Hillary: Obama Not Ready For Red Phone, But Would Be Awesome Veep

[Pirate Smile]

Andy Borowitz

Hillary: Obama Not Ready For Red Phone, But Would Be Awesome Veep

Hillary Clinton's latest game - when she's not busy saying that Barack Obama isn't a Muslim "as far as I know" - is tantalizing supporters with the idea that Obama could wind up as her vice-presidential choice on a so-called Dream Ticket.

It's a genius strategy: Democrats, forced to choose between Hillary and Barack, don't need to choose after all, since they both could run together - as long as Barack is at the bottom of the ticket, of course.

Let's leave aside for the moment the question of why the candidate who has more delegates would somehow be relegated to the vice-presidential slot. That's the kind of Clintonian logic that I'm too unsophisticated to grasp.

Let's focus, instead, on this puzzle:

In her relentless attack ads before the Texas and Ohio primaries, and in public comments since, Hillary has said that Obama is not ready to pick up the "red phone" and serve as Commander-in-Chief. If that's true, why would she imperil the nation by choosing him as her vice-president?

Last time I checked, the vice-president was one heartbeat away from Commander-in-Chief. Which means, if anything should happen to Hillary, Barack Obama would be picking up that darned red phone.

Oops.

Now, before I get accused of misogyny - which seems to be the reflexive response of certain Hillary supporters whenever she is criticized - let me say that her talent for making blatantly contradictory statements without any sense of irony or shame makes her every bit the equal of a man. In this case, the man I'm talking about is Bill Clinton.

(Oddly, Samantha Power's "monster" comment was slammed by some Hillary supporters as being misogynistic, too - kind of a reach, given that it came from a woman. My only beef with Ms. Power is that her comment demonstrated too much restraint. I guess she already used "a problem from hell" to describe something else.)

So let's get back to Hillary's selection of a not-ready-for-red-phone-maybe-a-Muslim as her vice president. Instead of trying to sell us on the Dream Ticket, why doesn't Hillary call her accountant at 3 A.M. and ask him to email her a PDF of her tax returns? Sharing them with us shouldn't be such a big deal. Unless - and this is just a wild guess - is there something in those returns, say, about where her 5 million dollars she loaned herself actually came from, that might torpedo her candidacy?

Not as far as I know.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-borowitz/hillary-oba...

[Bucky]

1. Why am I always making Andy Borowitz's jokes a day ahead of him?

This is getting creepy. See this thread ==> http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...

[Bluerthanblue]

2. no way

no way in hell.

dream on.

peace~

[Pirate Smile]

4. If you read it I think you would see that the author isn't a big fan of the idea.

[surfin]

20. Did you hear the little girl in the red phone ad today

She said Hillary pick the last little girl in the world for her ad as she can't stand her.

Wants to do an ad with Obama. I thought it would be great to get her, the 12 yr old girl who was rape and Hillary attack her, Kathleen Willey, Paula Jones and many other women (maybe some on here who can't stand her) and do an ad from women who can't stand the way she slimes people as she did fish.

[goclark]

22. Excellent idea

What I want to know is was this the little girl with the NIG on her PJ's.

I would love to see her do an AD, "I grew up and voted for Barack Obama!"

[goclark]

24. I was asleep for the Fear Ad, I'm all grown up now

and wide away ~ Eyes wide open and voted for OBAMA!

[easy_b94]

3. OK this PERSON has lost her mind

[Yossariant]

5. I agree -- genius.

[babylonsister]

6. Rec'd! He's spot on! She's talking out of both sides of her mouth. nt

[lligrd]

7. I Might Have Supported Her As A VP Last Month But

she's lost even that now. Can't even think of an appointment I'd support giving her now, except maybe Ambassador to Iraq.

Hillary's ploy regarding Obama as VP has cost her the spot in my opinion.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

8. Maybe she can get him a pink "training" phone

the kitchen can call him at 3:00am when the first batch of White House Cookies are ready.

Or it can be set to ring five times a day, when it's time for prayer.

I don't think either one would be asked to run for veep, and neither would accept. "Senator" is a good job. "Veep" probably not so much (not worth a bucket of warm piss, according to some long-forgotten veep)

Edit to mention: Those should be Observatory Circle Cookies, not White House Cookies. It'd be the Veep's kitchen, after all.

[fujiyama]

9. Didn't Adams call it the most worthless position?

or something to that effect.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

13. Possibly, but it was John Nance Garner

who made the "bucket of warm piss" comparison. Veep to FDR before Truman.

Remember Garner? Me neither.

[fujiyama]

21. Haha, I'll admit I didn't know anything about Garner

but it turns out it was Adams who said "it was the most unimportant position human ever made".

[Samantha]

10. How condescending of her

chronically implying he's not ready for prime political time but he can be her understudy. The more often she says this, some will actually start to automatically think of him in this limited role.

Obama should reciprocate the thought as far as Hillary's limited qualifications.

[Pirate Smile]

12. I posted this on another thread but thought I'd stick it over here also because

I have the same negative reaction as you do:

"Does she want to be his VP? Does she want to use her situation to make a deal to be his VP because
that would make sense BUT the idea that he would become the VP when he has a lead she will not be able to overcome is just nonsensical.

It is illogical and makes my brain scream every time I hear it mentioned. It frankly just pisses me off and makes me dislike Hillary more.

It is condescending and arrogant and insulting. "

[Samantha]

26. Yes, and that's exactly what makes it so outrageous

He's winning so far -- in the popular vote, the pledged delegate count and the number of states he has won. (Once again tonight, Chris Matthews referred to her win in Texas ....) Obama has run such a superior campaign compared to her, if she wrests the nomination from him, the competition between her and McCain will be a debacle.

[krkaufman]

23. Borowitz is normally a creative satirist, but he didn't have much work to do here.

He clearly derided Clinton's transparent hypocrisy.

Note, however, that Borowitz nails the prime motivation for Clinton's trial-ballooning Obama as her VP... so that Dems would think that voting for her would give them both candidates on the ticket. She's now relegated to pleading for votes based on Obama's popularity.

[Samantha]

25. I think she means it in a belittling sense

I don't truly think she wants to be on the same ticket with him; she just doesn't want to alienate Obama supporters when she seizes the nomination from him.

It's very interesting how many commentators are saying tonight -- she's tough, she's a fighter. Evidently, that's a very appealing characteristic when one is in contention for the presidency; however, her tactics leave her open to the chronic complaint many here have made of her for years now -- she's too Bush*-lite. And that's exactly who she is reminding me of more often. And certainly, I do not mean that as a compliment!

I am not sure what the appropriate avenue is for Obama to take regarding her aggression. He has to fight back but he does not want to deviate from the guidelines from the beginning regarding staying on the high road. Perhaps he should hire a satirist for his campaign and that person should simply respond with sharp humor at some of these condescending, belittling maneuvers....

[krkaufman]

28. ha!, that *would* be a way to go. Larry David has taken a first pass ...

... over on HuffPo, here, as well.

(another motive possibility is that she's trying to get undecided voters, those mixed between her and Obama, to vote for her, under the impression that they'll get a 2-for-1, both of them, that way. and, later, when Obama declines the VP spot, her hands will be "clean.")

[Exilednight]

11. Obama: I will not be VP.

[cottonseed]

14. By her calculations. She'd be putting America in danger.

If Obama doesn't meet the Hillary/McCain commander in chief threshold, then why would she be floating him as a VP candidate? That basically would put him in command while she was chasing Bill around the world.

[Cha]

18. hilary got busted in her own

pandering lies..again.

[Dinger]

15. Hillary Is Right

[City Lights]

19. About what? Surely you can see the obvious contradiction and the

resulting corner she's backed herself into.

[washingdem]

16. Exactly. Somehow he isn't ready to be president, but he's ready to assume the presidency if need be

[AtomicKitten]

17. A Clinton Co-Vice-Presidency isn't going to happen.

Her vile campaign tactics have precluded that as being a viable possibility.

[TheZug]

27. She'd love to trot out her "boy," just like Bush did with Powell.

For Obama it'd be certain political death.

[LadyVT]

29. She's right. He needs 8 more years' experience in order to win the GE.