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Dennis Kucinich accidentally elected president

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eridani Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 02:23 AM
Original message
Dennis Kucinich accidentally elected president
A satire with a lot of truth in it--

http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~hsp/32_Kucinich.html

Feingold kindly elaborated. Under our system, each candidate is given a code name, and then described by a detailed but human readable summary of their positions on various issues. In an attempt to give as little reference to the candidates as possible, code names this year were randomly assigned from an archive of rock bands, which this year included the likes of American rock gods, Aerosmith, alternative rock mainstays, Nine Inch Nails, and Montreal's own, Godspeed You Black Emperor!.

Alternatives my ass. Agreed Feingold. It's like being given a choice between a right handed pencil and a left handed pencil. But now, since all the candidates from any party all got on the presidential ballot, we finally had a chance for reasonably fair, democratic elections. I mean come on, aside from freakishly liberal, naively idealistic Peacenik groups like Unions, Amnesty International, and the Harvard Students Against the Militarization of Space, who would have predicted that Dennis Kochanek would ever win? Seriously?

In order to test the McCain-Feingold claim, we decided to get a little input from the public at how they thought the new election process worked. Boston area waitress Claire Burton had this to say. I thought for sure I was voting for Kerry. I mean CNN always said all these great things about him. I don't remember exactly what they said, but I do remember it was good. When I saw that Godspeed You Black Emperor! had all these things that I agreed with, I figured for damned sure it was Kerry. Guess I was wrong. I had never even heard of that David Kucinich guy.

Houston resident Max Tucker, a successful investment banker and lifetime Republican wasn't so agreeable. Who does this Dennis Knudsen guy think he is anyway? Associating himself with popular policies like universal health care, fair trade, and world peace. What an asshole. He really pulled one over on us voters this time.



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aquart Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 02:34 AM
Response to Original message
1. Not even with crooked machines.
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Zorra Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 03:06 AM
Response to Original message
2. Brilliant!!!!!!!! Well, then......
Edited on Thu May-06-04 03:07 AM by Zorra
let's do it!

Frankly I'm as surprised as anybody. I never thought we'd get past the status quo where the corporate media pre-selects candidates. But I guess now that I'm President, I'll first pull our troops out of Iraq and get the UN in. Then I'll get to work on universal health care, which should be no problem considering that fucking Thailand already has it. And let's see, continued the President. There's that cabinet level Department of Peace I promised, the repeal of NAFTA, the WTO, and the Patriot Act. And oh, yeah, decriminalization of drugs, fighting for workers rights and human rights, protecting the environment, investing in alternative energy sources, and the dismantling of all the world's nuclear weapons.

"Anyway, I'm on that shit.

I actually do agree with him on that. So yeah, that's everything. President Kooch, man, what a dude.

Whatever the problem, there's no need to fear, America . The Kooch is on it.

".....and frankly, in regard to the fundamental democratic electoral principles that we've always supposed to have had, I'm finally proud to be an American.

(*sigh*....in a semi-decent world.....)





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cyclezealot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 03:52 AM
Response to Reply #2
3. What news. How is Phizer affected.
The prozaic market just took a dump. We can all sleep better at night so pharmeuticals doubly effected.. DK got back at those GOP drug manufacturers already.
American life is still too stressful. future looks same for the Phizer RIser,even with a National Health plan.
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eridani Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 05:56 AM
Response to Reply #3
4. kick for the morning people n/t
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Nadienne Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 08:52 AM
Response to Reply #4
6. Thanks
It's a nice way to start the morning!

:yourock:
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LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 08:34 AM
Response to Original message
5. LOL
Close enough to be painfully funny.

Thanks for kicking this one up so I could catch it!
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no name no slogan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:10 AM
Response to Original message
7. Dayyum, this is funny!!!
Edited on Thu May-06-04 11:12 AM by no name no slogan
I just got this in my email this morning, and was going to post it here. Glad somebody beat me to it!

GODSPEED YOU BLACK EMPEROR FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!

:toast:
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Desertrose Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 11:43 AM
Response to Original message
8. This is the most wonderful news ever!!!
I want to live in this world!!!

:loveya: 4ever DK


Thanks, I sure needed this this morning!!!

:loveya: :hug:
:grouphug:

DR
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eridani Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-06-04 07:28 PM
Response to Reply #8
9. And just one more kick for Kanary et al.
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LWolf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-07-04 08:06 AM
Response to Reply #8
10. It is a great piece, isn't it?
Funny, yet a laser-sharp indictment of our current political process.
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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-07-04 08:30 AM
Response to Original message
11. LOVE this piece!
Wonderfully pointed satire, and so uplifting at the same time! Like DR, I want to live in THAT world!

sw
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