grounds.

[fortyfeetunder]

42. I agree -- Demonstrate Equal Justice Under the Law.

If we take those privileged individuals who think they are above the law to bully people, then take them down a couple of notches so they have to obey the law just like the rest of us.

I see reluctance among some posters as fear of challenging the status quo. We can't be afraid any more. We proved that on November 4.

If we can stop the bullying with the little kids, then we minimize the number of bullies who grow up and run our judicial, legislative and commercial board rooms.

[LibDemAlways]

59. I frequently sub at a middle school where the dean routinely

ignores all sorts of abusive behavior. I once sent a kid out for flinging the "n" word at another kid and the offender was back in 5 minutes. No punishment whatsoever. The dean just told him not to do it again. When I expressed my disgust to another teacher, she just shrugged her shoulders and told me the administration considers that sort of "stuff" a routine part of middle school and nothing to get "worked up" over.

My own daughter had a falling out with a friend when she was in the 8th grade, Her former friend took to calling her all kinds of names at school and making her life miserable. I went to see the dean, and his suggestion was that I should arrange for the girls to get together and rekindle their friendship! What an ass.

The victims of taunting, bullying, and abuse deserve so much better. Too often the adults in a school situation, who have the power to stop it (in school), simply fail these kids.

[Skwmom]

80. It's really very easy. If you take public funds, you are required to have

rules in place to deal with bullying (i.e., escalating punishments ending with expulsion). Once the rules are in place, and everyone knows what they are, it puts the onerous on the schools to enforce them (or face litigation and firing).

A standard set of rules would be great for military families whose children attend multiple schools. That way they won't have to learn a new set of rules for each new school.

[TheKentuckian]

23. Those bullied need to take on bullies

that has been and remains the most effective and immediate way of dealing with that sort. I've had to do it my whole life and nothing settles them faster than an old fashioned asswhooping.

Pick up something sturdy and handy and bash them about the head until they get sensible or unconscious.

[ClarkUSA]

24. I've found that's the best method, as well. Nothing shuts up a bully faster than a swift uppercut.

[endersdragon]

27. As a former bullied student

This is bullshit. The only way this works is if you can avoid all punishment while doing it or you only have one kid bullying you. If its more then one they will just take turns fighting you and adjetating you. You both get in trouble regularly but the teachers recognize the bullied student as being troubled and the bully as being a victim of circimstance. I have had people start fights with me where I would get suspended for 3-5 days (one time 3 days out of school) and the other guy would get one day in school. All because I was the the troubled student. I suppose if you have a really vicious uppercut this might work better, but for someone who will get just as much as I give (if not more).

[Deja Q]

35. You are 100% spot-on. That is how they work and they will make their prey the instigator.

It's a friggin' joke.


Welcome to DU too. :pals:

[Posteritatis]

41. It was similar in my own school's experience

It was against school rules to be assaulted; someone attacking you meant you got suspended because you had to have done something to cause it. The principals I went to school under were good about selectively ignoring that (alas, for both sides), or else I'd have spent a lot of time at home, but there you are.

... Of course, in hindsight I really don't think I would have minded a five-day suspension as the price of landing even a mediocre uppercut on one or two of those fuckers in particular. If we were both going to be punished no matter whether I fought back or not, then I didn't really have anything to lose if I tried.

[Deja Q]

34. Until the lawsuits start rolling in (these days). Oh, a personal story... I did that once...

A bully on my case; I eventually lobbed a rock at him because I got tired of his antics and punches. He later claimed I cracked his skull, but anybody who knows me also knows my aiming skills and upper body strength weren't exactly *good* to begin with... amongst other things, bullies aren't known for being truthful... that I know as an incontrovertible fact.

(He might have been the same one who hit me with a baseball several years earlier; so many bullies I had to deal with I lost count).

Didn't stop him from still bullying me in the future, until he lost interest or when puberty finally kicked in so he decided to hit on girls. Like I'd care; he and the others can rot in hell as far as I'm concerned. Disruptive little bastards.

[dsc]

48. that just won't work

Under current policies even defending yourself gets a suspension and many colleges won't accept students who have been suspended for a violent act. My only was out of the town where I was being bullied like mad was brains and college. My bullies, on the other hand, didn't give a shit about being suspended since they weren't college bound.

[Deja Q]

31. She can only do so much. What can the rest of us do to help her as well?

I'll gladly chip in; a survivor of bullies and idiotic school system policies myself, I have a few stories of my own to tell and I would love to do anything to incite positive change in our school systems.

[Catherine Vincent]

I hope that kid that told the deceased to "go home and shoot himself"

feels guilty for the rest of his life. I hate bullies.

[Catherine Vincent]

38. I hope that kid that told the deceased to "go home and shoot himself"

feels guilty for the rest of his life. I hate bullies.

[mzteris]

44. Watch this video on Bullying -

and a program being used in a middle school to help combat it.

Granted this video is specific to "asperger's" victims, but then again, besides the GLBT, the overweight, the unattractive - "quirky kids" get bullied a LOT, and with their lack of interpersonal skills, they make prime targets.

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=5055644



This waas posted in the Asperger's/Autism forum. I forwarded a copy of it to our School superintendent, the School Board, the Exec. Director of the "Special Needs" population, plus the coordinator for the "Autism Program". . .

[saltpoint]

45. Good thought, and definitely the right person for that job.

[Hello_Kitty]

50. The last sentence in the ABC article nailed it:

"It shouldn't require legal action to get the school system to pay more attention to bullying than they do to their sports programs," said his father. "How many suicides is enough?"

Seriously. And for every suicide, there are thousands of young lives broken. It doesn't make you stronger BTW. Part of the problem is the way schools lavish attention and glory on athletes and popular kids from rich families. It would be great if Michelle and Barack made an issue of this. One of things I love about him being elected is that he is making being smart cool.

[MadHound]

51. Fifty posts to this thread, and we've heard the same old rants and scaped the same old goats

More legislation, more school programs, blame the teachers, beat up the bullies, etc. etc.

Yet nothing about where the real problem of bullying lies, at home. That is where bullies are born(many times due to abusive parents) and nurtured(by disengaged or approving parents). If you want to cut down on bullying, if you want to bring this problem under control, then you've got to address the root of the problem, what's going on in the home. Until you do, all that's going to happen is more laws will be passed, more teachers and schools will be demonized, and bullying will continue to be a problem.

[noamnety]

55. One thing that would help

is pushing legislation that gives everyone equal rights. If the government is treating gays as second class citizens (and *cough* saying they disapprove of granting equal rights based on their religious beliefs) it gives credibility for everyone at lower levels to treat gays as less than equal.

Don't ask - don't tell needs to be repealed, because it sets the tone that there's a reason straight "manly men" shouldn't have to be around gay people.

We can't expect our kids to treat everyone as equally worthy of our respect when the message from the top down contradicts that directly.

I realize that gays are not the exclusive targets of all bullying, but they take far more than their fair share, and gender-oriented harassment is a large piece of the puzzle.

[TuxedoKat]

54. I wish she would too...

I was bullied in 6th & 7th grades and now my daughter is being bullied in 7th grade. I am trying different ways of helping her but I'll be so glad when this school year is over. It is so painful to see her going through this; I'm reliving a nightmare right now.

[Skwmom]

57. This is how we got the bullying to stop.

Every time my son was harassed, I filled out the complaint form against bullying and I followed up with calls to the school and the school counselor. I got the lame old excuses but I let them know I was keeping detailed records and that I would go to the school board and take legal action if that was what was required. Know the rules that your school is required to follow and make sure that they are enforced.

[TuxedoKat]

63. Actually our school is very pro-active

against bullying and wants to help but the situation she is in is very complicated.
Some of the kids she doesn't even know -- they just come up to her and ask her rude
questions or make cruel comments to her or text her anonymously. Some others are
what she calls "the populars", whom everyone hates, but everyone follows their leads
anyway. Thanks for your suggestion though. She doesn't want our help or the school's
help at the moment (although I am doing some other things to help her), but if I of
hear any names, I will document the bullying.

[Skwmom]

79. My kid did not know some of the kids that were bullying him.

He gave a description and the school figured out who was doing the bullying. It's surprising how much the threat of litigation (when they know you are keeping DETAILED records and you know what rules they are supposed to be enforcing) works.

My child at first didn't want me involved and the school counseled him to ignore the bullying. But that didn't work. Once I made sure the school ENFORCED the rules, the bullying stopped. I guess, once parents understand that their little bullies can be suspended (and even expelled) they have incentive to rein them in.

[renate]

66. that's excellent

I didn't know there was such a thing as a complaint form--that could be very useful. And even if there isn't, just letting the administration know you're keeping written records would surely help to get something done.

So far (knock on wood) I haven't had to deal with bullying but there are lots of people for whom this advice is going to be very helpful. Thanks, and I'm glad that things worked out for you and your son!

[renate]

58. how awful for both of you

If only there were a magic technique to make it stop. At least she has support from you at home, a safe place to go and someone to talk to at the end of the day, which must help even if it doesn't fix the problem. :hug:

[TuxedoKat]

62. Thanks

for your kind message. I'm taking steps to help her understand the situation and regain some control. I raised both my girls to be strong and self-confident (and they both are) but strong, outgoing, self-confident kids get bullied too because bullies are afraid of strong people. I think she will emerge from this stronger if I help her put in in perspective and deal with the pain.

[Aloha Spirit]

70. Aw this is making me so sad!

I was an awkward kid, but took martial arts starting when I was 10.

I think it helped me have confidence.
But it sounds like your daughters already have that!

And after I got to use a defensive block on this one bully, nobody bothered me again.

Just another idea to throw out there.

Good luck!

[TuxedoKat]

78. Thanks

If someone physically tried to harm her she would definitely defend herself. She knows not to throw the first blow though. Most of this bullying is verbal -- sexual harrassment and emotionsal abuse. I am trying to help her understand why she is being treated this way and how to handle it to give her some control and power back over the situation. Yes, I definitely had her in sports and other activities to help her grow up strong and self-confident. Bullies feel threatened though by strong, outgoing self-confident kids that stand out. She's also a beautiful girl of color so she stands out for those differences too in our largely caucasian community. That's a scary combination for some kids -- a girl of color who is better-looking, more-talented (in myriad ways) than most of them are and stonger and more self-confident too. In the world some of them were raised in, that is not how life is supposed to be I guess.

[roughsatori]

72. My heart goes out to your daughter. My sister was bullied in 7th & 8th Grades.

It was horrible to see her pain and confusion. We were in different schools so I could not help her. We had the type of parents who would have just told her to give the bullies a good beating - just like many non-thinking DU members who have posted above. My sister made me promise not to tell our parents. Her teacher encouraged the abuse, even called my sister names in front of the class to make the popular students laugh. All I could do for my sister was to listen and love her.

My sister has a husband and child now. The other night she told me that if I had not been there to talk with that she would have killed herself to escape. She was picked on because she was new to the school, our father was an alcoholic, and we lived in a dilapidated trailer-park. My sister was laughing/crying that even her scholarship to an Ivy League College did not stop her from feeling like the "poor unfashionable girl from the trailer park." She still never lets people know we grew up in a trailer.

It is good that you are there for your daughter - and that you can relate to her. I know I don't know you, and I hope you're not offended - but I just said a prayer for your daughter. Please forgive me if that offends you. You and your daughter have my best wishes.

[TuxedoKat]

77. I'm not

offended at all -- thank you so much for the prayer and for caring enough to write. The main reason I am so upset about this is that like your sister I know how damaging bullying can be, and that the effects can last a lifetime (thank God for therapy!). My parents unfortunately didn't know how to help me back then or protect me, so you can end up feeling very alone. I'm so glad you were there for your sister. That must have been quite a revelation to you that you saved her life. How wonderful to have been such a source of support for her. God bless you. :)

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

60. Oh, sure.

And then she can take on the very important threats of mean teachers. And too much math homework.

[JerseygirlCT]

73. She'd be a marvelous and strong advocate, that's for sure.

You can see her passion for kids - her own and all kids - in the way she speaks.

[invictus]

74. K&R

[Colobo]

75. Bullies need to be punished for their actions. There needs to be laws to protect

victims of physical and mental abuse at schools. I was bullied in 8th grade and it was a terrible experience, and I pretty much felt unprotected as nobody intervened to help me.

[politicasista]

84. I like this idea

I was never viciously bullied, but teased in grade school. Most times you tell the teacher, and sometimes they will do something or nothing.

I am in education and there is zero tolerance for bullying. If the student is bullied, they can fill out a Bullying Report and leave it in a box, so their teacher can give it to the principal or guidance counselor. There are also videos school counselors show about bullying and what to do and who to tell if he/she feels bullied or threatened.

Back to the subject, The linked article is a very sad story indeed. :(

I know FLMO has a lot on her plate right now, but she would be an excellent advocate on this issue. :)

[rocktivity]

85. Reminds me of the freshman who's let out of a locker in that "Callahan" commericial

A commercial, come to think of it, that I haven't seen lately. You don't suppose someone complained about it backhandedly endorsing school bullying?



:(
rocktivity