BILLIONAIRES FOR ED REFORM - CORPORATE AMERICA TO THE RESCUE!!!

[teacher gal]

Shamelessly posting this again (under General Discussion and Politics this time) in hopes of getting more attention to the issue of education. Again, this piece is just satire, not a real press release.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

ELI’S BOLD NEW PLAN

12-1-2007

Billionaire philanthropist, entrepreneur, and public education expert Eli Broad has teamed up with the International Star Registry to promote a provocative plan of action to raise individual student achievement (as measured by standardized test scores) and overall achievement in Title I schools across the nation.

Interviews conducted by the Education Trust’s Kati Hiccup and the Education Sector’s Andrew Rottenham confirm Broad’s unyielding commitment to student achievement as the defining civil rights issue of our time. Asked to clarify his commitment to High Test Scores, Broad reiterated the business sector’s no-nonsense approach to rigorous public school accountability:

“Every child is worthy, regardless of the circumstances in their lives - hunger, poverty, abuse, neglect, lack of health care – you name it. However, a child can hardly be expected to become a goodly contributor to the Global Economy unless our failing public schools shape up and impart the essential skills that students need to assume their roles in our rapidly changing world. All children deserve a shot at the millions of high-paying jobs that await young people who are willing to work hard, pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and measure up on The Tests.”

The International Star Registry of Achievement, with hefty funding from Broad, will award qualifying states grants to motivate poor student achievers to score proficiently on The Tests. Details are emerging but it is clear students who perform adequately on The Tests will have a star named after them. In addition, the Registry’s Ultimate Package includes a beautiful 24” X 20” full color parchment certificate beautifully embossed with the child’s name, their star’s name, the child’s test date, test score, and their star’s coordinates. The elegant certificates are double-matted in gold metallic frames.

Children who do not meet proficiency on The Tests but who are deemed to be nearing proficiency will not have a star named after them until they reach proficiency. However, they will receive the Star Registry’s Deluxe Package, which includes a beautiful, double-matted certificate in a silver metallic frame, a refrigerator magnet, and a bumper sticker for the family car (My Child is Nearing Proficiency!).

The Broad Prize Extraordinaire is reserved for entire schools. A school that by 2014 manages to achieve the ultimate NCLB goal of every single student in the building scoring proficient, regardless of ability or circumstance, will be awarded a nationally televised space launch to be attended by Sally Ride and congressional dignitaries. A message commemorating the honor, containing the names of each student and their test scores, will be gloriously launched into the night sky on board a real spacecraft that orbits the Earth.

Asked about public schools which fail to meet the much prized 2014 standard, Broad said they should probably lower their flags to half-mast and be taken over by private companies.

Educators are not exactly jumping on board. Many are questioning the plan as an ultimately useless scheme which throws badly needed funds into a black hole and promotes extrinsic rewards over a deep and lasting love of real learning. Many also question the assumption that paper and pencil standardized tests provide children with a fair opportunity to apply and demonstrate what they really know and are able to do. Teachers noted that many bored and disengaged students don’t even bother to try on the tests, much less read them. They would prefer teaching which encompasses real world projects and application rather than the narrow kind of teaching and learning that high-stakes testing inevitably leads to.

Others have noted that corporate-driven policies are putting the cart before the horse. Claiming that the achievement gap between disadvantaged students and their more fortunate peers is a symptom of other neglected societal gaps in our nation, rather than the cause, a number of activists have asked Broad if children wouldn’t be much better served if he took on eradicating some of the known factors that contribute to low achievement, like lead-infested housing. Questioned about educators’ misgivings, Broad dismissed the claims as the soft bigotry of low expectations. “It’s about time teachers toughened up instead of whining. Low-performing corporate workers hardly utter a sniffle when their good-paying jobs are outsourced to China or rendered obsolete by technology.”

Asked whether each student would receive a telescope where they could actually view their ‘own’ star, Broad replied that there are limitations to what philanthropists can and should do. “The whole point,” he noted, “is that once schools have provided students with the necessary skills to get and retain good jobs, they will be able to buy their own telescopes. That’s the beauty of my plan.”

Tauna Rogers

[terisan]

1. Give the hungry ones power bar stars when they enter program. After they eat they should be able to

earn a nearing proficiency star (unless they also have bad teeth from lack of health care-in that case they should also be given a baby aspirin edible star in the form of a tooth so they can learn the importance of dental hygiene in the learning process).

The power bar and tooth stars will not compete with the proficiency stars because they are consumed and will leave room on the frig for the non-biodegradable proficiency stars.

[teacher gal]

2. well now

that's a plan!

[teacher gal]

3. here is another satire

from a New York City parent poking fun at today's horribly misguided education policies.
Enjoy. This is from Gary Babad:

Broad Foundation To Fund

Another in our series: News You Will Find Nowhere Else.

by Gary Babad

(GBN News): The Eli Broad Foundation announced today that it is offering a $100 million endowment to any university that establishes a Bachelors degree program in High Stakes Test Taking. The foundation hopes to capitalize on the test taking skills that the nation's schoolchildren are developing under No Child Left Behind, and to insure that those skills will continue to be useful as they move on in life.

Foundation Chairman Eli Broad indicated that he expects New York City to be a rich source of degree candidates who will flourish in the new program. "Due to the brilliant leadership of Mayor Bloomberg and Chancellor Klein, the city's students have been uniquely prepared for advanced education in high stakes test taking," Mr. Broad proclaimed. "Why, they're so good at high stakes tests that when they take a "low stakes" test like the NAEP, it's obviously so trivial to them, they don't even bother to do well."

Mr. Broad said that the degree program will counter the claims of those "naysayers" who maintain that high stakes testing does not prepare students with the skills they need later in life. He said that if, as he expects, the Bachelors degree program is successful, he plans to provide funding for Masters and Doctoral level programs as well. And, he said, "We are even prepared to fund challenging new jobs in the high stakes test taking field, to prove once and for all that students can go on to lead successful lives after spending their entire education on test prep."

In other education news, Chancellor Klein personally handed out cell phones to the first class that qualified for his new "reward for performance" program. In an embarrassing glitch, the Chancellor quickly ran out of phones. Apparently, he was unaware of the number of children in the class, since the DOE had delayed the City Council mandated release of its class size figures. It all evened out, however, when school security officers immediately confiscated the phones that the Chancellor had distributed.



— Gary Babad
NYC Public School Parents blog
http://nycpublicschoolparents.blogspot.com/2007/11/broad-foundation-to-fund-high-stakes.html

[teacher gal]

4. in all seriousness

Corporate America is destroying public education and taking it over. Please connect the dots people. Despite the high-sounding rhetoric, high-stakes testing is far more about discrediting public education than helping poor children. And in fact, they are the ones being most harmed by NCLB. If you are willing, please go to www.educatorroundtable.org and sign the petition to dismantle NCLB.

[teacher gal]

5. would sure like

to get some comments about NCLB and high stakes testing. BTW, I am trying to learn this forum and how to keep a topic near the top where it will hopefully be noticed more.

Yes, shamefully promoting the education issue.

We cannot have democracy if we do not educate for democracy.

[madfloridian]

8. Hi...just saw your post.

I am equally concerned about keeping our public education and getting rid of NCLB. I am a retired teacher who is truly concerned.

I have written quite a bit about Florida and education. This is one of my journal posts about what Dean said about NCLB....it is going to mean all schools fail by 2013.

2003 Howard Dean on NCLB... "every school in America by 2013 will be a failing school."

""The president's ultimate goal," said former Gov. Howard Dean (D-Vt.), one of the Democrats who now harshly attacks NCLB, "is to make the public schools so awful, and starve them of money, just as he's starving all the other social programs, so that people give up on the public schools."

I quote other sources saying the same thing as well. It is truly a problem.

Good luck on that topic here. :hi:

[teacher gal]

6. Hmm...

One more comment to my own post in hopes of keeping the education issue alive here tonight. Gotta sign off for a while.

Help save public education. This is critical to the common good and the future of our rapidly fading so-called democracy.

[Madam Mossfern]

7. Oops! I thought

ED meant erectile dysfunction........my bad.:blush: