BREAKING: Pennsylvania Votes to Secede from the Union.

[Cessna Invesco Palin]

Harrisburg, PA (AP)

Faced with mounting primary campaign fatigue amonst its residents, the Pennsylvania House of Representatives took the unusual action on Friday of seceding from the United States of America.

"We've had enough!" said majority leader H. William DeWeese. "The advertisements on TV, on the radio. The debates! The bus tours! The robocalls, cold calls, catcalls, and poll calls are just too much. I don't care who lied about having their middle finger shot off in Bosnia! I don't care who said that people from Butler County have angry, bloodshot eyes! We don't care anymore! My mailbox is overflowing with campaign flyers and it's causing a fire hazard!"

Ordinary Pennsylvanians also voiced their discontent. Richard Highland, a dart and blowgun manufacturer from Erie, said "I used to care who the next President was going to be, but now I don't. You guys win. You've bludgeoned me to death. The only way out is to secede so that we never, ever have to care who is elected President ever again. The time has come to..." Highland was then interrupted by a call to his cell phone from the Obama campaign, asking if he was registered to vote.

"You see?!?" He said, "Madness!"

Pennsylvania has been one of the most fierceley contested primaries in what has been an already fierce campaign. However, the statistics for Pennsylvania in particular are extremely alarming. The volume of campaign mailings is estimated to have resulted in the deforestation of approximately 2.3% of the Amazon basin. If laid end to end, they would stretch from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia "along that really shitty section of I-76" and back over 200,000 times. The electricity consumed for telephone calls from the campaign and their volunteers is estimated to be enough to supply the entire power requirements of every chicken farm in Delaware for six years.

The secession measure passed the Pennsylvania House by an overwhelming majority and is expected to fare just as well in the Senate. Governor Rendell is expected to sign the measure, provided an amendment appointing him "Emperor for Life" is added to the bill.

[stratomagi]

1. I'll say let it sink.

Not out of any disagreements but because the OP is just not funny. I was hoping for laughs when I clicked on this, you disappoint me.

Now if you want to see something funny I suggest you watch this video of Rachel Maddow handing Joe Scarborough's ass to him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU

[Cessna Invesco Palin]

3. Thanks.

Next time I'll make more frequent use of the word "yinz." For the authenticity.

[BlooInBloo]

2. IIRC, they're already not actually a state.

[dchill]

6. Technically, we're a "commonwealth"...

but that's always struck me as somewhat of a misnomer for anything American. It's also bitterly ironic.

[juajen]

4. K & R

Great thread and so freakin' true. We should pass laws about wasting resources, then campaigns would have to be limited and money wouldn't talk so loudly.

[hayu_lol]

5. This thread is really hilarious!

We need more, not less, humor on this board.

Juajen makes a good point as well. This campaign/primary season should have been only about 3 to 6 months at most. It has been going on now for two plus years. Political candidates, even though they do love themselves, are really hard pressed to come up with new sayings, new quotes, and any sort of new speeches. Britain limits the length of campaigning. Wish we could.

[TragedyandHope]

7. Congratulations to all Pennsylvanians!