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NanceGreggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-05-07 06:16 PM
Original message
US Grammar School Report to Parents
United States Grammar School
Report to Parents Final Term

Dear Mr. and Mrs. G.H.W. Bush:

As you are undoubtedly aware, although we have contacted you in the past (Interim Report, Term II Report) with respect to your son Georgies failing grades and poor behavior, we have yet to receive any response other than a rather terse note from Mrs. Bush about not bothering her beautiful mind with such unpleasantness.

That being said, we have no choice but to now insist that you remove your child from our institution as soon as possible.

You will recall that after Georgies lackluster academic performance in Term I, we were assured by the then-current school board, (who tended to have a rubber-stamp type of attitude), that once Georgie was given wider latitude in his role as Class President, all would run smoothly.

Alas, this proved very quickly not to be the case.

Perhaps a few examples of Georgies behavior will illustrate our point: young Bush still refuses to address any school assemblies that do not consist solely of his hand-picked classmates; he has instructed the hall monitors to detain other students for indeterminate periods of time without notification to their parents; he has been caught spying on other students test papers; he has now surpassed the schools record for absenteeism.

In addition, our previous warnings about Georgies poor choice of friends have gone unheeded. He continues to associate with a schoolyard gang who call themselves The PNACers, and does their bidding without regard to the consequences. This gang is known for encouraging fisticuffs between students however, it should be noted that they themselves never actually participate in the violent disputes they initiate.

Georgie has also persisted in his relationships with Dickie Cheney (who we believe to be in the same grade as your son, although he keeps changing his story about which class he is a member of), and Bertie Gonzales who, as a result of his corrupting influence on the student body is no longer a student here, despite the fact that he claims to have no recollection of being expelled.

The most troubling aspect of Georgies academic failures is the lack of completion of his Term I school project, The Liberation of Iraq. Although he assured his teachers when he undertook the assignment that it would be completed in a timely manner, it has yet to be handed in.

As is the usual procedure, Georgie was given a small budget for project supplies, but kept coming back with excuses as to why he required further funds. When asked where the money was being spent, he often referred to dollars having gone missing in the fog of the schoolyard.

It has been noted, however, that many of Georgies friends have acquired expensive new bikes, DVDs, and video-game equipment since Georgie undertook this assignment.

The completion of this project is now alarmingly overdue, but Georgie continues to insist that his teachers be patient as he surges ahead with what he assures us will be a spectacularly successful accomplishment if and when it is ever finalized.

We would remind you that Georgie chose this particular assignment, and could have opted to spend his time and effort, and the classroom budget, on far more worthwhile projects.

Furthermore, Georgie continues to break school rules and, when caught in the act of doing so, puts his fingers in his ears and yells, Nanny-nah-nah, executive privilege, executive privilege! He also insists that he hears a voice in his head, which he attributes to God directing him to be destructive and abusive in the extreme.

Georgies academic performance having now failed all of his classes (Economics, World History, Diplomacy, Military Strategy, etc. ) is the lowest we have ever seen since the school started keeping records of such statistics.

We urge you to avoid the unpleasantness which would ensue from Georgies forced expulsion by advising him to voluntarily leave our facility as expediently as possible.

In closing, we would point out the obvious: Georgies legacy as a result of his years here will be nothing less than disastrous. Despite this irrefutable fact, he is currently talking about being handsomely remunerated in future for speaking about his many accomplishments during his tenure with our institution.

Not to put too fine a point on it, we would be grateful not to be associated in any way with Georgie once he has departed our venerable school and, to avoid further embarrassment, we strongly suggest that you advise your son accordingly.

Yours Truly,
Ms. J.Q. Public
Assistant Principal
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-05-07 06:18 PM
Response to Original message
1. Not bad, not bad at all.
Redstone
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tkmorris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-05-07 06:21 PM
Response to Original message
2. This is just brilliant
I didn't look at who authored it until after reading the piece. I should have known this was you Nance. Great stuff.
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sandnsea Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-05-07 06:22 PM
Response to Original message
3. Is that yours Nance?
I am so standing on my chair and applauding.

:applause: :applause: :applause: :applause:

:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

Have you got a syndicated column yet?
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NanceGreggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-05-07 06:28 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. Guilty as charged ...
It is indeed mine.

This is the third in a series; you can read the previous two "Reports to Parents" by clicking on "Interim Report" and "Term II Report" in the body of the text.

And thanks!!!
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-05-07 06:33 PM
Response to Original message
5. My dear Nance!
I am howling!

I remember reading the other two pieces, and now I know who wrote those!

What an amazing woman you are!

I am honored and privileged to share the planet with you... :hug:

K&R, of course!

:patriot:
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Bjorn Against Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-05-07 07:00 PM
Response to Original message
6. You show your brilliance once again Nance
You are a true inspiration.
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pansypoo53219 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-05-07 07:52 PM
Response to Original message
7. if only
america could EXPEL his ass.
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txwhitedove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-06-07 07:03 PM
Response to Original message
8. K&R. Yep, school yard bullies, spoiled brat "Nanny-nah-nah"...
you nailed it. If this were merely school yard antics,
poor discipline, and a lackluster student performance,
the teacher would give Georgie a big fat F! Thanks, Nance.

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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Sep-06-07 08:01 PM
Response to Original message
9. I give this piece an E for
exceptional, excellent and extraordinary.

I've been waiting for the next report card for a long time. It was worth the wait!

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Prophet 451 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Sep-07-07 09:24 AM
Response to Original message
10. BFE for you
Having greatly enjoyed the previous two report cards, I was wondering if the school board would make it's voice heard again.
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